Therapy, She Thought it Would Help

As some of the other couples emerged, Melody stood up, "Marcus, I am trying to help you. Kushla feels unloved and unappreciated. Continue on this path and you will be getting divorced."

I shrugged, "It will be what it will be."

She shook her head, "You are a fool, I thought you were smarter than that. Don't be too proud to accept help when it's offered."

Kush arrived soon after, but rather than sit with me, she went over and sat with the rest of the group. This whole thing was so twisted, and it happened so damn fast. I knew we should never have come on this trip.

I glanced over at Kush and she seemed happy as she talked with the other wives. The moment she looked up and spotted me, her eyes hooded over, and her face turned to stone.

Melody stood and announced, "All right, friends, let's start, shall we? We have a lot to get through today."

They all strolled past my chair, Kushla stopped beside me, and for the first time since yesterday, spoke. It wasn't her usual warm cheery voice, it was a question, asked matter of factly with a casual disdain. "Are you coming in?"

With a slow deliberate shake of my head, I said, "No, I don't believe I will. I might go and find a golf course somewhere and see if I can get a round in, so the weekend isn't a total waste."

She sighed, "Whatever, Marcus, but I am really disappointed in you. I had such high hopes for the weekend. Please, just come in and if nothing else, listen to the other couples."

"Kush, if you want to talk, we can do it at home in the privacy of our own house, I'm not spilling my guts in front of these tree hugging fuckers. You heard them all, so self-righteous and full of themselves, it's all smoke and mirrors. Come with me, and we can talk at home."

She shook her head. "No, I can't do that. When we are alone, you make me feel insignificant, you just talk over the top of me, you put me down just for wanting to talk about issues. That's why I wanted to come here. I figured it was the only way I could get you to listen."

She turned and wandered of with the rest of the group.

It took me an hour of driving around to find a golf course. I hired some clubs, but didn't have it in me to play, I just went straight to the driving range and smacked three hundred balls. By the time I had finished, my shoulder ached and my wrist hurt, but my anger was gone.

I got some lunch, did a tour of the area before driving back to the resort. They were just finishing up when I arrived. They were all sharing group hugs in the dining room having snacks and drinks.

Kush didn't even acknowledge my presence. I went to the room, packed my bags and carried them out to the car. I wandered back inside, and she was still talking to some of the group, exchanging phone numbers and saying their goodbyes.

I went over to the food and picked at some, grabbed an OJ and waited quietly.

The drive home was cold and silent. Not a single word was spoken. At home, she drove off to pick up the twins and I paced around, trying to figure out what to do. She was obviously upset but seemed unprepared to discuss it.

The twins came barrelling through the door and stumbled into my arms. At two years old, they were boisterous and playful. We rolled around on the rug and wrestled and cuddled. They were going to be tomboys, these two.

If I thought the drive home was cold, the next two days turned the house into a refrigerator. I got nothing but icy glares. The girls were my only salvation.

By Friday, I had enough. I worked late and when I got home, Kush and the kids had eaten, she was in the kitchen cleaning up and the girls were already in bed.

For the first time since we returned, she turned and spoke, "Marcus, I want a divorce." I could see by her tearful expression it wasn't a joke.

"Why, because I didn't want to play your stupid fucking games and play touchy feely with those fucking pompous pretentious plastic fucks."

She shook her head, "No, that's not it. Yes, I was disappointed, but really I should have expected that. You are such a narrow minded bigot that I should have known better. No, I want a divorce because I'm sick of being ignored and my emotions being poo-pooed all the time. I love you, Marcus, but I'm sick of coming after work, your pals, your car and golf."

"Oh fuck off, Kush; that's bullshit, you know how much you mean to me. Just because I don't say I love you all the time doesn't mean I don't. You know me; that's just not who I am. I'm not one of those guys, but you know how much I love you."

She wiped away a tear and sniffled. "That's the problem. I believe you. I think in your own way you do love me, but I need a partner who wants to talk to me, to listen to my opinions, to make me feel important. At the moment, it's all you. The new cars, the big house, that was all you. I wanted a people mover, but no, you went out and brought that fucking BMW, and I have to fight to get the twins in and out of it."

