They Named Her Kristen

I shook my head and I acquiesced to his wishes.

Steve and I moved the family into the farm house that weekend. Sarah and Owen thought it was a grand adventure, and were excited to finally have their own rooms. Amelia was fifteen months and was content because her older sister and brother were. Having us in the farm house made Aaron very happy. He said that having us all there made the place come alive again. It had been a quiet and lonely place after Wayne went off with the navy and mom and dad passed away.

We'd been living there about two weeks when Aaron began to have seizures and severe migraines. Soon after, he lost the ability to walk. His motor control center had been overwhelmed by the tumor. A few weeks later, his ability to speak was gone. He mostly slept after that. Hospice came in and did what they do with generosity and compassion. We tried to do as much as we could to make Aaron comfortable. When he was aware, he bore burden of his condition with a quiet dignity.

In the last month, whenever I felt the baby kick, I would lay in bed next to him and hold his hand o my belly so he could feel it too. He couldn't comment, but his one expressive eye shone with contentedness and love.

He died in week thirty five of my pregnancy. He was thirty three years old. I was twenty nine. We buried him next to mom and dad in the family plot, in the corner by the pecan tree.

Aaron's son was delivered two days before his due date. He was eight pounds and two ounces. Despite my fears of genetic issues, he was as healthy as a horse. Steve and I clashed over the name. He insisted that we name him after Aaron. I insisted that we name him after Steve. In the end, we compromised. Aaron Steven Merrick was the name we put on the birth certificate. Steve was listed as the father. By the time Aaron was two, we were calling him "Double-A", which was a reference to how his name was spelled. By the time he was six, Amelia, or "Lia" as we call her had been shortened it to just plain "Dub".

Sarah, Owen, and Amelia all had features that were a blend of Steve and I. Dub was my male mini-me. His resemblance to me was so striking that it was often remarked upon. I got curious one afternoon and I pulled out my family's old photo album and studied the pictures of Aaron and I. When we were young, we looked dead alike. I had never realized that. When we grew older, I started coloring my hair lighter, he started wearing glasses, and he was so much taller than I was that the resemblance was harder to spot.

For those of you who have had children, it won't come as a surprise, but children are born with a distinct personality. Sure, their environment and upbringing help to shape that personality to an extent, but it is shocking how well formed the personality is at birth.

Dub was just like Aaron from day one. He had the same quiet intensity, the same instinctive understanding how things worked, and a flair for strategic calculation. He was the hardest working of our children. He often rallied Owen and Amelia to stand up to their big sister Sarah, who was a bit of a bully. When Amelia was diagnosed with ADHD and mild dysgraphia, we made the difficult decision to hold her back a year at school. The same year, the school jumped Dub a grade forward because Sarah had taught him how to read and write and do basic math while he was still in kindergarten. This put Lia and Dub in the same grade.

This was the best thing that ever could have happened to Lia. When it looked as if she might be in danger of being held back a second time, Dub took responsibility for helping her get through it. When she was discouraged, he would beg her to help them stay in the same classes. He figured out clever strategies to overcome her focus issues and tirelessly worked with her on her penmanship until her script was tidy and graceful.

Most importantly, he got her to follow the study plans that we put together for her. She had grown to hate school and would often stubbornly refuse to do her homework. Once they were in the same classes, Dub would insist that they do their homework together, and made a big production out of it. Somehow, Dub could cajole her into putting in the work that no one else could. Once Lia started doing her work rather than fighting it, she started getting good grades and was amazed to find that she was actually pretty smart. Her confidence blossomed and her attitudes shifted. She quickly found herself in the advanced math and reading groups along side of Dub.

Their senior year in high school, Dub and Lia made the difficult decision to split. Lia wanted to follow Sarah, and Owen to UGA in Athens. Dub said he wanted to go to a pure engineering school. Steve and I planned a trip to tour some universities that he was interested in. On a whim one evening, Steve said, "Why don't we take a look at Georgia Tech? I work with Georgia Tech guys all the time and they are usually pretty sharp."

Sarah and Owen so loathed Georgia Tech that Dub hadn't ever considered it for himself. Steve networked through some of our business contacts and got a professor of engineering to give Dub a tour of one of their autonomous robotics labs. Dub lit up during that tour, and decided that's where he wanted to go and what he wanted to do. Dub ended up as an undergraduate research assistant for that professor, and stayed until he'd gotten his masters degree. Dub had no idea that he was living the dream that Aron had denied himself to become my guardian. I cried at all of their high school graduations, but I cried hardest at Dub's.

