There's a Serpent in Every Garden

"Just sign the papers and you can go back to playing house with Norris and I can get on with my life. I still want to be in Junior's life. I would like access to him regularly. I know the dad gets screwed in these cases. I ask you not to do that to me."

"Sad thing is every time you say his name, you're saying my name too. You have to think about what you did to us every time you say Monty. Jean, hear me on this. If I find Norris playing house with you and Monty in my house, I will make both your lives a living hell. Be sure you tell him that the next time you're in bed with your pillow talk."

"I will always love you but once the trust is gone...it's gone. Choices have consequences. When you let Norris stick his dick in you, you chose the consequences. I think it's better if we separate and let the divorce happen, Jean. You will have time to find out if you want the free life you said you wanted when I confronted you with Gary and David all those years ago. I know I'm just a dumbass cop but I think I see a pattern here, don't you think?"

He thinks I'm in love with Michael and taken his place. What the fuck have I done? I have to make him understand nothing is farther from the truth. I've lost him. He's right though, I gave no thought to the consequences when I let Michael talk me into going to his apartment, let alone when I let him stick his dick in me. Am I really that stupid?

"Yeah, I am."

I texted him back. "Monty, it's you I want. I know it didn't look like it but I let a skilled seducer get to me. I was an easy mark for him, just a notch on his bed post. I'm so sorry. I want my family back."

He replied, "I'm sorry too, Jean. There have been too many "skilled seducers" in my relationships especially with you. It's time for me to move on. You are right about one thing, you were just a notch on his bed post but it cost you your family. It cost him nothing...yet."

I dragged the divorce out as long as I could. I had my lawyer try every stalling technique he could, asking for counseling, more child support, anything to prolong the inevitable. I had hurt him too bad. I'd lost the most important person in my life other than his son through my own selfishness and insensitivity. I finally signed the papers and will soon be a two time loser. What about Monty, I thought. He's surely lost his faith in their being any faithful, one man women in the world.

I directed my life to being the best mother for his son I could be. He never missed a visitation and always took advantage of my working late, after school functions, etc.. to take him out to a movie or out to eat. I always asked him if he would like to stay and have dinner with us, but he politely declined.

I had several of my single teachers and staff ask me for his number which pissed me off. They saw a hot, single cop and were like dick seeking missiles. I told them he had changed his number and I didn't have it. A small lie.

I noticed he always took the opportunity to look around the house or use the bathroom before he left. I guess he was looking to see if there's evidence of a man in the house. He would just look at me with those sad eyes. No, I didn't date although I was hit on regularly by single and married men alike. My heart wasn't in it. Norris was still hanging around trying to make another run at me, but I didn't speak to him at all. I was out the door at board meetings before he could even get around the table to talk to me.

I heard that someone took a baseball bat to his balls in the parking lot one night. He lost a testicle, I heard. I can only guess who that was.

I don't think Monty was seeing anyone either which gave me hope.

Chapter 6

It's been eighteen months since I imploded my marriage. I've made an effort to move on. I only see Monty when he picks up Junior or brings him home. I still cry for the only man I will ever love. We rarely speak of anything important unless it involves Junior. Junior wants to know when his Dad will come back to live with us. I don't know how to answer that.

Monty told me he had been transferred to the Robbery/ Homicide division and worked a lot.

I was transferred to one of the district schools in a very affluent part of the city. To many of my student's parents, money was just a plaything. It also came with a sizable raise for me as well. My duties required I attend many high class functions representing the school. I have purchased several evening gowns, shoes, and accessories to fit in with this community and life style.

I was at an awards dinner, when I began noticing a man occasionally looking at me and smiling. I have to say, this is one evening when I had gone all out to look my best. After the speeches and awards, he found me and struck up a conversation. We chatted and introduced ourselves. He said his name was Dan Blackstone and he is the dad of one of the students who received an award. He is divorced and flies in from California where he lives to see his son monthly. His son lives with his mother in the city.

He said, "Ms. Crews, have you ever done any acting. I've been watching you, the way you move and speak is unique. I'm always looking for new talent and wanted to know if you would be interested in testing for a movie part?"