Angrily I snapped, "This is all baloney, it's horse shit. You got this from Melody and those other fucking crones. Fucking lesbian man hating bitch."

She sniggered. "You narrow minded jerk. She's married. Michael, the barman, is her husband, they run that place, and she's no lesbian. She just likes to help people."

Yeah, we argued, we went back and forth, but in the end, she got her way. Fuck, what a rip off, she got to stay in the house, kept her car, all the furniture and half our savings, and I got stung with alimony and child support.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't begrudge the child support, but alimony... fuck, she worked, she had an income.

I ended up finding an apartment downtown close to work. It broke my heart, especially every second weekend when I went to pick up the girls. I worked my ass off to buy that fucking house, and now she lived in it... I got bitter and twisted. It was after about the six-month mark when I turned up to pick up the girls and there was another car in the driveway. As the girls were throwing their stuff in the car, Kush brought out this guy. They walked up to me, and she said, "Marcus, this is Ray. We have been dating for a while and I think you should meet."

He stuck out his hand and said, "Hey!"

I shook his hand, and it was a firm grip. Kush added, "I wanted to tell you, so you didn't hear it from somebody else."

I nodded, "Thanks," I muttered. Christ how could she move on so quickly, the fucking ink was barely dry on our divorce.

Things sort of got really confusing for me. I dated a few women, mostly younger single women. I guess I was trying to say fuck you Kush. I mean, the sex was great, young chicks are so much freer, less baggage and they are into some kinky shit.

What bugged me was the speed at which Kush moved on. Sheesh, it was less than four months later and her new guy who she seemed so lovey-dovey with moved in... Man that hurt, the house I worked so hard to buy and he was moving in.

The good news, when I went to pick up the girls Kush pulled me aside and told me, "Marcus, I don't want this to be weird, Ray is moving in, but he doesn't want you to think he's a freeloader, he said that you should stop paying alimony, just the child support. He is going to pick up the mortgage payments, as well."

I would like to say it was easy, but it was far from that. "What happens if you guys break up? I suppose I will be expected to pick up the slack again. Jeez, that's not fair, Kush."

She didn't have an answer, but when I dropped the twins off, Ray met me with Kush, the girls had their hugs with both of them, and it pulled at my heart strings watching the girls give Ray big cuddles and kisses. When they ran off inside, Ray stood in front of me and we shook hands, "Marcus, we want to talk about finances. I am going to pick up all the finances around the house. You won't have to do anything, and in fact, if you want, I'll buy out your share right now."

Kush was holding his hand, and I could see she gripped it tightly, her knuckles were white.

With no logical argument, I nodded. "Yeah, okay, if you can swing it, that'd be cool."

He gave Kush a little kiss, and said, "Done deal. If you want to get a valuation done, I will pay you your share."

True to his word, it took less than a month and I had the cheque for fifty grand sitting in my bank account.

Life sort of trundled along. I had the girls every other weekend, but they hated the apartment. The second bedroom was tiny and they hated it. The only way I could get two beds in was bunks, and they always argued over who was getting which one.

Work... the one good thing about not having a family was it allowed me to focus on work, I gained some real impetus and in less than eighteen months, I was made partner.

I decided to make the most of the financial windfall and buy a house. To make it easy, I brought one pretty close to our old place so the girls would be comfortable.

One year later, Kush and Ray were married. I did get an invitation but didn't go. Kush seemed disappointed that I turned down the invitation, and I guess I was interested, but decided to do other things, like my nails...

Ray, I wanted to hate him, but god damn it he was a good guy. He was great with the kids and they adored him. I think secretly they would have preferred to stay home with Kush and Ray, they always greeted him with huge hugs when I dropped them off.

Mistakes, I seemed to make plenty of them in my personal life, but work was so much easier. I excelled at work, but relationships, damn I sucked. My biggest mistake was Loraine. She was young and hot, Jesus was she hot. With her on my arm, I felt like king of the world, and the sex, holy fucking shit the sex was amazing, absolutely amazing. Nothing was off limits, she loved it. She sucked my cock like it was fucking ice cream. She enjoyed anal, I mean she actually enjoyed it. I didn't have to beg, she gave it up freely, and often it was her idea.

