Tiffany Tantrum Pt. 01

A few years back, my girlfriend of seven years and I split up. It wasn't anything bad; we just found ourselves going in different directions and came to the mutual decision that we should part company on good terms. On that note, we stay in touch and I do with her family as well, even though they all live about eight hundred miles away. In fact, I still refer to them as my in-laws. Her brother Bobby and I still act like brothers ourselves, calling each other for support when a trusted guy friend is needed. So it was because of the latter that he called me at wit's end one evening, ranting and raving about his own longtime girlfriend, Tiffany.

Tiffany! I never liked her. She was obnoxious to say the least; always interrupting and continuously sarcastic to Bobby and everyone else. She was also prone to tirades and fits of rage, hence her nickname among the family as Tiffany Tantrum. I wasn't the only one who didn't like her either. No one else in the family could stand her attitude, either. Even her own family had told her if he kicked her out, she could not stay with any of them. She would literally have no place to go. Finally, I got a call around nine o'clock one night, as I was finishing a binge watch of a series I had recorded on DVR.

"Hey Brother!" I greeted him, as I saw the caller ID on my phone. "What's up?"

"I can't take her anymore!" Bobby said desperately. "I'm driving around right now, trying to cool off. I'm ready to fucking kill her!"

I certainly understood. My ex wife was the same way. After a particular night of her shit, I got up the next morning and packed all of my stuff while she was at work. When she came home, the house was nearly empty and there was a note on the kitchen table.

"That was smart." I responded. "The last thing you need is for the cops to show up at your house."

"Yeah, I know!" he replied. "Wouldn't look too good for a domestic at another cop's house, would it?"

Bobby had been on the town's police department for nearly eleven years and he was well-respected. While his fellow officers were well aware of Tiffany's outbursts, if a call were made, they would have to answer it and under that state's law, one of them would have to be arrested for domestic violence. While these laws were probably created with the best of intentions in mind for serious cases, they were absolute bullshit when it came to a simple dispute.

"I just can't take it anymore." Bobby repeated. "If I don't get her out of my house, something bad is going to happen."

"Well then, let's figure this out." I said, as I stood up and began pacing up and down the hall. "You've been living together for a long time. Can you kick her out like that, or is she covered under like a renter or something?"

"She never changed the address on her driver's license or voter registration card." Bobby replied. "So technically, she does not live at my house. I can have the local sheriff remove her."

"Good!" I exclaimed. "That's what you need to do then."

"But she has nowhere else to go." Bobby sighed. "As much as I hate her, I can't put her on the street. It's not in my blood. I became a police officer to help people, Jack."

"Then help yourself for once." I admonished him. "Look, nobody will take her in, right? Not her own family; none of her friends?"

"No. They all know what it's like to be around her."

"Then she has two choices." I stated. "Let her pick."

"What's the other one?" Bobby inquired in a puzzled tone. "No one else will take her."

"I will." I said casually.

"What?! Are you out of your mind?"

"Not all." I replied. "Your hands are tied as a cop in a large town. Here, it's a small town and people look the other way over certain things. Remember what you went through in Basic Training?"

"Of course!" my brother-in-law answered. "That fucker was a total prick."

"Exactly." I said with a smile. "And that is exactly what Miss Tiffany Tantrum needs right now."

"She'd never go for it!" Bobby exclaimed. "She can't handle authority."

"And that," I replied, "is one more 'exactly.' I'll break that bitch down until she's in so many pieces that she'll be begging for guidance. And I will be there to give it to her."

"You really think you can control her?" Bobby asked dubiously. "I mean, she's not just a bitch. She's THE bitch, and that's 'Miss Bitch' to everyone else."

"I can handle her." I said confidently. "I'll offer her the deal in front of you and the deputy."

"Frere Jacques, if you want her, you can have her." Bobby stated. "She's all yours."

The next morning, I started the long drive to New York to implement my plan. Tiffany had never been properly disciplined as a child, and had carried her spoiled brat mentality into adulthood. She had never held a job - not that she could anyway - because Bobby had taken her in right out of high school. Ten years later, it was time she had a taste of the real world; with real world consequences that resulted from her actions.

