The Word

I wanted desperately to tell him to stop. I wanted to scream, to beg, but instead I did nothing but lay there lifeless as his big, calloused fingers slid inside of me. The water from the shower helped slightly but the friction was brutal as he plunged his fingers into me. It was more than one, that much I was sure. The stretch as they pistoned in and out felt like 3, maybe 4 fingers almost ripping me apart, then I heard it. The distinct sound of a zipper, and I lifted my head, the tears finally taking over and flowing down my cheeks, just in time to see his girthy cock spring out of his pants that were apparently its prison cell as he had watched me.

Every other time in my life I had witnessed a man reveal himself, so eager to take me, it had always been the biggest turn on. Just the idea of someone wanting me so badly had always turned me into a fountain, and yet, this time I looked down with nothing but disgust. His dick, though standing strong, veered off to the left and the veins throbbing in it reminded me of worms slithering across the ground. Once again the instinct to scream and fight swept through me. I wanted to defend myself so badly, but the shock held me in place, my legs still splayed wide open for him, and I realized this was my last chance to stop him. "Whimsi-"

I felt him against me. His erection pushing violently to get inside but making it no where. My disgust which was enough to keep me dry as a desert was also enough to fend him off for the moment. "The code is-"

He spit, landing the slimy wetness directly onto my clit. I felt it ooze down around his cock lubricating my pussy, and suddenly, it was in. His hips now pressed into my thighs as he pushed as deep as he could. His overweight belly slapped against me as I cried. The pain as his dick ripped into areas I had never felt before was enormous, and I expelled an almost silent scream that he must of taken as a moan because suddenly he was fucking me so hard. Fucking me so violently that I would have sworn his monstrous dick was actually ripping me apart from the inside. The bed shook wildly, and I attempted to say the word again but nothing would come out aside from the occasional grunt of agony, and just as quickly as it had begun it stopped. While he held himself firmly against me, his dick deeper in me than anyone had ever been, I felt an indistinguishable feeling as a sea of cum filled every open space available around him.

This was the first time anyone had cum inside me. Even when other men had worn a condom, I refused to let them. I made them pull out every time. I was horrified, and yet, the feeling was something so different, it almost felt good? I wanted to hate myself for even thinking that for a second. But again I was overridden with some feeling I couldn't describe.

The warm, sticky sensation of his seeds left inside of me as he pulled out was undeniably the greatest feeling my vagina had ever felt. To the point that even after he was fully out of me, and I could still feel the cum pooling around inside, settling into new found space as well as being passively ejected and running down my labia, I did something I would have never expected. I came. It was quiet, so quiet I doubt Bevin realized, but the contraction was real. That moment of sweet ecstasy made me tighten up, and all the pressure I felt of my best friend raping me slowly slipped away.

I'll never forget the look on his face as he stood towering over me, my legs slightly trembling either due to the fear, adrenaline, or the orgasm. This was the moment he had come to the realization of what he had just done. This was the moment that all that animal instinct withdrew, leaving just the shell of a man having to deal with the aftermath of his actions. I think he started to say something but couldn't choke out the words. I helped out saying the only words that needed to be said for the time being. "Just go."

And he did, but not before securing my other arm again. The sudden clink as the handcuff closed shut around the bed post again suddenly began to feel normal. I laid there silent for a long while. Emotions swirled so fast, and I wanted desperately to both focus on them and work through them but also to just have them go away. At some point in my mental war I swarmed my way under the covers and my free hand worked its way down to the scene of the crime. My lips felt almost swollen and sliding my finger in I could still feel the cum inside of me. The feeling was so unlike anything I had felt before I slid it around, half trying to get it out, although I knew it was too late and of no use, and the other half just wanting to experience its presence in every part of me. I must have laid there for close to half an hour just fingering myself and trying to understand everything. At one point I even took my finger out and put it in my mouth, to which, I immediately regretted, but the thrill of something so new had my mind spinning, and as the TV droned on in the other room I started nodding in and out of consciousness.

A soft knock echoed throughout the room. "Can I come in?" Again another series of knocks. "Look, I get you being pissed at me, but I-"

"It's okay, come in." I replied, suddenly remembering the position I was in and trying to cover myself up.

Luckily, Bevin walked in with a large blanket held up in front of him and proceeded to lay it over me before sitting on the edge of the bed. "Look Mya, I'm so sorry. I honestly don't know what else to say, but I feel horrible."

He looked down at me, and the pain in his eyes was unmistakable. Part of me wanted to tell him to fuck off, but there's no way I could do that. He's still my best friend even if he made a horrible, stupid mistake. Apparently my silence, as I took in the situation, was enough of a response because he continued.

"I don't know what took over me. It's no excuse, but I honestly didn't even feel like me. Like it was just some primal instinct, and my body was acting on its own, even though I know I was right there. I don't know..." tears now spread down his chubby cheeks. "I understand if you hate me."

