The World Made Yonder Pt. 03

'It's not as accurate as going to the doctor's, obviously. And even with a low sperm count, a man can still—'

'Lorna...'

It was said quietly, but something about the tone silenced Lorna instantly. She hugged herself tighter, moving from one foot to the other. Joey turned the box over in his hand and smiled mirthlessly.

'And here I was worried that I would be hurting you,' he said.

Joey rose to his feet, pulling the wooden chair to one side so it didn't tip over. He put the small white box onto the table. Lorna felt her stomach lurch and tears sprang to her eyes.

'Joey...'

'Lorna, I know you didn't do this maliciously. I know that. But I'm really upset and if I stay here much longer, I'm going to say something horrible.'

'Joey, I'd rather—'

'Lorna, please.'

Lorna fell silent. She looked desperate. Joey put his hands on his hips and looked at the floor. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

'Right,' he said. 'I'm going for a walk.'

'Just a walk?' said Lorna.

'Yes.'

'You'll come back? Tonight?'

'Yes.'

Lorna hesitated.

'I'd be happier if you'd leave your car keys behind,' she said.

'Don't you trust me?'

'Yes, of course. But what's that Arab saying? "Trust in Allah ... but tie up your camel"?'

'So I'm a camel, am I?'

'Your car is the camel. You are a man I love very much. Please remember that.'

Joey looked at Lorna. She looked sad, even miserable, but the nervousness was gone. He gave a nod, went out to the hallway and put on his coat. Lorna followed him, standing in the living room doorway. She held out her hand. Joey dug his own hand into his coat pocket, brought out his metal-and-plastic car key and handed it to her. Then, without another word, he left the apartment and pulled the door closed with a loud 'clunk' of the latch.

Lorna was, once more, alone.

* * * * *

Celia sat cross-legged on the L-shaped couch, the flatscreen dark, hugging a cushion to her stomach and bawling her eyes out. She couldn't believe how painful this was. And every time she felt the pain begin to pass, she pictured Joey having sex with that big-titted whore and the pain started all over again.

It didn't make sense. It didn't make sense. She had been fine the first time it had happened. Well, not fine, perhaps, but nothing like this. This was Hell. This was agony! It was like her own mind was out to torture her, producing images of Joey's erect penis—shiny and magnificent, as though shot in cinemascope—plunging into a vagina of almost absurd juiciness, and Celia screamed and pulled her hair at the roots, as though trying to dig the image out of her brain by force. Everything about Lorna seemed rounder, softer, more womanly than her. Even her cunt was somehow better, more beautiful.

But what really killed Celia was that she had never regarded Lorna as a threat in the first place. She had encountered the other woman in the past when popping into Joey's office, but only as someone who worked for her husband. Only once had she and Lorna exchanged words, at the J&J office Christmas party one year. Celia had instantly divined that the round-faced singleton had a crush on her husband, but apart from the tits Celia didn't see anything to worry about. Lorna's dyed-blond coiffure was hairsprayed to death, her accent made her sound common, and she had a kind of 'little girl lost' energy which made Celia pity her. In fact, so strong was Celia's disdain that she could genuinely never remember Lorna's name and referred to her with Joey as 'that chubby girl at your office'.

That changed dramatically when Celia checked out her husband's company website. Joey and Jeremy had hired a professional photographer to make black-and-white portraits of the team and Lorna's had come out particularly well. She looked smart, professional ... and sexy. Not the kind of sexy for a beauty contest, but definitely the kind to make a man want to rip off her clothes and ravish her. As for her name, Celia now had Lorna Jones burned onto her retina. She could see it with her eyes closed—and she hated it.

Celia uncrossed her legs and sat hugging her knees. She was reaching the point where she was getting too exhausted to cry. When the pain came, her face would contort but without sound or tears. It was the crying equivalent of dry retching. After one bad bout, an idea popped into her head and she reached for her phone.

Celia had tried to call Joey, but his phone was switched off and she had had to force herself not to hurl her own phone across the room. Now she went online, opened the Facebook app and went to the page for Bjorn Eklund.

There he was—the so-called love of her life. According to the profile, Bjorn now lived in Gothenburg and worked as a skipper. The strapping young art student Celia had known was now a broad-shouldered man of the sea. It suited him too. His long hair was now a crewcut and the muscular body now filled out a series of fisherman's sweaters. If anything, he looked even better in his thirties.

