All Comments on 'The World Made Yonder Pt. 03'

Thoroughly unlikable characters. Nothing erotic or entertaining about it.

1 star

I didn't much like the storyline, which has no discernable ending. But, on the other hand, I am in awe at the skills of this writer. I will want to read more of his 27 published stories. In storyline, I give him a 2 but a 5+ on writing skills. I still don't know which woman I want him to end up with, but if I had to write the conclusion, he would end up with wife and son, because the real father is the one who raised him from diapers, not the sperm donor.

Fine she cheated one time and hid it. That doesn’t justify how horrible he’s treating his wife. Its now crossing into mental cruelty. I hate stories when women go completely over the top for revenge when a guy cheats. This is the same thing. To disagree with one thing Joey said, he IS now the bad guy.

This story crept up on me. It wasn't what I thought it would be. It was certainly erotic and exciting in a considered and realistic way, Good Job, Thank You 5***** There is room for more and I hope you feel willing and able to continue it.

I'll be honest, I just read this chapter alone.

And here's a compliment, I was able to easily read your third chapter without being lost at all. You were able to catch up new readers easily, without making it feel forced.

Some authors require you read every chapter, and it still barely flows. But your story flowed.

The title did not disappoint. The wife IS getting a taste of her own medicine. I have no idea who the father of stephan is. But I do know it was a cruel thing for any woman to do, have another lover and roll the dice as to who the father will be. That alone deserves divorce, even if he stays in the child's life. Now she is the on playing movies in her head, feeling inadequate, and overall like a loser. The only difference is the husband had the integrity to tell his wife, while she hid it for years.

Her friend has been a strong toxic influence in her life from what little screen time you gave her. I suspect if the wife is to EVER grow up, she'll have to realize her friend is anything but.

Great story. Hope to read more from you.

Freddie

For God's sake you have to finish this tale. I don't know which direction you intend to take it. Still if I could make one comment about the character of Celia. To me she epitomises the worst excess of the modern femist movement...I am in control of my body and I will decide who I breed with. Fine and dandy but don't marry the poor bastard that you do not love! It really is that simple. Dear old Bjorn hasn't been weighed down with the need to provide any financial and emotional child support. Celia, knowing she was on a good wicket with Joey, deliberately kept the lie while having a dirty secret that gave her a false feeling of entitlement and control over her kept in the dark hubby. And what, she is bewildered when he isn't all gushing when she tells him to his face that she did not love him?!!!! Jesus, what a bitch! Joey could do a whole lot better without the baggage of a shallow, self-entitled wife who thinks the sun shines out of her ass! I mean if they split, does she imagine that Bjorn will be sypathetic and step up to his alleged responsibilites? Very, very doubtful. To me in her words and actions she has brought about the destruction of the marriage and should totally wear the consequences! Yep I case you didn't notice, the theme of the story and its character portrayals really hit a nerve with me. That's the sign of a great tale which leaves you thinking about it long after the last sentence is read. Cheers

What a realistic story. The emotion ran higher with the use of the child character and was a unique approach to a almost btb story. Thank you.

Another chapter?

Where to next?

If Lorna does get pregnant and Joey has a normal sperm count, where does that leave Celia?

She cheated for what?

Maybe a polyamorous situation involving the three of them, especially if Lorna does get pregnant that might repair everything and bring about a happy result.

It’s been wonderful to have a new story series full of fleshed out characters to look forward to, and not be lost in a sea of dull, half-written trash where the revenge is in truth the only “character,” and everyone in the story (including the main) exists solely as an appendage to that revenge. I’m also very glad to have something more than 750 words to read.

I need some help here. Did the paternity test come back? Is Stephen his son or Bjorn's?

Too long between chapters and your story is starting to drag.

The incredible story continues! I'm a little annoyed you leave us with this cliffhanger, but at this point you have the right to tease. Please don't leave us hanging too long! 5*

which probably accounts for the low scoring. The psychological depth in this chapter is impressive. I hope this author keeps writing.

5*, at what point will Stephen ask about, if not Joey who? Can't wait for next chapter.

Where the hell is the end? Your story lacks much about the conclusion...what about Stephen. what about the wife?what about the results of the test? Without that you might as well forget the whole damned story....

I can see this riding down the polyamory road already but i hope im wrong

I might have built this one up a bit in my own mind in anticipation after the first two chapters, especially chapter 2.

I had felt after chapter 2 that he had decided to end with Cecilia, but somehow I feel he’s closer to her now despite the continuation of his physical relationship with Lorna. So I’m confused. He told Stephen he wasn’t leaving, told himself and everyone else he wouldn’t lie to his son, and Cecilia feels she’s shifted momentum away from the termination of their marriage.

