Therapy, She Thought it Would Help

Thanks to Randi, for helping and editing. Any and all mistakes in this story are mine, and mine alone. As always, I returned to make changes post edit. So, my fault. I will offer full refunds to anyone who finds the grammar issues a distraction.

"Kushla, no, please tell me you are fucking joking?" I didn't quite stomp my foot, but, boy I was mad as hell.

"Come on, Marcus, it will be a fantastic opportunity."

"You know I hate all that new age namby-pamby shit."

"Marcus, there will be other couples there, a chance to meet other people and make new friends."

"How much did it cost?" I demanded.

Defensively, she grumbled, "Does it matter? Babe, we both agreed we needed to do something, that we are in a rut."

"No, Kushla, you said it. I just agreed to get some god-damned peace. The last thing I want to do is spend the weekend with a bunch of liberal goody two shoes tree hugging dipshits."

Frustrated, she said, "Please, babe, there are lots of cool workshops and there is massage, hot tubs and group sessions." She smiled sweetly, "Please, babe I promise, you won't be sorry... I will make it worth your while."

"I can't believe you went ahead and paid for this without even talking to me," I hissed through gritted teeth.

I could see the tears welling up in her eyes. "Marcus, I've been trying to talk to you for months. I begged you to go to counselling with me. You keep palming me off. Everything is a joke to you. You totally disregard and brush aside my concerns. You have to believe me, Marcus, I'm at my wits end. I'm ready to walk away."

"What do you mean 'walk away?'"

"I mean, I've had enough. If you won't take me seriously and listen to my concerns, I'm not sure there's a future for us."

"God damn it, Kush, you're just being melodramatic."

"No, Marcus, you make light of everything, treat everything as a joke. I know that's your defence mechanism, but it depreciates me, makes me feel unimportant."

I watched as she sucked in a big breath, adding. "Marcus, as much as I love you with all my heart, if things don't change, I'm leaving."

"Leaving, do you mean like divorce?" I asked.

"Yes, that's exactly what I mean. I do love you, Marcus, but I'm sick of the way things have been between us lately. I hate the fact you never listen to me. You trivialise all of my concerns."

I could see there was going to be no shifting her, she was fixated on it. The massage did sound good, and it would be nice to relax in a hot tub. "Yeah, okay Kush, I will see if I can finish early on Friday."

She shook her head. "No, babe, if you are serious, we have to leave Thursday night; it's a three-day weekend."

"Ahhhh fuck, so now I have to take annual leave as well," I whined, disgruntled and irritated.

Her sweet smile and bright eyes softened my heart. She was always able to twist me around her finger. "So, who is having the kids?"

She clapped her hands like a performing seal. "Mom is taking them for us. If you can get home early Thursday they will already be gone, then we can drive up slowly and enjoy the drive and spend some time together."

So that is how Kushla my wife and I ended up at this bloody couples retreat weekend. Jesus, I couldn't think of anything worse.

Anyway, we rocked up at this four-star resort style property late Thursday night because I couldn't get away early. Kush was furious, but hey, what can you do? You have to put food on the table and I could only imagine this was costing a bomb.

Kush is a tax consultant at a little agency. They mostly do personal income tax, although there was a bunch of small businesses, as well. She had no trouble getting time off, which is handy with the kids, but I don't share the same luxury.

We had been married for going on eight years, and if I was honest, Kush was right. Over the last couple of years, we had sort of gone off the boil. Our two baby twin girls dominated our lives. I figured that's just normal and every couple went through this. Yes, I missed the intimacy, as well as the sex, really. Recently, we were lucky to find the time or energy twice a week.

I am not one of those guys who buy into all this therapy crap. Psychologists and psychoanalysts, in my mind, are just slimy money sucking fucking parasites. Every single asshole has a theory: do this do that, men are from Mars bullcrap. In my opinion, It was all just baloney, fucking world gone crazy social media shit. These day's, people are more interested in celebrity than actual depth.

Still, as we walked into the resort, I spotted the hot tubs off to the side and thought, 'yeehaaaa.'

I whispered in Kush's ear. "Hey, Kush, let's get changed and jump in a hot tub."