And yet...

Celia felt nothing. It was like watching a favourite movie one time too many. You reach a point of saturation when the magic doesn't work anymore. Celia had often visited Bjorn's Facebook page and felt a thrill at doing so. And now the thrill was gone.

Celia scrolled down the photos and noticed how often Bjorn pictured himself alone—Bjorn on his boat, Bjorn raising the anchor, Bjorn at the captain's wheel sporting a baseball cap and wraparound sunglasses. There was little suggestion of friends and none of wife and family. And that was odd, because among his Facebook friends was his twelve-year-old daughter, Annelise. But you had to click on her page to see any photos of the two of them together. There were none on his. Celia had checked.

She pondered for the thousandth time whether to send a message telling him that he also had a son called Stephen. And, for the thousandth time, she decided no. What would be the point? The man barely recognised his own legitimate daughter, assuming he was ever married. Celia didn't know. She hadn't even known he had a daughter when she fucked him after Jackie Warren's birthday party. Bjorn hadn't told her and she hadn't asked. She had just ridden his dick and held on tight as he pumped sperm into her body.

Celia's mind flashed up an image of Lorna riding Joey's dick, her glorious breasts bouncing up and down as she fucked him. Celia dropped the phone and jumped off the couch.

'No!' she cried, standing on the carpet and screaming at the room. 'NOOOOO!'

It was a scream not of pain, but of rage. She raged at the pain, raged at her helplessness, raged at the whole fucking world. She hated this, hated this. Celia looked wildly around the living room as though it were her enemy, as though the entire house—all its furniture and fittings—would conspire to drive her mad if she spent the weekend in it. She had to get out.

To get out and take Stephen with her.

* * * * *

Lorna scrubbed the kitchen sink clean and rinsed the scouring sponge under the tap. She had already washed all the dishes, wiped the table clean and transferred the leftover lasagne into a square plastic container. It stood on the kitchen counter, cooling off before being put back in the fridge. The fertility home test was back on top of the fridge-freezer unit, hidden behind boxes of tea bags. She never wanted to see it again.

Lorna scanned the kitchen, looking for something else to do, something to distract her. She wanted to punch herself in the face. What on earth had she been thinking, buying that stupid thing?

'I can tell you,' said a nasty inner voice.

Lorna lunged for the kettle, filled it up with water and put it on the stove. She lit the gas and set the kettle above the flames. Then she took a box of green tea teabags off the top of the fridge-freezer, catching sight of the white pharmaceutical box behind it.

'Fuck!' she cried. 'Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!'

She was about to burst into tears when the buzzer sounded. She ran to the intercom panel and buzzed Joey in, then opened the front door a crack. She realised she was still holding the box of teabags. Should she take then back to the kitchen? Wait here? Go to the table?

'God, what a fuck-up!' said Lorna.

She decided to take the box back to the kitchen, but on her way through the living room, she caught sight of her Buddha, the tiny flame floating in liquid wax. On impulse, she knelt before it, holding the tea in her lap like an offering.

'Please show me what to do,' she said.

Lorna closed her eyes and felt rather than heard a gentle voice inside her say, 'Do you trust that the Universe know what's good for you? Better than you do yourself?'

Yes, she said in her mind.

'Then tell the truth and only the truth,' said the inner voice. 'And trust that it will lead you to your highest good, whatever it may be.'

Lorna let out a deep breath, her eyes still closed. She heard the 'clunk' of the front door closing and heard a movement nearby. She opened her eyes. Joey stood in the doorway, still wearing his coat, looking down at her. Lorna felt suddenly self-conscious.

'Sorry,' she said, getting to her feet.

'Don't be silly,' said Joey.

He took off his coat and hung it up in the hallway. Lorna almost cried with relief when she saw him do that. He came back into the room, went up to her and gave her a hug. Still holding the box of tea, Lorna hugged him back.

'I'm sorry if I scared you,' he said.

'It's okay,' said Lorna. 'I understand.'

Joey ended the hug, but still held her gently by her upper arms. He looked at her with kind, serious eyes.

'You're a good person,' he said.

'I don't know about that.'

'You are, Lorna. I freaked out when I saw that box, but your instincts are right: I have to face the situation, one way or the other. Whether or not I can have children. And you saw that, even though I didn't.'

