Threading the Needle Ch. 09

Thank you Terry, careythomas and snow for all your help in editing and improving this chapter. I couldn't have done it without you.

Like almost all of my series, this one will only be understood if you have read the chapters before it. Thank you to my readers for going along this journey with me.

Threading the Needle

Chapter 9

For the hundredth time, Marika picked up the list of credit card charges and stared at it. Her face started to get red again as she looked at the number of items highlighted in yellow.

"Put it down, Marika," Yamile told her. "You know what's on it."

"I just can't believe how much money Samuel spent on sleeping around," Marika said. "There are hotels, lunches, and dinners, not to mention the gifts. He sure as hell didn't give me something from Victoria's Secret!" Throwing the paper back on the counter, she put her head in her hands. "No wonder we never get ahead," she said as tears threatened to come back.

Putting her arm around her friend's shoulder, Yamile gave her a hug. "He's a colossal asshole. I think we can agree on that. He also doesn't deserve you," she said.

"Well, it can't be soon enough until he doesn't have me!" Marika replied. "You heard the lawyer today. I just want to get this over with as soon as possible, but if he wants to fight things, it could be months, maybe years."

"He can't stop you from divorcing him," Yamile started to say.

"No but he can fight the settlement and keep it tied up in court for a long time," Marika said. "I don't know, maybe he won't, but I hate that it's a possibility."

Yamile looked at her friend. She felt all of Marika's anger and more. The loss of her husband wasn't within her control. The fates ripped Claudio from her. The absence of his love was a burning wound. The unfairness of it burnt worst of all, and she didn't even try to hide from thinking she wished it was Samuel instead of Claudio. "My Claudio loved me and showed it every day," she thought. "Samuel stomps all over Marika's love every day. How is this fair?"

Looking at her friend's face, Marika read the unspoken words. She reached out, patted Yamile's arm, and then took her hand. "I know," she said softly. She no longer truly wished Kieran's father was dead, but it didn't make her any less understanding of why Yamile felt that way. "You wish with all your heart Claudio was back and I wish Samuel was just out of my life. I just can't..."

Squeezing her eyes shut to try to hold another round of tears back, Yamile tightened her fingers around Marika's hand. "I shouldn't feel this way," she whispered. "It's horrible."

"No it isn't. It's natural," Marika said soothingly. "It isn't fair. Claudio was a good man, and he should have grown old with you. He adored you, and Samuel clearly only adores himself. I understand, and honestly it isn't horrible.

"I just wish we could avoid him fighting me," Marika said with a sigh.

"Well, I was thinking about that last night," Yamile started to say.

"Oh, sweetie, you have your own problems. I don't want you worrying about mine," Marika started to say.

As she looked at Marika, the pain in Yamile's eyes was clear. "Thank you for caring so much, Marika, but there is no solution for my problem; even time won't help. He was my Querido, my beloved. Claudio was my soulmate. I'll survive. I have to for the girls and for him, but I've lost that forever," she said softly. The tears that flowed now weren't the racking sobs of grief. They were big, slow tears that just ran down her face. Yamile was so used to them; she didn't even wipe them away. They made tracks down her cheeks, catching on her jaw before dripping down onto the counter.

"I can help you, Marika. It's something I can actually do, when there isn't anything I can do about Claudio. I can do it without ignoring the girls, or Claudio's parents. Please let me do this so I can feel some control in my life," Yamile said.

Marika couldn't help herself. Tears of her own started to flow. Her heart went out to her friend. Putting her arms around Yamile, she hugged her tight. "Oh, of course. Help all you want, sweetie," she whispered in Yamile's ear.

They stayed like that for a few minutes as both of them slowly managed to get their crying back under control. Yamile's arms around her felt good to Marika. It reaffirmed to her how, despite Samuel, she had people who truly cared about her.

"I should tell Liz," she thought. "And Winnie." She just wasn't ready yet. Liz would be angry in a completely new way. She never liked Samuel, and Marika wasn't looking forward to her saying, "I told you so." With Winnie, it was different. Somehow, in a very short time, Winnie had become quite important to her. On top of everything else, she wasn't ready to examine that.

Pulling away, Yamile grabbed a tissue and blew her nose. The bugle-like sound made Marika laugh. "Give me one of those," she said. Taking the one Yamile handed her, she copied her. Marika managed to make it sound a little daintier.