I replied, "I did a little acting in high school and college but nothing like you are suggesting, Mr. Blackstone."

I knew who he was now. I know I had seen his name on movie credits at the end of movies.

I was floored, no, I was stunned.

I said, "Really?" I never thought of myself as an actress."

He said, "I'd like to fly you out to the studios where I produce my movies to do a script read for a project I'm working on. Your looks and age would fit right into the role."

I had done nothing but work since Monty left me. I decided, why not and took Dan up on his offer. I contacted the Superintendent and requested a couple of weeks off. I needed some time off. I made arrangements with Monty to keep Junior for several days while I went to California.

Apparently, Junior had spilled the beans to his Dad that I was going to California to meet a man. Junior didn't know any details. I looked into his sad red eyes when I dropped Junior off. Had Monty been crying? I was telling Monty this and that about Junior's homework, etc..for the week, but I knew he wasn't listening. He just nodded and walked away.

I said, "Monty, are you ok?"

He said, "Yeah, Jean, I'm fine. I hope you enjoy your new job and your new guy is everything you want this time. I would never have thought you would leave Junior for something like this but I thought that about us too at one time."

Monty hit home with his comments. I haven't found a new man but I didn't have time to get into this with him right now. I told Junior I would call him every night. I drove to the airport with tears thinking about Monty's words. I had not been away from Junior for any length of time since he was born.

I arrived at the terminal where Dan had a car and driver waiting for me. I was driven to the Hyatt Hotel where Dan met me.

He said, "Let's get you settled and dinner is on me."

He took me to a very nice restaurant and talked about his plans for me in this project should my acting skills pass the test. If I was hired for this movie, I would be on location and in the studio for several months.

Dan said, "You will be the supporting actress to the star/lead role, Jennifer Garner."

I almost fainted. No way this could be happening. I was already thinking I couldn't leave Junior for that long. I would have to take a Leave Of Absence from work.

He said, "Jean, if everything goes as we think it will, you will need to relocate to California. Will that be a problem?"

I said, "I don't know, Dan. This is all very sudden and I need to think about my job, my son...everything."

Dan said, "Yes, I won't deny that it will take some sacrifice on your part but many actresses have dreamed about being in your shoes right now."

Dan asked me if I would like to go get a drink. I knew what his intentions were but i'm not going there right now so I begged off, saying I was tired and needed to call my son.

I settled into my room and called Monty before it got late.

Monty answered and just said, "Junior, it's for you."

He didn't say anything to me.

I said, "Hi, Baby, are you ok?"

He said "Yeah, Mom. Is it fun there?"

I said, "I just got here, Honey. Mr. Blackstone took me to dinner and kind of went over what was happening. I'm really overwhelmed, Junior."

He said, "Mom? Is this guy your new boyfriend? Dad looks so sad. Is he sick?"

I thought, "I really did a number on this good man, didn't I?"

"No, no Baby, Mr. Blackstone is not my boyfriend. He's a movie producer. He thinks I could be an actress."

Junior said "WOW!"

I heard him say, "Dad, Moms going to be in the movies!"

I've never seen Monty so sad in all our years together. I know I hurt him beyond what any man could stand. He is obviously still hurting.

I said, "Honey, just take care of Dad and I will be home in a few days."

I hung up...what's going on with Monty?

Dan called me as soon as I hung up.

He said, "I will pick you up at eight o'clock and we will have breakfast at the studio."

I asked, "What should I wear?"

He said, "Just casual for the read."

The next morning after a fitful sleep, I dressed in a business suit with my three inch sandals. I made sure my make up, hair, finger and toenail polish were perfect.

Dan picked me up and said I looked magnificent. I already had some very expensive clothes for my job so that wasn't a problem.

As we were chauffeured to the studio, Dan chatted about the movie and my role in it. If I did well today, I was to play Jennifer Garner's sister in the movie. He placed his hand on my thigh. It felt good. It had been a long time since a man had touched me. I'm sorry to say that man was Norris instead of Monty, or I would still be married. I let his hand stay there but no further.

