The World Made Yonder Pt. 05

The dictionary tells us that the word 'flabbergasted' means 'greatly shocked or surprised'. But there is a world of nuance which cannot quite be captured by an alternative couple of words in a definition. As Joey sat before his computer screen in his office, staring at the paternity report which told him—in spite of Celia's confession and the six-year-old boy's lack of resemblance—that Joey Gardner was indeed Stephen Gardner's biological father ... he was completely, utterly flabbergasted.

'Joey?'

Joey turned to look at Jeremy, his business partner, and said:

'He's my son...'

'Pardon?'

'He's my son! Stephen is my biological son!'

Joey leapt to his feet and Jeremy found himself being hugged and slapped. It felt weird. He and Joey had known each other for years, but they weren't really 'huggy'. Still, he had been Joey's confidante since the Bjorn situation first exploded a couple of weeks ago and this was a complete surprise.

Suddenly, Joey broke the hug and stared at Jeremy, panic in his eyes.

'What if Celia faked the test?' he said.

'How could she do that?'

'She was the one who got Stephen's sample! What if it was actually my sample, taken from a toothbrush or something?'

'Then the test would have shown that the two samples came from the same person,' said Jeremy. 'That's how DNA works. Why d'you think the police love it so much at crime scenes?'

'Oh yeah...'

Joey blinked stupidly. Jeremy scratched his ear, promising himself never to get married. As if in agreement, Joey sighed loudly.

'Shit...' he said. 'Yesterday, Celia and I agreed to get a divorce.'

'Well, she still cheated on you.'

'Yes, but now she's going to argue that I cheated on her too.'

'Yeah, but only because she did it first—'

There was a knock on the door. Both men frowned at it. Every one of their employees knew the rule about the Do Not Disturb sign hanging on the door handle outside. Joey switched off his computer screen.

'Yes!' said Jeremy.

The door opened hesitantly and a light brown face with red-framed glasses peeked in.

'Sorry about this,' said Kayla. 'But I just called Lorna to talk about tomorrow's presentation and she says she's quit. Is that true?'

The two men exchanged a glance.

'Come in,' said Joey.

Kayla entered and closed the door. Meanwhile, Joey fetched her a chair while Jeremy rolled his own swivel chair over from his workspace. The three of them sat in a small huddle near Joey's desk.

'All right, Kayla,' said Joey. 'What happened?'

'Well, you, me and her are seeing the client tomorrow,' said Kayla. 'But I saw the Do Not Disturb sign, so I thought I'd give Lorna a quick ring just to clear up a couple of things. That's when she told me she quit.'

'Did she say anything else?'

'No. Only that it was for personal reasons.'

Joey sat back and crossed his legs as he considered. Kayla took a deep breath and said:

'Is this something to do with ... you and her?'

'Fuck me!' said Jeremy, glaring at Joey. 'How many other people know?'

'Oh, it's just me,' said Kayla. 'I saw them, er ... in the kitchen.'

Jeremy groaned and buried his face in his hands. Joey uncrossed his legs and leaned forward.

'Listen,' he said. 'I'm going to go talk to her.'

'You are not!'

'This is business, Jeremy! Lorna has responsibilities to our clients and you don't just drop them because your personal life isn't going the way you want it.'

Joey got to his feet. Kayla and Jeremy followed suit and Joey looked at her.

'Kayla, could you ring Lorna and tell her I'm on my way?'

'Sure. But what happens if she says no?'

'Worst-case scenario, you and I do the presentation without her. And we'll deal with the other stuff when I get back.'

***************************

Lorna was still in her bathrobe when she got the call that Joey was coming over. She shared a small moment of bonding with Kayla on men's incapacity to understand simple instructions like 'I don't want to see you', but after ending the call, Lorna realised she was glad he was coming. She wanted to see him.

And maybe, just maybe ... he wanted to see her.

When Lorna kissed Joey goodbye on Sunday afternoon—which now felt like a lifetime ago—she had felt fine. Completely fine. They had made love, they had talked, and they were both very clear about the situation. The possibility of her being pregnant was just that—a possibility. It seemed manageable, doable; a bridge to be crossed if they came to it. And when Joey continued to express concern, Lorna had even got annoyed at him.

'I'm not a little girl!' she said. 'Please give me some credit!'

