All Comments on 'Thicker than Water Ch. 01'

Definitely need part 2

More please.

Please give us a part two. This was a great start,

Nooooo! How could you end it there?

What a wonderful set up and back story. Very well written, but you left us hanging just when things were getting good.

There had better be another chapter

First submission, whatever.

This was about the right length for a one-shot, jerk and forget about it story.

This was not that. It could have been eight to ten times the length and gotten to the same point in the plot without being too long. For a series, you needed so much more character development and connection between the characters. Now you're going to need to backtrack to get that done in order to keep the readers engaged, and that's always awkward to do after it should have been done.

For this number of words, there were way too many misspellings, omitted and extra words. I think you just typed it out and submitted it. I know firsthand how difficult it is to catch everything when you edit your own work, and would have forgiven one, maybe two errors. To do a good job at editing for yourself, you should probably spend more time rereading than writing.

You poked at having an original plot line with the transgender daughter, but it really just ended up being a Father/Daughter story without much plot at all because you failed to give enough of the transgender issue. It's really a shame, too, because I would have very much enjoyed that, I think.

The sparse dialogue between the main characters really detracted from the plot development. That's probably the biggest weakness. I know you might not want to, but I think you should take this one down and do a re-write and develop the relationship and what they each went through, go through with her transition. It would be a much better story.

Had I given a rating, it wouldn't have been good, but I can see me giving a high rating if it were done better.

This was a wonderful start. Please don't make us wait long for the next chapter.

Great first story. Keep up the good work.

Great story, I can't wait to read what happens next. 5stars.

Ignore the negative and off the charts analytical people. Most of the readers out there just want some interesting things, and you writing is perfect for that. If other's are that bossy in their responses to you, they should have just scrolled on by.

It's a great start. Keep up the great work!

So close but no cigar because there is no winner.

Admirable in many respects but not really goodon't in most.

Polish this and then be more comfortable with your offering.

Looking forward to the next part of the story.

Well don't leave us hanging THERE! Haha! Looking forward to the next part!