All Comments on 'The World Made Yonder Pt. 04'

You're just making the story more confusing by saying that he is the father now while indicating in earlier chapters that he's not

Four chapters of angst, introversion and endless internal monologue. The author has the literary equivalent of verbal diarrhoea.

Populated by awful people doing awful things, the kid would be better off if he was put up for adoption.

Now we can look forward to another couple of chapters dealing with the revelation that Joey is the father, whoopdee fucking doo.

Joey is so weak willed that he has to leave it to the dominant wife to end this farce of a marriage, but of course now he’s going to argue that they have to stay together because he’s the real dad.

Maybe Celia should tell Joey about the guy that drowned himself, you never know he might take the hint.

Another great chapter!

The cat's really among the pigeons! Now that we know Joey is Stephen's biological father, what does that mean with regard to his marriage? Is he still going to divorce Celia for cheating on him? Has he knocked up Lorna? It seems highly likely now that it's been proven that he's fathered a child already.

I think the best scenes in this chapter were Celia meeting her parents and being absolutely crushed by their contempt and disapproval. Daddy's little girl hates the fact that he thinks she's a despicable whore now.

Looking forward to the next one!

The ending was a bit anticlimactic, as I think many of us felt the story going in this direction.

Rather disappointed that the entire world seems to get the drop on Joey. But, if anything, the series shows him to be the most genuine of characters. He loves, and when humiliated by those close to him, he duplicates and reflects their duplicity. Many, I am sure, are applauding Joey for getting himself a piece, but in the end all he is doing is sealing his awful fate with his wife, business partner, workers, mistress, in laws and most important, his son, who’s devastation was the most unnecessary thing in this whole tale. Joeys justification is blown to pieces by the DNA test, and so are the other bits to his life.

This chapter seemed tired and perfunctory, well written so 4*, but the theatre of releasing these exactly a month apart lessens my anticipation rather than to pique it. I’d rather you had written the whole thing in a piece then released chapters a week or less apart.

But it’s enjoyable and I’ll keep coming back, for at last the chickens are coming home to roost for all involved.

~Enkidu

Even if the DNA result shows that he is the father of St., your argument shows the debacle of our society and our time: We try again and again to make the victim the perpetrator and the perpetrator the victim. The real result alone is not decisive, no, the real life that is perceived is decisive. For 6 years she believed St. is her lover's child and in this belief she saw and treated her husband as a cuckold for 6 years. He found out about her breach of loyalty and now has to completely reevaluate the 6 years they have lived together. He lived in a web of lies that she woven. It is not the real result of fatherhood that is decisive, but the breach of faithfulness and the resulting relationship with her husband. These 6 years of marriage were and are a farce! So, despite fatherhood, there is only one way out, divorce! There is no doubt about your writing style and your ability as an author, that's great!

I love her father!

Why so long and no divorce? Regardless of the child's true father she cheated, lied, doesn't really love him. And I love how joey figured out her wanting a divorce was just to get back in some good grace with her father.

So now we get evil Lorna trying for money out of the company. Will Celia somehow come to the rescue?

I hope Celia is disowned by her father, Joey screws up his share of the business but somehow the EE's are safe, and Lorna gets found out - maybe blackmail - and gets punished.

I sorta like this twist. Celia disrespected him in the worst way possible, and the ultimate karma is she did it for nothing. Joey still has to divorce her, because her intentions still matter. The only thing that has changed is the honesty. Now it's in the open. Everyone knows who Celia really is. She's still a woman that settled for a stable man, tried to make him raise what she believed another man's child. Joey is free from her, and rightfully so. The best part is his kid is biologically his. The best thing now is to "grey rock" his soon to be ex wife, and co parent peacefully. Hes free to find someone that actually loves and respects him. Celia can grow the fuck up, and maybe find a man she won't play games with. Win win win.

Lorna's pregnant. Celia and Joey hem and haw... do we, or don't we? Lorna dies in childbirth. Celia and Joey adopt the baby. They cuck each other and live happily ever after. There. I just saved you writing two more chapters with five short sentences.

Well that certainly makes it interesting. Not the most likeable characters but you write very well. I'm pleased that he is the father, for the boys sake even if they do split up.

I really want to know what happens next.

The exchange between father and son in the car and at the school was some amazing and descriptive writing. That’s the real fucking deal right there. Thanks.

Keeps getting better. Looking forward to more....especially with the new DNA results in!

