All Comments on 'Time to Breathe'

Aw, mate, you're not meant to do that to your leading man. Still, spinning in space, now that was an image!

Had to be done EB. There just wasn't enough air to go around.

I know I already sent copious thoughts on this story as it was in its final editing, but thank you again for grabbing the opportunity to write this, Loqui. Your story delighted me and touched me, I love your characters, and you made the nerd-core of my brain absolutely buzz with all that math, physics, and chemistry! :D I was totally back in college and geeking out something fierce. This is a perfect entry for the theme.

Best wishes with anything that you'd like to write next.

Thanks again for all of the advice and coaching, Etaski!

I was lost in all the science and math but that's just not how my brain works. I did however really like your characters and how you built them up throughout the story. I loved the early banter that we caught a glimpse of now and then in the more serious moments. The sex was funny and just as enjoyable as their budding friendship/romance.

The epilogue was heart-catching, I grinned at the name you chose.

Really well done, thanks for a good read. :)

That was one well done rolleroaster ride. From fighting back the tears to laughing out so hard that my cats sprinted from my bed, it was all there. And you managed a surprisingly tender, emotion-heavy sex scene in between all the big and small catastrophes. Sometimes a good story needs planet-spanning adventures, stakes shaking up the galactic status quo and whole fleets crashing into each other. Oh, and hot group sex.

This is not one of these times. Two people and a very personal shitstorm is all it takes to create nail-biting drama. The balancing act of mating hard science and humanity seemed effortless. The ending only hits this hard because you've written some love-worthy characters. Hats off to you.

Well done, Loqui. From the moment I read the first 3000 words of the story, I knew you had a winner right then and there. That you went and actually took my advice on how to end it... did not expect that. :)

I really enjoyed this. I'm not technical enough to know whether the science underlying it is legitimate or plausible, but from a layperson's standpoint, you did a great job of creating the dilemma and using science deftly to create and keep ratcheting up the suspense. Excellent world-building. That's why I say it reminds me of The Martian. The detail is excellent.

At the same time you created two characters who were believable and likeable, and by the time the sex happened it all made sense.

The sex scene, too, was great. One of the most memorable I have read on Literotica.

I love the way you incorporated low gravity. The spinning scene -- how do you think of something like that? Did you see that somewhere? Or is that just you?

The ending was bittersweet, but appropriate. It worked for me.

I also liked the prose a lot. The use of detail relating to microgravity gives the sex scene a freshness that's really hard to achieve with story after story.

Great job.

Thanks SD! I had just finished reading "Artemis", Andy Weir's second novel, when the GPD project was announced. It was definitely a conscious decision to write something with the same kind of feel as "The Martian", and I'm so glad that I did it well enough for someone to recognize.

As for the spinning scene, I knew I wanted some kind of sex act that would be impossible with gravity, and I struggled to come up with something for a while. I was reading another story here (I wish I could remember whose, so I could give credit) where a girl was described as a "spinner". I had to hit up Urban Dictionary to see what it meant. That eventually evolved into the idea I used.

Just wow, your first story in Sci-fi is wonderful. Five Stars ain't enough. Thank you for it, added to my favs.

PS: the so called "Similar Stories" ain't no where close to the quality of this story, and should be ignored! I don't know who adds those stories, but they should be deleted.

This is the first of your stories I've read and I'm impressed, especially that you have taken advantage of help from other excellent writers on this site to produce a unique, to my mind, story. Between the spinning and the sock, I'm never forgetting it. Too bad for your leading man, but I guess it had to be done to get the poignant epilogue. Very well done and I'll definitely check your other stories. Cheers!

Thanks for the great comment on my story, Crusader. I'm glad you enjoyed it. When my stories get put on Favorite lists I like to check out what else the person likes too. Often I find my stories on lists that are thousands of titles long. I find it much more flattering when I make it make it onto short lists like yours.

I think the "Similar Stories" are probably generated by an algorithm based on stories that were voted on or favorited by other people who also voted/favorited mine.

Thanks for the comment, eidetic. I really could not have pulled this story together without the motivation of the GPD anthology and the encouragement of the other participants. It's the longest thing I've ever written, and I struggled with it at times. But it's definitely the best thing I've ever written, so it was worth it. I hope my other stories don't disappoint, but they don't really compare to the standard I set here.

You sure made us feel what it's like, though---a graceful mid-air Newtonian ballet. I loved the way the characters were always making just the smallest finger pushes to correct their trajectories, the way they had to deliberately brace each other to drive their thrusts effectively home.

The story is a lot more than just special effects though. It's very compelling on many levels: as an exciting survival-in-space sci-fi drama, as a geeky Martian-like how-to-do-it, as a sincere love story between two interesting and engaging characters, as an erotically charged first-time story between an experienced, big-hearted woman and an innocent but enthusiastic younger guy. A real corker of a story in terms of word craft, story telling, mechanical engineering, and emotion. Congratulations! Well done!

The parallels to The Martian have already been mentioned. I'll mention one more parallel. The epilogue reminded me of the poignant final chapter of Cold Mountain. In both cases a new character makes a surprise appearance. It takes the reader a second to work out the miracle that must have occurred, and the realization converts his or her tears of sadness into tears of hope.

Thanks so much for that great comment, HB. It's rewarding to have to have so many of the themes picked out that way. This is probably the first time one of my stories has been called a "real corker".

I'm not familiar with Cold Mountain, but I'll make a note to check it out when I get through the rest of the GPD stories.

I should say that my comment about Cold Mountain refers to the book by Charles Frazier, not the movie (which I haven't seen). : )

I liked the slow build up between the characters and how Patel takes the lead (including the taking off the socks part- so true!). Their sex scene mixed passion, humor and physics in an original way that made the waiting worth it. And the ending really got me, but sacrificing the hero is sometimes the only solution. Great submission!