But after Joey left, those words came back to haunt her. The more his absence asserted its presence in her consciousness, the more alone she felt. Her previous blithe assertion that she was 'completely okay' with a man's seed in her belly felt hollow and empty now that the man himself was gone. The spectre of single motherhood stalked her mind like Banquo's ghost and by the evening Lorna felt as though her entire life were collapsing. She wanted to call Joey, but her pride stopped her. She was a strong, independent woman, damn it, not some princess who needed rescuing! So Lorna did what she thought she needed to do to reassert her independence—she quit her job.

It had felt good at the time.

But as Lorna got dressed and went to the kitchen to make some coffee, she found herself regretting it. Her laptop was open on the table and there was already an email from a client with a query. Was she really going to leave it unanswered?

There was a rasping buzz from the building intercom. Lorna jumped, even though she was expecting it. She went to pick up the handset in the hall.

'It's me,' said the voice.

'Hello, Joey,' said Lorna and she buzzed him in.

Lorna opened the apartment door a crack and went back to the kitchen, pausing on her way to touch her Buddha candleholder for luck. When she heard the thump of the front door and Joey walked into the living room, she was setting the table for coffee. He went over to the table, still wearing his coat.

'Are you in a hurry?' she said.

Joey frowned, then took off his coat and placed it folded onto a chair. He pulled out another chair and sat at the table opposite Lorna. She sat down herself and served him a coffee in a small cup and saucer.

'Can I start?' she said.

Joey poured a dollop of milk into his coffee and nodded.

'Joey ... I'm sorry. After you left yesterday, I got into a complete panic and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't face seeing you at work acting as though nothing had happened and ... I don't know ... it felt like I had to do something. Do you know what I mean?'

'So, you quit.'

'Yes.'

Joey nodded thoughtfully and took a sip of his coffee. Lorna looked at him nervously, both hands on her small cup. Finally, she burst out:

'Joey! Say something!'

'Well ... I actually have two responses,' he said. 'One is as Joey, the man who spent the weekend with you, and the other is as your boss. Which one do you want to hear first?'

'Let's get the boss out of the way.'

'All right.'

Joey put his coffee cup down on the saucer and looked at her.

'Lorna, if you no longer want to work for J&J Animation—whatever your reasons—that is your choice. But there are better ways of doing it than quitting from one day to the next.'

'I totally understand! And I apologise.'

'All right, fair enough. But that raises the question: Do you still want to quit or was quitting a spur-of-the-moment thing?'

'Are you asking as my boss?'

'Yes.'

'Then I need to talk to Joey before I can give you an answer.'

Joey smiled. He picked up the coffee cup and leaned back.

'Go ahead,' he said.

Lorna took a deep breath.

'Here's the thing, Joey,' she said. 'Even if I'm not pregnant, I'll still be in love with you. And the thought of seeing you every day without ever having sex is like a physical pain to me. I can't do it. I know we said yesterday that it was over, but after you'd gone I realised that I don't want it to be over. I don't mind going on birth control—I can see now that I'm not as ready to have a baby as I thought. But I can't work for you without also making love with you.'

'And Celia?'

'Do what you need to do. Stay with her, leave her ... whatever works for you. I don't care, so long as you and I can have time to make love together. That's all I want.'

'Are you sure?'

'Yes,' said Lorna. 'I'm absolutely sure.'

Joey looked at her. He frowned and looked at his coffee cup. Then he twisted round to look at the Buddha candleholder sitting and meditating on a shelf. Lorna smiled.

'Are you asking his advice?' she said.

'In a way,' said Joey. 'You see, I have thoughts appearing in my consciousness and I'm worried about saying them out loud.'

'Why?'

'Because they contradict everything you've just said.'

Lorna went pale. Joey turned to look back and Lorna realised that he could see through her. He could see the secret desire under her words that he leave his wife and marry her, have a child with her, live happily ever after with her. And Lorna saw in Joey's eyes a man steeling himself to tell a woman that this was never going to happen.

'Don't...' she said. 'Don't say it.'

'I have to say it.'

'No, you don't.'

'Lorna—'

'I know what you're going to say!'

'But saying it makes it real.'

'I don't want it to be real!'

Lorna was on her feet, the chair tipping backwards and nearly falling.

'God, you men!' she cried. 'You're all the same! You can't just love! You have to dig, dig, dig! Question after question! Until all the romance and magic is labelled and categorised and stuck on the wall with little pins, and as dead as a fucking doornail!'

She paced the floor, angry tears running down her cheeks.

