The Voice in the Dark Ch. 03

I pick up my brush from my dresser and make my way over to my mirror to sort out my wayward hair. I didn't manage to dry it last night for fear of waking Lucy and Ricardo up. As anticipated, it resembles dry straw. I pull the brush through my hair in an attempt to look more presentable, and I put on my best silk robe before heading out to the bathroom. Once I finish cleaning myself up again, I am momentarily drawn to my reflection in the mirror.

I very clearly remember seeing teeth marks there earlier, very deep ones. Almost like someone had bitten there as hard as they could without actually hurting me. Now, my neck is smooth and unmarked. Like it was never there.

It doesn't altogether strike me as strange, given all marks eventually heal, but it had only been a matter of hours since I last noticed it. It would have taken at least a day, maybe two, for it to heal completely. If the marks weren't there, wouldn't there at least be a bruise? When I checked it last, it looked like it had only recently been done, now I am wondering whether it was ever there in the first place.

I make my way into the kitchen and I smile my good morning to Lucy as she hands me a cup of water and a dissolving tablet from the medicine cabinet. She rubs my shoulder as I drink but I can tell that she isn't completely paying attention, as the next moment, Ricardo comes in with the rest of their dishes.

"Oh. Good Morning." He says in that delightful Puerto Rican accent, and he kisses me on both cheeks. "This is the famous Jess. I am honoured to meet you."

"Likewise." I say, not sure how to process seeing him in the flesh like this when he's not asleep, half-naked or doing my best friend behind a locked bedroom door. I push away the unwelcome thought.

"Lucy has also told me a lot about you. I take it you came by early this morning." I say, being deliberately obtuse.

He doesn't bother to correct me, and instead, Ricardo takes Lucy into his arms and kisses her full on the mouth. Lucy wraps her arms around his neck and leans into him as they share a magical moment. I open the fridge to reach for some juice and try to give them privacy, but they break apart and turn their attention to me again.

"Did you have a nice night last night, Jess?" says Ricardo, with a sly grin.

"Oh good thanks, I really enjoyed clubbing with Lucy and Gloria last night. We went for dinner and danced till we dropped. Didn't we, Luce?"

"Oh yeah. Partying like a bunch of wild teenagers. It's amazing I got home."

I know that Lucy isn't distracted for long, and that even with Ricardo here, she will launch into full blown investigation mode, but I try anyway.

"You got any plans for today, Ricardo? Luce?"

They stare at me for a moment, then each other, then they launch into their plans for spending the evening together, and the afternoon at Coney Island tomorrow.

"Ya know Jess. I have lived in this city for nearly three years and I have never once been to Coney Island. It's official, I HAVE to get out more."

I remember going to Coney Island with Justin one weekend nearly a year into our relationship. It was very much a moment where you feel so secure in your relationship that nothing could ruin it. We went on the Ferris Wheel, ate Cotton Candy, and laughed so much we nearly fainted. Truly a high point. I just hope that Lucy will enjoy the comfort and support of this new relationship for a long time to come. She is so unaccustomed to guys wanting more from her than a one-night stand, and I fear a part of her may feel it's too good to be true.

But the way Ricardo looks at my best friend... I am confident that he really likes her. To the point where it's surprising even him. Her green eyes sparkle in a way I have never seen before, and she clings to his arm, as if afraid he'll float away.

On the rare occasion that Lucy encountered a man she wanted to get to know beyond a one-night stand, she would inevitably have 'The Talk' with him. Then either or both would just go along in the relationship until eventually it became clear that it wasn't going to last.

Maybe some people are just not built for long-term relationships. I have never wanted to judge Lucy for that, even if I thought her choices were quite self-sabotaging. I hope that she will actually take things with Ricardo seriously, and whatever path their relationship will take, she will be happy. Then I inwardly scold myself for being a hypocrite.

I stare at Ricardo's handsome face in the cold light of day, and if possible, he's even more handsome than when I saw him early this morning. I can see why Lucy is so taken with him, and I can admit that he is a knockout even if he isn't my usual type. He is dressed down in jeans and a black t-shirt, and seems to watch Lucy with so much admiration and love.