Smiling at her, Yamile leaned her shoulder against Marika's. "Anyhow, I was saying that I was thinking about you last night. I don't think I've ever told you about Jim. He was Claudio's best friend in high school. When we got married, he was the best man. He's devastated about Claudio too. He's a cop in Seattle. I had an idea and I called him. He was all in favor of it; feeling like it gave him something to do to help me when there wasn't much else."

"Do what, Yamile? I'm not sure what a cop can do for me. Samuel is a lying scumbag, but I am pretty sure infidelity isn't a crime," Marika said, feeling confused.

"No, but if you had evidence of what a lying scumbag he is, that might be helpful in your negotiations. If you could embarrass him with it in some way, maybe he would be more reasonable," Yamile told her. "You don't have to use it, but Jim is willing to take off a week and follow him. He's already told his captain he may need time off. He's just waiting for a call from me."

"It feels kind of wrong," Marika thought. She didn't need the evidence to know her marriage was over. She made it clear to the lawyer earlier today that she wouldn't consider trying to work things out. At the same time, she understood what Yamile meant. His firm was a family-owned company and if it got out that he was sleeping with his secretary, it would cost him his job. She wasn't sure whether she could use it, but having the option might be worth it.

Finally, Marika slowly nodded. "I don't like it, but it makes sense. I've never really seen the cutthroat side of Samuel, but I know he has one. It's why he likes Sales. I don't want him unleashing that on me," she said. "Are you sure it's okay? I don't want Claudio's friend getting into trouble," she asked as she looked at Yamile.

"He won't get into trouble. He won't do anything illegal or unethical. He told me that doing something for me will help," Yamile replied. "He's a detective, so it's just like work. He'll watch and take pictures, enough to give you some ammunition."

"Okay. Thanks, Yamile," Marika said.

"I'm just like him. I want to do something, anything, and helping you get free of Samuel is a pretty good something!" Yamile said. Looking at her watch, she shook her head. "I need to get going. The girls will be back from school in a while."

"And Kieran will be waking from his nap soon too," Marika said with a smile. Taking off so much time to help Yamile and deal with her own issues had one big benefit. There was more time in her day to spend with her son. As much as she enjoyed her time rafting, he was still the best thing in her life. Despite her anger at Samuel, she never forgot that she wouldn't have Kieran without her marriage.

"I'll talk with Jim tonight," Yamile said as she went to get her coat. Marika followed her and gave her a long hug as soon as she had it on. The returning squeeze felt very comforting. Internally, Marika let out a little sigh.

"Thanks. I'm glad I have you. I don't know what I would do," Marika told her.

With her arms still around Marika, Yamile leaned back a little to look at her friend. "Right back at you, Marika. You've been my rock, despite all this," she said. Her lips spread into a wide smile and her dark brown eyes sparkled with a hint of their old energy. "We'll get through this together," she said before hugging Marika again. Their cheeks touched as they clung to one another. Finally, they both reluctantly let go and Yamile went out the door.

Marika watched through the windows as Yamile backed out of the driveway and drove away. Just before the car turned the corner, her cell phone started to ring. Marika walked over and picked it up, looking at who was calling. It was Weston.

"Hey Marika, did I catch you at a good time?" Weston asked as soon as she touched answer.

"Yeah, this is fine," she replied.

"Well, I need some rookie guides this weekend and I wanted to call you before anyone else. How about it? Would you like to guide the Wenatchee this Saturday?" he asked.

Marika frowned. Normally getting a call like this would have her feeling ten feet off the ground. She sighed. "As much as I want to, I have to say no," she said. "My friend lost her husband in a car accident and Saturday is his service. He was a good friend, and I can't miss it."

"Oh, I heard about that. I'm really sorry about your friend," Weston said. "Don't worry, there are other guides, and you'll have other weekends."

"I know, I just.... Well, damn. It's kind of disappointing and I missed not doing it last weekend," she said.

"Well, how about you come with us on the Green River on Sunday? It will just be a guide boat, but you will get your whitewater fix," Weston said.

"Really? That would be great! It's supposed to be a blast!"