'You think you're so clever, don't you?' she said. 'Getting inside a woman's head and figuring her out! Did you do the same with your wife? No wonder she fucked another man!'

Joey got to his feet and began putting on his coat.

'Oh, look! It has feelings!'

'Lorna, if you want to keep your schoolgirl fantasies intact, fine.'

'You patronising bastard...'

'But, as your boss, I have a question: Are you joining Kayla and me at the client presentation tomorrow?'

'Something tells me you'll manage just fine without me!'

'Are you sure that's your answer?'

Joey's coat was fully buttoned and he gave Lorna his This-is-your-last-chance look. Lorna marched up to him, eyes blazing.

'Absolutely sure!' she said. 'And, for the record, if I am pregnant, I'm having an abortion! Your wife was right—you're the wrong man to have a child with!'

Joey was tempted—sorely tempted—to share his news of that morning. Instead, he turned on his heel and left the apartment, closing the door with a loud thump. Lorna heard his footsteps die away on the stairs and instantly burst into tears.

***************************

It was lunchtime at Celia's workplace, and she was on her way to the staff canteen when her phone rang. It was her friend Jackie Warren. Celia took the call, going left instead of right, heading for the car park at the back which, ironically, was the best place to have a private conversation.

'Hi, Jackie,' she said.

'Hey, there. You busy?'

'No, I'm on my lunchbreak.'

'Me too.'

Celia went through the single door fire escape. There were three concrete steps leading down to the tarmac, popularly known as 'smoker's corner', although there were no smokers there now. Celia took a seat on the middle step.

'So, what's up?' said Celia.

'That was my question for you,' said Jackie. 'I know you had a tough weekend, what with your bastard husband spending it with another woman.'

'Actually, things were tougher with my parents,' said Celia. 'Well ... my father.'

'You told them about Bjorn?'

'Yes.'

Celia heard a kind of gasp. She had the mental image of the other woman walking up and down in a ladies' bathroom.

'Celia!' said the voice at last. 'I am in awe of your courage! That was so brave! You know, sometimes you are an inspiration to me!'

'Oh, thank you, Jackie,' said Celia. 'I really needed to hear that.'

'I'm proud of you, Celia! So very, very proud.'

Celia shed a couple of tears as she sat on the steps, her head leaning on the hand not holding the phone. Jackie gave her a moment to honour her feelings, then said:

'So, what's happening?'

'Well, Joey and I talked things over yesterday evening, and we've decided to get a divorce.'

'Celia!'

The glee was too obvious. Even Jackie heard it and her voice changed tone immediately.

'I'm sorry,' she said. 'I know it's hard for you, Celia. You wanted it to work. And no woman could have tried harder.'

'Well...'

Celia felt uncomfortable accepting that particular compliment. Jackie heard the doubt in her friend's voice and quickly continued.

'So, have you found a lawyer yet?'

'Not yet,' said Celia. 'Joey and me plan to discuss it tonight.'

'What are you talking about?'

'Well, the first step is for us to sit down with a lawyer to—'

'Celia! You have to get your own lawyer! Please promise me you won't go down this so-called "arbitration" route!'

'But Joey said I could choose the lawyer.'

'Celia, he's trying to trick you! You have rights and you need someone who will fight for them!'

'What rights?'

'Child support, for one thing.'

'But he's not the biological father.'

'That doesn't matter! Joey's name is on the birth certificate and he's been Stephen's father for the past six years.'

'Only because I kept him in the dark.'

'Judges don't care about that, darling! They're only concerned with the best interests of the child, which is how it should be.'

'Do you really believe that?'

'Of course!' said Jackie. 'Listen, I'm not saying you and Joey didn't have issues, but should Stephen suffer for that? Doesn't your son deserve to be provided for?'

Celia's mouth was dry. She looked out across the car park to some trees standing on the other side of the perimeter wall. She wished she could grow wings and just fly away from all this shit.

'Celia? Are you still there?'

'Yes...' said Celia in a cracked voice. 'Still here.'

She got up and began to walk along the back of the building. Jackie's voice came out of the phone, following her like a trail of smoke.

'Celia, I know what you're thinking,' said the voice. 'You're feeling guilty about Joey, aren't you?'

'Actually, I was thinking about Bjorn.'

'What about him?'

'Well, he's the biological father, so if we're talking about child support—'

'Celia, he's in Sweden! You have to be practical! Can you afford to pursue a cross-country paternity case? Besides which, judging by his Facebook page, the guy lives and works on a boat, while Joey has his own company.'