Our relationship grew quickly, and pretty soon she moved in. That created problems for me, because the twins didn't like her. She was young and if I'm being honest, she was shallow. She didn't like being seen out with the girls; it didn't sit with her image.

She loved to go clubbing and drinking, which was cool with me, but with work being such a big part of my life, I didn't have the time. That meant Lorraine often went out with her friends, getting home late.

Kush and I argued a few times over Lorraine, mostly because of some of the things she said to the twins. Like I said, she was young, and stupid.

I brought her a big engagement ring, mostly I think so I could prove to Kush that she wasn't the only one to move on. I didn't love her; I loved having her around, I loved going out with her on my arm, I guess she was my trophy...

It shouldn't have come as a surprise when I found out she was cheating on me... One of my friends' wives saw her out with another guy. When I hit her up about it, she shed a few tears and promised it would never happen again, she loved me, she wanted to marry me.

It was when she suggested couples counselling that I flipped out. Up till that point, I considered forgiving her, or at least trying, to but the mention of counselling and I was out the door, well at least she was. I kicked her ass out.

When Kush heard from the girls, she did try to console me, but I made a big deal about not caring. "I have already moved on. She was just a bimbo who kept my bed warm."

She, didn't believe me; gave me a big hug, whispering, "When are you going to learn; relationships are important."

I dated a few chicks after that but nothing really serious. I loved the sex, and with so many casual dating apps, sex was not an issue. I got my share. What I missed was a partner. I missed coming home to some intimacy, conversation, and damn it. I missed the twins, my greatest achievement, and I was lucky to see them once every couple of weeks.

I watched with envy as Ray and Kush really drove home the family thing. Kush got pregnant and they had a little boy. The twins were full of endless chatter about it. They loved their new baby brother, and for quite a while after the birth, they made countless excuses not to visit with me. It hurt, but did give me time for golf, and other things. There was no escaping my feelings of loss; I really did miss them.

Watching Ray develop that relationship with my daughters hurt more than I cared to admit. The reality was, I fucking hated it, every time they came to visit, they loved to tell me all the great things they had been up to since the last visit and it was always filled with Ray did this, or Ray did that, by the second year of their marriage, I noticed occasionally the girls slipped up and when they talked about Ray, it was daddy.

They had obviously been schooled not to say that around me, because when it did slip out, they always checked to see if I heard, and they blushed, embarrassed.

It hurt. I can't describe in words, but it hurt. It was the most disempowering thing, listening to your daughters call another man daddy, but what can you do? He did all the things that daddies are supposed to. I tried to make up lost ground. I brought them the most expensive bikes. When we went out I spared no expense, buying them dresses and clothes, toys, you name it, I brought it.

That always created issues for Kushla. She reprimanded me for trying to buy their love, and for spoiling them. In some ways, knowing it created issues for her gave me a warm feeling.

The shopping trips, though, were barely keeping me up with Ray. My first impressions were confirmed, I wanted to hate him, but he was just a likeable friendly guy. Who can hate guys like that?

By the time the fifth anniversary of our divorce, I was desperately seeking a partner; not a gorgeous supermodel like Lorraine, but a woman I could share with, somebody to talk to, somebody to keep me warm at night. I tried the serious dating sites, but no luck. I was secretly looking for another Kushla, it just wasn't happening.

My lifeline came out of the blue, at a friends fiftieth birthday party. It wasn't anything special, just a typical Saturday cook-out.

Like most cook-outs, chef Mike took it pretty seriously. I loved it because he said bring nothing, and he didn't have to tell me twice, although I did take a cooler full of beer.

He had his team working hard, his wife was run off her feet and she called in her sister to help. I didn't really take much notice when we were first introduced. Violet was attractive without being startling, cute without being gorgeous.

However, as I watched her take control and get everything sorted, I took a little more notice. She had the sexiest legs; up close I didn't see them but sitting back with the other guys drinking, I watched with a little more interest. She was a short woman, I guess you might say petite, her hair was pulled back tightly in a ponytail, although her fringe hung low over her forehead and she was forever blowing it to keep it off her face as she brought around appetizers and stuff.

