All Comments on 'The Yachtsman'

I like boats, so I read it. A bit too long, and I didn't care for the ending, but interesting. However, there were a couple of typos, where you used the wrong word ["of" instead of "or"]. In addition, after the first afternoon, you didn't have "Filly" change from her shorts and blouse back into her dress.

I don't know quite what to think. I know it's all a fantasy and fiction and I'm trying to let some stuff go...The dialogue was very stilted; it needed more contractions, for example. "I'll" instead of "I will" and things like that. Filly was kind of inconsistent...one makeover and she's suddenly all confident in the bedroom with LC? Not sure I (or most women) would have taken his criticisms so well, but...well, people are different. That last bit at the end, I have to agree with the previous anonymous poster -- it felt really out of left field. Neither of them had ever mentioned wanting anything like that, so why LC would think that...And the diet thing -- ugh. And I had to chuckle -- 32D? I'm sure they're out there, but...not a size one sees a lot.

Re your last recent post - I knew you'd come through. This is more like your older stories where paradise turns to crap. Thanks.

When you first showed up on Literotica, you turned out some really great stories. I don't know what's happened to you, but these latest few stories you've submitted have very little in common with your earlier efforts - especially this latest tale.

The dialogue is stilted, really missing the contractions that Americans normally use when speaking. You obviously intended the fact that LC owned the yacht to come as a surprise, but it was terribly predictable. And the entire "blindfold" scene was in total opposition to the nature of the characters as you had described them (and their relationship) in the prior portions of the story.

Additionally, the "romance" of the tale was far too "whirlwind" to be truly believable. While LC might have been that impulsive, the character of Philomena (as described earlier in the story) was not the sort to have gone along with such an abbreviated courtship. She agreed to marry the fellow after knowing him only a couple days. I don't know of any truly intelligent modern woman who would react that way.

In short, this tale didn't "soar", like many of the early Grey Eagle stories. It plodded along in the dirt like the turkey it was.

You wrote a sweet, not believable, but sweet story and then messed it up big time. It was ok that he was secretly rich, we all figured that. To have her that shy and also rich was silly and did not work. Then it read almost like an ending but you had to pull that stupid twist, and with you a cliche of another man, and of course a black man. You cannot help yourself it seems, but to take a basic good plot line, fill it with really poor and overused dialogue and always, always, have the wife come close to betrayal or pull a cruel twist. You are a decent author, but you do have some personal issues.

and this one also until the business with the joke. It was so ridiculous and disgusting I didn't even vote.

I have read alot of your stories and like them. Until this one. At first it was just a little from how you kept obsession over her weight, I see now it was to make her a better stronger person but at the time it seemed like he called her a dumpy fat chick who needed to change to be good at anything. No bueno. But then you fixed it.

HOWEVER!!!!! You then wrote the joke, no ok. First it was way to close to rape for my taste, and unknown unwanted part can throw it all off. But I get that once agian he was tring to be nice and spice up thier sex life. But over all I think that it only showed him in a bad light, but also i feel you left it unresolved in the end and i think that a stronger ending would really help.

It was going along so well and then BOOM! What the hell was that? Why the extra drama. Just ruined the story for me. Needs a re-write.

He pushed too hard and she did too -

They will work it out -

Nice one -

Well, a 70 foot yacht is not really that big of a yacht. As I was reading the tale , I was thinking more like a 70meter yacht (229+feet), quite a difference. The 70ft. yacht wou7ld, in all likely-hood not have ALL of the 'bells & whistles" as the one in the story did. The 70 meter yacht would would very well have them and then some.