She kissed me on the cheek to placate me. "Later, babe, first thing is a meet and greet. We are already late. We missed the dinner, but we can go in and meet everybody."

"Fuck," I grumbled silently.

A really cute redhead met us with a bow and led us to our room. "Please hurry, the first session is nearly starting; we thought you weren't coming."

"We are so sorry, but traffic was terrible." Kushla lied.

Well, at least the rooms were nice. I glanced around; it was very plush. The bed was enormous.

Kush stashed her bag, touched up her makeup and dragged me reluctantly down to the meeting room. The redhead met us and led us through a set of huge double opening doors. Inside, there was a group of about twelve couples, all seated on rugs spread around the room. Most were sitting cross legged in the lotus position. There was a lot of interest as we walked in, with Kush announcing our apology to all and sundry. We were welcomed in and shown to our rugs. Kushla slumped down in a heap and I gently sat beside her, although I decided to stretch out and lay back.

I took the opportunity to take a quick glance around the room. The other people were a mix. I noticed one couple struggling in the legs crossed position, a couple of what looked like old hippies, except they weren't old, just dressed that way, and the rest seemed pretty ordinary people, mostly about our age.

They all looked happy enough, hanging off every word that floated out of the facilitator's mouth.

She welcomed us to the group. "We were just about to start without you."

As we settled on the mat, the woman leading the group, who introduced herself as Melody, addressed everyone. "All right, I like to start with introductions, so I will go around the room and ask each of you to introduce yourselves to the group. I would like you tell us all a little about yourselves, what excites you and why you decided to come along."

She started on the other side of the room where this gorgeous tall slender leggy woman stood up and introduced herself, explaining that she and her husband were here to find themselves and to learn more about each other. They were having problems in their relationship and were hoping this weekend would help.

I laughed inwardly as one by one all the other couples pretty much reiterated her sentiments. I was irritated when Kushla stood and laid it on the line. We were here because we had drifted apart and had fallen into a bit of a rut. Jeez, this was none of their business and her public admission really riled me up. When I stood up I groaned. "Well, I'm only here because my wife bribed me with the promise of a massage and hot tubs."

There were some sniggers from some of the men and an annoyed angry glare from Melody.

Next, it was the same again, except this time it was to be a deeper unveiling. Everybody was expected to stand and talk for fifteen minutes about themselves. This was more intense. It was to explain their likes, dislikes, hobbies, passions, fears and most importantly, what they felt the biggest hurdle was in making their marriage work. I sat back with a huge sigh as I listened to all these arseholes spouting on and on about what they loved and hated, and then opening up about their marriages, some of them breaking into tears. Fucking hell, what a massive fucking bore. After the second couple, I just switched off.

I couldn't believe how into it Kush was. When her turn rolled around. she went into detail about her job, the kids and even me. When it was my turn, I simply explained my job and that I like to play golf before sitting down. My statement took about fifteen seconds and again drew a scorching glare from Melody.

After the introductions, Melody announced that we were now free to mingle meet the other attendees and enjoy the facilities. The moment she turned away, I jumped up and lifted Kush up off the floor. "Come on, babe, let's get a hot tub before somebody else beats us to it."

"Whoa, slow down, Marcus, let's talk to the others, get to know them."

"Nah, let's get to it. It was a long drive and I had a big day; let's go."

I physically dragged her after me; she stumbled past the others who were obviously trying to say hello.

"Jeez, Marcus, slow down. That was so rude. Some of those people wanted to talk."

"Fuck that, did you hear them fucking tree hugging new age way-out eccentrics? Let's try to stay well clear of them."

"Babe, that's why we are here; to meet people and talk out our issues. All the people here are here for the same reason."

"Let's just keep our issues to ourselves... I am not discussing our personal lives with them. You know what they say about airing your laundry in public."

We got changed and I had to physically drag Kush with me. Once we were in the tub, she relaxed. There were a whole bunch of hot tubs, all in little alcoves. The lighting was intimate and the water was hot. We were just relaxing when another couple appeared and the guy asked, "Can we join you?"

Kush was about to speak, but I beat her to it. "Sorry, bud, but there are plenty of other tubs, no need to crowd in."

