All Comments on 'The Visitor'

You have a way with words, GITM. Nothing about this was anything I enjoy, but I was paralyzed in my chair. Only my mouse moved. This was a masterpiece. All readers might not enjoy it, but there isn't a writer alive that doesn't go green reading this. Just outstanding. I wouldn't know how to give it anything but a five.

Why was Jack blind to Tom? Why was he a douchecanoe to his wife? Why was she hating every second being with Tom and then sufdenly fucking him? It made NO sense.

1 star. People do dumb things but they do them because they want to. And if Jack was such a good man, why didnt he say something at the start?

It was a good story and you gave it a one? You must have really been confused. I thought it was dark and horrifying and I gave it a five.

I think you would drive Randi crazy trying to edit, but you have that certain something... This was very erotic. I could almost feel what what she felt, feel her repulsion and fascination. Maybe like watching that snake rise up out of the basket as the notes of the flute sound. Just amazing word pictures. The Dark Enchantress of Literotica weaves another spell. Thanks for writing.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez , Borges and others are credited with " magic reality" in Latin American fiction. No human babies born with pig tales here or gold muted via alchemy to gold then back again here . But Girlinthemoon utilizes fatalism and taps reader into " the mystery breathing behind things from Magic Reality repotoire.

She sics those literary tools like herding Australian Cattle dogs on her hapless characters that often, though not always, deserve that smarting , literay canine comeuppance, karma-wise. Here the narrator was beset and besieged over the marital cliff by Tom , down into the thrall of closing tsunami metaphor.

Why ? It rarely satisfies to seek an answer for Girlinthemoon's ' whys '. Far more rewarding to follow her ' how's '.

Yet another UNFINISHED story by girlinthemoon. I used to love your writing, but since you stopped FINISHING stories you get 1* instead of the usual 5. You've turned into one of the many on here who thinks its cute not to finish.

The burn the bitch crowd should be happy today because every letter is about a cheating wife and a husband who gets revenge.How erotic is that?????

You say tsunami, but to me, it's like watching a trainwreck with the attendant climactic explosion. Very powerful and intense emotional disintegration. And no, for god's sake, it doesn't need a sequel. It's a tragedy. It's done, with an exclamation point. Bravo. Few have the skill to convey emotional pain and devastation like you do. Thank you.

but in the long run they are just visiting, TK U MLJ LV NV

Its hard to choose between you, angiquesophie, and Lynngks for my favorite female writer. You ladies are truly gifted with words. Always a pleasure to read your work.

Good 4 star story marred by a shitty CMS that publishes broken html.

I think I get it. You like to write about the emotions but you leave a lot unsaid. Which may be your intention. However, I would like to know more about Jack. Did he really try to screw around on his wife while Tom was there. Was this just a ruse to get wife to let Tom screw her? What kind of a person was Tom really? Did he really screw Tom's girlfriend or was Tom a psychopath dedicated to hurt Tom for some other reason? It doesn't change the end result but knowing some of these things would have been more satisfying to me.

anon.1

So very well written story. Gave you 4*s.

Great dialogue. Really made the reader feel the emotions of your protagonist. Revenge plot very well written.

Hate the characters😠. She is weak and doesn't communicate with her husband Jack.

Both Jack and Tom are selfish, mean, hateful men. Jack is also so stupid❗

Nope, didn't care for any of your characters.

The emotional impact of your writing continues to impress, like a tsunami🌊 🇱🇴🇱.

Don't bring me down GITM, l'm still

AMerryman

Hot and rough-- just like I ordered.

Very, very good emotional interplay.

Would like to know the truth of Tom and Jack in earlier times .... a ' part 2 ' maybe !!

Why?

Because she exhibits symptoms of being drugged. Maybe that's your intent, maybe it's not, but it seems like at the restaurant she quickly loses control of herself after what seems like a single drink. And there's nothing about her never drinking, so that seems unlikely.

I generally don't like stories that attempt to make my sympathize with the person who does wrong. I don't stories that celebrate crime, or make the cheater seem abused or normal. It's easy to give people excuses but the fact is that integrity is the choice of the person, at all times. In this case, perhaps she's drugged into it but it doesn't seem like that from the introduction.

While your storytelling is terrific here, I agree with some other comments about disliking the characters. (I'm sure that's your intent, of course.) ;-)

I find stories like this, where clueless people are manipulated into doing despicable things, depressing. Wake up and smell the fire and brimstone, people! Like Kelly says, you're gonna get burned!