He then sees the clock on the wall, and gives Lucy an all encompassing hug and kiss before retrieving his jacket and shoes.

"I must be going. I have to run some errands before I take this lovely lady out tonight."

He then turns to me and gives me a big hug and another two kisses on the cheek.

"It was lovely to meet you, Ricardo. I'd love for all of us to get together some time so we can do more than just say 'Hi' and 'Bye."

"I'd like that very much."

As I see the expression in his eyes, my cheeks go red with embarrassment. How much does he know about us?

"Come on, Ricardo. I'll see you out." Lucy says, sparing me from any more scrutiny.

I make my way to the cupboard for the cereal as I listen to their hushed conversation. I can only discern them saying their goodbyes, and the occasional flirty remark and wonder if I even should be listening to this. I really try not to cringe at how much Lucy may or may not have told him.

I am about to tuck into my cereal when a message alert pops on the screen of my newly charged phone. I stare at it, not recognising the number. I am not expecting anyone to call me, not even after the fight with my mum last night. Normally, my mum takes a couple of days to calm down enough to know that she's in the wrong, or at least, until Steve can make her see sense. So I know that a couple of days' space will do us both some good.

I open my phone and check the message.

Can you call me? Can we meet? I just wanna talk to you xoxo

It takes a few moments to register on my brain as I think who it could be, but then I recognise the familiar sign-off.

He must have changed his number after our breakup, not that I called him or anything, given Lucy effectively banned me from using my phone for a few days after that to calm down. And, against my wishes, essentially deleted his number from my phone. I was not happy with her about it at the time, but now in hindsight, I am grateful for Lucy's intervention before I called him up in the middle of the night crying, demanding an explanation. Even more so, now that I know his number is different, because I would have driven myself crazy waiting for contact that would never come. I grip the phone in annoyance and glare at the screen in disgust. I am about to ignore it, when I see another text come through.

This is Justin btw. I miss you xoxo

Now I am even more determined not to answer. How dare he! It takes all I have not to hurl the phone at the wall. Immediately upon her return, Lucy puts her hands on her hips and narrows her eyes at me.

"You better spill what has been going on with you Jessica Ashton, or I will take you over my knee. And believe me, this time, you won't like it."

I pause for a moment, not entirely sure where to start, so I go with the easiest thing.

"Guess who texted me just now." I say with an edge to my voice.

"Who?"

I look her straight in the eye, and she's about to ask again, when her hand shoots to her mouth and she has such a look of wild indignation on her face that I fear she may break something.

"The selfish asshole! After the mess he has left you in these past couple of months! What did he say?"

I hand her the phone and she reads the messages.

"Now, he says he misses you?! How FUCKING dare he! He isn't coming anywhere near you, because I will kill him."

"Luce. Calm down, please. I know you're mad at him, we both are. But I PROMISE, I am not talking to him. Or going anywhere near him."

Lucy starts swearing under her breath, and I put the pitcher of juice back into the fridge, just in case. She's not normally a violent person, but I can tell she's close to losing it.

"That selfish FUCKER! Ya know, I never liked him from the beginning but I didn't want to say anything because you loved him so much. He was such an arrogant Son of a Bitch. I honestly want to wrap my hands around his little neck and..." she makes a noise of frustration and paces around our kitchen.

Lucy pauses, breathes deeply, and leans against the breakfast bar for support. I hate that Justin has inadvertently upset her after she has been so happy. I go over to her and give her a long hug and a kiss on her cheek. She wraps her arms around me and we bask in the familiar comfort.

"Please don't get yourself worked up over him, Darling Lucy. He doesn't have the same power over me that he once did."

There's a dampness on my shoulder and I feel a hollowness in my chest. Lucy is rarely weepy, and it's a harrowing experience. I hate to see her cry, even for a moment, and it takes all I have not to kiss her all over her face to make her stop.

"God Luce. You're more upset than I am. I promise. He won't make either my life or yours miserable any more. I won't let him."

At this, Lucy's sobs get louder and her knees buckle underneath her. She takes me down with her and we end up on the floor with our arms wrapped around each other. She sobs her heart out, and I can't help but sob a little along with her.