'That's not why I bought the test.'

'Pardon?'

'Joey! Do you seriously think I invited you here to wank you off into a cup?'

Joey stared at Lorna. He let go her arms. He opened his mouth to speak when a screech emanated from the kitchen. Lorna remembered the kettle on the stove.

'Sorry,' she said, moving away.

'You making tea?' said Joey.

'No,' said Lorna. 'I need to tell you something first and after I've told you, you might not want to stay for tea.'

Lorna marched into the kitchen, turned off the gas and put the box of tea back onto the fridge-freezer. She took a moment to compose herself, then went back into the living room.

Joey was sitting on the couch. Lorna wondered whether to sit next to him, then she lifted the coffee table out of the way and knelt before him, her hands on his legs. This was where she had given him the blowjob which began this whole story and maybe its memory would help Joey forgive her. She took a deep breath, her gaze on his belt buckle, and began.

'Do you remember the last time you were here?' she said.

Lorna's hand felt a silent laugh run through the man's leg.

'Yes,' said Joey.

'And do you remember me saying I was on the Pill?'

This time, the leg was still.

'Yes.'

'Well, that wasn't true. I had a Morning After pill in my bathroom cabinet which I intended to take after you left. But, um...'

'You didn't take it.'

'No.'

'So, it is possible you are pregnant right now?'

'Yes.'

There was silence. Lorna stared down at the leg in front of her, her hand flat on the muscle like a listening glass on the wall. She felt the muscle move as Joey took a deep breath and let it slowly out.

'Go on,' he said.

'Well, to begin with,' continued Lorna, 'I justified it to myself by saying that if you had fertility issues but by some miracle I had conceived, then I would be killing your only chance of having your own child. But when you asked me for this weekend, I began having intense fantasies about getting pregnant. In fact, the first time you came inside me, I imagined not taking the Morning After pill and that gave me the most intense orgasm I can remember.'

Lorna felt the leg shift under her hand. Was it feeling slightly warmer? She carried on hurriedly.

'Anyway, that's when I realised I wanted more than just a sexual adventure. I knew it was unethical to lie about being on the Pill, but the bottom line is: I want your baby more than I want to be an ethical woman. And since I might already be pregnant from the last time, I may as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb.'

Lorna rested her head on her arm. She wished Joey would put his hand on her head or stroke her hair, but at least she was leaning on his lap without him pulling away. She heard him speak.

'And the fertility test?'

'It made me feel less guilty,' she said. 'The plan was to get you to do the test on Sunday. If it turned out you had a low sperm count after all, the whole ethical thing becomes academic. And if your sperm count was normal, well ... that still doesn't guarantee a pregnancy.'

'But if you were pregnant?'

'Then, worst case scenario, you'd hate me and never want to see me again. But I'd still be mother to a little child with your eyes and your smile. With your intelligence and compassion and sense of humour. I'm sorry, Joey, but I can't think of anything I want more than that, even if it means losing your respect.'

There was another silence. Then Lorna felt Joey's legs move and his arm lay across her shoulders and he was bending forwards to put his mouth close to her ear. Tears fell from Lorna's eyes and she squeezed his leg. She felt his warm breath as he spoke softly.

'And why are you telling me this now?' he said.

'I don't know,' she said. 'I'm just following this thought which says: tell the truth and trust that it will take you wherever you need to go. I want you to make love to me, Joey Gardner, and I want you to come inside me knowing that I want to have your child. That's what I want. Whether you do it or not is up to you.'

* * * * *

When Joey and Celia decided to start a family, it had already been the subject of lengthy discussions. Indeed, their discussions on children predated discussions on marriage. Both wanted kids, but they argued over timing and circumstances. Finally, Joey had said:

'Celia, I'm ready to start a family today.'

'Well, I'm not!'

'Fine! Fair enough. If you need more time to think about it, then take your time. Take ten years if you have to. I'm just telling you where I stand.'

That was it. He was ready to wait until she was ready. And, somehow, with the pressure off, Celia realised she was ready the following day. That very night they made love for the first time without birth control.

