TJ Ch. 09

"What the fuck, Castro. Let me go. I heard what he said. He doesn't want me hanging around. He was relieved when I went to lunch. It's obvious he wants me to leave him alone, so I will."

"I swear to God, you are a dumbass. Did you ever stop to think he might have been talking about someone else? Like his dad, maybe?"

"Bullshit. He couldn't wait for his dad to get home from El Paso. He told me so Thursday night. The only one who's been around him too much is me. I can take a fucking hint."

When I turned to get into my car, Castro surprised me by pulling me back and slamming me against the back door. He got right in my face and started talking. His voice was low and menacing when he said, "Listen here. My best friend is up in that hospital bed crying because he knows he just fucked up. He's lost two of few things he holds precious in his life. The things that make him happy. They are his dad, football, baseball, his friends, and probably most important, you. If you drive away now, he'll think he's lost three things. Do. Not. Hurt. Him. Like. That. It doesn't matter if he was talking about you or not. What he said was just him venting. I told him to say whatever he wanted to let out his frustrations. I told him to tell me anything he didn't want to say to anyone else, so it would be out of his system. You happened to have shit timing.

"Yes, he might have been talking about you when he said that. It doesn't mean he meant it. He loves you more than anything. So, if you don't get your gringo ass up to that room right this fucking minute, I will kick your fucking ass. Are we clear?"

I tried to push him away, but he was stronger, so it didn't really work out too well for me. I started crying and I asked through the tears, "How the fuck am I supposed to act like nothing's wrong? I heard him say he's tired of me being around. I don't care if he meant for me to hear it or not. It's how he feels. I don't want to be where I'm not wanted."

I didn't expect him to pull me into a hug; but when he did, I lost it and cried on his shoulder. After a few moments, his phone started ringing. He answered it. "Hey...Yeah I caught up to him...I'm trying to get him to go back up now to talk to you. He's pretty upset by what he heard, and I can't say I blame him. I would've been too...I know you didn't mean it, and you didn't mean for him to hear...Okay, let me see."

He pulled the phone from his ear and said, "He wants to talk to you. Please just listen to what he has to say. Then, you can leave or go back upstairs."

I took the phone from him and asked in a flat, emotionless voice, "What?"

The fact Sean was crying was evident when he spoke. "I'm so, so, sorry you heard me say that. I swear I didn't mean it. I mean, I thought it, but I love you too much to ever say that to you."

I tried to keep my voice even when I said, "You know how I feel about being unwanted," but my voice choked on a sob when I said the last word.

"Oh God, babe. I'm so sorry. I do want you. I always want you. I love you so fucking much. Please don't leave me. I don't feel complete when you're not around. I'm begging you, please come back and stay with me. Please."

I handed Castro back his phone without a word. I looked from the car to the hospital entrance. Finally, I closed the car door and started walking back into the hospital. I heard Castro's voice behind, "You're one lucky son of a bitch. You better kiss his ass big time when he gets back up there...I love you too, bro. Send Jenny and them down. Tell them I'll be waiting in the lobby...Alright, bro. I'll see you later."

He followed me to the elevators and stopped me right before I hit the call button. "Don't be too hard on him. He's upset about football and baseball. He's overly emotional from the concussion. Besides, you didn't hear what he said before he said that. He told me he loves you more than anything and can't imagine a life without you. He said he hated himself for what he was about to tell me. He couldn't believe he was even thinking it. So, if you're going to give him shit over it, and I won't blame you if you do, please wait till after he's out of here and getting better. Okay?"

"Yeah, sure, okay. This is going to be so fucking hard. I'll have it in my head all day now that I'm annoying him."

The elevator opened, and Jenny, Mike, and Amber stepped out. Jenny hugged me and told me to listen to what Sean tells me and not what I accidentally overheard. Mike gave me a hug and told me to forgive the dumb jock because he realized what a good thing he had as soon as I left the room. Amber looked at me for a second and whispered, "He wants you with him. I know he does. He loves you and you need to tell him you love him too. He's up there worried he messed up too big to fix. I know you love him, just remember that."

I nodded, told them goodbye, and got in the elevator. When I entered the room, I saw Sean sitting in the bed, with tears in his eyes. A nurse was asking if everything was okay. He looked at me and said, "I hope so. My heart just got back up here. Hopefully, he'll stay and forgive me."

I laughed. "You're a fucking idiot. You are aware of that, right?"

A slight smile appeared on his face and he nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"Because you know I'm the best thing that will ever happen to you?"

His smile got bigger and he nodded more. "Yeah, I know."

"You know I'm not going anywhere if I come back in there. No matter what you say, you're not going to get rid of me easily."

His smile turned into a grin. "Good, I don't want you to ever go anywhere. Now, it's my turn. You know I'm sorry you heard that, right?" I nodded, and he continued, "You know I'm sorry I said it too, right?" I nodded again. "Alright. You know, just because I think something, doesn't make it true. He asked me what I was thinking. He told me to tell him everything I was thinking and to just say the negative thoughts out loud to get them out of my system. It's something we've done our whole lives. Normally, we make sure we won't be overheard when we do it."

The nurse finished checking his vitals, then turned to me and said, "You've got a good one right here. I wouldn't hold it against him if he said sweet things like that to me."

I smiled and nodded. "I know. He's the best. I can't stay mad at him. I'm here to stay."

The nurse smiled, left the room, and closed the door behind her. I crossed the room and gave him a hug. He drew me into a kiss. It was so passionate, we didn't hear the door open. We didn't break the kiss till we heard the catcalls and whistles from Kevin and Josh. He wouldn't let me go till I sat on the bed next to him, then he put his arm around my waist. When Jacob asked what was going on, Sean said, "I'm holding onto what I love. I'm not letting him go, ever. Except when they kick him out tonight. Then I'll only let him go if he promises to always come back to me."

Jacob looked at us, trying to figure out what was going on. I looked at him and said, "I was stupid and almost let him push me away. But, I came back and now I don't plan on leaving again."