The way you write Joey, I can’t see him as a guy who keeps both women. I despise Cecilia, but I don’t really like Lorna, and I think I don’t respect Joey anymore either. And he’s let it out at work, it’s public. What a shit how there if he kicks Lorna to the curb.

This can’t turn into a poly situation or a RAAC due to the hideous cruelty of his wife, so why hasn’t Joey filed for divorce? Even if Lorna is only short term? Is Lorna just a prop or mechanism for ego rehabilitation?

I just don’t see where this is going, and I’m frustrated that I’ll probably have to wait a month to find out.

It’s a weak chapter.

~Enkidu

. . . the actual paternity results yet. Did I get that wrong?

Everything I read screamed that Joey would wind up staying with Celia, and it seemed like Stephen would be revealed to be Joey’s son, not Bjorn’s.

He’s gotten his revenge fucks in, so he’s “even” with Celia. He likes Lorna but isn’t in love with her.

Stephen would be devastated if his daddy left, and Joey has bonded with him, regardless of how the paternity test comes out. The author has made Joey into the world’s biggest asshole if he leaves Celia now, regardless of the paternity test results.

It’s also telling us that Joey is an idiot. He doesn’t actually know that he can’t get Lorna pregnant, and he knows he doesn’t love her, so what, he’s going to fill her up with semen, not knowing it there are any desperate little swimmers in there?

The story is well written enough, it looks like it’s heading toward a train wreck of an ending. Even if Stephen isn’t his biological son, divorcing Celia is going to be rough, and if Bjorn is untouchable, Joey will be on the hook for child support. If it winds up in reconciliation, he’s still fucked one of his employees, one who told him straight out that she’d accept being the mistress of a married man.

What could possibly go wrong?

It takes you from tears of joy to tears of agony time and again. I can't even imagine how to end it " happily " for all concerned.

One chapter better than the other. Excellent characters that are easy to understand and that are very well outlinded. I'm curious how the drama will develop. Looking forward to the next chapter and thanks for posting!

I think many of the questions people are asking will probably be answered in chapter 4. If the writer chooses not to do the next chapter then this story would definitely fall flat with a lot of loose ends.

This is the movie, think it all out, I would ruin for you all if I detailed my thoughts.

A really insightful story about an alpha widow shitting on her beta husband, until he finally snaps after finding out he's been cuckolded. Joey is now transforming into a Chad, knocking up his mistress and putting Celia firmly in her place.

I have absolutely zero sympathy for the wife after her paternity fraud. I hope Joey rips that bitch's heart out doing whatever the hell he likes to make himself happy with total disregard for her feelings. After all, that's just what she did to him for the past 8 years.

Looking forward to chapter 4.

Really good writing, especially in chapter 1 & 2. Chapter 3 is still good but I'm getting the feeling that this will and up in the dream ending for a simp (even though she treats him like shit she still loves him, or comes around to love him only). It doesn't really work that way out there...

"Joey is a prick" Anon

No the slut didnt cheat once, she cheated every day she planned and plotted, she carried on cheating every day she hid it from him

i stasrted reading this out of curiosity and quickly got hooked, so i went back to Chapter #1 and read them in sequence. I rated the first chapters 4* and this one 5*--now wishing I'd rated the others higher, too.

Congrats on originality and unusually good writing: style, content, grammar and punctuation, story continuity, suspense, and just plain reading-ness (yep, there ain't no such word ;-).

Please keep this string going, and thank you for the superlatively strong effort to date.

Nice story and very well-written! I really hope Joey is Stephen's biological father. But even if not, he should still stay in Stephen's life. He is his true father regardless of the results. I also hope Joey returns to Celia. But ONLY if she truly, finally understands what she did was horrible and can never happen again. She took Joey for granted and has done and said some very cruel things. For Joey's part, he let her walk all over him to keep her happy. Glad to see he is coming into his own and being his own man now. I'd like them to reconcile but only if Celia will give him the love and respect he deserves.

However, Lorna is definitely a complication. Especially if she gets pregnant. I've seen others mention polygamy. I was thinking that may happen as well. Boy would that be a hard pill for Celia to swallow! But as she said to Jackie, none of this would be happening if not for her actions. Speaking of Jackie, ughh. She gives feminists a bad name. Just terrible!

Lastly, would love it if you could please post chapters closer together. A month in between is very long. Thank you for this story! Looking forward to what comes next!

Very well done so far. i almost didn't read this, glad I reconsidered.

This story just rambles on. The writing is good but good lord, this writer talk too much. 4 pages of nothingness. It didn't go anywhere. This is the 3rd chapter, when will this story start moving?.