I also have to say that nothing we learn about Tom suggests that there could be any real chemistry with Kelly. Being "bored" just doesn't cut it.

The possibility that she was drugged -- not enough to pass out, but enough to make her do whatever Tom wanted -- seems very real, as others have pointed out.

Still 5* from here. Happy Legends Day!

GITM, I truly hope that you are fairly compensated for your talent somewhere away from this site. You write on a completely different level than most of the writers here. It's like watching your local high school football team's quarterback and then seeing Tom Brady play in the Super Bowl.

Thank you for sharing your talent with us.

As painfully erotic and deliciously agonizing as the first time I read it. You are the Dark Mistress of the site, my dear. The descriptive subtleties are nearly audible and tactile. You amaze me. Thank you, Randi.

You write about a disgusting cheating whore, an amoral asshole and a either shocked or wimpy husband.

You write about disgusting people with beautiful artistry.

When both of the men are people I would not 'piss on if they were on fire'. Agree with another commenter, the woman comes across as a weak, gullible, confused person and was probably drugged. I like a story where at least one of the characters has honor and integrity.

Nobody, but, nobody can draw character like you, GITM. If I only could have 1/10th of your talent!

You wrote a story about some deeply flawed assholes. I saw too much of me. Thanks, I think. 5*

Nice revenge. She's better off without him.

You manage to take three extremely flawed, almost unlikable, characters and spin the story to the point where I couldn't stop reading .... amazing talent and thank you for sharing!

Ahaz

I'm not sad for them. I'm not horny. But...I was intrigued...

Hello GITM (Girl In the Moon)

First off, Very good writing style. I like the letter/journal format. You did a very good job on the build up and making things realistic.

You also were very good at showing the flaws of the characters all the way to the terrible conclusion. A lot of people read these stories for the "What if this happened to me?" Aspect. And others to see justice for cheating that happened to them that they can never have.

This was a wonderful twist and I very much enjoyed reading it. Thank you. Also thank you for not putting the reconciliation in it. 1. It was not very probable. 2. It was not needed. =-)

Sincerely,

Payenbrant

you might be the only one who succeeds in displaying the emotions of a woman cheating on her marriage, and - as this is a man's place - you won't be forgiven for that.

there are hardly any women in the loving wives' hall of fame, although some are amongst the best writers. I think that is because of this: the men, who are the overwhelming majority of this place's audience, hate seeing even a glimpse of an explanation of a woman's role in a story about cheating. especially when it is so very well done.

they fear they might start understanding.

thanks, girl, for a fine tale. I gave it five stars.

An interesting rant for the first few paragraphs. Nice job of disparaging some of your readers. Was this merely trolling attention seeking by a person who doesn't know how to get positive attention from loving relationships? Or do you really believe that shit? Do you think broken hearted men are supposed to suck it up, while broken hearted women can cry and rail against their fate? People feel pain when they are hurt. When they are backed into a corner with no good options, they lash out. As a writer and would be commentor on the human condition you should know this - it is the ABC' of human emotions. So, while the actual story was kind of blah, the forward revealed a very sad portrait of the author.

Thank you, legend.

Though youre a great writer, this chitt just doesnt happen.

There are lowlife men like Jack who do what he did. They dont have great or close longtime buds. They dont make good friends.

There are good, weak guys who succumb to their buds woman, but they dont go around and brag about their weakness and proclaim a conquest.

What no one discusses is the fact that it takes 2 to tango. Tims old girlfriend let Jack fuck her and she let Jack fuck her lover, Tim, over.

Jacks wife uses the excuse all cheating women do. It was her husbands fault she needed excitement and a good fucking.

Women dont love men. They may love being in love and love having a wedding and the trappings of a married life, kids, security, house, cars, etc. But, they dont love men.

And, they fuck other men because they love excitement- the reason for which they got married anyway.

Who do they chose to marry, the richest and most womanizing man they can find.

You ever see a good looking woman marry a nice loving guy that didnt have money? Sure, it happens that some with psychological problems want to help and save a lowlife dumb, drunk or wife beater.

In most marriages as the years go by there is no excitement and though the man still wants intimacy the woman doesnt, because theres no excitement. Then, after 6 months or a few years without sex or after years of rare sex they guy gets some on the side and guess who the pos marriage breaker is.

This story was precipitated buy 2 typical cheating women and two unlikely men.

Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, those stories about the emotions of cheaters don't do so well is because they all fall apart under even the slightest application of logic? You know what logic is, right? The driving force behind every scientific discovery ever made? The thing that made our modern world possible, and will(hopefully)see us into the future? Because from the statements you just made, I don't think you and logic are very well acquainted.

