This is How We Change the World Ch. 05

"This one," Gertrude said, gesturing with her whole hand. Maddy followed her in the door, up the stairs, and down the main hallway. Two of the tenants greeted her in German, and she had a brief conversation with them without really stopping. The keychain she pulled from her purse was an enormous, jangly thing, and she muttered under her breath as she opened the door.

Gertrude's apartment was almost exactly what Maddy had imagined. It was cramped, barely large enough in any one area for the woman herself to fit as she bustled around. It wasn't a small apartment, but it was packed to the gills with books and bookshelves, makeshift or otherwise. Boards of wood laid across concrete bricks, stacked to the ceiling.

"Am I in heaven?" Maddy said, as she moved slowly. Eyes traveling from spine to spine. Titles she'd read. Titles she'd thought about reading. Titles she'd never heard of. Authors she'd never heard of. A lot of books in German.

"Only if heaven is where you die under a one ton pile of books and nobody finds your body for a month," Gertrude said, laughing gruffly from further into the apartment. "I'm sure this is how I will go. Ah. It will be a happy end."

Maddy dragged her suitcase very carefully, very respectfully, around until she found the couch. It was elderly, well worn in, and, from the look of it, very lumpy, but she didn't say anything. She just got to work digging out her bathroom effects, and stood up when Gertrude came back with an armload of sheets, pillows, and blankets.

"This will get you through sleeping," she said, in her thick accent. "We can talk more tonight. And dig out my guest bed. Has books on it. Don't get many visitors."

"Thanks again," Maddy said, frowning.

"Should have asked sooner." She grunted and shook her head as she started setting up the couch. "Could have offered sooner too, I suppose." With a deep breath she smiled and nodded, and added, "Doesn't matter. Now you are here. You will sleep. You will feel better."

At a nod, Maddy headed down a hallway and found a half bath, sink and toilet, and set herself up to take up as little counter space as possible. "Yeah, well, I'm not gonna hold my breath on feeling better."

"You will sleep," Gertrude repeated. "You will feel better."

Maddy rolled her eyes at her reflection, and started brushing her teeth.

***

Maddy slept, and, when she woke up, she felt better. Her phone had stopped ringing constantly, which was both what she wanted and, potentially, her worst nightmare.

***

22 Apr 2023

Lyric spotted her as soon as she walked in the door. She looked frozen, which wasn't good. Maddy quickly waved to Angela, the barista behind the counter, as she closed the distance to Lyric.

"What are you doing here?" Lyric hissed, though she kept her expression carefully positive.

"I've been trying to call you," she said, sliding her arm around Lyric's waist. The move had been to usher Lyric away, down the hall toward the back, but Lyric remained stock still. "I've been worried about you."

"I'm fine," Lyric said, precise smile still holding. It wasn't a genuine smile, but it did show a lot of teeth. "There. You can go now."

"Come on, Lyric," she whined, though she kept her voice very low. "I was worried about you."

"That was unnecessary. You shouldn't have done that."

Maddy sighed, and flashed Eric a smile as he passed through the area behind the counter. "Come on. Please?"

"Please what?" Lyric's stare was as flat as her smile.

"Can we talk?"

"I'm working," Lyric said, glancing over her shoulder. "So, no."

"Please, I—"

"No," Lyric said, more firmly. There was a flash of anger across her features, but it was gone in an instant, and the smile that replaced it was the most hollow thing Maddy had ever seen.

She nodded, voice barely above a whisper as she said, "Okay," and backed away toward the door.

***

Lyric paused almost as soon as she stepped out of Downtown Grind's back door, where Maddy was leaning against the wall. "You've got to be fucking kidding."

"Lyric," Maddy said, bouncing off the wall to her feet, and falling in stride alongside the brown-haired girl while she walked. "Please. I just want to talk."

"We're talking right now."

Lyric was walking so fast, it was hard to keep up with her. "Please don't freeze me out, okay? I'm trying to talk to you. Trust me. Communication is, like, the most important thing." When Lyric merely continued to stare straight ahead, Maddy added, "I should have had a talk with you before I moved out. I'm sorry. They blindsided me, and... and..." She growled and shook her head. "No. I should have talked to you long before that."

"Talked about what?" Now there was a hint of saccharine appeasement.

"About... us. Expectations. Getting on the same page. That kind of thing."

"Okay."

