All Comments on 'To Capture a Heart'

So much to the story is unanswered. Did her mom find out who the father is and divorce him, did Amelia's dreams come true about twins or even having to children by her father, did she tell her best friend? It was a pretty good story till all the unanswered questions.

More quality work, you managed to toe the line well between almost plausible and over the top when it came to the daughters gradual seduction.

The last third felt slightly rushed even though 12 pages is probably long enough for most readers, I guess this is an idea you’ve been trying to just get out on the page for a while huh, even still was happy with it overall.

Thought everything was gonna blow up in the dads face towards the end but happy how it all resolved, I feel like so many stories lose all tension when things are revealed, like the other poster would’ve liked a few more details towards the end but I think that was just because I was pretty invested by the end, although glad you didn’t trudge through multiple pregnancies etc making some weird play by play epilogue.

Keen to see more of your work! Whether it’s more of the other two stories or more original content.

That was absolutely fantastic. It is writers like you that keep me on this site. It was so very well-written and kept me on the edge of my seat. I cannot wait to see what else you come up with in the future.

“Daddy was mine now. She had been consorting with the enemy for years without even realizing.”

Loved that line, if you continue you Kiara story wouldn’t mind seeing more of the mother/daughter animosity very hot

I normally wouldn't be able to finish this long of a story written by a non-native English writer and I do have to say that, while not perfect in sentence structure or some of the words or terms you used, your English is still pretty damned good and not hard at all to read... even for me being a bit of a "grammar Nazi".

Well done. I gave you 4 stars (I rarely give ANYONE 5)

Well, it's hard to find an editor for a 40k story written by a non-native. If you see a pattern in the mistakes I make then feel free to contact me if you like and let me know. Maybe I can improve my English. I do the best I can but it's difficult writing in a foreign language, so I have stopped writing for the time being.

The dialogue is just so schizophrenic, what a mess.

Well, you did say slutty daughter. Should have lowered my standards. Daddy should have kicked the whore out.

I really enjoyed how this story evolved, and the imagery from the dreams. The characters were really nicely developed. Hope you keep writing!

I tentatively decided to read it, despite the phrase about her being a "slutty daughter". I was hoping that was just her behaviour and not a reflection on her actual sexual activities. No one wants to read about slut daughters that fuck a bunch of random guys then has some relationship with the dad. It's just nasty and not in a good way. Sadly it was all true, though it could have been way worse. Slutting herself out to older guys in a bar. Way to make your dad proud! Funny she's not on the pill though. Seemed convenient for the story but not really realistic.

All this build up and reluctance was somewhat annoying to stumble through, especially after hearing the daughter was basically a bit of a slut, giving it to any guy in the bar that was whispering sweet nothings in her ear. Kind of a disappointment but I guess I should be used to that. Most stories always do this shit. Honestly not sure why a lot of authors thing it's good content, but it's their story to write I guess.