I won't pretend to speak for anyone but myself, so I'll say that I, as a man, have absolutely no "fear" of understanding what goes through a cheating wife's mind. Because at the end of the day, despite all the emotions and excuses and rationalizations, the cold, hard FACT of the matter is that people like the woman portrayed in this story are simply weak-willed. My dogs have more self-control than this woman, and the majority of the other women portrayed in the LW genre. I am under no obligation to sympathize with someone can't keep her legs closed or his dick in his pants. I understand them perfectly; I just don't care.

And why should I, hm? Why should I care about the plight of someone in a bad situation of their own making? Why should I join the pity-party for someone who made shitty decisions and now has to face the consequences?

That's what you fail to understand. Your "explanations"? They don't hold water. They don't change the facts, especially in situations like the one presented here, where the cheated upon spouse did nothing wrong(though banging his best friend's girlfriend and bragging about it is just about the biggest dick move there is, no matter how long ago it happened). You want to talk about feelings and such? Go right ahead. Just don't expect me, as a rational human being, to buy into the bullshit. Because that's what you do when you write stories that attempt to "explain" why cheaters cheat. You're asking me to stop thinking with my brain and instead think with my emotions. You're asking me to throw logic, reason and critical thinking out the window in order to put myself in the shoes of someone who's done the same. Why the hell would I do that?

When you break this story down to its core, it's so very simplistic. She was weak and lacked the self-control to resist temptation. Everything else, as poetic and vivid as it is, only gives me more reasons to not care. She made her choices, now she's got to live with them. Sucks to be her, but them's the breaks. I'd feel the same way if it was the husband who was cheating. I can only say that I like that she acknowledges it's her fault and accepts the burden without trying to shift the blame. More than I can say for the women in so many other stories, including ones written by women.

Call me cold if you will(though I prefer the term "pragmatic"), but I call it like I see it, and I see it like it is. Flowery words count for shit when there's no substance to back them up.

Regarding Angique

Some of us that read LW read it to read about the thoughts and emotions of the parties on both sides of the cheating equation. Many men cheat, probably more than women. I'm sure historically that was true but maybe not so much today with easy birth control and women having more freedom to pursue their lives instead of being stuck at home with babies. Regardless, I digress. The point is that the emotions involved in the cheating relationship of both parties and for me the wife cheating (it is called LW) is the reason I read LW and not erotic, incest or other stories that have no interest to me. GITM is not my favorite writer because there is something about her writing style but she is in the top 10% or even higher, as is Angieque. BTB really has no or very little interest to me. The dynamics of what gets the H and W into the situation and how they deal with it emotionally are what intrigues me and I am insure many other readers.

anon.1

“Jack and I hadn't had sex in forever.” – Why not? Why the hell didn’t he let him borrow the car?

“Was it because someone was showing me some interest for once?” – Where was it said that Jack didn’t show interest in her? Very convenient bringing it up now, to help justify her attraction to Tom!

“Of course he didn't tell you, but didn't you wonder?" – Why should she?

“Jack was always distracted” – Suuure, make the hubby the bad guy! Did she ever TALK to him about it? Of course not, better to hold it in reserve to use as a justification for her actions.

“I'd been so incredibly bored, and I hadn't had an opportunity to change that until now.” – Again, yes you DID! You could have TALKED TO JACK!

“Would it have killed me to try to talk to him?” – LOL, just what I said!

wife is a stupid cheating whore. hubby is a DUMB closet fag with a crush on asshole dude. the visiting asshole is just a creepy piece of shit.

nice job, you'd deserve negative stars for such a wonderful story. *

Not for the BTB angle. This is the raw first moment but not the last. Does she come back from this? Does he! And can Tom, after acting in such a completely unethical manner? Humans are complicated AND resilient. Revenge is just one of many motivations and outcomes. Tom is a black box; so is Jack. Where are they all, five years on? And what did they learn with time? Tsunamis cause destruction, true. Yet cleanups happen. Trauma recedes. People learn. Life goes on ... in spectacular and numinous fashion.

Aw man, the fallout is the best part. You've introduced so many questions here that I fear we'll never get answers to. Jack is probably the most interesting of the trio. Is he really that clueless? Kelly is the least interesting. All that stuff in the beginning is really just so much hot air without giving her the opportunity to show it.

Anyway, great stuff. Just wish there was more of it.