Weston chuckled. "It is. It should be running at a great water level, but it is supposed to be nice. Nothing finer than a trip down the Green River Gorge with sunny weather! Take a look at the notes online for running it. I don't think there will be any second years there, so a rookie will have to run Mercury and the Nozzle. You're the best rookie I've got," he said.

Feeling better all of a sudden, Marika couldn't keep the grin off her face. "Sounds good!" she told him.

They spoke for a few more minutes, getting the details straight on where to meet and when. After Weston hung up, Marika stood looking out the window for a little bit. She felt happier than she had in a few days. "I'm a good mom, and I'm a good guide," she thought to herself. "And I was a good wife. Samuel will see that, but it's too late." With a little more confidence, she headed upstairs to get Kieran up.

*****

In front of her apartment on Saturday morning, Winnie was sitting on a concrete wall with all her rafting gear on the ground. She had her coat zipped all the way up. It was a cool spring day in Seattle. It wasn't raining now, but it felt like it was threatening too soon. She looked at her phone. Julie wasn't very late... yet.

"Maybe I should have accepted Indigo's offer to go with her and Alex," she thought. It just seemed too weird after going out back at the tavern and Indigo making her cum. Not just because she would be with Indigo, but her girlfriend would be there too. It was too much for now.

Just as she checked her phone again, Winnie saw Julie's car approaching. Jumping down, she grabbed her gear and got ready. The back popped open as Julie pulled up. As Winnie opened the hatchback, Julie looked back at her.

"Sorry! I have been running late since I woke up!" Julie said.

Winnie tossed her stuff in with Julie's gear and shut the back. As she got into the passenger seat, she shook her head. "It's no big deal. We will be fine," Winnie said. "If you speed," she added silently. Fortunately, she knew that Julie was a speed demon on the road. They wouldn't have any problem.

It didn't take long for Julie to get on the freeway. Winnie tried to settle down and relax but found it a little hard. Being late for their first paid trip wasn't a good way to start, and she was tenser than she realized.

It didn't help when Julie started questioning her. "So how did your date go with Logan?" she asked.

Winnie grimaced slightly. She let their date slip when she called Julie to ask for a ride. Of all of the rookie guides, Winnie liked Julie the least. She always seemed slightly unpleasant. Unfortunately, the other guides she knew had full cars, other than Alex and Indigo. It was either her or them. Once again, she wondered if she made the right choice.

"It was good," she said aloud. "We met at a pub close to my work. He was a tad late too," she said, giving Julie a little smile. "We had something to eat and then played some pool. I won, but I'm pretty sure he let me."

"He'd have to let me," Julie said. "I'm terrible at it. Of course, most of the guys I date aren't as smooth as Logan, or as good looking! You are so lucky he's interested in you."

"Ah, yeah," Winnie said. She looked out the window. "God, you're weird," she thought. "I can't remember the last time that someone lusted so openly for someone I was dating." Of course, this was just their first date. It was hard really to call it dating yet. Still, there was an etiquette amongst women that Julie didn't seem to mind breaking.

"So, how far did you go with him?" Julie wanted to know. She glanced over at Winnie for a moment before returning her attention to the road. "Come on, share girlfriend!"

As Winnie turned back to look over at Julie, she couldn't help thinking, "I'm not your girlfriend. We are barely friends." It wasn't something she could say though. She tried to swallow her irritation. They had almost two hours in the car together, and getting pissed wouldn't make the time go any quicker.

"It was only a first date," she told Julie. "I like Logan, but I'm not jumping into bed with anyone the first time we go out."

"Oh," Julie said, sounding a little disappointed. "Well, I get that. No one wants to be seen as a slut." She laughed. "At least not on the first date, right?" She glanced again over at Winnie. "At some point, you have to give them what they want to keep their attention."

"If I like them enough," Winnie said.

This time when Julie looked over, her eyes were a little narrower. When she spoke, her voice was a hint colder. "Yeah, that's probably true for you." Her attention went back to the road and she was quiet.

"I made the wrong choice," Winnie thought to herself. "Even with what happened last weekend, riding with Indigo and Alex couldn't be any worse than being stuck in this car."