I checked into a motel and called Bobby to let him know I had arrived.

"I stopped by the courthouse this morning and filed the paperwork." he said. "The sheriff happened to be there and we had a long talk. Two deputies will be there at 9:00 AM to evict her."

"I'll be there at a quarter 'til." I replied.

Bobby snorted good naturedly on the other end of the line.

"I love the way you say that down South." he laughed.

"And I suppose you think 'quarter of' is appropriate?" I countered. "A quarter of what?"

"I know. You've made your point." Bobby chortled. "I'll see you in the morning."

I arrived at my brother-in-law's house at 8:45 AM, and knocked on the front door with a shave and a haircut knock, despite the fact there was a perfectly good doorbell button to push. I heard some rustling inside the house and a call of, "I'll get it!" from within. A few seconds later the door opened, and Bobby smiled broadly.

"Hey Brother!" he said exuberantly.

I stepped inside, and we shook hands and hugged.

"Hey yourself!" I burst out, loud enough for Tiffany to overhear. "How the hell have you been?"

I followed Bobby into the living room, and we parked our asses on the sofa.

"Thank God you're here." he whispered. "She's already started her shit. I'm 35 years old and my temples are getting gray! I can't take it anymore."

"It'll be over shortly." I said quietly. "Just hang in there."

About that time, Tiffany entered the room. She looked me up and down and then huffed disapprovingly. She knew I didn't like her, and the feeling was mutual on her end as well.

"What are you doing in my house?" she demanded. "You're not a part of this family anymore. Why do you still come back here?"

I smiled at her as I mulled over in my mind that in five more minutes, neither was she.

"I'm more a part of this family than you will ever be." I replied smugly. "At least my in-laws like me."

"Bullshit!" Tiffany bellowed. "Get out of my house!"

"He's not going anywhere!" Bobby said authoritatively. "This is MY house, not yours."

Tiffany backed off slightly at his admonishment. It was the first time I had seen him stand up to her, and she was clearly taken aback at the rebuke.

"Then at least take your shoes off." she said sullenly. "You know I don't like people wearing shoes in here."

"I'm not taking my shoes off." I responded casually. "Your house is a disgusting mess. You never vacuum or clean the carpets. If I took my shoes off, I would get my socks all dirty and then put them inside my clean shoes and ruin them? No thanks."

"I said, take your fucking shoes off, you fucking redneck bastard!" Tiffany screamed. "This is MY fucking house, you fucking piece of shit!"

As if on cue, there were three loud knocks on the front door.

"Sheriff's Office! Open up!"

Tiffany looked at Bobby accusingly.

"What the fuck have you done now?" she demanded. "You're the most useless excuse of a cop I've ever seen."

"Why don't you answer the door and find out?" I suggested, with a huge smirk on my face.

"Fuck off!" Tiffany retorted.

She strode over to the door and jerked it open, revealing two uniformed deputies.

"Tiffany Riviccio?" one of the deputies inquired.

"Y-yesss." Tiffany stammered.

"By order of the County Sheriff, you are hereby ordered to evacuate these premises immediately." the deputy informed her. "You have fifteen minutes to take what you can. The rest of your possessions will be boxed up and sent to your new location."

"W-what?!" Tiffany gasped.

"He means that you are no longer welcome in MY house, Tiffany!" Bobby burst out.

I could see the freedom in his eyes, and I heard in his voice, a clarity that I had not heard before in Tiffany's presence.

"I want you out of my house!" Bobby yelled. "I've put up with your shit for years! I'm done! Get the fuck out of my house!"

Tiffany stood silent for a moment, before her rage kicked in. She headed straight for Bobby and kicked him square in the balls. He fell like a sack of grain and cupped his testicles, as he tried to regain his breath.

Within a second, Tiffany was face down on the nasty carpet; her hands cuffed behind her back and her snotty face pushed into the filth she'd never bothered to clean.

"You're under arrest for assault and domestic violence!" the deputy hollered. "You're going to jail!"

"Wait!" Bobby gasped.

I rushed to his side and held his hands firmly in mine.

"Are you okay?" I inquired.

He nodded and tried to move, but could not.

"Take the bitch!" he grunted. "She's yours!"