Everyone has their style and yours is subtle, but feels like a hammer to the head. It smacks of the short stories we read back in high school and then tried to determine what actually happened and what the author was trying to say. You don't tell us everything, but you tell us enough! Obviously, those that want every move explained in detail will not be enthralled by this story, but it really is very good!

You are an unbelievable writer but using 2nd person diminishes your writing something terrible. Please Stop! I long for your 1rst or 3rd person stories.

As @Harddaysknight says: "Very impressive! and hit us like a a hammer to the head". Well written and the end leave us with a bitter taste in the mouth...4*

Work commitments have kept me away from 'Legends day' so I've only been able to dip my toe in for short moments to sample the stories. I've started a few of my favorites and didn't get past the first page. They were the usual high standard of writing but they didn't grab me. I could picture the story arc, the tried and true recipes of success and they left me wanting more.

I saved this one for a Sunday morning when I knew I'd have time and you didn't disappoint.

Absolutely exceptional. Storytelling doesn't get better than this. Others may have scored higher but that's just the fickle nature of the LWs readers. This is worth ten stars.

First you got it 180 degrees wrong. There ARE in facts lots of women writers in LW -- and they are liked and well respected and many Male readers go out of our way to read their stuff.

YOU are the other hand -- well I hope one day to read that you were hit by a truck

SECOND - your pathetic attempt to argue that men are afraid of hearing / readings the reason why a wife cheats shows how pathetically stupid you are.

Your stories as a rule feature distinct lack of the wife of even attempting to explain to her husband what the problem is -- why she is unhappy with their marriage ....or sex life or what have you.

Your stories feature wives hat operates from a premise that because she is unhappy or miserable it is somehow the husband's job to read her mind using some sort of psychic power and until ge can figure that out she has the right to do anything she wants to.

Your stories feature wives which either won't admit to consequences or don't accept the argument or premise that there are consequences.

When your stories start featuring more of this and less of the reason bull shit then your stories with a higher scores and you might be hates as much

No its not. First Angiquesophie is a mentally ill manhating lesbo and Lynngks is not a serious writer in the LW

GITM best of those 3

your work IS significantly better than GITM

Although brilliantly written but bizzare and awful story. It's a brilliantly written story but this story features a lot of loose ends and incomplete scenarios and possible explanations.

The obvious breakdown in sexual chemistry & compatibility between the wife and husband has become a serious problem in the marriage - before Tom shows up. Yet for some reason this is s never discussed either by the husband or the wife which is really strange. In this day and age most young married couples DO talk about sexual issues fairly often .

Also... take the story that Jack has screwed Tom's serious girlfriend back in high school or college. This may or may not be true. What is particular disturbing is that in most of women in GITM display a complete lack of any sort of internal discipline or critical thinking skills for even 2 seconds. The wife should the smart enough to see that story about her husband jack may in fact be BS. And as such Tom may be telling her this for some sort of nefarious scheme. Yet this thought never crosses her mind for even one second .

A case could be made in this story that Jack had this twisted sick fantasy about seeing his wife having sex with somebody else and told Tom about it... Then when he saw Tom and his wife fucking ... in turn out to be a nightmare and settle a sexual fantasy.

In support of this I think one can make the argument that Jack was purposely withholding sex from his wife for weeks...then just when the are finally breaking the sex drought .. Jack leaps out of bed leaving the wife sexually frustrated. This may increase Tom's chances of fucking her .

Sad story. Good writer.

Boyd Percy

but that out of the way - what CharlieB4 said.

You are such a joy to read - thank you!

4*

Depressing as hell, but very well written. Thanks for the effort.

Tsunami was a poor choice here; it should have been a fog, a deep, thick, impenetrable fog...

Oh great story, certainly a five, but...

Did I miss something? What was the woman's name? Who was she? Did she have an identity?

Harry had this woman pegged. (He defines all your women as being the same.) She was weak, shallow, adrift in a boring marriage without any sense of purpose, self-control, or identity, but absolutely ready to be seduced. She was an undermanned rudderless ship, and Tom, the purposeful savage boarded and pillaged her, much to poor, brain dead, unwitting Jack's grief.

Did our heroine deserve to lose her marriage, her security, her happiness? I think not, but I'm not sure she really understood what she had. I'm not sure Jack did either. But Tom knew!

I guess I know what makes this a five, a real five. I had to think! That's what makes you and Angiesophie, (Angiesophie's comment was accurate.) and Patricia 51 so good. There just aren't enough of you, and of course, you will never be appreciated because the LW genre is the habitue of the angry, self-righteous man. Gifted, talented, thought provoking women like yourself need not apply.