'So it's all about the money?'

'It's about doing what's best for your son! He's the innocent victim in all this, right?'

Celia stopped and stared at the trees. Near the top, she could see the silhouette of a crow.

'Right, Celia?'

'Yes, I ... I suppose so.'

'And you're his mother. Don't you want Stephen to have a decent life? To grow up knowing that his mother really loved him and took care of him?'

'Yes, of course.'

'So, shouldn't you do what's best for Stephen rather than thinking about a grown man who should be able to take care of himself?'

In the trees, the crow croaked, opened its wings and flew. Celia stood and watched as it flapped into the sky and disappeared over the buildings. Celia leaned against the brick wall, feeling heavy and tired.

'All right, Jackie,' she said. 'What do you think I should do?'

***************************

In the conference room at J&J Animation, lunch was taking place on the huge white oval table. There were thirteen people present, including directors Joey and Jeremy, all eating salads or yoghurts or making sandwiches with the variety of cheeses, cold meats and spreads strewn along the centre of the table. The atmosphere was relaxed and there was a buzz of lively conversation.

Someone asked after Lorna.

'She's having a week off,' said Jeremy.

'What for?' said one of the animators.

'To get away from you.'

There was a general laugh and the conversation moved on. Joey scanned his employees' faces, but apart from Kayla intensely studying a tub of humus, there was no hint of anyone hiding something they might know. Lunch was rounded off at one o'clock and Joey and Jeremy made a point of helping clear the table before going back to their office. Jeremy went straight to his desk, plonking himself down into his beloved swivel chair. Joey closed the door and remained standing. He turned to the other man.

'So what happened when you called Lorna?' said Joey.

'Well, we spent the first ten minutes talking about what a colossal prick you are.'

'Thanks.'

'You're welcome. Then we got onto the subject of whether or not she wants to continue working for us.'

'What did she say?'

'She doesn't know. So I gave her a week off to think about it. But my gut feeling is she's not coming back.'

Joey stood by the door and pondered this. Then he sat in his chair and stared at the window blind, leaning back and swivelling left and right. Jeremy revolved in his chair to face his partner across the room.

'What are you thinking?' said Jeremy.

'I don't know,' said Joey. 'I'm gutted about Lorna, I don't know what to do about Celia, and my head is still spinning from the revelation that Stephen is my son after all.'

'Maybe you should take a week off.'

'Don't tempt me.'

'Anyway, I thought you were divorcing Celia?'

'Yeah, we're going to discuss it tonight. But that was before I got the test results.'

'You're not thinking about staying with her, are you?'

There was a note of incredulity in Jeremy's voice. Joey looked over at him.

'You sound surprised,' he said.

'Well...' Jeremy frowned. 'Look, it's your marriage and all that, but I'd never stay with a woman who cheated on me. Child or no child.'

'Yeah, I used to think that,' said Joey. 'But now that I'm actually in this situation, I'm realising that having a child does make a difference.'

'You can still be a father without being married to Celia.'

'Yes, but we can't be a family.'

Joey got to his feet and began pacing.

'You know, when Celia and Stephen got home from her parents last night, I was happy to see them. Both of them. And when she handed Stephen over for me to take upstairs to bed, I remember thinking, 'My God, I'm going to miss this.' We felt like a family again. And now that I know Stephen really is my son, I don't feel like chucking it all away because once, seven years ago, Celia had a one-night-stand.'

'As far as you know.'

'No, if she cheated more than once, she would have brought it up by now. Celia's not one to turn the knife once when she can turn it a dozen times.'

'Charming woman.'

'Well, nobody's perfect.'

Joey stood and stared at Jeremy's signed Wonder Woman movie poster.

'How about this for an idea?' said Joey. 'I give the marriage until the end of the year to see if it can work. If I'm convinced Celia has learned her lesson, then great ... I have a family again. And if she fucks it up, I'm no worse off than I am now.'

'Sounds risky.'

'Oh, so I should divorce because it's "safe"?'

'That's not what I'm saying.'

'But you're right, Jez! Staying with Celia is definitely risky! But what kind of man is scared of taking a risk, especially when there is so much at stake? I mean, family aside, I still love the stupid cow! And what do I tell Stephen when he's grown up and asks, "Why couldn't you give Mum a second chance?" "Well, son, women who cheat don't deserve a second chance!" Believe me, I've met men like that and I certainly don't want to become one.'