- NonHuman
- The White Wolf Legend Ch. 01
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Hello everyone. This is my first time trying to write a story. Please let me know what you think and if I should keep on going with it.
I want to thank Literotica Editor-Amela
Rick sat there on a log watching his sexy mate. A nice lake was in front of them and trees were all around. Behind him was the pack's den. His mate played with their twin boys. Thinking back on how much has happened over the past few years, he cannot believe how things turned out. The past played in his head, as well as the stories his mate has told him.
23 years ago...
Deep in the rain forest where no human has ever set foot lived pack of werewolves.
"Welcome Sir, your mate is waiting in the delivery room for you."
"Thank you." He entered the room and looked at his mate, Lisa She smiled big.
"Jeff, I think our little one is about ready to get out in to this world."
"Yes I would agree, Lisa." A few nurses come in to help Lisa with her birth. A few hours passed and their beautiful daughter was born.
"What shall we name her, Jeff?"
"Hmm, how about Sara?"
"Yes." Lisa purred as she held her daughter.
1 year later...
Somewhere in the US, a man stood in a hospital looking through a window. He watched the babies. He waited to see his, knowing that it wasn't normal from the rest of the babies in there. His wife came walking down the hall and saw her husband looking. She stared at him for a moment.
"Doesn't Rick look so much like you?" "Yes, he does, dear."
"He will have a very happy home."
"Yes, I agree."
16 years later....
"Dad, what are you reading about?" He looked up at his daughter.
"This paper?"
"Yes, Dad."
"This paper tells of a legend of a Lycan that will be stronger than ever known."
"Tell me about it, Dad."
"Okay, little one." He pulled his daughter on his lap and began to explain.
"For one, it says that the legend will have two different colored eyes in his wolf form. It also says on his chest there will be half of a full moon. I believe this will also be visible in his human form."
"How is that possible, Dad?"
"It will be something like a tattoo but will only become apparent after he turns 18. Some are not sure what his wolf form will look like but they are sure he will be a very large creature. It also states that he will have the strength and intelligence past his own years."
"Oh, Dad, what is the whole deal with this legend?"
"It states that a pack will fall in trouble and this wolf will be their savior."
A man walked into the room and cleared his throat. "Um...Sir?"
"Oh, hello Jake. Do you have something to tell me?"
"Yes, I do, Jeff."
The father looked at his daughter. "Run along while Jake and I talk."
"You wanted a report on your twin brother."
"Yes, I did."
"It seems he is planning something very big."
"Oh, is he?"
"Yes, I believe so. From what I have been able to find out, he is planning on taking over your pack."
"My twin brother will not in my lifetime."
"That is what I am afraid of. I am sure he will do anything to take over your pack. Even if it means killing you and your mate as well as everyone else in his way."
Jeff looked a Jake and quietly thought for a bit. "Jake, go and get your mate. I will send for Lisa. I want us to prepare for the worse."
"Yes, Sir."
"The reason we are meeting is because my twin brother is planning something very big. Jake is not sure what is going to happen but we must be ready for anything." Jeff looked at his Beta's, Jake and April. "In the very moment something happens to either Lisa or me, I want the both of you to take over as parents for my daughter and leave from here. Please hope she can one day return to her home." Jeff looked at his mate as she nodded her head in agreement. "Jake, keep track of him. I will want to know what he is up to as soon as possible."
Sara was sitting in her room when a knock came on her door. "Come in." she said. "Hello Mom."
"How are you today?"
"I am good but I keep having that dream."
"Still the same one?"
"Yes, Mom. I keep dreaming that I am running in my wolf form with a white wolf I have never seen before. What does it mean?"
"I am not sure but maybe sooner or later you will find out."
......To be continued......
- COMMENTS
WhiteWolf2000about 13 years agoAuthorhey
i wanted everyone to know that i have chapter 2 done and working on trying to find a editor. having trouble finding one at the moment. i hope i can very soon
jpettt261about 13 years agoI love werewolves stories, but am lost I know that you say that it's your 1st, but need more to read more I am waiting for your installment hoping that it will better.
Anonymousabout 13 years agoYour story seems a bit too rushed. You should spend some time developing the characters and the plot more.
canndabout 13 years agoYour story looks like it could be a good one. I think it's good that you want to get an editor. I felt like a few sentences were written a bit awkwardly. I think alot of people sometimes write things differently than they'd be said in conversation. The only thing I would say is to either add transitional statements or to put a line that shows a switch such as between the spot where you told Jake to get his mate and then went to the four having a conversation in the next paragraph. Other than that I look forward to more
Zodia195about 13 years agoYou have a nice beginning. I agree with the char development several others have said. I'd like to know what the main chars look like as well. And I am a bit confused about something too. Is Sara a teenager? I ask because by the way her father treats her, it seems like she's still a child. Just wanted to clarify that. Your story has great potential and I'll look forward to see what happens next.
Anonymousabout 13 years agoNot really enough to sink my teeth into yet to be sure if I will like your story or not. The only real thing is that you should double check your grammar on a few of the sentences you left out words and commas so it was difficult to read.
maykoabout 13 years agoHello. I love werewolves, and I'm interested in your story so far. The only constructive criticism I have is that I would like to see more character development. :D I'd like to get a better feel for the personalities of the characters and know more about them. I also agree with one of the other critiques in regards to the story pace. I think it's moving a little too fast. But I certainly don't think this is a bad story so far and I'm interested to see where you go with it! Good job-keep writing. :)
WhiteWolf2000about 13 years agoAuthorhey everyone. i had chapter 2 done a few weeks ago, but i belive i am going to go back and redo it. make it longer and more details. Also i am going to have to search for a new editor. So give me a few weeks and i should have chapter 2 here.
Anonymousabout 13 years agoIt is too short to form an opinion and rate accurately I hope the next chapter is longer.
MizTabout 13 years agoto form an opinion. I wish you had given me more story to connect with. I will read the next chapter, if for no other reason than you are a new author still working out the kinks, that and I think this story has potential. So I wish you luck and again I will be watching for chapter 2.