Thanks, interesting story.

From Jedd Clampett (carvohi)

I have some good news, and I have some bad news. The good news is that your main character is not a slut, a whore, not an immoral unethical diabolical monster. The bad news is your main character something deeper and less able to be corrected: she's immature and stupid. This woman's thinking and behavior illustrates why there is a crime generally referred to as Statutory Rape. It applies when a person of superior intellect and experience, usually an adult, takes advantage of a person of inferior experience and intellect, usually a child or adolescent.

Kelly was like a child, projecting all this mystery and drama and eroticism onto Tom. And Tom was just your usual alert pussy hound, who cast his bait and played the poor stupid bitch when she took the bait. Kelly was a piece of cake. Kelly was exactly the person Jack married, and ignored. Tom was exactly the person Jack befriended, and admired, and was totally clueless about. For what its worth, if hadn't of been Tom, it would have been some substitute pussy hound who met her at the grocery, the gym, the book store. Kelly was ripe, and Tom plucked her. Nothing more profound than that.

Kelly may learn something from the experience and be smarter next time, but I doubt it. Based on her ranting at the beginning of the story she exaggerates her evil, and appears to misunderstand her real mistake. She forgot she is a grownup woman in a grownup marriage with rights and responsibilities, rights and desires she needs to assert, and responsibilities she needs to uphold. Kelly behaved like star struck teenager. All she needs to do is grow up. Based on her self perception all she's going to do is grow bitter, but no better. Too bad. She'd probably be a really interesting and enjoyable companion, if she'd ever wise up. Just another dumb skirt, married to a clueless dumb shit.

Thanks for a very depressing and common story.

GirlInTheMoon provides the sublime

As always, lord-haha-slammeddog provides the inane

This is excerpted from an email from Girlinthemoon ( who I know in a VERY small and diminutive way ) to myself .

"Your comment on the story got me and my story entirely, thank you. I'm never all that interested in the "why" because we know that every day, people cheat... and more often than not, for no damn reason. I like examining characters. I like examining characters' actions. That's all I've ever been about. Did I need to go on for paragraphs about how they split the furniture and he punched a hole in the wall? Should I have gone into the nights they spent barely talking at night while "happily" married? I mean, I could have. I just didn't think it was necessary. "

****** ******* ******** *******

Maybe my comment was inane. The talented author ( an area of mutual agreement between you and me ) evidently didn't think so . That's enough for me.

Have a wonderful day Anon

Your friend ( but not your equal ) - LSD

Love your writing but usually want to strangle your characters at the end! That's usually a very good sign it was a hell of a story! Congrats!

Killian

I couldn't read it straight through. I had to stop now and again to figure out some way for them to save themselves, even though I knew from the beginning that they were lost. I wanted to grab Kelly and Jack by the scruff of their necks and shout into their faces, "Can't you SEE?" knowing full well their answer would be "No, see what?" I wanted to put the red flag up on the beach, warn them of the great wave that could coldly, casually, take their lives. They just seemed so hapless.

I love your writing. You still remind me of Sophocles: complex emotions and motivations and inevitable tragedy, brilliantly portrayed. We feel it all. But as with Sophocles, I wonder: what about you? Did you want to save them too, GirlintheMoon? What did you feel as you watched this poor, flawed couple crash and burn?

Lots of emotion, delivered more subtly and insidiously than most. A lovely read.

I also liked the build-up, the peaking, and the crash of the wave. You saw it coming, but until it hit, you had no idea how hard it would crash. They both got their revenges on her scumbag husband, even if she regretted it.

that is beautifully written and crafted. Some commenters seem to want things from GITM's stories that she has no intention of providing. Clearly the "why" of Kelly's adultery is more sketched-in than explored in agonizing, logical detail. As with so much of her wonderful work, there is a lot for readers to infer.

Of course the reader (or at least this reader) wants more, imagines the conversations between Kelly and Jack, longs for a nice, satisfyingly vicious revenge on Tom, etc. But part of the power of the story is what it DOESN'T provide--how it ends, what it doesn't fully explain, how it doesn't "tie up all the loose ends."

Another first-rate, dark, powerful story.

Thanks, ohio

It is great. Not flawed.

So you left out a few details. Did any of them affect the story? NO.

Would the inclusion of some more details affect the way we view the characters? Probably.

Do you want these characters to be liked? Obviously not. They are no more despicable than most people but you reveal them all at their worst. When they each go to work the next time they will still be liked or respected just as much as before, because most of the world isn't privy to the betrayals we have just witnessed.