During Dub's Senior year in college, when he came home, he started bringing home a girl with him. Her name was Mia. She was a junior studying biomedical engineering at Georgia Tech. Although Dub was a grade older than her, they were the same age. I adored her from the instant I met her. She had the same personality as I did and we liked many of the same things. She too lost her mother while in High School and this had affected her profoundly in the same way that it had affected me

The similarity of her personality to mine was so striking that even Steve noted it. As we went to bed one night, he began to chuckle and said, "My God, Kris, Mia is exactly who you were at age twenty. They say that boys marry women like their mothers, but I didn't expect Dub to take that so literally."

I teased him for it. I said, "You seemed to like me a lot when I was twenty and had a hard time controlling yourself around me. Do I have to worry about you around Mia?"

Steve laughed and said, "No way. When Dub is in the same room with her, she doesn't even know that anyone else even exists. She is his alone. Besides, you've made me so happy I've never even thought about anyone else in years. You've got me locked down tighter than Fort Knox."

This statement made me glow, as he knew it would. Twenty two years ago, I had promised him I would never refuse him anything and that I would treat my body as if he owned it. I made good on that promise.

I worked very hard to keep fit for him. I started on HRT as soon as it was practical, and I made sure my wardrobe stayed current and sexy according to his tastes.

Shortly after I recovered from Dub's delivery, I had myself waxed clean as a gift for him. He liked it so much, I went through electrolysis and had my pubic hair permanently removed. I knew he had a thing for pierced nipples, so once Dub was weened, I had mine pierced. It was painful and took a long time to heal, but it was worth it to see Steve's reaction. He gets to pick out my nipple jewelry and fusses over it like a little girl playing with paper dolls.

I bought a set of butt plugs and trained myself for anal sex. He took my anal cherry on our first anniversary after Dub was born. He was so excited he came in ten strokes. That became our euphemism for anal sex: ten strokes. He'd say, "Hey Kris, I think I could do ten strokes tonight, you up for it?" We'd fall out laughing.

I offered to have his named tattooed to my pussy, but he declined, saying it would be a crime against nature to defile something that pretty. I renewed my offer to find other women for him, or to arrange for threesomes. I wasn't crazy about the idea of either of these, but I would have done it for him. To my surprise, he declined. He truly was a monogamous man and was perfectly satisfied with me.

I had made Steve orgasm one way or another almost every day since Dub was born. We only missed a couple of dozen days a year due to illness or travel, so I'd given him an average of 350 orgasms a year for the last twenty three years. He is most alive when I take care of him every night, so I do.

Over the years, when I thought things were becoming stale, I sought out expert advice on how to keep it fresh. I got connected with a sex therapist. She instructed me on new skills and also refined the skills I had to make the experience better for Steve. Most importantly, she introduced me to delayed gratification through edging and orgasm control, which was life changing for me.

I became a fanatic about delaying my own gratification. I edge myself as close as possible to orgasm four times a day without tripping over. Steve chooses when I orgasm. He has some sort of system for determining orgasm days randomly. It's usually once every twenty days or so, but it varies. Sometimes, I'll get five in a night. Other times, several months will pass between them. There's never a pattern or a guarantee, which puts me in a transcendent state every night. I am most alive when I am needy, yet do not know when my next orgasm will come.

In my opinion, you have not lived until you come for the first time after seventy five days of edging. Those seventy five days I was so horny that it made everything I experienced vivid and present. I was aware of anything sexy that was within a hundred feet of me. It made me feel perfectly alive. When Steve finally allowed me to come, I was literally high for two days afterwards.

The night that Dub and Mia announced that they were engaged was extremely emotional for both Steve and I. Dub was the last of our children to be married, and was our baby. Mia, whose mother had passed away, asked me to help her plan the wedding, which made me extra emotional as I remembered having to ask Steve's mother to help me plan my own.

That night, when I presented myself to Steve naked, I was already dripping with anticipation. Rather than spend time in foreplay, Steve picked me up and threw me into bed face down. He entered me from behind while I lay prone, which is one of his favorite positions. He growled out to me to make myself come. This was a rare treat, so I slipped a hand underneath my pelvis and ground my clit into my fingers as Steve thrust into me. I had three huge orgasms before he finally came in me. After I cleaned him with my mouth, he spooned into me from behind. He started to cry and said, "I was heartbroken over the decisions you made when you got pregnant with Dub. I thought that it was selfish, wrongheaded, and disgusting. I was wrong, Kris. Aaron lives on through Dub. Dub and Mia will have kids of their own and Aaron's legacy will continue. What you did wasn't selfish. It was beautiful. I'm grateful you made that decision. Thank you."

He didn't have to say that to me. I knew how he felt.

Several months into the wedding preparations, I drove up to Atlanta to have lunch with Mia while Dub was in class. Mia showed up to the restaurant carrying a Manila envelope and a look of utter trepidation. I asked her what was the matter. She handed the envelope to me.

She said, "I'm in a senior-level genomics class this semester. Since Dub and I are planning our family already. I thought it would be interesting for us to get screened for birth defects."

She flushed red and said, "The results for Dub...."