"I don't hate you."

"Oh, thank god. Can we just pretend this never happened?"

"Unfortunately we can't do that Bevin, and you know it. That was seriously fucked up. I still love you as a person, but you can't just do that shit."

"I know! I can't even tell you how terrible I feel."

I hate apologies. Let me just make that clear. I mean, like, I appreciate the gesture, but they always drag on so long and get so awkward. So I gave him my best school girl crush look and said, "Did I at least feel good?" The look on his face and the way he stammered over his words was almost worth every second of what had transpired. Tugging at the handcuff I looked at him. "How about you unlock me, and just let me have some space for a bit?"

"Depends... you gunna tell me the code?"

"Seriously Bevin?! Enough of this shit, it's whimsical... I'll just write the stupid paper."

"I was just kidding, but thanks." He shrugged and fidgeted to get the key.

Day 3

I sat at my computer getting ready to write the paper you're reading now. My emotions were a mess, and I couldn't focus. Part of me still screamed I should tell someone and get help, but it was Bevin... No way could I betray my friend, and he did seem really distort over it. Enough that I actually started debating if I should tell him I maybe even enjoyed it.

Forget it all, I finally thought. Bevin is your gay, I don't even know anymore, best friend. Just let things go back to normal. Besides, I still had Cam if I really needed some more action, but just the thought of what Bevin had done to me suddenly had me soaked to the point that I actually looked down at my sweatpants to make sure it wasn't visible.

Fuck it. My hand slid down my pants and over my wet, warm crevice. My phone buzzed, but I ignored it, sliding slowly over my clit, leaning forward in my chair, and gently rocking back and forth. The imagery of Bevin standing over me as he pushed his way inside of me would not leave my mind. Again, my phone buzzed snapping me out of it. Thank God, because I was beginning to get disgusted with myself. What is wrong with me? I thought. Is this some disease like Stockholm syndrome where I suddenly can't stop trying to get off to the man that raped me? (Anything, Professor? I'm really curious.)

Unlocking my phone, I saw Cam had sent me a message. "Holy shit babe," and another just after "sorry I was sleepin in thts so hawt." I looked back at the pictures. The way I was sprawled out ready to take it and another close up with my lips spread apart. Even I had never seen some of these parts of myself, and again I was just as ready as before. So climbing into bed I slipped out of my sweats and began rubbing myself again. My lip quivered, and I bit it as I sped up. I wanted to moan, to scream but, but what? No one was around. Should I just let it out? Be free? "Uhhhh," it was weak but it felt good to hear my pleasure.

Buzzzzzz. I grabbed my phone unlocking quickly. A picture message from cam filled my screen. His cock was rock hard standing straight up. A dribble of precum glistened in a straight trail down the shaft.

His dick instantly got me wetter, if that was even possible, but I immediately began comparing it to Bevin's. Bevin leaned to the side but was much thicker and staring at the picture, I realized it was definitely longer than Cam's. Just picturing it, my fingers immediately slipped in and pushed deep. I attempted to match the semi clumsy thrusting patterns that I could remember, and suddenly, I remembered him finishing in me and immediately came. In an explosion of pure passion, I laid back realizing I was now going to have to do some laundry.

Thud, thud, thud, the door rattled. Had someone heard me? I stayed quiet. Another series of raps. "Hello?" I quietly announced, shyly.

"Hey, it's just me." Bevin's unmistakable voice filled the room. "Listen, I, umm, still feel horrible and want to make things right. Can I come in?"

I was about to tell him to wait a second when the door creaked open. Pulling the covers tightly over me, I started back. "Way to wait for an answer."

"To be fair, this is the first time I've even bothered to knock in quite a while"

"I guess that's true," I admitted. "I thought you were going to give me some space."

He sat down next to me. "Yea, but I'm terrible at that, and you know it."

I laughed because I was very similar in that regard. I've always hated things hanging over me.

He put his big hand out. "Give me your hands."

Carefully taking them out from under the covers, I placed them on his, praying the moistness on them had dissipated already. "Why? Is this going to magically make me forgive you?"

"I doubt it," and with speed, I didn't know he could move at, suddenly his other hand whipped up with a familiar jungle. The hand cuffs were slapped onto my right wrist in an instant, and his open hand clamped down on my left wrist as he fastened it around there too.

"What the fuck?" I exclaimed furiously.

"Sorry, but turns out that password you gave me was a fake, and more importantly, I need this!"

"Bevin, that was the real code. I told you, I don't want to do this anymore." Suddenly all the anger and fear I had before was back, and I felt it deep into my voice as it grew weak. "You can't keep doing this."

At this very moment I saw his eyes lock onto my phone laying on the night stand, Cam's picture still wide open on it. "Jesus, you can't get enough of this guy, can you?" In an instant, the same look as before came across his face as he ripped the blankets off me. "Looks like you were in the middle of something too!"