So if including more details helps us like characters who are guilty of despicable acts, why are some commenters pining for more details?

Because we want to make excuses for x, y or z, and pretend that at least one of them was a victim.

GITM's story makes a powerful statement about normal people. We are all capable of both doing and excusing awful things. Let the story affect you, and stop yer whining. I don't know if we can go so far as to call Literotica 'great literature,' but this story does what great literature does: it helps us grow intellectually while reading, compelling us to grow emotionally long after the final page.

Personally I'm done reading for the day. I'm going to sit with this one for a while.

4.5 stars for the challenge; the perspective; and the compelling… page-turner. Kudos for your impressive writing and thanks. I did leave this tale feeling confused… and a bit like the drama built to a tremendous height and then everything slowly deflated at the end… leaving me and the impact of the tale a little flat. I’m no writer, but I’ll try to explain below.

She acknowledges she was bored. Regrets having not talked with her husband about her boredom… perhaps she wasn’t even consciously aware of her boredom. That’s it? Wow, a little boredom makes her incredibly susceptible to an odd, awkward seduction by a guy she doesn’t even find very attractive? OK, I guess we’re all vulnerable and weak at moments… but she’d recognized something was off from the start … and a little boredom did it?

That’s what I find incredulous… a little boredom did it.

I guess it’s plausible, but if she’s that susceptible to a seduction due to being bored, I can’t help find myself doubting: how much she really loved her husband; how much she and her husband knew each other; how much she values marriage and relationships in general. And if I’m questioning those basic elements of what go into a deep, meaningful relationship, then I feel as though I must question the underlying quality of their relationship and depth of feelings she had: how capable she is to repent; how remorseful she is. Hence, when the magnitude of her feelings come into question, the compelling drama leaves the story. It deflates.

For the drama to persist, it seems the reader must make powerful assumptions - assumptions about her, her husband and their marriage. Assumptions that aren’t supported, grounded, motivated in the story itself. That leap of faith seems to be made by some. I couldn’t/didn’t do it.

Odd, it seems as though you were writing this tale in anticipation of building a defense against the over-the-top BTB crowd, and in doing so, left the reader with profound questions about true nature of her relationship with her husband. Was that the intent? If so, it left me baffled.

Very well written story! Thanks again!

Not sure why your denigration of men. I am a male and rank GirlInTheMoon as the best author on this site. I have taken issue with every comment by females that denounce her. Fact is I attack anyone who says anything ill about her.

Also worth noting numerous male authors genuflect to her online presence.

Perhaps you are the one who doesn't understand the depth of most males admiration of a woman such as this author and her unsurpassed talent and intellect.

It is impossible to have it all. If you are with a lighthearted clown, you dream of a silent strong type. If you have that one instead, you miss the conversation and laughter. So, the two options are to either accept limitations or never be happy with anyone. It's not settling- it's settling yourself down so you can be someone worth keeping around. Very nice writing. The woman is the mystery who barely knows herself. Yes, perhaps she should have talked about things.

Good story. Four out of five. Well written.

But I need a bit more. Did Jack really screw Tom's girlfriend?

How did they stay friends? How did they stay so out of sync but connected? Why would Jack risk her with Tom under the circumstances?

Was Jack trying to make it up to Tom by staying friends? By offering up his wife as atonement? Or was he testing his wife?

I would love a sequel.

Steve

Too bad ximand does not have any potential as even the most unenlightened slug.

Having read ALL THE COMMENTS TO ALL OF HER STORIES I can state a well-documented truth.

The most acclaimed authors on this site willingly prostrate themselves at the feet of GirlInTheMoon.

but you would love that dear anonny. The pig shit eat of LIT annony!!

Most of your critics are ignorant of short story form. Pity they are so immature. You put everything that needed to be there, there. Then you didn't put in a single extra thing. Brilliant.

And how childish to demand a happy ending or further explanation.

Congratulations!

You made a number of statements about this story. Every one was grossly wrong. Your comment was also poorly written with obvious grammatical mistakes to the point of semi-literacy.

GITM is an excellent writer and this is an outstanding example of her work.

It barely tells a story, except that hubby loves Tom more than wife, and wife decides to fuck guy she hates.

There, 21 words instead of 3 pages.

Or narrator brought back to herself? Many Lit stories, esp mfm threesomes, are comedies, everyone comes to want and celebrate the outreach. Here Jack loved Tom, but that didn't do it. Maybe Tom loved them too. So well written Girl, share more of yourself here, so I won't have to be to be your groupie elsewhere.... you are my only twit w few followers, but u r quality. Tsunamis!