Her eyes, man now they were different, big pools of liquid light shimmering, and she had the most infectious smile.

It was hard not to notice her. I liked that she didn't wear a lot of makeup; she looked natural and it let her inner beauty shine through.

As the mains were getting ready to be served, I lost interest in her. A couple of young boys came sprinting in. They had apparently been to a soccer game as they still had their uniforms on. They ran up to her screaming, "Hey, Mom, we won!"

Guess I should have known she would be married; she was too pretty to be left on the bleachers.

The party continued, and we ended up sitting together on one of the little side tables. We talked, and I asked, "How come your husband couldn't come?"

She frowned, giving me a curiously unhappy glance, "My husband and I have been divorced for three years...are you trying to be funny?"

"Oh crap, sorry, I didn't know. I just saw you with your sons and figured you were married."

She shrugged. "No, sorry, it's my fault, I'm still a bit touchy about it."

"Well, for what it's worth, he's an idiot. You're far too pretty to be cast aside."

She glanced down and noticed my wedding ring, "And what would your wife say if she heard you making a pass at me?"

I chuckled. "I've been divorced five years, I should take this damn ring off, but somehow I can't do it."

She smiled. "Sorry, I didn't mean to open old wounds. What happened?"

I shrugged. "I said your husband must be an idiot, well, I guess I'm the same. There was no cheating or anything, we just found ourselves in different places at the same time."

She nodded. "Any children?"

I nodded. "Yeah, two, twins actually, they're seven."

She laughed. "Wow, twins, that must have been hard."

"I guess it was, but I didn't notice. That's where the idiot part comes in. I was that focused on work I stopped paying attention to her, or the girls. I paid for it, though."

We picked away at our food, I sipped my beer, and asked, "What about you... what went wrong?"

With her mouth full of salad she mumbled, "He cheated on me. He was supposed to be at work, but a friend rang to tell me she saw him with another woman downtown. He denied it, but it all came out in the end, he got her pregnant and she came around home to tell me."

"Holy shit!" I gasped. "Man, he makes me look like a saint."

She giggled. "Yeah, well, he paid for it. He had to pay for her, as well as our own kids. He got screwed."

I shrugged. "Guess he got what he deserved, reap what you sow and all that crap."

I helped her as the cleanup started. I left the guys to themselves and helped her collect dishes and clean up. She introduced me to her boys, Joe and Evan. I made sure her glass was full and we stayed pretty close for the rest of the party.

As I was leaving, Mike and his wife Annie walked me out to the car. As I opened the car door, Annie grabbed my arm before I could climb in. "Marcus, honey, I saw you spending some time with Violet. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I would prefer if you kept your distance. I don't want to see her get her heart broken again. Your history with women isn't great. I'm sorry, but she is my sister."

I noticed Mike wince at her words. She obviously brought him for support. I accepted she was trying to do the right thing, "Yeah, all right, Annie, but just so you know, I like her, and I wouldn't have broken her heart, not on purpose, anyway."

She scoffed, "Oh, please, look at the women you date, they're all young bimbos. All you're looking for is a good time."

Mike interrupted, "Hey, lighten up, Annie, he hasn't done anything wrong."

"Yeah, well I would just prefer it if he kept his distance. Violet isn't like the girls he dates."

I drove away feeling pretty rejected. I liked her, I liked the conversation, and man she could cook. Damn it. Annie was right, though; I had worked hard on establishing my playboy credentials so I could rub my constant stream of gorgeous young women in Kush's face. Now I guess I was paying for that.

Thankfully, fate intervened. I was wheeling my shopping trolley up the frozen foods aisle, and who should pat me on the shoulder but Violet. "Hello, stranger, how have you been?"

I smiled. "I've been doing okay, what about you... how's the boys?"

She grinned. "They're okay, but I have been feeling a bit let down."

Confused, I asked, "Why so? Have you been sick?"

She chuckled. "No, I was feeling let down because I thought I might have got a phone call after the party, well I was hoping for one anyway. Perhaps I misread the situation."

"Wow!" I gasped. "Sorry, no you didn't misread it, but in my defence, your sister told me to stay away. She made it pretty plain to me that any advances would not be well received."