I couldn't even reply. Instead I just laid still in stunned silence as he held my cuffed arms above my head and squeezed his oversized body between my legs. He knelt directly in the puddle I had just made as I heard him angrily ripping the zipper down his pants, as he squirmed free.

"What? My cocks not as good as his?" The anger in his voice and void look in his eyes made me realize, this was a whole different person than my best friend.

With a forceful thrust, his dick slammed inside off me, easily allowing him to go all the way with how wet I was. Again, I just laid there feeling the intensity of his shaft veering left inside me, pushing against areas of myself no man, except him, had ever touched. I wanted to moan from the pleasure, but what would change if I did? Would we be able to be friends knowing these sides of each other? And plus, as much as I had just imagined this and wanted it again, I was genuinely scared of this side of him. The forcefulness and the way he looked straight through me, as if I was just an object to be used, was horrifying and sexy all at once.

The tension in my face must have struck another cord for him, because all of a sudden he was plunging himself into me with more intensity and drive than before. The bed hammered into the wall loudly, clapping the headboard, and I honestly thought for a moment that he ripped something inside of me open. A shooting pain shot through my abdomen, and I winced, which was apparently the wrong move, because it was met with a hard slap, whipping my head to the side. Now, what was once a haunting suspicion of being scared had turned into full terror. I looked back at him still unable to talk, partly from the shock but also from the blood now seeping into my mouth from my busted lip.

"Gross! Who needs to see that?" He announced as he ripped himself out of me. Suddenly his fingers dug into my shoulders as he lifted my upper body and flipped me over beneath him. I'm not sure if I was still trying to cum in some fucked up fantasy or if I had just been conditioned enough and instinct took over but I immediately got into doggy style.

"Jesus, you fucking whore," he spit as he yanked my legs from under me dropping me to my stomach. He straddled me immediately, a leg on each side of my ass. "I've always been curious if a women feels the same."

Those words still haunt me because I generally was confused at what he could mean. He had felt so deep inside of me already. Everything I thought I had to offer had already been used up. It seems obvious now, but I was clueless until I felt him grab my cheeks spreading them as he lined his cock up with my tight asshole. Even at this point I had not fully comprehended the sentence, and right as it clicked, I felt the full force and pressure as he pushed. His dick was slick with my juices and slowly slid against the opening but not enough to get the tip in. Regardless, it burned. Lightning hot shots of pain erupted and I finally found my voice. "Stop, you fucking asshole!" I screamed it, feeling helpless and broken. The tears poured now, heavier than before, and to my surprise, he did actually stop, and I felt him pull away.

But, just as quickly as I felt that sigh of relief, I heard the wet slurp as he licked his fingers and rubbed the saliva against my anus. Immediately after it was slightly lubed, a monstrous finger slipped in at least two knuckles deep. "That's better," he announced as his finger slid out exiting with an exacerbated 'plop.' I was ready to scream again, realizing that he wasn't stoping when his massive hand suddenly cupped my mouth. The remaining saliva smeared against my lips and cheek, and a finger forced its way into my mouth. I became immediately aware it was the same finger that had just been in my ass, and I bit down hard. Hard enough that I was sure I had ripped the skin if not broke the finger, but my minor victory was short lived as his hand recoiled and was accompanied by a feral growl. My head was slammed into the pillow hard enough that I couldn't breath, and as I gasped for air, his cock drove into me with enough force that my head slid off the pillow and into the headboard. With every pump, my entire body stiffened as I felt him slide deeper and deeper. I cried as he held me there making me take every inch of his horse cock. When I thought he couldn't go deeper, he'd slide back and slam into me again, somehow reaching even greater lengths, and after what seemed like hours but was only realistically only seven to ten minutes of grueling pain, I got to experience the same sensation I had felt in my pussy only a couple of hours before. I had hated every fucking moment of anal, and yet, the second that warm gooey mess flooded my anal canal, I could swear I felt my pussy throbbing with excitement.

Climbing off of me I heard the key hit the bed beside me. "Tell Cam to have fun with that now," and he turned to walk away. I had just got halfway rolled over as he got to the door, and I saw just for a moment as he rounded the corner a look over his shoulder, and I recognized the emotion immediately as he continued down the hall. It was shame. It was regret. It was Bevin again.

So why did I tell you all this? What student would admit all these details about a rape to her teacher but never report it to anyone else? I told you because I know as a psychology teacher there's a lot to unpack here, but more importantly, I've learned that truth has helped me process it. I haven't reported this because I don't want to. Quite the opposite. I'm apparently much more fucked up than I imagined and actually want more, but that's the problem. Without the motivation, I haven't been able to get Bevin back into that carnal form that has made me cum more than any other man. Breaking up with Cam didn't work. Telling him I wanted him to fuck me again didn't work. So I need you to give him another assignment, give me another word, another experiment, and I promise I'll never tell it.