He looked at his wife disappointedly and they moved down the other end. Kushla hissed angrily, "Marcus!" She glared angrily at me, her eyes burning holes into me. "That was downright disrespectful. It would have been nice to talk to somebody else, find out a little about them. Fod, that's what we're here for."

"Kush, you aren't listening, don't you get it, I don't want to talk to them. Let's just enjoy the facilities. Hopefully, we can find the bar after this and get a drink."

She nestled against me with a disbelieving shake of her cute head. "Yeah, a drink would be nice. Hopefully, we can meet some of the others there."

As we soaked in the tub, other members of the group strode in, the couple down the end waved to them. As we soaked there was laughter aplenty from the group. I noticed Kush looking on enviously. Damn, she was so gullible.

We soaked for a while and I tried to get frisky, but although she was prepared for some light making out she was not going to push the boundaries.

We went up to our room and changed, wandering back to the bar. Unfortunately, the bar was full of the whacky bastards. Kush dropped my hand and scurried away to chat to a group of women gathered at one end of the bar. I got us both a drink and delivered hers before wandering away to a quiet corner.

It wasn't quiet for long. A tall gangly long haired guy wandered up to chat, sticking out his hand for a handshake. "Hi, I'm Brad, my wife is Cindy." He pointed to a particularly curvy brunette who was amongst the women Kush was talking to.

I mumbled, uninterested, "Hi, I suppose you are thinking what I'm thinking, what a fucking waste of time, huh? Fucking women, all this new age mumbo jumbo."

He looked shocked. "Well, actually, Cindy, and I are both hoping to meet new people, talk and uncover real issues and find ways to help improve our marriage."

I nodded and walked away, thinking, 'What a fucking dipshit. He is one of the reasons the world is so fucked...'

I walked outside and found a nice quiet area away from the garbled chatter. As I walked through the bar area, all the chat was happy bubbly shit, building relationships increasing love... talking, fucking talking. Fucking boring more like...

That night in bed, Kush was like a giggly teenager. She talked non-stop about all the women she had talked to and how excited she felt. As she started to talk about something one of the women mentioned, I put my finger up to her mouth. "Kush... shush, I don't care about them, we are in bed and I want to make love."

She was definitely not happy about me shushing her like a little kid, but that was fine with me. I would rather miss out on lovemaking than listen to that shit. Luckily, she had a little grumble, but as I kissed and caressed her, she slowly came around and we made love.

The morning was bright and sunny. The bed was comfy, so I woke refreshed and ready for the day.

As we sat down at a long table with about four other couples, the girls all started chirping on about the day and the discussions were all about group therapy. When I asked if any of the guys wanted to hunt around and see if we could find a golf course, I was met with some very sullen faces. Kushla tried to make light of my statement. "Don't mind him, he has a weird sense of humour."

She gave me the dagger eyes, and I knew I better keep my opinions to myself.

I think she sensed my disquiet, she leaned over whispering softly, "Marcus, honey... can we just do the sessions and try to join in, rather than make fun of it? All the other couples are positive and want to try, but you keep being so negative."

"Kush, you know how I feel about this shit. I told you before we left home."

She sighed. "Okay, what do I have to do to get you to join in. You name it and I will do it."

I laughed. "All right... now you're talking my language. If I play along today, tonight, straight after dinner, we head for the hot tub and we make love."

"What? In the hot tub?"

"Yep, you got it, babe, that's my price."

"But they are open and anyone could see."

I shrugged. "Take it or leave it. If you say no then I am jumping in the car and going to find a golf course."

She stamped her foot with her arms folded across her tits. "Fine, but if we get kicked out, it is your fault."

"If we get kicked out, we both win."

She made a funny face and we wandered into the main auditorium area. Again, there were rugs spread around everywhere. We had been seated for a few minutes before Melody wandered in. "Okay people, today we are going to discover and explore the issues holding you back in your marriage."

As she gazed around the room, she added, "This exercise requires you to all open your minds. Remember, we are in a totally safe place and you are free: free to reveal everything. Your deepest fears, your concerns, what drove you to come, and of course hopefully find ways to make your relationship work."

She walked around handing out sheets of paper and pens to everyone.