He fell back and curled up into a fetal position.

"I won't press charges on one condition." he gasped. "Place her under custody of my brother-in-law. Turn her over to him."

"This is highly unusual." the other deputy chimed in. "I need to call this in."

"I talked to Tom yesterday." Bobby groaned. "It's okay. Just get this bitch out of my house and turn her over to him."

"What the fuck is this shit?!" Tiffany demanded. "I'm not a piece of meat!"

"No." I replied calmly. "You're a piece of shit. And you're going to jail, unless you decide to cooperate."

"What do you mean?" Tiffany spat. "Cooperate with who?"

"Me." I replied cheerily, as I knelt next to her.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Tiffany barked. "I hate you, you fucking redneck motherfucker!"

"Well, it's like this." I explained, as I stroked her hair. "Your entire family won't take you in. None of your friends will, either. Bobby was your last chance and you blew that. Look, you were supposed to be evicted today and for me to offer to take you in, but now, you assaulted him in front of two cops. Do you have any idea how much trouble you are in?"

"Not only are you out of a place to live, you're looking at felony time. You won't need a place to live because you'll be in prison! And then, what will you do when you get out? Turn tricks? OD? Commit suicide? You have one choice, Tiffany, and you'd better take it. Come home with me."

Tiffany stared at me for several seconds before replying.

"I hate you!" she responded. "Why the fuck would I go with you?"

"It's me or prison." I said with a shrug. "Thirty, twenty nine, twenty eight, twenty seven..."

"Stop." Tiffany said. "Please."

She planted her face back down into the retched carpet and began sobbing; muttering something incoherent. I reached out and buried my fingers in her hair, and pulled her head back up.

"Jail or me." I repeated. "And just so that you know, by the time I'm done with you, you'll wish you'd spent the five years in state prison instead."

I let go of her head, and Tiffany fell forward. Her whole body was shaking as she sobbed hysterically.

"Are we done here?" the second deputy inquired.

Bobby nodded.

"Yes. If you ever have to come back here, it won't be pretty." He leaned next to Tiffany's head. "Will it, Bitch?"

He reached into his pocket and used his own handcuff key to release Tiffany's restraints. He handed the cuffs back to the first deputy, who accepted them with a nod.

"She's gone?" he inquired.

"She's gone!" I replied. "I'll take care of her from here on out."

She was still laying face down, and I slid my hands under her chest until I was cupping both of her tits in my hands. I gave them a wonderful squeeze before pulling her to her feet.

"Did you see that?" Tiffany screamed. "He sexually assaulted me!"

The first deputy reached over his shoulder and gave us the middle finger as he exited the front door.

"You're on your own." Bobby snarled. "You have fifteen minutes to get what you can and get the fuck out of my house."

For the first time in her life, Tiffany suddenly realized that this was not a game. She was no longer in charge and even worse, if she did not play by the new rules, she had nowhere to go.

"My... my clothes!" Tiffany sniffed. "I need my clothes. Will you send my other things later?"

"If you're a good little girl and obey your master." I cut in. "Don't even worry about that right now. If you can somehow manage to get home without me putting your ass out on the side of the road for smarting off, it'll be a miracle."

Thirty minutes later, five garbage bags were stuffed with Tiffany's clothes and tossed into the back of my crossover, along with a personal bag of stuff. I spoke not a word for the first hour, as I threaded my way through back roads to hit the interstate to take me home, country roads!

"Why are you doing this?" Tiffany finally inquired.

"Because I want to fuck you." I replied casually, checking my mirrors and changing lanes to pass a slow moving box truck.

"What?! Fuck me? Fuck you!" Tiffany screamed. "I'll never fuck you, you fucking shit head! I fucking hate your fucking ass!"

Without a word, I pulled to the side of the road and came to a stop.

"Get the fuck out of my car!" I snarled. "Get the fuck out and leave everything you have here. Go! Get going, Bitch! Get the fuck out of my fucking car! See how long you last on your own."

Tiffany stared at me dumbfounded. No one had ever dared to talk to Her Majesty like that before, and she was at a loss for words.

"I-what... I mean... I don't..." she faltered.