Is it just me or does Lorna seem kind of off.....a bit unbalanced? To be honest, she acts bunny boiler crazy. I thought maybe she screwed with the paternity test results somehow to get her claws into Joey. Usually I'd NEVER side with the cheater, the wife, but the way the story is written, my sympathy is with Celia. Maybe that's the author's intention, maybe there's plans to redeem Celia in the next chapter, get her & Joey back together. I don't know. Hell, maybe I'm right & Lorna messed with the test results.

...to the great LW stories of years past. Well defined characters, sharp dialogue, dramatic timing. A welcome reprieve from the one dimensional btb wastes of time written for pathetic dimwits.

The story is well thought out, well written but honestly seems to be intentionally drawn out more than need be.

I have no issues with long stories, but like many it does feel a bit padded.

Author is a great story teller. They have created a cliff haner. Each chapter ends with the reader wanting answers.

Man, who the hell tells a six-year-old kid their martial problems, especially the part about his daddy not being his daddy? That's fuckin' child abuse!

...is your expression in writing. Among the greats. You remind me of RichardGerald when he expresses his characters opines in passionate detail.

4****

Holding off on score till I see wherebthia train wreck is going

Just done reading all 3 chapters (#1 for second time) and it’s a tough tale to “enjoy”.

Firstly, the author is a better than average writer on Lit. Always a plus!

Second, the plot arc has lots of potential.

But.....man it’s hard to try to like “Joey”. He is alternately portrayed as a cuck, and then a man. Back and forth. And unlike some commenters, I think reactively fucking Lorna was a huge mistake.....not least because it was dipping into the office inkwell.

Cecelia is a thoroughly despicable bitch though. Easy to hate. And I do.

Little Stevie is a sad case. He’s in a no win situation.

Will be interesting to see how this plays out. My vote doesn’t count, but I hope Joey destroys her.....

For me , this was not quite as the previous two chapters. I see this as a bridge chapter, hopefully setting up a bang up ending. Still a solid *5 for your writing, but I’m over Celia and Lorna. I don’t think Joey should risk a future with either one.

The dice is still rolling, we think we know the score so do the gods.( the author too)

Let it come, my troubled friend. You may reap some Spliffs(lol) or ass kicks.

Well I’ll damn sure be tuning in for the next episode.

I'm waiting for the next chapter.

Jackie hates Joey, but why? Does Joey know about Jackie and her animosity? Does he know that Celia is meeting Jackie regularly? Somehow I hope Jackie has to pay for her role in the cheating.

The plot and characters are dynamic and I'm enjoying the ride. 5*!

Thank you for some great writing. I hope you'll continue to write LW dramas.

Load of crap.

I am enjoying this series a lot. I hope you will continue it.

Lorna has lied to him and now wants him to father a child. He is nuts! She will take him to the cleaners and even if you want to father a child, why her! Get a more "honest" woman.

But I still have to ask why he has not divorced his wife. He can still be a good parent to the child if that is what others him. He knows the other guy will not get in the way as he has no idea the kid exists nor does he appear to want to raise a child.

It seems in this chapter that the direction you’ve chosen could well leave Cecilia, and quite possibly Stephen in the cold . The woman may deserve to be snubbed, but the boy doesn’t, and Joey knows that, so how will he handle the situation going forward ? Any way you cut it, it ostracizes at least one them, and if he stays the boy will still suffer the consequences of his parents actions, as the family dynamics have already changed. This is great storytelling, above and beyond the norm. I hope you continue this series indefinitely, I want to grow old with it!

The complexity has shifted from deepening characterizations to an expanding and fracturing storyline. I like how Celia, Joey, and Lorna are all portrayed as interesting, loving, caring, and flawed.

Read it again after reading 4. Reaction this time is Buddha? Really? He can sure pick'em.

I really like how you have written this. Continuously captivating

Hedonistic selfishness wrote well-but selfish people nonetheless, with a StarWars philosophical backdrop. Kind of kills the seriousness of the story.

Nice, Joe is an Alpha after all. Hot tip: being an alpha is largely a choice just as being a beta is. Don't worry about women; worry about yourself. Strive, make yourself the best man you can be, physically, mentally and above all, morally. And don't waste your time on women who are valued primarily for their looks. First, most of them are insufferable, their egos and their sense of entitlement entirely too high maintenance to endure; second, beauty fades, virtue doesn't. If all you really want is good looking pussy to fuck then pay for it. Prostitutes are at least honest about what they are doing. Great story, 5*****

wow

Joey is such a HYPOCRITE! My way or the highway. What a Stupid, stupid, stupid man. He gives all good men a bad rep.

The complexity of the interrelationships makes it hard to "make sense" of where this is going.

And that generates interest and anticipation.

What more could a writer wish for?

MLJ

Man, there sure is a staggering amount of anonymous misinformation in the World.