However...Lorna seems nuts. Truly nuts.

4****

what's the point? all the characters are shallow and have no depth. 4 chapters on and all i see is cucking reconciliation in the future. Why even leave or talk about divorce of guy after a week is like everythings okay.

%^&^%$#@*&^%$#@#

Fucking awesome

Stupendous storytelling. The kind of stuff this place used to be capable of producing. I am now, in all seriousness, a fan.

Gave you 5 stars. I really liked your take on respect. I didn't really care he went and fucked Lorna but it is your story and you told it well. And the twist at the end was great.

4* for the clincher at the end! I was inclined to drop this one for several reasons:

* No synopsis of the past chapters, which would help the reader to understand the setup, considering the huge timegaps between the chapters

* Quite a dragging story, the narrated time is probably a couple of weeks, but it feels endless

* Joey's behaviour towards Lorna doesn't make a lot of sense.

But the author's name is the coolest of the universe!!!

But Celia put the DNA test together and in the mailer, correct. She could conceivably had something of Bjorns that had DNA on it and switched samples.....

Very happy for the boy. He knew who his daddy was. Joey needs to divorce Celia anyway. She reveled in the idea that Stephen wasn't Joey's and that she had this secret over him. Now she has no secret, no husband, no close relationship with her parents just an uber feminist friend who tried to ruin her life out of hate for men. She deserves nothing. Stephen will grow up an look at her just as she feared he would with disdain. When Graham told the story about his friend and what the widow said to him that a woman deserved to be happy, he should have told her that she didn't and should never have another happy day in hopefully a short miserable life. He should have told her that her new man should run as his days were numbered. Graham and the other veterans would make sure to get revenge for their fallen comrade. Jody is Jody no matter what military you serve in.

Holy hell!

Great story!

Wow, what a fucked up situation. Lorna became a bitch at the end. Joey learns that Stephen is actually his son but it doesnt change the fact that Celia doesnt love or respect him. Joey is screwed in everyway possible. Next part will be interesting.

Great story, 5* all day long. The meeting with her father was fantastic outlining of exactly what infidelity of a wife means and the consequences. As clear an indictment of extramarital cheating on the women's part as can be made.

Sweet chapter and ending. Looking forward to the next.

I especially loved her father's thinking when he talked of infidelity and cuckoldry. One thing I disagree with. To be a cuckold in my mind, a man must chose all of it. he can't be forced into it as in a cheating wife. But as her father said, if he accepts it after the fact, then he is one.

5 stars, and favorited

Psycho Lorna is going to get her period, completely lose her mind (what's left of it anyway) & kidnap Stephen. The police find Stephen and Lorna either gets killed or goes to jail. Celia & Joey reconcile, almost losing their son makes them realize they still love each other....The End

Please don't make Joey stay with Celia

Can't wait for the next chapter!

Celia's father's comments on the reality and consequences of a woman cheating on her husband boiled it down to its true essence.

"The only thing that was of any importance at all was her own personal happiness."

Once you strip away all the bullshit excuses cheaters throw out it all comes down to entitlement. Cheaters cheat because they can and they feel entitled to cheat.

You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve, should've happened…or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the Fuck on.

Holy shit - I did NOT see that coming! Brilliant job on so many levels. 5+*

What patillie said. What the dad said was the clearest and cleanest statement of the matter I have seen on this site. You nailed it, right there. I had to stop, think and re-read that part just to appreciate it. You write well, and at times superbly. By the way, as did a prior anonymous commenter 4 hours back, I too noticed the dropping in of the fact that Lorna put the DNA test package together... What's more likely, (1) that Joey remembers that as well and questions the result, (2) that Lorna fesses up to it on her own, or (3) the story's over. I'd wager on (1).

I have been loving this story, it's a credit to your ability as a writer. Cannot wait for the next chapter, I expect it to be the last.

This is a weird story for me. I'm hating it and loving it. Celia's dad's thoughts about his daughter saved this chapter for me.

It is starting to drag on a bit now. A day or so seems like weeks and the physical gaps between chapters are pulling a well written story down, the scoring will drop as readers get fed up of waiting. Thanks for your work.

Interesting insights during the telling of the story and stock charactures.

Evil feminist, selfish immature manipulative wife, passive accepting husband, strict moralistic father, and mystery mother. Will we find out the daughter doesn't share DNA with the father and mom cuckolded the father?