"We still have ten hours to go." I said sternly. "You will get three strikes, and then you are out. This was Strike One. Next time, you'll take off your top and bra and toss them out the window. Strike Three and you'll have the option to take the rest off and try and make it home, or I put your ass out on the side of the road topless. If you opt to take the rest off, you'd better be damned certain you don't fuck up again, or you'll find yourself on the side of the road completely nude, understand?"

Tiffany stared at me but did not answer.

"Get out!" I roared. "Get the fuck out! Do you think I'm playing a game? Do you think you can play me like you did, Bobby? Who the fuck do you think you are, you little entitled bitch? Get out of my car and go find someplace to live."

Complete silence followed, and after a minute or so, I continued.

"This is your last chance, Tiffany. Nobody else wants you. Even your own family won't take you in. Believe me, Bobby tried. Many times. What does that tell you, huh? You are such a fucking cunt that even your own parents won't take you back. Your own mother and father don't want you, Tiffany. The only thing between you and a box, is me. Fuck up two more times and you'll be living in that box by the end of the day, got it?"

Tiffany looked downward for several seconds before replying.

"Yeah."

"What?!" I bellowed in her face. "What did you just say to me? I was in the Marines for twelve years, and if I ever answered my superior that way, I'd have been doing KP for six months! Now, what did you mean to say to me, you little worthless piece of shit, you fucking bitch?!"

"Yes... SIR." she finally answered.

"Good girl." I replied. "You WILL learn respect, and you will learn to be respectful. Not just to me, but to everyone on this planet. The world doesn't revolve around you, so wake the fuck up! You will be rewarded for being respectful to others. Consequently, if you fuck up, you will be punished for being disrespectful, and if you think you have it bad between here and home, if you fuck up there, I will humiliate you to no end. I'll turn you loose in the middle of town without a stitch on, got it?"

Tiffany nodded.

"Yes Sir." she replied.

I thought that was it; I really did. Had that been it, there would be no need for a story, but Tiffany just couldn't keep her mouth shut. Almost thirty years of disrespect were flowing through her veins, and she just could not help herself.

By the time we reached my little Blue Heaven in the mountains of Appalachia, all of her clothes had been tossed out the window, and with less than twenty five miles to go, she fucked up yet again. She just could not help herself!

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I demanded, as I coasted to a stop along a quiet country road. "You never fucking learn, do you? Get the fuck out of my car!"

"I can't!" she shrieked. "Oh God, I can't! Oh please Jack, don't make me get out. I'll be good, I promise! I promise. Oh please, Jack. I'll be good. I'll be good, I promise."

"You know, Tiffany..." I began, "I just don't understand you. You treat everyone around you like shit. You're no prize. In fact, you're pretty fucking ugly in my book. I have no idea whatsoever, what Bobby ever saw in you, but you're goddamned lucky my brother-in-law thought you were worth a fuck. If you think you're chipping off of your sister's block, she's a fucking fat pig with bleached hair that won't be able to make a living off of porn sites in the next five years, so pull your ugly fucking head out of your tight little ass."

"I'll try." Tiffany responded.

She dropped her head in shame.

"Am I really ugly to you?" she asked quietly.

I thought about her question for a minute or so, before I replied.

"Yes. Your face matches your personality." I responded. "What part of this do you not understand? No one wants you, Tiffany. You have the personality of an ogre. The only reason Bobby took you in is because you go both ways. And then, there's that whole thing with the dog at your prom..."

"Stop!" Tiffany implored. "Please stop. Please. What do I need to do?"

"Whatever I tell you." I replied, reaching out and squeezing her ample tits firmly. "And you can start by sucking my penis until I cum in your mouth."

"You're disgusting, you filthy fucking pig!" Tiffany shrieked.

"Then get out." I replied calmly. "You have no clothes on and you know the way home. Get out of my car."

"You fucking bastard!" Tiffany exploded. "Fine, you son of a bitch. I'll suck your dick. I'll swallow it too. Just you wait until I call the sheriff about this!"

I burst out laughing at Tiffany's last remark.

"You think that's funny?" she demanded.

"Yeah." I replied. "I do, you clueless bitch. In the event you haven't been paying attention, I won the elections in this county last year. I AM the sheriff!"