Any hope Maddy had that this would be a productive conversation died with the way Lyric pronounced okay, as she came to a complete stop. Maddy walked two steps past her before she realized what Lyric had done, and had to turn around to come back.

"I can't do this. I don't want to. I can't be with you if you're with them. I said I'd try, but it broke my heart watching you walk out the door knowing you'd be back the next day. I don't like them, and I don't like you with them. Does that about cover it?"

"Well," Maddy said, shrugging very slightly. She hadn't intended to bring this up yet, but it felt like maybe her only shot. "What if I wasn't?"

Lyric straightened up, and her eyes grew a little wider.

"I walked out. We had a fight, and I finally stood up to Amy, and she had no idea what to do with that." She was about to add that they hadn't been explicitly clear that it was over, but as she took a breath to get ready to say so, Lyric cut in.

"And you thought you'd just... what, move back in?"

"No," Maddy said, wincing.

"I'm not your safety net," Lyric hissed. "I'm not your second choice."

"No! No, that's not what I meant! Lyric, I'm sorry that it was so complicated—"

"It's really not complicated," Lyric said. "I don't want to do this."

Maddy grabbed her arm when Lyric went to move past her. "Lyric, please!"

Lyric jumped, a full body twitch, and screamed, "Don't touch me!" and it was only then that Maddy really saw the hunted look in her eye.

"Okay," Maddy said, weakly, putting her hands up in front of her in a show of surrender.

"You can't keep doing this! Showing up! Fucking stop!"

"Okay," Maddy said, voice trembling.

Lyric took two steps further back, shook her head, and ran.

Which was new. Maddy had never had someone run away from her, and it hurt.

***

19 May 2023

"Screwdriver," Gertrude grunted, on all fours with her front half inside of the closet.

"Plus or minus?" Maddy asked.

"Plus."

Maddy put the wood-handled screwdriver into her palm, and sat back. Then, a little curious, she leaned over and watched Gertrude work. "I didn't know you were so handy."

"You pick up things," she replied. She set down a piece of sheet metal beside her, got low to the ground, and peered into the dark. "Ah. Yes. No light."

"No light?"

"No light?" repeated the woman behind them, in her pajamas with her arms folded across her chest.

"No light. Unit has a green light that should be on. Bottom left corner." She handed Maddy back the screwdriver. "Let me see. Might be the fuse, but more likely the unit has problem." The woman nervously retreated while Gertrude got up to her knees and, with a helping hand from Maddy, back to her feet. "Fuse box this way."

Maddy followed close behind, more intrigued than she thought she would be when she agreed to tag along to a late night call for help. It only took the big woman one quick peek behind another panel, tucked inside the bathroom, to start frowning. "Fuse is fine. It is the heater."

The woman, shuffling along quietly between them, frowned. "So... it's out?"

"Heater is kaputt," she said, matter-of-factly, as she shut the panel and headed back toward the closet she'd been bent over in before. "All units in the building have electrical heating. Individual. Maybe I can fix it. Heater is not too old. Was replaced..." She muttered under her breath for a moment, staring into the distance. "Ten. Eight years ago. Probably just service. Have a cousin. Will come in the morning."

"What about tonight? It's supposed to get down in the thirties."

"Have... space heaters. In my apartment. We go down once I clean up. I have three spare."

"We just need one for our room and one for Lilly's room."

"Two space heaters," Gertrude said. "Screwdriver."

Maddy jumped, a few seconds later when Gertrude poked her head back out of the closet and stared at her. "Oh. Right. Plus sign." She quickly grabbed the tool off the top of the pile in the little toolbox they'd brought with them, and handed it over.

"How much will this cost us?" the woman said, trying hard to smile and failing.

"No cost. Apartment is still mine." The sheet metal cover slid back into place with a horrific squeal, and after a minute Gertrude got back to her feet. "Will return with heaters."

"Okay," the woman said, as she followed them to the door.

"You own that apartment?" Maddy said, when the two of them were going back down the stairs alone a minute later.

"Used to own the whole building. Klaus, he think this was start of rental property empire." She made a sound halfway between a laugh and a sigh.

"Lyric used to say that landlording was an evil business." It had been almost a month since she'd seen Lyric, and it still hurt to bring her up, but there were some things that Lyric had been passionate about that still brought a smile to her face. "It was a trap, and... you know, prevented... I dunno. Something about generational wealth?"

