All Comments on 'Their Story Ch. 02'

The flow of this story is not up to your usual standards. I found myself having to reread some sections to regain my train of thought. I like to plot of this story , but it is not developing a connection. There is something missing from this story. I can't put my finger on it, maybe some of the other reades will.

TT: Just finished ch. 2 and some things are now clear and I think that my comments about ch. 1 were pretty much right on. However, there is still someting missing so i'll just have to stay tuned. By the way, you pretty much filled up the crapper without flushing in the last several paragraphs in ch. 2.

The way my answering machine works is this: it records a call and holds that call until I delete it. How did she miss the message that his father had died? Just because she didn't listen to it the day it came in, why didn't she listen to it the next day?

How come she didn't get his postcard that he was gong to a retreat for his weight? Are they having problems with the mail?

Finally, this story reads almost like it was written by a person using English as a second language. The paragraphs are stilted and difficult to follow. There is often no flow to the writing. And nothing much happens. This is two chapters so far, but it could easily have been told in one chapter.

Jimmy is missing out on this and he has no one to blame but himself. She will have to search her memory band for the dude who fucked her. Please keep this coming. Thank you

The flow seems stilted - I'm having trouble following the path.

Somehow I feel that this story's slant is different and difficult for to express - therefore the flow is suffering. Slow down between chapters - reread and have someone else read it for you to give you feedback.

I feel that you are able to reflect and relate to how you would feel in his position and it comes accross well to me, but overall it isn't flowing like ch. 1 did. Growing isn't easy - I sense this is a new arena of exploritive writting for you.

Keep the faith and plug on - with Regards

If she has had sex with someone other than Jimmy, and it seems to be so, and Jimmy finds out, I am sure that is the END!!

He's already sure he doesn't NEED her.

IF she thusly shows she doesn't need, or want, him I'm sure he'll be gone for certain this time.

The only way I see this marriage staying together is if the man in the bed is Jimmy.

Come on folks, quit griping and help write this one.

Who dunit? Some one in bed with her, she does not remember

who...hey...at least it is a guy! That is a step in the right

direction..no?

Must be Jimmy! Who else? Clinton was having surgery, Bill

W. is bombing somebody and Michael J. is being watched! It

HAS to be Jimmy...and I don't mean Jimmy Hoffa...although

THAT would swing this story another direction.

My money is still on TT to apply a little shock and awe to

the last chapter. Hang in there...the plot thickens.

I for one think it's a great story!! Yes!! STORY~!! Most of the stuff on Lit. is just he meet her, he fuck her. But, TT has a great story here about people and their feelings, reactions to some heavy emotional stuff and their thinking. It's light years ahead of most of the stuff on here. I wish I cuold write 1/2 as well as this person. Can't wait for # 3!!! V

This dragged out excuse for erotic literature has been just too damned difficult to follow.

Joe

Enjoyed it so far. A guess the old addage oposites attract is right here. She wanted her space and thought that Jimmy would always be there she took him for granted. That is something that happens in alot of mariages and like this story sometimes its to late to fix the problem. can't wait for part 3 to see who was in her bed and if her and Jimmy get back together ... hope so I would like a happy ending on this one.

Ignore the knockers. I enjoyed your story and look forward to the final chapter. O.K. she has been a stupid, self centered idiot, particularly when she had the opertunity she never told him she did love him, only that she missed him. Finally, she has realised it is not until you have lost the most important thing in your life that you wake up.I don't know how you are going to end the story but it would be nice to think they both can get over their ego's.

Interesting story with more than a few twists. I was wondering why she was returning to her bed with a "stranger" still in it if she was upset by apparantly "cheating" on her husband with said unknown partner.

Why didn't she ask him about the kiss before going in the other gal's room? Why didn't she ask about the phone call she overheard? Ch. 1 = Romance and Ch. 2 = LW. They both read the same to me. Better be Jimmy in the bed, but she should have recognized the body parts she saw? The last ch. should be no more than 2 pages. ***

Really poorly done. She is a cunt, nasty, overbearing, demeaning her husband, even now thinking he is just too nice. I'm sure the mystery man in bed with her is hubby, but man, she is not worth the grief and humiliation she dishes out. She misses the death of her father-in-law? And why does Jimmy believe her when she says she only handed out hand jobs but didn't fuck? No one would believe that. If this ends with a reconciliation in the next chapter I will give it a 1*. This one gets a 2** which is generous.