I don't get the crazy hate. Do I wish that the author had a follow up? Of course, she's crazy gifted. But I love what she did have. It's amazing.

over melodramtic tbh

Loved it. 5*

Theakston

Please keep writing! I'm an old guy who really wants to see more women writing in this category.

That's kinda it. You have 4 people (counting Tom's ex) whose word doesn't mean a thing. Is there a person to root for here?

While I search and rack my brain trying to come up with words to express feelings she reaches down deep and pulls them from her soul.

First to the other anon ... Amorality? Really? First, this is a porn site, what do you expect? Second, let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Now to the author, the only negative I can express is that while your use of metaphore was artfully done, it seemed exagerated for art's sake. Could you have moved me with less? ... mmmmaybe during your opening self defamation, otherwise a resounding no! You most certainly drew me into your head. You are an astounding author! I thank you for the experience! Five stars, favorite story, favorite author.

I hated Tom tfrom he very second I started reading this story, for what I knew was about to happen.

I despised Kelly for being a moron from the get go and that didn't change throughout.

And I felt... pity for Jack for being another dense hubbie.

But you managed to subvert my expectations by making me sympathise with Tom and his quest for revenge and hate Jack for sleeping with his friend's college GF.

I am always a BIG fan of subverting expectations, so thank you for that and congrats on a very sweet, albeit short story.

Five stars, only bacause I can't give you six.

The past can come back on you.Tom made her say things that are hard to forgive.

Of course I have read a lot worse and they are back in the saddle in no time.

So succinctly done without losing any feels.

5☆. Love your stuff!

Not impressed at all..

Not my usual by ant.means, but you are so good that I couldn't pass it up. It rings true, andnsad. I enjoyed it.

at "art". You've done better and been rewarded less.

I liked the writing, but I rate stories on subject, characters, and how much I enjoy it. I Spelling, grammar, and editing errors mean nothing to me. I did not enjoy the story.

It was sad and involved three sad or totally unaware people. Tom held on to his need for revenge for 10 years, and only came to visit in order to get revenge. And he did, and now he is no better than Jack. Kelly has no will power or self control. I can't believe that a woman that loves her husband could be so easily manipulated into sex especially when she doesn't even like him. Jack is just totally clueless and self absorbed. I'm sorry, but I just did not like it.

Thanks for a good, quick read. I loved your descriptions of emotions. The story left me wanting to know more, which speaks to the relatability of the characters. This is the first of your stories I've read, so I guess I'll now be obsessed with reading all of your offerings.

Nicely written.

I can't help feeling sorry for all of them. Do I dislike them? Yeah. Mostly the husband, but mostly I just feel sorry for them.

The wife was acting stupid and selfish. The husband did a terrible thing and never took responsibility. Tom took revenge to a place it should never need to go.

I can't help but think that Tom's reaction, and the whole setting of the story, had a decisively feminine feel to it. If Tom had simply decked the bastard that slept with his girlfriend, with a bat if needed, then he would have committed a crime. The way it turned out, no one did anything against the law, but the scars are so much deeper.

I love the way you tell a story.

Whenever there is a mystery, you may not know what it is but you know what size the box has to be to fit it in. The mystery between Jack and Tom is too big for the box you built for it, and so we are left with utter disbelief at this story's core, at least we are if we take your work at all seriously.

First off, you write well. I particularly like the female perspective and your attempt to at least try to make the characters complex. However, especially for your verbose and long form style, this story was too short. Even though it was just over 2 pages, it read like a one-page flash story. There is no real delving into the marriage relationship, no dealing with the aftermath, and so really no ending other than alleging the completion of the tsunami metaphor, that she is gone with the backwash.

There is some unbelievability, bordering on slut ray territory, in how quickly Kelly succumbs to Tom, perhaps a function of the flash story length. You only have smoldering intensity to explain it and, like the slut ray or a 10-inchcoick, it more stands in for an explanation than is one. In this case, we are left with incomprehensibility other than mere sympathy for the massive wrong Jack did to Tom long ago and her alleged boredom. We are therefore not able to really see into Kelly's brooding obsession with Tom (or why she is bored) and potentially sympathize with her.