She couldn't go on, so I helped her. I said, "The results for Dub showed he had unusual genetics, didn't they?"

I opened up the envelope and read the report. I expected it to read the headline "Incest" in both 72 point font. Instead, the summary stated only that there was a low risk of severe birth defects. In the comments section, there were some generic comments on unusually low genetic variability for Dub, and a recommendation to have the parents tested to find out why.

I didn't know what to say. Mia asked me, "Were you related to Steve before you were married?"

Our food came right then, which gave me a couple of minutes reprieve to gather my thoughts and plan what to say. I knew Mia pretty well by then. She was devoted to Dub and wouldn't be deterred by the truth. My only consideration was making sure that Mia didn't accidentally pull the rug out from under Dub.

I looked around. The section in the restaurant was empty except for us, so we had some privacy. I said, "In answer to your question Mia, Steve and I are not related in any way except marriage. You've put me in a position to have to break confidences and share secrets. I know you well enough to know that you can be entrusted with the secrets, but I want to make sure you want to know."

She nodded and said, "I would like to know Kris. I can be discrete."

I continued, "I am Dub's biological mother, but Steve is not Dub's biological father. Steve raised Dub as his own son, but he wasn't the sperm donor. Steve knows it, but Dub doesn't. We have no plans to ever tell him. As far as Steve and I are concerned, Steve was Dub's daddy and always will be. Dub doesn't need to know he isn't."

I watched Mia's expression minutely as she processed through that. She nodded, but I could see more questions formed on her brow.

She said, "I understand, but..." She trailed off. She didn't know how to ask.

I said, "But then who is Dub's biological father? Is that what you want to know?"

She nodded.

I said, "If I tell you, then I need to have your word that you won't tell Dub. I won't have the news of this result in a barrier put between him and his father and his siblings. Do you understand?"

She nodded.

So I told her the story of how Aaron and I got together to have Dub.

I was pretty good at reading faces and facial expressions, but I couldn't read Mia's. She was clearly upset by what I had told her, but I could see determination from her also. I had the sense that she was trying to overcome her prejudices.

She asked, "So, it was fully consensual, then?"

I replied, "Fully consensual and fully intentional. Aaron was an amazing man, he deserved to have a genetic legacy."

She asked, "Steve just let you do this?"

My stomach churned about having to address this, but I was in for a penny, so I might as well be in for a pound.

I said, "Not exactly. When I told Steve what I was going to do, he was destroyed. He did not understand. He left me for several weeks and I was in constant fear that I was going to have to raise four kids as a single mom, or worse, that he would get the law involved. Incest is still a crime. I could have been sent to prison and CPS could have taken my kids. After several weeks apart, Steve decided to stand by me, even though he didn't understand what I had done. He only came to understand after he saw what it meant to Aaron as he started to die. Steve raised Dub as his own son and never treated him one bit differently from his own children. Steve is a hero and a giant among men."

Mia began to cry again at this. I handed her some tissues from my purse. After a few minutes, she settled herself down and went to the bathroom and cleaned herself up.

When she came back, she looked like a burden had been lifted from her shoulders. She said, "In the bathroom, I realized it didn't matter to me where Dub came from. I love him and who he is, and nothing else matters, does it, Kris?"

I gave her a beaming smile and said, "I knew I could tell you this secret Mia, because I knew this is how you'd see it."

She held my hand for a minute, and we shared the first of many mother/daughter moments.

I asked her, "Do you understand why we chose not to tell Dub? What kind of burden we'd place on him if he knew?"

Mis nodded gravely, and said, "The secret is safe with me. I will guard it with my life."

I smiled and said, "Guard Dub with your life as Steve has guarded mine, and the secret won't matter."

Mia smiled at this. She asked me, "Is Dub more like you or Aaron?"

I replied, "Aaron lives on through his son. Dub is so much like him in every way. His personality is exactly the same, although I think Dub has a better sense of humor. I suspect that part of Dub came from Steve. He is the spitting image of Aaron, though."

On a whim, I pulled out my tablet. I'd paid one of our guys at work, an amateur photographer, to digitize the old family photo albums. I'd uploaded them to a cloud service. I pulled up a picture I'd taken of Aaron when he was in his early twenties and handed the tablet to Mia.

Mia gasped and called out, "Holy shit!"

She slapped her hand over her own mouth in embarrassment. She enthused to me, "I used to think he looked like you, but he doesn't, does he? He looks like Uncle Aaron so much!"

I laughed and said, "When Dub hit puberty, we took down all of the pictures of Uncle Aaron to keep the uncomfortable questions to a minimum."

She began to well up again. She said, "That's beautiful, Kris. You did something so beautiful. Dub is such a good man."

I said, "I love all of my children equally, Mia, but I can honestly say that you got the best of them."

When Dub and Mia's first child was born, a daughter, they named her Kristin. After me.