"I promise, Luce," I say through tear-filled eyes, "Nothing he could possibly say holds any interest to me now. It's simply too late." I am aware this is only partly true, but it seems to satisfy her.

"I love you, Jess. Like, so much. I want to see you get so much better than him. I will never let him near you for a second. In fact, if he comes near you, I will kill him. That I can promise."

I don't doubt her when she says this, and instead I try to talk her down from her anger.

"Please don't be angry, Luce. I know it's been hard for you to see me so broken, but you are part of the reason I came out of the darkness. You never once abandoned me, and I know you never will."

As I try to lift her spirits, I somehow know that this isn't completely because of Justin. Surely it can't take the selfish actions of my ex-boyfriend to make her completely lose it?

"I'm sorry, Jess. I didn't mean to overreact. It's just that..."

I pause, waiting to let her get out what she needs to.

"I am just so happy, it frightens me. I really like Ricardo and want so much to be with him, but all this shit with my mom, it's just... it's going to make him not want to be with me. I know it."

"Well, he doesn't have to meet her. It's still early days. You can just keep all that crap from the relationship until you are a bit more settled together, right?"

She lowers her gaze to the floor, and my fears are confirmed. Lucy is honest to a fault, and always says what's on her mind. True, there are some things deemed too private even for me to hear, but I never doubted she'd tell me if I ever asked her to. It takes all I have not to ask her for further details, and instead I kiss her forehead, and I allow her to deal with what's easiest.

"I can't take that my Mom and Sandra are once again coming into my life with their shit for me to fix after months of silence. For once, I have a guy I actually like, and the universe conspires to ruin it for me."

"Isn't it good that Sandra is getting the help she needs?" I ask sympathetically.

"Well, Sandra always has a way of making everything about her. Mom spoiled her growing up, but I was the one who had to raise her when my Dad disappeared. She never had that type of love for me, and Sandra became such a brat in her teenage years that it was hard being around her."

I am an only child, but I know how it feels to shoulder the responsibility of a mother who could not help herself.

"Luce, I know you and Sandra don't have the best relationship but why do you and your mum have such a bad one?"

Lucy pauses, as if choosing her words carefully. "I think all her love and attention went to the child who looked the least like my Dad. If you ever knew my dad, you'd say we were the spitting image of each other. I guess maybe she didn't want to be reminded of him. I was never neglected, she fed and clothed me as best she could, but we could never bond the way she and Sandra did. And to be honest, I don't think we ever will." Her head hangs in silent resignation, and I take her face in my hands, making her look at me.

"Luce. You know you are worthy of love, right? Even if you don't think so. I love you. And Ricardo clearly adores you. I am sure he'd be wonderful to you if you'd only let him. Like you allowed me into your life."

"My dearest Jess. You're like, the best friend I have ever had. The greatest person in my life. I don't think I ever had a choice but to let you in."

I shoot her a loving gaze and we hug as she runs her hands through my hair and down my back.

"And Ricardo could be too." I say, gently reminding her.

She sighs, still clinging onto me. "Maybe that could be true, if it works out between us."

"Luce. You need more people in your life who love you, " I say, desperate to make her see sense.

"Because she and I have nothing in common. We weren't particularly close even before Dad was gone, and I don't know how that's supposed to change given neither of us have really tried over the years."

I move away from her and say clearly to her face, "Luce, I know how difficult it is to have a difficult mother and an absent father, but you know that none of that has to define you, right?"

She looks down as she says, "Maybe it's better that he's gone."

Lucy doesn't mention her Dad much, and any bit of information is like a bomb going off in the room.

"How do you mean, Hun?

Lucy doesn't answer, and instead reaches for the belt of my robe and I feel my nipples tighten and my pussy throb in anticipation but I grab her hands and keep them down at her sides. I can't be sidetracked by sex whenever I want to address this issue with her. I know I won't get any answers now, but I am determined to break that pattern. Instead, I get up off the kitchen floor and hold out my hands for Lucy so I can pull her to her feet and we move to the sofa.

While she sits in quiet contemplation, I want so desperately to demand that she answer me, but I just can't bring myself to do it. She has already felt so disturbed by Justin's sudden reappearance, and whatever else is bothering her, it will only make the situation worse. Nothing will be gained by forcing her to tell me, and instead I bring her mind back to happier things.