There is also a big plot hole in this story (spoiler alert!) where if Tom's revenge plan is to be caught by Jack fucking Kelly, then why is it that only the interruption in the alleyway gets them to change to the home locale? Tom was clearly going to take her right there in the alley, and she was going to let him. So Kelly goes to a much more dangerous place to consummate the liaison, over a couch in her own livingroom, because she is more concerned with strangers catching them than her husband. In the same vein, why is Kelly so clueless as to how much time they have, that Jack not only catches them, but basically catches them from the beginning of the tryst, a beginning that amounts to mere minutes after entering the abode?

Most importantly, the box you build for the secret between Jack and Tom that contains the darkness between them is much too small to contain that secret. Jack (spoiler alert!) fucks Tom's girlfriend and even brags about it humiliating Tom, yet Jack is completely unaware that this might be a problem, that Tom might be mad about it, and that it might explain why Tom didn't show up to Jack's wedding, let alone be his best man? That they even had a falling out over it? What kind of clueless sociopath is Jack, anyway?

So the box you built would be for a peccadillo, something that Jack (innocent and loving Jack) could do (or Tom misconstrue) without thinking or realizing is an issue, not a barn-door sized mortal sin that would kill most friendships on the spot. You try to make it out like Jack was a big man on campus and thus presumably an insensitive prick that would fuck the girlfriend of his best friend with nary a thought, who then changed into the loving and boring animal-loving doc.

"He was a veterinarian, impassioned by helping animals—and humans."

Now he is an impassioned dick. OK. I cannot see Jack making that kind of transition without more than Kelly's whispered admonition that "people change."

Also, if Kelly knows her husband who is "far more innocent and decent than" us, why does she believe Tom without checking with Jack first? And why doesn't she know that Tom just wants a revenge fuck. Why does his past hurt call for sexual release from her (even if it coincides with her boredom)?

I was also disappointed in that you essentially slut-rayed Kelly and came up with the lame "Jack and I hadn't had sex in forever". Seriously? Where did that come from and why is Jack not completely clueless about this? (Oh, the sociopath again cometh!) Nevertheless, he picks that time of all times to break the sex strike with not a bit of awkwardness, let alone acknowledgement of the problem? Again, he's a sociopath.

Finally, the tsunami metaphor is wildly overplayed. It is possible to use a metaphor in a story without it becoming some weird part of the plot. Why is Kelly obsessed with tsunamis? I know about foreshadowing but that is ridiculous and really without foundation (some life experience that explains her interest) and unnecessary as metaphors can be used rhetorically in the story without being a literal thought in the characters mind, let alone a strangely apropos real life obsession of theirs.

[You did this in Riptide as well and while it did have a foundation in the character's back story, you pretty much discounted it when it came time to pull the trigger, i.e. she is so afraid of water that she doesn't even want to be in house near the beach, but yet gets on a boat (twice!) with at best moderate provocation and little resistance.]

In any case, these are issues I would have with a flash story. I expected better with yours. And that's the backhanded compliment that explains this long post.

Beautiful language, short and choppy. I could see it coming, unable to stop it, unable to stop reading.

Wonderful!

Thank you!

=a

If that's all it took to break them up, they are better off with other people. Clear the chessboard and start again.

He told Tom everything?

Average

Tom got revenge.

Both assholes

She cheated by being caught in middle.

Great story - thanks for sharing.

Jack just stands there...uh huh. Another story of two narcissists and the copyrighted, LW weak, cuck husband character dressed up in bodice-ripper language.

There are tons of great writers on this site, some are friends of mine but in my estimation, GirlintheMoon tops us all. No one understands human emotions as she does and no one can express them better. I gave this the same score I give to all her stories, 5 stars.

Why do your women disproportionately succumb to the slut ray? Seriously: You're telling a compelling story, than the woman just can't control herself. What? I don't know these women. Not that I want to.

and erotic as fuck.

Another great one, the meeting of three flawed people, two of them with a dark past.

I had read this one a while ago, but I was too "green" at the time to appreciate the quality of your writing. It's superb!

Another excellently written story without an ending. This author is an excellent writer but for some reason seems to almost always end the story before the real ending. We need a "Paul Harvey" to tell us "the rest of the story". In this case, there is a lot left untold. Was Jack really that stupid as to go after Tom's girlfriend and not expect any repercussions? What made Kelly so susceptible to Tom? Was Tom exaggerating or was Jack (still) chasing other women even while married? Did Kelly really mind ending her marriage?

Didn't really like the start of the story. Don't think it really helped the story at all.

In the end, well written but too many holes for me to give a 5.

i don't understand

If Tom was right then Jack deserved it. Everyone deserves to have a taste of their own medicine

dirtball

Another story about nothing.

2 starrs