I used what talents I had learned from my acting classes in college.

Dan said, "You're a little rough but nothing I can't fix. I'm impressed. With a little polish, you will fit great in the role."

Wow! I was all set to fly back home. I had no idea I would be good enough to get the part.

As a rookie actress with a major role in this movie, they would pay me $300,000 plus any royalties the movie generates. I knew if I accepted, my problems would just be starting but that wasn't chump change either. I decided to talk to Monty and Junior about it. Junior was all excited until I told him, I wouldn't be home much for the next several months.

Monty said, "Sounds like you found your calling, Jean. I'm sure you will be a big star before it's over. Try to remember us little people on your way to the top."

I was torn between being with my son and staying with a job I love versus chasing a dream I had not even thought about. This dream could do more damage to my family.

Monty said, "Jean, you will always be the love of my life. I miss you everyday but I know you will find you some rich movie mogul to keep you warm at night. I hope you find what you are looking for. I'm sorry I wasn't that guy. I will take good care of Junior while you're gone. Break a leg."

Junior took the phone and said, "I'm going to miss you, Mom. I wish I could make Dad not be so sad. I hear him at night. I think it's because of you. Why did you leave him, Mom? He loves you."

I was stunned at my son's words. He's growing up too fast. It's been over a year, why hasn't he moved on. I fucked away our marriage with some cheap lusty sex that couldn't compare to Monty on his worst day. Have I always been that shallow? God, why now? I told Junior I would call tonight. I have some more calls to make.

My superintendent said he would hold my position at the school for six months but couldn't promise after that. If I came back, it would probably be at another school if there was a position. I was taking a chance but I wanted to chase this opportunity and see where it took me. The money I would make for this movie was twice annually what I would make as a Principal. I signed the contract and was told shooting would begin in two weeks. I had to go home first and clean up any unfinished business.

Monty barely spoke to me the whole two weeks I was home. I'm sure he has all kinds of horrible visions of me fucking my way into the world of Hollywood. I've certainly haven't done anything to make him think differently even though I have vowed that no man would be getting into my panties. I lost the only man that has that right.

I gave Junior all the attention I could while I was home.

Chapter 7

I'm laying here in my hotel room, thinking about the last two weeks at home. Junior isn't happy. Monty barely said twenty words to me and looks like he lost his best friend which I guess he has, if he considered me his best friend. I never saw him smile the whole two weeks I was home. Junior says Monty seldom smiles. I destroyed a good man, not to mention a great marriage. It haunts me everyday.

I still love him as much today as I did the day he made love to me in the floor of my house before our first date and unknowingly put our little man in my belly. I have to move forward with my new career, short lived as it may be. I know I'm going to have to make some decisions to whether I want this life, thousands of miles away from my family or give it up to get my family back.

I rented a car and drove to the studio. I showed my pass and drove through the gate. It was a fourteen hour day every day. We went over scenes and scripts...over and over. I studied my lines and practiced them for hours. I was so excited when I actually got in front of the camera. Ms. Garner was fun to work with. I called home almost every day for the first month, then I hadn't noticed but I began slipping into the glitz of it all. I began going out to parties and after work get togethers. I met some nice men and went on strictly platonic dates.

I made it plain, sex was not on the table so there was rarely more than one date with the same man. Dan was still taking a run at me and we dated occasionally. He wanted more. I told him I wasn't in the same place as he is at this time.

My sex life consisted of my fingers and a nice little vibrator I purchased. I never had a problem bringing myself off. All I had to do was close my eyes and remember me and Monty's first time. We went to dinner with my pussy full of his thick sperm and that "just fucked" look on my face.

I remember how wet my toes were when he had kissed and sucked them. God, how I loved that. It's been a long time. Then the two more times after we came home. I was so full of him. I walked funny all the next day at work. Again, I realized that my stupid, shallow fling with Norris cost me everything I loved and not even close to what Monty did to me sexually. Monty is a beast between my legs, yet loving and tender other times.

I noticed I had several missed calls from Monty. I had not called in over a week. Shit! I called at a break and of course, Junior was at school.