"Smart girl," Gertrude said, with a huff, as she rounded the bannister on the first floor and turned the corner heading toward her apartment. "I hate owning these. Building is twenty units. When Klaus died, I owned all twenty. I have been..." She trailed off, grunting, as she pushed open her door. "Anyone who rent more than twenty years, I give them apartment. Anyone who rent more than ten years, I change contract to be rent to own." With a vague gesture that might have been her pointing upward, Gertrude added, "Andersons living here nine years. Next year, I tell them they are halfway to owning property."

"You just give it away?"

Gertrude shook her head. "Rent is not so different from mortgage. Building was paid off years ago. Now I just pay taxes, which are high, but I already have more money than I need. I don't need their rent money. Hold this."

Maddy made a surprised gasp as Gertrude shoved a round, white plastic cylinder into her arms. It was about ten pounds heavier than she was expecting, so she had to quickly adjust her grip so as to not drop it.

"Rent for twenty years is like twenty year mortgage." She hefted another heater, this one a little smaller, and started heading right back upstairs. "Works out to little less than value, last time Klaus had building appraised, but I did the math and it would be twenty-three years instead of twenty, or something. I like round numbers."

"How did I not know you owned a building?" Maddy asked, laughing lightly at the absurdity of it.

"Never bothered to make business cards," Gertrude said, giving Maddy a very dry quirk of the lips.

The woman, Mrs. Anderson, met them at the door with a grateful smile and a much warmer sweater.

"This one," Gertrude said, hefting the one in her arms, "is newer. Better temperature control."

"I'll put that one in Lilly's room," she said, to which Gertrude gave a nod somewhere between knowing and accepting.

After a few minutes, and several rounds of thanks from Mrs. Anderson, Gertrude and Maddy went back downstairs to Gertrude's apartment. It was the middle of the night for everyone else, but the two of them had settled into a good overnight routine. Gertrude lived about twice as far from Downtown Grind as Lyric did, but that was still much closer overall.

They hadn't aligned their shifts like she and Lyric had. Most nights, they went in together, but not every night, and every once in a while they had a night off together. The more she talked to the woman, the more she realized Gertrude was kind of a riot.

Gertrude was pouring them both some coffee when Maddy's brain kicked in. "Wait, if you own the building outright, why are you still working?"

Gertrude shrugged and looked around. "What would I do? I already read for half the day." She poured her own mug, and set the carafe back in the machine. "I like the solitude. I like the job." Then, conspiratorially, she added, "I even like the fucking pretzels."

"I won't tell," Maddy said, as she took a sip.

"With Klaus, it was always yelling, and arguing, and haggling, and compromising, and deals, and ach." She made a raspberry sound with her tongue and waved into the distance. "The man spent whole life clawing for more, and died before any of it paid off."

"He sounds like quite a character," Maddy said.

Gertrude smirked, as she looked off into the distance. "You know, one time, in East Germany, before the wall come down..." She tilted her head back and forth. "Most people not own their apartment. State owned housing. Ours was small, but fine. Old. No big deal. It was just Klaus and I, and we didn't need a lot of space. Klaus wanted more, though. Always more.

"The apartment next to us was empty, and in those days the building inspectors changed often. Party upheaval. One night, Klaus and his two brothers removed door from the neighboring apartment, removed framing, and walled it off. Like it was never there. Walls were all white spackle. Easy to mimic. Then, next day, he takes a sledgehammer to the wall, and poof. We have bigger apartment."

"You could just do that?" Maddy asked, enraptured.

Gertrude's smile got even fonder. "Klaus had implied, here and there, that he was Stasi. Secret police. Never said so outright, but word got around. Nobody said anything."

Maddy blinked and sipped her coffee. "I stand by what I said. He sounds fascinating."

"Sure," Gertrude said, "if he wasn't ripping you off." Then she made a gruff sound and shook her head. "He was the love of my life. Said he did everything for me, and sometimes I think he might have meant it."

"How long since you lost him?"

"Oh, must be... it was in... 2012."

"That was a while ago."

"Ja."

"Have you dated anyone after him?"

Gertrude snorted and drank the rest of her coffee. "No, no. Oh, no. I can't imagine how anyone could.... no."

Maddy looked at her. It looked like there was something Gertrude wasn't saying, but Maddy couldn't figure out the right question to ask.

Gertrude looked amused. "It's not so bad to be alone."

