This Old House

I Ain't Going to Need This House Much Longer

"Daylight again."

"Thank you, God. Looks like I lived through another night." I said to myself as I took off my oxygen mask.

"I guess I'd better get up before I wet the bed. Susie won't want to clean that up again. "

"That damn flush valve is going to have to be replaced. It takes fifteen minutes for the toilet tank to refill. Oh well, I can't bend over to fix it, it'll just have to make do."

I hear a knock on the front door and simultaneously a five foot pixie of a girl in a blue dress bounces into my living room.

"Good morning, Mr. Johnson. How are we today?"

"Good morning, Susie. I'm still here and nothing has changed since yesterday or the day before."

"Have we taken our medicine this morning?"

"No, I just got up and went to the toilet. I haven't even put on my pants."

"Well first things first. Let's get your medicine, and then I'll help you get dressed. I need to change your bed today and put the sheets in the washer."

"I hope the washing machine still works. It's getting kind of old, like everything else around here."

"I'm sure it will be alright one more time. For breakfast, I'm going to fix a boiled egg, and a piece of toast. I can also make a cup of Cream of Wheat. Later, you need to drink your nutrition shake. I'll leave it here for you."

"I need you to help me put on my shoes. I might go run a mile after breakfast."

"Mr. Johnson, you can be such a joker. We both know you won't get out of that wheelchair all day."

Finishing up her chores, Susie was getting ready to leave. She left a note for Melody, my afternoon caregiver, "Sheets in washer, if you'll put them in the dryer I will fold them tomorrow."

As she left she looked back and said "Happy Birthday, Mr. Johnson."

"Oh crap. It's been another year already? How many is it now, 74, 75?"

"OK, let's take an inventory of what is wrong with us today. Still got diabetes, still got heart disease, still got arthritis working its way up from my feet to my knees to my hips. I'm not blind yet but the doc says I need cataract surgery on both eyes. I can still hear, though better on the right than the left. I can still feed myself and take care of going to the toilet. I need some help getting dressed and undressed and getting in the shower. I have bouts of vertigo, and I have to be careful not to fall. I can get out of the wheelchair, and I can walk short distances using a walker or cane. The dermatologist last month told me I didn't have any more skin cancers."

"What's killing me though, is emphysema. I stay in my wheelchair most of the day because the oxygen tank is strapped to the back of it."

"So, here I sit in my wheelchair all day. Four walls staring at me, as I stare back at them. It's a contest to see who crumbles first, me or this house."

"This house was built during the war as part of a project to house workers at the big defense plant up the road. The factory has been closed now for forty years, and most of the houses have been torn down or fallen down. I've lived in this house for fifteen years now, since I retired. I bought it cheap, but now it's starting to show its age, like me."

"I bought this house because it is all I need. It has a living room with four walls, a bedroom with four walls, and a kitchen with four walls. Of course there is also one bathroom, a pantry, a closet, and a utility room leading to the back porch. There is no garage or carport, but I don't have a car anyway. There is no central heating or air conditioning. I have a swamp cooler in a window in the living room, and a gas space heater."

"On the wall there hang only two pictures, one of my mother and father, and one of my sister, Linda, and her husband, Roy. They are all gone now, leaving only me. Soon I'll be joining them."

At twelve thirty, there is another knock on my door. Roger comes in, carrying a Styrofoam container.

"Hi, George, here's your lunch. I think you are going to like what we have for you today. It's Wednesday, so Lucy has made her world famous meatloaf again. Also there are some mashed potatoes and some green beans. And I threw in some sweet carrots I know you like. There's a cup of tapioca pudding, and because it's your birthday I brought you a cupcake."

While I sit at the table trying to decide what to eat, and what to save for later, we have our daily conversation, me and Roger. These talks with Roger are the only way I have of knowing what is going on in the rest of the world. After an hour, Roger has to leave; he has other deliveries to make.

"Well, that was good, as usual. I only ate about half my meal, but I'll try to go back and finish more of it later. I know those Meals-On-Wheels people try hard to make sure I'm getting fed right. And Roger is good to sit down and spend some time with me. Susie and Melody take care of me, but they are busy and are just in and out without much time to visit."