All of the characters are professional intelligent adults but none have a clue as what they are doing or what path they are taking.

They wallow around in a morass of doubt about love, loyalty, fidelity, male female roles, children, family and trust.

Right after Joey confronted the wife and she gave her speech about only being in love with Bjorn she would be out on the lawn and be served with papers soonest. Game over. She has no filter on her mouth and says things so hateful no one would want to be married to her. What a mess.

I cant wait for the next chapter.

This was a very strong 5* story all the way until the end - and then you turned it up to 6*. I did *not* see that coming, and I hope we don't have to wait too long for part 5.

I agree with pastille about the meeting with her father. He didn’t pull his punches in letting her know just how he felt about her cheating. Her selfish stupidity has put a huge , maybe unfixable , strain on their marriage. Even being Joey’s father may not repair it. You have a great story going here, and I really want to see where you take it now.

Well that's just hilarious. Classic case of ready, fire, aim. Probably should confirm all the facts first. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Good story but you write really shitty women.

Anon you're just making:

You might want to refer all serious life questions and decisions to a trusted friend or even the next person walking by.

Anon but Celia:

Good point.

What Scorpio said

Bring on the next chapter Mr. Cliffhanger.

I keep waiting for Maury Povich to show up!

I'm Guessing Celia Faked The Test, But Does It Matter?

She thought Stephen was Bjorn's son. She was happy, proud, that Stephen was Bjorn's son. So this is the second big mistake Celia has made involving Bjorn. It doesn't change what she did, why she did it, or what she hoped to accomplish. It doesn't change her lack of guilt and regret. The only thing Celia regrets is that her empty immoral arrogant selfish character is now known and found to be repugnant by those she wishes to impress and be admired by. She loved being Bjorn's slut. She hates being widely known as Bjorn's slut.

Its a toxic marriage. You can morph the characters all you want, making Celia penitent and resurrected, while making Lorna a spiteful vengeful bitch. If Joey stays he deserves all the shit the rest of his life with Celia will bring him, especially the scorn and contempt of his own son.

Good work. Thanks for the effort. I hope you don't fuck it up.

Love your work

Surely the writer can't believe it makes sense for this man to reconcile with this woman and live his life in unrespected misery knowing that not only is he not Steven's father but that his wife was proud to have a son with another man, even though by chance her belief in her son's parentage was mistaken.

Seems there are a lot of negative comments on this chapter. Not from me. This is one of my favorite stories currently underway. Thank you for your work.

What struck me was Celia’s father’s lecture, as I suppose it was meant to do. The discussion takes sex so deathly seriously. It was the lecture of the mentality of so many commenters LW, and in that attempt, you nailed it.

But in all of that, people are forgetting that sex is supposed to be fun! In this chapter, even Joey’s weekend with Lorna, sex has been reduced to a duty. Joey started off fucking Lorna because it was fun, then it quickly became for revenge, and by the end, it was a duty for him to fuck her one last time, because he owed it to her.

So, now the son is actually his, so daddy’s lecture only half applies. Yes, she s fewer Bjorn, but the son is Joey’s; there’s no ‘disrespect’ in having Joey rear another man’s son. But the concept of disrespect will linger, because Celia thought the boy wasn’t Joey’s for six years, so that will always be in the back of everybody’s mind.

Technically, they’re even: she fucked Bjorn and he fucked Lorna, but it will never be seen that way.

Now that the boy is Joey’s, the only question is: can Joey get past Lorna having fucked Bjorn? The LW readership has already yelled not just no, but Hell no. But with Joey being the biological father and the daddy, the question becomes: does Joey divorce Celia because he cannot get past her disrespect, and leave the boy split between two part time parents, or does Joey stay with Celia, try to work out their differences and give his son full time parents? Our prisons are full of men who had no fathers at home.

Posting in a series which i have not finished yet, but I've really enjoyed what I've seen so far. very well crafted and enough twists to keep me going. I like most of the characters (Celia's friend rings a little close to the "wymynyst" stereotype) but that doesn't mean i like their decisions. That's all ok though. good stuff and i hope for an enjoyable resolution.

Celia's stated that Bjorn was who she really loved. Sure she "loves" Joey, why wouldn't she? He's her meal ticket to respectability, a father figure to her son...

If he has a spine, he'll divorce her, get full custody (with visitation to Celia) and she'll wallow in self pity for how Fucked Up her life is. Stephen obviously has bonded better to Joey so if Celia has any sense she won't fight this.