"Huh," Maddy said and leaned back. "I don't think I've ever really been alone. Except this past month. Before that, I'd been with Amy for... God, since I was seventeen. How many years is that?"

"Many."

"Too many," Maddy added. "Plus, it's not like you're completely alone. You seem to have a better relationship with the people in this building than we did in ours. We were all strangers."

"Maybe," Gertrude said slowly. "I do like having people nearby. At arm's length, maybe, but nearby."

"Is that why you took me in?"

This made Gertrude pause, and she slowly put down her mug. "No." She drained her mug, and took it to the sink to rinse. "No. Wanted to do something nice for a friend."

"Aww," Maddy said, smiling. "I'm glad you think of me that way. I'm glad we're friends."

"Most people, when I start to tell them about Klaus, I get a look. You are describing something criminal. He sounds like a bad man. Klaus was complicated, fine, yes, but... he was not a bad man, he did not hurt people, and so, after a while, I just stop talking about him. To anyone. He lives only in my head. But then you come along. You are very accepting. I saw how you were with Lyric, sweet girl, and I thought maybe I could talk to you."

Maddy blinked. "Does it feel good to talk about Klaus?"

Gertrude sighed, seemingly reluctantly happy. "I have... many stories."

"I'd want to hear them," Maddy said, nodding. "When you have time."

They shared a look, and it was somehow loaded. Meaningful.

"You are more than meets the eye," Gertrude said, as she hung the mug up to dry.

Maddy blushed, smiling as she swirled the remaining contents of her mug. "You too."

"How about you?" Gertrude asked. "Do you wish to date someone new?"

Maddy's smile evaporated as she thought.

Before she had a chance to respond, Gertrude added, "Maybe someone, but not someone new."

"It's stupid," she said, wrapping her hands tightly around the now-empty mug. "I'm... hung up on her."

"On Lyric."

Maddy nodded. "It's harder since she won't talk to me. I never wanted to hurt her."

"And what is the plan to get her to talk to you?"

"Is procrastinating a plan?"

"No," Gertrude said, laughing.

"At first, I was giving her some space and hoping she'd come around. At this point... I don't know."

"I saw her," Gertrude said, "last week."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I am such a good friend. I stayed late for 'pretzels'."

Maddy's breath caught in her chest. "Was she okay?"

Gertrude shook her head. "Does not look good. I do not think that space is helping."

"Did you talk to her? What did she say?"

"No," Gertrude said. "Just in passing. On my way home."

"What do you think I should do?" she whined.

Gertrude thought for a moment. "Do you love her?"

"Yes."

"Start with that. Improvise after."

"You make it sound so easy," Maddy said, with a sad smile.

"Most worthwhile things are not easy."

***

Maddy turned in bed and sighed. Sounds of traffic were picking up outside. The world was waking up, she was settling down, and she hated sleeping alone.

Gertrude's guest bedroom had good blinds, and the room was very dark, despite the new day outside. Maddy flipped her pillow cool side up just for good measure, and tried to deepen her breath and relax. Some days it worked.

Often it didn't work. Madalyn wasn't used to sleeping alone. She wasn't used to being alone, either, but even back at home—she always flinched mentally when she thought about it as home—back when she'd still been with Amy and Frank, it had been difficult to fall asleep on her own. Luckily, she usually slept soundly once she did sleep, but when she started dreading ahead of time, fearing she wouldn't be able to get to sleep, it easily turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Maddy turned on her back. Traffic hummed outside, some random shouts and sounds drifted in from the street. She thought about Gertrude laying in the master bedroom at the other end of the apartment. The woman was full of surprises. Maddy never would've guessed that Gertrude would live this spaciously, let alone that she was a landlady to a host of similar apartments. That must mean she was pretty well off, and why she would spend her life baking pretzels in night shift was incomprehensible to Maddy.

Not that she had anything against baking, or doing any honest work. Quite the opposite. Just that if she was financially independent, she wouldn't bake pretzels in a night shift. She would...

She stared into the near darkness and frowned. Yes, what would she do? She had never had plans for the future, at least not the proper kind of plans. She could think ahead for a year or two, if fulfilling some holiday plan of Amy's meant she needed to save her PTO over a year, but that was about it. She and Amy had had talks over having kids, and decided not to, and ever since that... no, actually: ever since her parents died, she had just been floating, slightly detached, and usually hadn't thought about the future at all.