And now, more than seven years later, Joey had a woman invite him to do the very same thing. Except, this time, there was no marriage or commitment, no discussions or agreements or promises. A woman—a lovely, wonderful woman, whose honesty and emotional courage were seriously impressing Joey—had requested in a very simple way that he make her pregnant. No, not even that. That he make love to her this one weekend—one roll of the dice—and to let the Universe decide the outcome.

His cock wanted to do it. It was already fully erect, straining against his pants. If it had a voice, it would have been shouting, 'What the fuck are you waiting for? Take her to bed! What's the point of being a man if you're going to turn down the women who select you?'

Joey careful lifted Lorna off his lap and went to join her kneeling on the floor. He took her head in both his hands and kissed her on the lips. Her mouth opened and Joey gently moved her head so that his tongue could explore her. Lorna sighed, her hands on his thighs, surrendering her head and her mouth. Joey was relaxed and soft in his kissing, his tongue rehearsing what his cock wanted to do. Her own tongue and lips were welcoming, responsive, her head relaxed in his hands. After minutes of sweet kissing, Joey removed his mouth, knelt up straight and drew Lorna in for a hug.

'Let's go to bed,' he murmured.

He felt the woman squeeze him, then he drew back to look at her. Lorna's face seemed to glow with happiness and serenity. She leaned in for a small kiss, then got to her feet and went around the living room, switching off lights and blowing out candles. Joey saw her pause at the Buddha, kiss her fingertips and press them on the little smiling head. Joey stood up and watched her come towards him, then with an arm around each other, they made their way to the bedroom.

The man and the woman undressed without fuss or ceremony. Knowing what they were preparing to do made foreplay seem unnecessary. Even so, Joey paused in his undressing when Lorna's bra came off and he saw her bare breasts, large and round with beautifully formed pink areolas and nipples. She removed her white jeans and panties, her flesh soft and pale, like milk. She climbed into bed and sat back against the pillows, the covers pulled up to her waist but not covering her breasts. It was now Joey's turn to be watched.

He pulled off the rest of his clothing, his cock springing loose from his pants. He saw Lorna smile at it, so he tossed his last clothes onto the chair and put one knee on the bed, presenting his cock to her face.

Lorna's smile broadened. She came forward and took careful hold of his penis with her fingers. Holding it steady, she took it in her mouth, lightly sucking the head and running her tongue under the rim. Joey let out a groan of pleasure. Lorna ran her fingers along the shaft as she caressed his penis with her tongue, her other hand cupping his balls. She gently milked a drop of pre-cum into her mouth and smacked her lips as she savoured it.

'All right, that's enough,' said Joey. 'Lie down on your back.'

Lorna obeyed instantly, kicking the covers aside and making herself ready. Her cheeks were flushed and her mouth was open. Her feet were flat on the mattress and Joey climbed in between her knees. He lowered himself onto her, his cock resting along the top of her thigh, his head reaching down for a kiss. Lorna's hands were in his hair and her mouth and tongue were his to enjoy. Joey's cock was mere inches away from the woman's wet vulva and he felt his shaft tighten, protesting the delay. Some ancient urge wanted him to disengage his mind and surrender to his body. Joey broke the kiss, lifted himself up to take one last look at this beautiful woman and her glorious breasts, then closed his eyes and gave the inner feeling his consent.

Lorna was watching his face. She saw the man close his eyes, smile and give the tiniest of nods. She was about to think, 'What's going on there?' when he descended on her. His arms slid around her upper body, one hand landing on her shoulder blade, the other taking the back of her head. In the same moment, his hips moved and she felt the head of his penis travel down her vaginal lips and start to tease them apart.

Lorna's feet pressed into the mattress and she put her arms around him. She felt the man's pelvis sway slightly and the head of his cock began to edge its way in. A tiny push and Lorna felt the head push into her. It retreated, now slick with her juice, and a second small push saw it re-enter with some of the shaft. It retreated again and, this time, Lorna felt every muscle in the man's body—his arms, his torso, even his fingers—move as he both squeezed her and pushed simultaneously. She felt engulfed by his body at the same moment as his cock roared into her cunt.

Lorna cried out, a great cry of shock and joy. This was awesome. The man's entire body was fucking her, her body held in a soft yet vicelike grip while his strokes smoothly and deeply penetrated her. She could hardly believe the difference from their first encounter. There was none of the previous urgency, the doubt, the sense of Joey striving to reach orgasm.