Awesome story -- reminded me of the harder SF stories of Niven or Campbell or Clarke without being derivitive, the characters were well realized, the dialogue was excellent, and the ending appropriately heartbreaking. Fantastic work.

Very glad I took the time to read it. Well done.

Excellent story marred by a little moisture in my eyes at the end. Must be allergies.....5*

Loved the zero grav sex scene.

You don't have a single anonymous comment, what gives with that? 😆

Really though, very, very good! I also suffered from allergies at the end. And whoever said sometimes the hero has to die, well as much as I want to argue, it was the best ending.

So Bravo, and we'll be reading some more of your stuff, and taking a peek at your favorite list.

Pobrat

I’m a retired U.S. Naval officer who first served as a enlisted Petty Officer, and your understanding of the relationship between the enlisted ranks and officers is remarkable. It is normal that an enlisted specialist will know more about his field than will the officers commanding him— the officers are generalists . When the officer is a chaplain, or Medical or Nurse Corps, they then are specialists themselves, and often without particular military or leadership skills (in the U.S. Navy, both the Chaplain Corps and the Nurse Corps are described as “eating their young”!). You nailed that aspect of the military.

I loved your description of how the relatively senior Nurse Corps Officer had to feel out how to deal with the very junior enlisted sailor, in a situation where she felt she was responsible for their having been stranded, both personally and as “senior officer present afloat” (“in space”?), and yet also knew she had to depend on his greater technical skills; meanwhile he was happy to relinquish responsibility to an officer, but knew that she was a nurse and therefore largely useless.

I can’t guess what the Star Alliance will be like in terms of officer/enlisted relationships, as it doesn’t yet exist. What you wrote, though, feels real— there are circumstances under which the rules regarding fraternization are going to get tossed out the window, and “we’re both going to die soon” seems like one of them. Your description of their too-brief sexual affair was more sweet than erotic, and fit the story beautifully.

Bravo Zulu!

Tango Yankee, Anonymous Sailor!

So much of sci-fi only shows us the officers. I made a specific effort to put an enlisted man in space, and it's gratifying that someone recognized the effort it took to get that enlisted/officer rapport just right. Pairing him with an uber-competent "Star Trek" type officer would have relegated Jones to the background again, and I needed someone who knew something about respiration, so a Nurse Corps officer fit the role nicely.

Originally Patel started out as a much more hard-ass "Maj. Houlihan" type of nurse, but I didn't like the dynamic that was evolving. Jones was still the support character in her story. So I gave her a more carefree, adventurous personality. That's what it took to bring Jones up into the spotlight.

I'm so glad you enjoyed the story and took the time to comment.

Thank you! A most enjoyable read; appreciated the comments from those with military experience. Brought tears to my eyes as I came to care about the people as well as the storyline. Please keep on writing.

Amazing Story with attention to details. The shortness of the ending made it more emotional. Hoping this would have a part II where tamana preserved his body was able to revive him Captain America style.

This story is really touching and got me hooked that I made my account just to rate and comment on your story. Keep it up and hoping to read more space stories like this!

Aw! Thank you SO much, AMSD. I hope I don't let you down. While I do write sequels, I don't really have any ideas for Patel and Jones at the moment. Your Captain America idea is intriguing, though. We'll see if that seed takes root.

In the meantime, my story "One Night in Dubai" has a similar kind of vibe. If you really like space stories with a hard-science edge to them, I recommend "Mercury Retrograde" by MSTarot and "Taking Lots of Falls" by limentina.

Beautifully written story, and while the end was a bitter pill to take, the hope it contained was emotionally touching. Well done.

Very good imagination - great story

A sci fi delight - thanks

This was a really good story! I don't like the idea that anyone "deserves" sex, though... I wish that Patel's motivation had been more nakedly horny from the get-go, rather than altruistic... (or that they'd had more obvious chemistry from the start) but the sex was a minor part of the story, all told, and I am quite impressed with how you've woven this one. The math, science, and pacing were all enjoyable.

In a tale of unfortunate consequences and scientific rigor, it's quite... fortuitous that this one encounter resulted in a viable pregnancy. But I guess it's good drama. Thanks for sharing!

I wasn't expecting that, Great Work/Writing . . . thanks for what you do!

Not where I thought this was going to end damn you. Good job.

Ditto.

You did a good job with the sacrifice some do for others.

Incredible work, you had me googling water electrolysis to refresh my memory (you know, just in case it comes up). A lot of tension, passion, and sweetness. Downer ending, but perfectly in line for an innocent kid with his head full of chivalry

Brilliantly sexy and sci-fi with proper science, too. Five and sorry it can’t be six.

Time to check out your other stories.

One thing bothers me though. How did the oxygen get from 10% back up to 19%? Did the rescue people pipe more in? Did the electrolysis catch up once there was only one person breathing?

I saw immediately that killing one of them would give them more time but you really made that solution feel good in a way I wasn't imagining on my own. Thanks for that.

Thanks so much for your great comment, Joy. I'm glad you enjoyed it. To answer your question, based on my math (as I recall it, since I can't actually find my notes at the moment), the electrolysis was generating more than enough oxygen for one person, but not enough for two. So once it was just Tamana, an O2 surplus was able to build up.

As for my other stories, this is really my only "hard science" story. It took a LOT of research. I don't have any other sci-fi stories quite like it, but "One Night in Dubai" and "A Fairy Affair at a Faire" both involved a lot of research as well and reflect that in a similar way.

Thanks again for taking the time to comment.