by LunaMacintrye
Longer? Just a suggestion. If you have the time, I do not want to intrude upon your personal time or interfere with your life.
Honestly, I'm drawn into your story line. You have a great grasp on what draws readers in and your character development is spot on. If I had to offer a single criticism though, it would be that the exposure of her reason for running was both a little abrupt and almost seemed a little forcefully dramatic. Arranged marriage is a little jaw dropping, but if she knew she was a demon, why didn't she see something like this coming? Also, she cites previous cruelty from her father, but in the same turn he went from fishing with her like he does every year while spending time with her to handing her off as a marriage pawn. I didn't sense any previous cruelty from the way this was set up: it came as almost too much of a shock. I truly look forwards to seeing what you do next though, this story has me on the edge of my seat waiting for more.
I could feel the heat run thru my body as I was reading this. It was great, it gave more info on her past and Michael's feelings.
I could see the story making sense, I could understand tha her father used to go fishing with her before since it says it was in the past and changed faster the conversation, it hints you to more. On the way something changed an they stopped doing that. Also de deal his father made is important, we still don't know about that.
Loved this chapter a lot. And not wanting to interrupt your way of writing, I still want to read longer since your story is so good!
chapters could be either longer or more frequent. Looking forward to what comes next.
So we have ice mages, fire dudes, and vampires .... what kind if world is this? But I like it so far!