Monty said, "Hello, Stranger, sure you have the right number?"

I said, "Ok, I deserved that." We've been so busy that..."

He interrupted me. "I'm sorry, you're too busy to call your son? I'll let him know that. He's worried about you. I can only assume you've found someone to keep you occupied in your bed and free time. Well, Jean, I'll let him know you called. Thanks for calling." He hung up.

I was still talking when I heard the dial tone. He hung up on me! He must think I'm living it up, fucking everything with a dick and a pulse. Can't blame him for thinking that. He definitely just sent me the message that I am failing as a mother while I enjoy the good life. He must be really pissed.

It's been four months. I'm tired. I've been better about calling home and staying in contact. Monty says very little to me, I guess he thinks I'm living it up. No responsibilities, men begging me to go with them, and a different man between my legs every night.

What do I want? I know I'd give all this up to be in his bed tonight.

We just wrapped it up and put it in the can as they say in the industry. I have had nothing but praise for my acting ability from everyone including Jennifer. Yes, we are on a first name basis now. The movie is due to be released in a month.

Dan said, "I'm taking you to dinner and dancing, Young Lady. Get your dancing shoes on."

He treated me to dinner and dancing. He insisted on slow dances and I could feel his erection against my leg.

Then as if I didn't know it was coming sooner or later?

He asked, "Could I have the pleasure of your company in my room for a drink. With your first movie under your belt, I would like to talk to you privately and spend some time together."

I thought, "God, for a movie producer, that was just cheesy."

My cell phone started buzzing, I had turned the ringer off. It was from a number I didn't recognize.

I answered the phone. It was Junior. "Mommmm! I've tried and tried to call you, he screamed. DAD'S BEEN SHOT! My Dad's been shot! It's real bad. He may die. Mom, you have to come home!"

I grabbed my purse and told Dan, "I have an emergency at home, I have to fly out ASAP."

I looked at my phone. I had twenty-two missed calls from Junior, my parents, his mom. The father of my child may already be dead while I'm living it up a thousand miles away.

"Dan, can you get me a flight while I pack?"

Dan said, "The company jet will be faster. I'll have it waiting on you."

I said, "Thanks."

Dan looked disappointed but began calling.

"Dan looked at me and said, "Raincheck?".

I shook my head no and said "I'm sorry, Dan, I have to go."

I was beside myself. My Monty...dying? No way, he can't do this to me. I'm the one that deserves to die, not him. Seems like it took forever to get home. I went straight to the hospital from the airport. Junior was there with Monty's mom and dad. They were both crying. Junior ran to me sobbing.

I asked, "Where's your dad?"

Junior said, "He's still in surgery, Mom. He was shot twice in the chest and in the leg. He responded to a bank robbery and they shot him...they shot my dad."

I said, "It's ok, Baby. He will pull through. He's a strong man."

Monty's dad, Abel was there. He looked at me like I was a booger he just wiped on the wall. He knew why we had split.

He said, "I guess you're a big movie star now. Glad to see you could break away from your men and good time in California to check on your son. I know mine doesn't mean squat to you."

I just stood there and took his shots. What else could I do, I deserved them.

I said, "Abel, I know I messed up our good life together but now we need to get together and be strong for Monty. He needs us."

He just looked at me with disgust and turned away.

It was six hours before he was out of surgery and in Recovery. They took him to ICU where the family was allowed in but not me. I was no longer his wife. Junior pleaded with his grandfather who finally relented and allowed me in the room. I thanked Abel and went to his bedside.

I held his cold hand. He looked so vulnerable, so weak. Tubes and monitors everywhere. He was on a ventilator. I listened to it breathe for him, knowing that was probably all that was keeping him alive. His police colleagues were buzzing around him like mother hens. There was a 24 hour officer at his door. The officer told me that Monty had killed the one who shot him and wounded the other one before he passed out.

He said, "Ms. Crews, he's a cop's cop and a helluva man. You should be proud of him."

I felt lower than whale shit for not being the wife I vowed to be, let alone not being there when the chips were down.