"I think I'll take a little nap now." I put on my oxygen and I lean my head back on the headrest on the wheelchair.

"I see Mom and Dad and my sister standing around the kitchen table. Linda must be twelve. There is a birthday cake on the table, and they are singing to me. I blow out all seven candles on the cake."

I'm awakened by another knock on my door at four o'clock. This time, it's Nancy, my home health nurse making her weekly rounds. Another woman is with her, someone I don't recognize.

"Mr. Johnson, how are you today?" she asks as she is getting her instruments out of her bag. Without waiting for an answer, she commences taking my vital readings. She puts on her stethoscope, and straps the blood pressure cuff to my arm. After my blood pressure, which is normal by the way, she uses one of those digital thermometer things to rub across my head to get my temperature. She takes my shoes off to look at my feet, and checks my circulation. She checks the readings on my blood sugar monitor for the week.

She has one more instrument to measure my lung capacity. She tells me to take a deep breath, and blow into this instrument as hard as I can. It makes me dizzy, and I start coughing

When I catch my breath, I say "Nancy, some day that thing is going to be the death of me."

"Nonsense, Mr. Johnson, you are going to outlive all of us."

"Well, I'm sure going to try."

"Nancy, who is your friend?"

Nancy and the other woman look at each other. "George, this is Barbara. She has been here with me before. Don't you remember?"

Barbara comes to visit her father every week but he doesn't remember. Barbara takes care of paying the bills and making sure George is taken care of. Barbara also takes care of George's ex-wife Caroline who is in a nursing home on hospice care with stage 4 liver cancer. Her husband, Ronald Mueller died ten years ago from a heart attack, leaving Caroline a very wealthy widow.

Caroline insisted that Barbara use her money to take care of George. He could be living in a very comfortable senior community, but George won't leave his house. So Barbara and her daughter make sure that he has home nursing care and Meals-on-Wheels, and that he gets to the doctor when he needs to.

"Nancy, I've got to run. I've got to check on Mom this afternoon. I'll call you later, okay?"

"Okay, Barbara. I'll see you next week." With that, Barbara turned and left.

"Nancy, if you have the time, would you do me the honor of sharing my birthday cupcake?"

"George, I'd be delighted. Should I make us some coffee to go with it?"

So we each had a cup of coffee and half a cupcake, and then she had to go back to making her rounds.

"Nancy, will you help me sit out on my front porch. Melody would be coming soon, so I want to take advantage of this nice June day, and enjoy my flower beds."

I have a large magnolia tree that produces some beautiful fragrant blossoms. I have a rocking chair on the porch that I like to sit in. Sometimes the neighbor's cat, Puddin, will come and lie in my lap and keep me company. There is something very soothing about stroking a purring cat.

"The paint is peeling on the porch. It could use a good coat of paint before winter. I think the railing on that side is loose."

"That magnolia tree is going to make a mess of the yard when the blooms fall off, and when leaves fall off. I'll need someone to clean it up."

"Melody's brother, Josh, is supposed to mow the grass this weekend. I'll talk to him about cleaning up the yard this fall."

Melody touches my shoulder and wakes me from my nap. "Are you ready to go back inside now, Mr. Johnson? Would you like me to turn on the lawn sprinkler before we go in?"

"No, I think Roger said it may rain tonight or tomorrow morning. We shouldn't need the sprinklers this afternoon."

Melody ushers me back inside, and gets me settled into my wheelchair. She takes my blood pressure again.

"How many times have you checked your blood sugar today? Let's check it one more time before dinner, and then again before bedtime."

Even though my meter will keep readings in its memory for a month or more, Melody writes down all the readings in her journal.

"Now tell what you have eaten today." And she writes it into her journal. She takes my leftovers I saved from my lunch, prepares a small salad to go with it for my dinner. I also have a cup of apple sauce.

"Okay, let's get your meds taken and then get ready for bed." She watches me take about eight different pills, and then my insulin shot.

