All Comments on 'The Wrong Choice'

Great story, little sudden of an ending.

Stream of unconsciousness?

Jumps around way too much with no warning

Couldn't get past the first page. Changing points of view and incomplete quotation marks. Maybe later.

I liked the story. Felt like I was on a rollercoaster trying to keep track of the dialog and the internal thoughts. Also it would help if you used something in-between the the time lines. In one sentence the main characters are having a discussion and the next it's several days from then, then seems to jump month in the next paragraph. The ending did seem sudden. Otherwise it was good. Keep writing.

Pretty cool story, loved how she stuck it to her ex, but I found the ending too abrupt. I'd certainly read a second chapter to this, kinda interested in how the resort shapes up, and how their relationship evolves.

I get it that this is a romance but somehow I feel she does not deserve that happy ending. Nate needs a business partner to run the place but seriously does he need her? I also feel somehow he disrespected Cara.

This was more of a loving wife tale than romance.

I join Wheelman53

Great story, a bit rushed ending.

But still, a big compliment to moleman2787 for this story.

I wish I could write something like that & have the patience for it.

My advice if you're itching to publish a project, make more parts of it, find an exciting ending for each part so that the readers look forward to the presentation.

Good luck from Germany!

;)

Loved it except the ending is like a page too short!

Maybe its me but its a bit hard to read, the style of writing is a bit off. Like I dunno, needs some breaks between scenes so all the different parts and time jumps don't run into each other. The main character is just unlikable, a romance story about someone who I was not rooting for a happy ending for. She just seemed like a terrible person, a cheater and a liar who didn't deserve Nate in college or afterwards. I'll admit, shallowly, I might have been slightly more sympathetic if she hadn't been blue-balling Nate while screwing Brad but that fact she was using her time with Nate to get her engine running for Brad made it so I held zero sympathy for losing Nate, rooted for him to get far away from the self centered narcissist she was. Might have been a bit better with some editing but that seems to be the author's writing style unfortunately judging by the other story I read of their's "Rough Hands".

It’s hard to get through “stream of consciousness” dialogue.

This one was a little strange, but there was something sweet about it. Had thar je ne sais quoi quality. Well done.

some of it, I liked but too disjointed and not developed enough to give a 4

Good idea and not too shabbily written. At times the scene changes were a bit abrupt. What's missing in a lot of cases is what is in the movies called an establishing shot. It is a snippet of a scene whose function is to allow the audience to orient itself and make sense of the time and place where the next action is going to take place. That is what is missing in a lot of your transitions. The reader is suddenly dumped in the middle of a scene, or worse yet dumped into a dialogue exchange, without being given a heads up as to what is taking place. Admittedly the reader can follow the story but it makes for awkward reading. The reader is distracted because they are confused as to what is actually going on. Still 4 stars for an entertaining fantasy tale.

Great job. Presented a sweet story of mistakes and resolution. Love won out.

Great story. I enjoyed it. You did an excellent job of portraying the characters

5stars

Okay! This is not an easy evaluation. The scoring system says "Love it" means a five. So that is what I gave it. There is so much great thinking that went into the story. Previous commentators have noted that good stuff.

If you read these before reading a story, ten I want to warn you. The first posting was a year ago. I haven't red earlier offerings, but this story is as rough as guts. The author needs, and desperately so, a full service editor and not just a "proof-reader". He needs the type of editor that works with the author of a book who helps at every stage,. starting from the first ideas. If he gets the right one, look, out, he can make money writing.

For now, though just enjoy his story and don't read critically but for enjoyment and you shall receive it in full measure.

The Hoary Cleric

PS Remember to encourage him, we the readers will get a great reward.

I couldn't make it to the end of the first page. We often don't know the setting, what the time frame is, who's talking, when there's a time jump, etc... You know, all the basic parts of storytelling. I had to stop and reread constantly to try to sort it all out myself. I got fed up. It's not that those things took me out of the story. They prevented me from getting into the story. As said previously, you desperately need an editor. One star.

Great story. Thanks.

Loved the story. You have the characters portrayed perfectly to get the result you were after which worked great. The two problems I had were that the story is a bit jumpy I guess would be the best way to say it although I am sure with the proper editor, that problem would be handled. The story also ended too abruptly. After all the buildup of the lies and false documents, it should have continued to show the husband and his company fighting it with their usual lies and fake signatures. That would have closed the story beautifully considering that would have been the emotional payoff the readers are normally looking for. You still get 5 stars even though it could have been better but that same thing could be said about many things in life.

5 stars from Xluckylee for a very enjoyable read. Thank you

Too much pov and time jump change for this to flow gradually like a real story. In short, it was all over the place and did not like how Cara died so this stupid ex came back into the picture

You obviously have great ideas, and write interesting characters. But you move everything at breakneck speed, it jumps all over the place, and with all the fast paced dialogue you don't give scenes time to breathe!

The story was very well written. I liked most of it. The two things I strongly disliked, which dinged it down to 4 stars, were:

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1. The author **chose** to kill the first wife, just for the convenience of a cheating lying selfish bitch MC having a second chance. That's extremely unfair and unjust. I can sort of see "they fell out of love and divorced". I can MAYBE see "she cheated and left", but that seems out of character for the woman.

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2. Reconciliation for the lawyer and his cheating ex-wife. Seriously, what a "hero", she "held off for 9 months"! What a bloody achievement! She should have been holding indefinitely. At least she admitted she fucked up when she didn't honestly tell him what was going on from the start. But also, this whole trope about "ooooh she loves you so much" (no she doesn't, you can't cheat on someone you ACTUALLY love because the hallmark of actual love is your every action and choice is weighed with "how will it impact them"); and him sooooo pining for her after and despite the fact that she stabbed him in the back. Normal humans don't work that way. No love (unless it's mentally unhealthy obsession requiring therapy) can survive such a betrayal. Oh, and I'm not buying "she will never cheat on you again" that Ashe stated - that was wishful thinking, NOT backed up by ANY evidence. If the lawyer was the MC, I would have given this 2-3 stars for RAAC.

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On the good side, I 100% disagree with the last commenter. I LIKE fast pace and lack of irrelevant and boring filler. The pace of the story was perfectly fine.

There are times you don't know who is speaking or how much time had passed since the last paragraph. Kinda hard to follow at times

Very nice story thanks again

⭐⭐⭐ I have to say I've never read a story here with zero backfill, this is a first. It was difficult to follow who was talking and to whom. Big timeline jumps as well.

""Shit, Josh. Let me guess. You don't know how many employees you have.?"

Why did Nate become 'Josh', and then back again a few lines later?

Another good one. I decided I like your absence of transitions. Kinda your signature.

The story was great, butthe ending a little rushed. Still worth 5 stars

Point of view problems.

And I don't think the author is writing in this universe. OK, to have one unbelievably forgiving guy in Nate, I can't imagine he'd want this skank back in his life, but we also get the sluts lawyer who just forgives his cheating cunt of a wife. Neither of these circumstances would exist in our universe where men have testosterone in their systems. These guys are spineless, simpering wimps.