All Comments on 'Throwing Weight Around'

Alliteration may seem slick and clever, but it doesn't work here; it distracts from the story by screaming: "Look at my wonderful alliteration!"

The sentences are more jumbled than poetic, flopping around like a herd of spent cocks.

There's a reason why most writers don't try to emulate Hunter S Thompson or Jack Kerouac. It is because the reader becomes more aware of the writer writing rather than what the story is about. So-called style never trumps clarity and substance. Purple prose is a losing proposition. This is over-written. It is not erotic. It is pretentious. It is the proverbial bull destroying and shitting in the china shop. .It defeats the objective of enhancing a reader's willing suspension of disbelief. Please take a short tour through Strunk and White's 'The Elements of Style.'

No stars.

Good luck.