All Comments on 'Tickets to Paradise Ch. 02'

I'm going to give a little here. This reads really boring. You need to mix things up a little. You CAN use a personal pronoun in place of names, ( he they you him her etc.)

You can use some descriptive phrasing. "He said gently touching her hair."

This reads like a police report.

I like a slow build-up to seducing a wife who wants to remain 'true' but there are several situations depicted that suggest unrealistic restraint OR unrealistic 'redefinition' of what is tolerated. One or the other. It DOES have the potential to get even hotter, but I can't believe hubby wants to subsidize Francisco's sharing their vacation trip!