She looked over at Julie. It wasn't that she was unattractive. She was just plain. She had long red hair, but it was frizzy, as if she should get it cut more often than she did to keep it under control. Her eyes were a nondescript hazel, with cheeks a little too wide and a mouth slightly too big. When she was with Sawyer and she smiled, she looked nice. Unfortunately, it seemed rare for her to smile. She was more often frowning because she was upset at something or another.

Closing her eyes and leaning back, Winnie tried to get a little sleep. It was early and she started to feel sleepy after a little while. Just as she was almost out, the road got a little worse. The road noise and bumps jolted her right out of her drowsiness.

Julie looked over at her apologetically. "I hate this section of the road," she said. "Were you asleep?"

"Not quite," Winnie said as she yawned and stretched a little. She looked out the window. She saw that they were about halfway there. After a little while, the road got better but her sleepiness didn't return.

"Are you and Sawyer seeing each other off the river?" Winnie asked. She didn't care that much but it was better than continuing in the silence. Still, the other guides were something they had in common.

Julie smiled and nodded. "Yeah, we've gone on a few real dates. We went out dancing last weekend. It was the first weekend not rafting for both of us and it was good. I was glad to have a break."

"I'm not there yet," Winnie said. "I love getting out on the river, even if I did go for a swim." She smiled. Although it wasn't close to being a bad moment, even in the short space of a week the swim had turned into an adventure. "Lena was awesome with her throw. She got the bag right over me and the rope was practically in my hands."

Since she was looking out the window at some trees that were just starting to get their leaves, she missed the little furrow of Julie's brow at the mention of Lena. When she looked back at her, there was no trace of it.

Winnie had a smile on her face from thinking about Lena. Getting to know her was one of the best things about guiding. Their friendship was unexpected. Back in Oklahoma, she didn't know any lesbians. She chuckled a little.

"What?" Julie asked.

"Oh, I was just thinking about how sheltered I was back home; that I didn't know any lesbians. The truth is that I just didn't know any lesbians who were out. Now that I've been exposed to the rest of the world, I know there were some that just weren't out," Winnie said. There were a couple of women that she could think of in particular that were likely candidates.

"Hmmm," Julie said. Whatever thoughts she had, she didn't want to express them to Winnie. They got into it once before about this. Still, it seemed like she had to say something. "It's been eye opening." She said it without inflection, making it simply a neutral statement.

Not wanting to fight, Winnie took it that way. "It has, actually," she said quietly. For Winnie, it revealed more about herself than anything else. Her own thoughts were ones that she too didn't want to share. Her attraction to Lena and Indigo was unexpected, but those experiences forced her to think more about her past. She slowly saw that the feelings weren't actually new. The fear of what they meant prevented her from examining them in the past. Back home, it was important to be normal. Life for the kids who didn't fit in could be rough.

Even now, Winnie could only look so deep. The idea of just being comfortable with experimenting was as far as she could go. Playing around with Indigo was different from dating Logan. That relationship fit into the bounds of what was expected. She wasn't sure that it would go anywhere, but she could tell her parents about it without hesitation.

Winnie tried to imagine how hard it was for Lena to tell her parents that she was dating her first woman. "I wonder if she even did," she thought. Trying to put herself in Lena's shoes, she pictured working up the courage to tell her own parents that she was in a relationship with a woman. It was scary, even though she felt like her parents would be supportive in the end.

Dating wouldn't be enough to go through that, she thought. "I'd really have to love her to go through that," she told herself. An image of a beautiful tall woman began to form in her mind, sitting next to her as she spoke to her parents. Winnie shook herself, dispelling the vision. Her stomach churned and she drank deeply from bottle of water.

The thoughts were too disturbing, and she moved on to ones that were easier to deal with.

"Too bad Logan is running the Methow this weekend," Winnie said. "It would be fun to be on the river with him." Her stomach calmed down just a little.

Julie laughed. "Can't get enough of him? Well, I can see why. I just hope Sawyer and I are on the same float. It will be fun, especially since we are going out tonight when we get back," she said.

"When Julie talks about Sawyer, her voice is a little more pleasant," Winnie thought. Most of the time, there was an edge that grated. "Wistful.... She sounds wistful."

"I'm just glad I'm guiding, although it's always fun to be on a float with Lena," Winnie said with a smile. "Before rafting, I barely knew anyone in Seattle. Now I have this whole circle of friends. It's great. I'm so glad that Rikki told me about it."