"Tell me more about Ricardo, Luce" I say, wanting to know more.

A huge smile appears on her face and her eyes brighten for the first time since I mentioned Justin.

"He's better than I ever thought possible. Smart, funny. Interesting. I told him so much about you, my life in New York. So much more than I have ever told any guy before."

"Wow. Did he take it well?" I try not to squirm uncomfortably.

"Oh yeah. Ricardo and I stayed up talking until the early hours, I guess we just fell asleep without meaning to. We didn't fuck, and to be honest, I am glad we didn't. I know it's hard for us not to be fucking all the time given how horny he makes me. But sex is my coping mechanism. I don't want to ruin things."

My smile fades slightly at the irony of her words, and I sigh as she holds me even closer, as if needing me to hear this.

"I know it's going to be weird bringing you into my relationship, but I made it quite clear to Ricardo that I just can't not have you in my life, and in my bed. I think you know by now that your body turns me on like crazy, Jess. I just don't think I'd function well if I didn't have you in that way.

Once again, my pussy tingles at her words, and I want so badly to just lie on the floor and touch myself in front of her despite my resolve to keep things platonic. She notices my reaction and places her hands on my hips, and I place mine on her shoulders before I ask:

"Well. How did he react to it, Luce? About you and me, that is."

She squeezes my hips and moves even closer to me as she says: "He said that it was quite hot to know that I have someone that close to me. He's never seen two women as close as we are, who are not in a relationship. I think he knows that you'll be there in the long term. And..."

She then pauses momentarily as if in recognition of just how weird what she is about to say really is.

"Suffice to say, Ricardo was really turned on when I told him about what we have done." She smiles wickedly and reaches inside my robe once to twist my nipple. I yelp and she giggles with amusement.

"Are you sure he isn't weirded out? I know if it were with another man, Justin would have lost it. Why is Ricardo somehow okay with his girlfriend sleeping with another woman?" I try not to allow the uneasiness I feel to take over this wonderful moment for Lucy.

Lucy shoots me a look as if wondering why I would ask such a thing: Surely no man could object to watching two women having such fun together?

"I don't know. I guess that maybe he doesn't fully understand our relationship yet. Maybe he doesn't see you as a threat? He knows how much I want him, and yeah, we will have some moments where I will only be with Ricardo, and I am sure you will when you find your new man, but that doesn't mean I won't still desire you. We like sleeping together. We know each other's bodies. I don't think it's wrong to share our sexuality, Jess. Do you?"

She looks at me, her eyes penetrating mine, as if searching for an answer.

I pause, not quite knowing what to say. I know I resolved to keep this platonic, but I can't deny that the same desire for her runs through me, and it won't be ignored. My head droops and my breathing picks up as I feel her hands still inside my robe, almost burning my skin. I wriggle at her touch and try not to think too much about the potential conflict this could create later, instead I just go with honesty, and shake my head.

We spend the rest of the day watching movies, eating junk food and holding each other close before she gets ready for her night with Ricardo. I watch as she asks which dress would suit her better, tries on my jewelry and puts her makeup on with more care than I have ever seen her do before.

Never in the whole time I have known her has she ever cared about looking perfect for a date. Don't get me wrong, she could have worn anything and any man would be drooling over her, even if she only wore her casual jeans and a camisole.

I always admired her easy going attitude to relationships, free from the worry about trying to chase the unattainable, or growing old without that 'Special Someone.' Something I could never be. I would come home after a date scared that he would never call back, or that I had said something wrong. This fear was reinforced ten-fold when Justin broke up with me, and I wonder if that fear will ever truly go away. I may not be one to jump from relationship to relationship without worrying about where it's going, but neither do I want to become just another romance addict who would never find the perfect relationship amongst imperfect people. Surely there must be some kind of balance?

"Jess. I'm ready. How do I look?"

I smile at her, marveling in how gorgeous she looks in a purple dress that goes perfectly with her pale skin and red hair. She has kept her makeup natural and her hair is tied up in a fancy updo. She honestly looks like she has stepped out of Vogue.