"All right, folks," she said warmly. "We are going to start with a little quiz. If you look on the page there are a set of questions which you must answer. The questions are about your partner. So, you have to think about some of them and complete without talking, no cheating."

That got a few giggles before she announced. "There is a prize for the couple who get the most right."

Kush gave my arm a squeeze as we realigned our seating position so we couldn't see each other's sheet.

I did a quick scan and my eyes rolled back, what the fuck...

What is your partner's favourite song?

What is your partner's favourite movie?

The thing I love most about my partner is?

My partner hates my worst habit, which is?

What colour are your partner's eyes?

What is your partner's favourite food?

What is your partner's birthday?

What is the date of your anniversary?

My partner will say that I do (or do not) get along with my mother-in-law?

What is your partner's favourite candy?

If your partner could have a new car, which model would they choose?

What colour is your partner's favourite robe?

When did you last give or receive flowers?

What is one thing your partner has too much of?

Where was your first date?

As I worked through it cursing, under my breath, I heard Kush sniggering. She whispered, "Oh buddy, you are so screwed."

She was right. As I filled it in, I knew it. Favourite song...who fucking knows? I got a few right, but I knew I was going to get fucked.

Melody came around and collected everybody's sheets and then carried them up the front. What shocked the shit out of me was she called the couples up the front and went through them. She took great delight in the men's answers. Every time they got one wrong, she made a big deal about it, making sure they felt completely demoralized and embarrassed.

When it was our turn, we walked up to the front. Melody took our sheets and started on my answers. She tried to make fun of me, but after every answer I took a bow and made a joke out of it. Thankfully, the guys were all on my side. I think they were happy to see Melody getting some of her own medicine.

At the end, she looked confused. "Well, Marcus, you have set a new low. That is the first time anyone has got absolutely every answer wrong.

I smiled. "Is there a prize?"

She shook her head in disbelief, then went through Kushla's sheet. Unsurprisingly, she got most of them right. Melody gave her a short hug. "Thank you, Kushla. Well done." As we walked off, I could feel Kushla's anger burning.

I'm not that bad. When I realized, I was going to get eaten alive by Melody, I decided to fuck with her mind. I purposely wrote down the wrong answers. As we sat down, Kushla leaned in close and whispered, "Why did you do that? Can't you at least try? Shit, Marcus, that was so embarrassing."

"Oh, chill out, babe, Jesus, it was just a joke."

Melody interrupted as she announced we were going to undertake another game. This one was based on listening. My first reaction was to grumble silently, "Oh fuck, Jesus h Christ, can't they be original!"

Kush shook her head, "Please, Marcus, can we try to take this seriously? I mean this is one of my biggest complaints with you... you never listen."

Melody arranged us seated, staring into our partners eyes. Then she gave the wives a sheet of paper with a written statement on it. They were to read it out and we had to listen, then when they were finished, we had to write it down.

We had to watch as the other couples started one by one to go through it. By the time my turn came around, I was already bored and yes, I stopped listening, I watched as a bird fluttered around outside the window, out of the corner of my eye I saw the sexy blonde chick leaning forward; her tits on full display as her top fell open. Jesus those were great tits.

"Marcus, you can start writing now," Melody groaned.

I nodded and started to write down what Kush said. As the pen moved, I realized my mind was blank. I jotted down a limerick that had always stuck in my mind.

There once was a woman named Jill.

Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill.

They found her vagina.

In South Carolina.

And bits of her tits in Brazil.

I smirked as Melody started to read out the written responses. Most of the guys got pretty close, but when she got to mine, her face paled as she started to read it out. She stopped halfway through and gave me a very dirty glare, "Marcus, why did you even bother to come? If you are not going to take this seriously, you are wasting all our time."

I shrugged off handedly. "I said earlier, I'm only here for the massage, oh and the hot tubs."

Kush growled quietly as her eyes blazed a hole through me. Melody stated rather snappily, "I think we will break for lunch. The food is already out, so take some time, talk among yourselves about what we talked about. Remember, communication is the most important thing in a relationship."

As we all filed out of the room, Kush protested bitterly, "Are you happy now? Did you see the looks on the other couples' faces? God, Marcus, they are all trying so hard and you're carrying on like the class clown. Damn it, honey, it's embarrassing."