"Are you going to take a shower tonight? Remember, you have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I'll help you get into the shower."

"No, I don't remember I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. Which one of those SOBs do I have to see tomorrow?"

After my shower, Melody helps me get on my pajamas and she watches me shave and brush my teeth.

"At least I have my own teeth, even if some of them are implants."

We check my blood sugar one more time, and then I get into the bed.

"Good night, Mr. Johnson. I'll be here tomorrow right after lunch to drive you to see Dr. Madison. He is going to check your heart." I hear the front door close. Outside the door, George doesn't hear Melody whisper "I love you, Grandpa."

"Well, that tells me which SOB I have to see. That damn heart doctor that cracked my chest and did a quadruple bypass. How long ago was that? About ten years I think."

"I lie here in my bed with just the sound of my breathing machine and oxygen generator, staring at the ceiling, and the four walls. The one window has a heavy drapery over it to hide the fact it is still daylight outside, and that one of the window panes is cracked. There is just a little light coming through around the edge of the drapery."

"I can hear the dryer running. I guess Melody put the sheets in and started it before she left."

As I close my eyes, I think, "Why can I remember so vividly things that happened 50 years ago, but I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday?"

"Caroline Anderson. She was the prettiest girl I'd ever seen. She had hair like spun honey, pulled back into a single French braid. She was wearing a summer sun dress with spaghetti straps, showing off her cleavage above her perfect breasts. The flowing dress came down to just above her knees, accenting her luscious legs. Her tiny feet wore a pair of strappy summer sandals, her toes and fingers polished a light coral pink that matched her lips. The light blue dress matched her eyes. I could get lost in those eyes."

"It was at a garden party. It was early June and the weather was warm, but not yet oppressively hot in Memphis. This was a social for employees to get together, kind of a mixer or meet-and-greet at the palatial home of our director. I was an accountant, and I learned she worked in corporate relations."

I had a drink in my hand, and I noticed hers was empty, so I used it as an opportunity to approach her."

"Can I get you another drink?"

"Before the party was over, I asked if I could see her again. She gave me her number and said to call her. Three days later, we had our first date, dinner and dancing. I wore my best suit, and she wore a black cocktail dress that had the attention of every red-blooded male in the room, and some of the females as well."

"When I took her home to her condo that night, I got a brief kiss on the lips. We didn't have sex that night, nor for the next two dates. But when we did, she curled my toes and had me howling at the moon."

We continued to date for three months before I proposed. She said yes."

"The wedding was nine months later, a year after that garden party. It took that long for her mother, her sister, her aunts, and her cousins to get it all planned. It was the social event of the year in Clarksdale. Yes, that is where she grew up and where her parents still lived. We were married in the First United Methodist Church in Clarksdale. Before I met her parents, I had never been to Clarksdale, or hardly anywhere else in Mississippi."

"All I had to do with the wedding was get a new suit, and show up. As Caroline's father walked her down the aisle, I was awestruck. I can still see her in my mind. Her gown was beautiful, all lace and pearls, down to the floor with a short train. She had four bridesmaids, two flower girls and a ring bearer, all selected from her family. On my side, my Mom and Dad, my sister and her husband had all driven down from St. Louis. The rest of the church was filled with Caroline's family and friends. I don't think there were any empty seats."

"We couldn't afford to go to Fiji for our honeymoon, or even Hawaii. But we did spend a week in Cancun. Caroline's father helped with the plane tickets. Nine months later, Barbara Elizabeth Johnson was born at 6:53 am at Methodist University Hospital in Memphis. She was the light of my life, and I dedicated my life to care for her."

"Fourteen years later, we lived in a nice three bedroom house in Southaven. We were living a comfortable middle class life. We weren't rich, but we had everything we needed. I worked as a corporate accountant at the AutoZone corporate headquarters. I was the team leader for the group I worked with. I got raises and bonuses, but it was obvious to me that I had reached the highest level I would attain."