Great story I like the dilemma that you have left Joey in but I've got a feeling that he will be a daddy again one way or another LOL. I like the fact that Karma is kicking Celia in the arse she truly believes that Stephen is Bjoern's son but the boy is dark haired and she is blonde and also Bjoern was described as a typical Scandinavian is Celia completely stupid? Naw, it was just wishful thinking from a narcissistic slut.

Great story well done can't wait for the next instalment!

Okay, for all you prospective authors out there, take note of this series. The writer does everything exactly right. Again, I'm impressed as hell by some of the 'amateur' (quotes intended) writers on this site. This story belongs on the big screen or at least with one of the streaming services, who seem destined to hire the shittiest writers on earth.

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The characters are real, they are imperfect, they are conflicted and their issues/problems are complex! There is no absoluter black and white, and the conflicts essential to good storytelling occur where these characters overlap and interact. Nothing is as it seems to be, and everything is in a continual state of unpredictable flux! THIS is damned fine storytelling.

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Judge it for what it is, and if you don't give it a 5, then just don't bother rating it!

I gave the story a 5 at the end. What an emotional roller coaster ride. His son IS his son!!!!!

This was a very good story with loads of angst that kept one wanting more. I hope there is a chapter 5 and I hope it come soon.

There is much, much more to be said, before this riveting tale is done.

More please.....

Great writing, great characters. Kinda hoping Jackie gets some sort of smackdown for being an uberbitch, but she's probably too minor a character to bother with. The paternity twist is interesting now, considering he's had way more revenge sex than she did with the original transgression, and he's probably even knocked up Lorna at this point. Looking forward to the next part.

The author is a great serializer. This month we are left with two classic cliffhangers and a number of open questions. What is Lorna's ploy and the DNA game-unchanger.

For six years Stephan was Joey's son, in his mind. But for six years Celia treated Joey as cuckold. Then the blow up of the first installment. Even knowing Stephen is his biological son, Celia is now faced with the fact that HER life has been a lie for six years.

I'm always amused by the commenters that criticize the flawed characters presented in these stories. Of course they're flawed. That's what makes the drama and leaves the outcome uncertain. Thet aren't exactly Ozzie and Harriet you know!

Thanks for sharing...

An Impressive & mature content that kept me riveted throughout the tale, i sincerely hope you don't leave us hanging. Thanks again for a very entertaining read 5*. Looking forward to your next posting.

Oh no i knew this...here we go.... I really liked celia's father..that guy is the man

But Celia is the one who put the DNA in the box. What if she had Bjorn's DNA handy?

This has turned into so e seriously good stuff Maynard!!

Bobareeno it only said she took Stephen's sample and there was no mention of her swabbing Joey's mouth and for that matter she would have had to swab Bjorns mouth. Also I dont see a woman keeping anything with a DNA sample of a lover that she surprisingly met and fucked at a party 6 years before.

I hate Celia, sympathize (or is that empathize) with Joey and feel great pain for poor Stephen> But even though the complication of Joey now knowing Stephen is his biological son, I don't see how he stays with Celia. She has utterly betrayed him, she is a bad person. Joey should divorce seeking at least joint custody and then see how things work out with Lorna. If she is pregnant and she would agree, he should marry her and be with a woman who wants his child, not with a self-centered, entitled no-talent "artist"/bitch who thinks he is a lesser being. Fuck Celia; let her be miserable. Really well-written. 5*****

Brilliant installment. Celia's father gets through to her where Joey's reactions didn't, Stephen's anguish didn't, Celia's own introspection didn't. Celia put the DNA package together, so we don't KNOW that Joey's the father, we just KNOW that the paperwork (which doesn't have his name on it, just an ID number) says the sample is 99.98% likely to be the father. Lorna plays hell with Joey's equilibrium. Jeffrey withdraws his unconditional support of his co-founder. Stephen is preternaturally observant and analytical about his dysfunctional parents. Jackie is pleased as punch with everybody losing. How many storly lines are hanging off that cliff? Talk about juggling bowling balls, railroad flares, and a chain saw!

did she fake it ?

What a bunch of maroons!

The distinction between the right to pursue happiness and the right to be happy is a ver powerful distinction. Well done FTC.

I roar with laughter at infantile obsessions that knuckledraggers have with feminism. especially when, like the author, they aren't intelligent enough to understand the meaning.