"Caroline had gone back to work when Barbara was twelve, old enough to look after herself when she would come home from school. She was the director of franchise relations with the World Hotels Corporation. Her job frequently involved wining and dining big shot franchise owners when they came to town. Late night events were not uncommon for her, sometimes twice a week. On those nights the company paid for her to have an apartment where she could change from business attire to evening attire, and spend the night if it was too late to drive home. It wasn't so much an apartment, as it was a suite at the Royale Plaza. She was also paid a clothing allowance for the expensive evening attire she was expected to have."

"I came home from work on a Thursday one week to find all of her suitcases lined up in the living room. I didn't know of any plans to go anywhere, so it was puzzling. Caroline met me in the hall, still dressed as she would for work. Behind her was Barbara, also dressed well, not in school clothes. Barbara seemed to be very interested in a spot on the floor, and wouldn't look up at me."

"Caroline told me she was leaving me for Ronald Mueller. She had been having an affair with him for the past six months, sleeping with him in her suite in the Royale Plaza whenever he was in town. She said she was in love with him, she wanted a divorce from me and they were going to be married. I would never be able to give her the kind of lifestyle she wanted, and he could. She had quit her job, and they were going to spend a month on his yacht in the Caribbean. She was taking Barbara with her."

"Ronald Mueller was the franchise owner for a chain of hotels along the east coast, from Atlanta to Miami. I knew who he was, though I had never met him. I'd heard Caroline talk about him on occasions. She seemed to be impressed by his success."

"She and Barbara got into a taxi with all of their luggage, and left. Barbara was 14. I never saw them again. They were going to spend one more night in her suite in the Royale Plaza with Ronald Mueller, and the next morning, take a private jet to their new home in Palm Beach."

"The next day I was served with divorce papers. Basically, she didn't want anything from me, no child support, no division of assets, and no alimony. I could have the house, the cars, the savings, and investment accounts. She kept her own retirement account, nothing else. I sold the house and her car, and bought a condo close to my work."

"My attorney suggested we should pursue civil action against Mr. Mueller and against her employer. I didn't want anything else to do with her, so I told him no. I signed the papers and I was done with her."

---

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Mueller. How are you feeling, today? I'm Beverly, a social worker here in the hospital."

"Hello, Beverly. You remind me of my granddaughter, Melody. She's a home health nurse."

"Is there anything we can do to make you more comfortable?"

"Well, that beeping contraption keeps me awake, and I'm getting tired of having this needle in my arm,"

"I'm sorry, but we can't turn off your heart monitor. It tells us you are still alive."

"That shouldn't be a problem much longer."

"If your IV is bothering you, I can talk to your nurse about moving it, but we have to keep it in so we can give you your medications."

"I know that. I'm not a blithering idiot. I just need to be able to complain about something, or I'm going to go totally bonkers here. Why can't I just go home to die in my own bed? I'll talk to Barbara about that tomorrow."

"So, Caroline. May I call you Caroline? I understand you wanted someone to talk to. I'm a pretty good listener if you want to talk to me."

"What the hell, why not?"

"Okay, Beverly. I was born Caroline Anderson in Clarksdale, Mississippi. My parents were John and Norma Anderson. My father was a lawyer, and the District Attorney. I grew up a pampered only child, getting everything I ever wanted. In high school, I was a cheerleader and homecoming queen. I had lots of boyfriends, but never anyone serious. I didn't want to get tied down. Several of my girlfriends got pregnant and married right out of high school. I didn't want to marry some loser and be stuck in Clarksdale for the rest of my life."

"So, I went to Memphis State after graduation, and majored in business administration. Again, I had an active social life but I wasn't looking to settle down. When I found Mr. Right, it was going to be someone who could support me in style. I was not going to be kept barefoot and pregnant, no sirree. They all tried to get into my pants, and some did, but I wasn't looking for any long term commitments."

"After graduation, I was hired by the World Hotels Corporation to work in their world headquarters in Memphis. I worked with the franchisee relations group. Our franchisees were rich and successful men, and some women, who owned several hotels. Our job, when they were in town for meetings and such, was to take care of them, making hotel reservations, travel arrangements, entertainment, etc. Essentially, we were to be their personal assistants while they were in town."