To Have a Sweetheart - David Ch. 04

He raised his head to suck on my neck.

I gasped a deep soundless moan, hitting my fist into the mattress.

The pleasure from my bottom and the sensation on my neck seemed to connect directly, creating an over the body buzz of bliss.

"Need. you. let me. feel. you." I gasped and wrapped my arms around him tighter, pulling myself closer to his body.

His arms wrapped under my body, barely lifting me from the bed.

I turned to his head, pressing our cheeks together, his ragged breaths were like music to my ears.

His hips smashed against mine harder. Faster.

My rock hard erection begged for attention between us, teased by the rubbing of our bodies against him.

Our chests heaved against each other, our unintelligible expressions making less and less sense by the thrust.

Something changed between us, his thrusts turning more vicious, his hips hammering into mine, my legs desperately trying to flex and work to meet his moves.

His hands dug into me harder. I felt him quiver.

Suddenly my body shook, a wave of shock passing through, like a string struck too strong.

His eyes met mine in stun, his movements at a standstill for that tiny moment.

Moistness spurted between our bodies.

Our eyes looked down at the same time.

As the realisation hit us together, he pistoned into me again with renewed fervour.

The intense wave of pleasure flooded over me. My eyes squeezed shut, I was seeing stars in the most literal meaning. My entire body felt like thrown into a jacuzzi, waves and waves shaking me from every direction.

I felt a burning tickle in my ass, a new feeling of fullness. A flood of slick wetness. Every following thrust turning wetter and wetter.

A primal cry fled my lips with his final violent thrust into me. I felt his cock twitch inside me, spasming to release what was left. His entire body shook, followed by us falling limp on the bed, his weight crushing me in a not at all comfortable way - not that I could focus on feeling anything.

We panted wildly. Our hearts beat erratically on their corresponding sides, thudding against the others chests. Our arms relaxed. I felt his cock throb in me with his heartbeat as if it'd have it's own pulse.

I tried to relive the moment, my body shuddered at the intenseness of the thought.

I could vividly feel his cum in me, his slowly calming erection readying to leave me.

We turned to each other at the same time, a bewildered smile appearing on our faces. Our eyes popping in a "wow". We shared a soft kiss, stunned unintelligible mutters passing our lips as he eased off of me and pulled me to his chest as he laid back.

We didn't speak nor move as we slowly descended from our high. The cum that slowly tried to pool out of me thrilled me with every little flow. The feeling of his essence in my body was magnificent.

...

The next morning I woke up alone. Never before had it bothered me as much that our sleeping and work schedules almost never let us wake up together. After such love making it should be illegal to leave your partners side in the morning. I fought hard to keep pouting, but reliving last night in my head made it impossible. And my morning glory sprung into new found liveliness and begged for attention at the memory...

With a bemused sigh I gently began to stroke myself as I replayed last night in a calm detailed manner. I laughed as I wasn't even halfway through before my body twitched in release.

It was already one o'clock. Two hours before Luke finished. Wasn't too bad. I'd just roll in bed for a while, grab a bite to eat and he'd almost be back home.

Jemma joined me as I savoured my guilty pleasure of turning sides in bed for longer than any responsible adult would, but that was just a perfect dot to the last day. For the first time I could find a job out of desire not necessity. Do something, somewhere, that I really wanted. And heck, for the first time I had someone waiting for me at home, besides my dear old loyal companion Jemma, of course.

I thought I really should call Lisa. She had to like Luke. She hated war and everything associated with it, but she'd like him wouldn't she? One could hope.

I stared at my phone in bed with her contact up on the screen. No, I had to call her, I really had to. Okay I'd just text her for now. Ballsy, I know. Better tell her everything she wouldn't like about him straight out and then maybe ignore her for a few days until she calmed down.

"I want you to meet my boyfriend. You'll hate that he's nine years older than me, he just quit the army where he was a captain and he has an ex-wife. But I swear-swear-swear he's a gentleman and I really-really like him. He's Jemmas best friend too so you have to give him a chance, pretty please?" I wrote to her and sent it with my heart rate through the roof. She had to like him. Turning off my phone seemed like a good idea...

I dragged myself out of bed and decided on making a breakfast large enough that Luke could have lunch when he got home. He was coming to my place, right? Needed him to move in. Damn it, I had it bad.

I tossed all the leftovers I had into a giant quiche and popped it into the oven as I had a coffee and cigarette. I usually didn't smoke on free time, but free time was sort of all I had as of last night. Well, rehearsals were starting in a few days, but that really wasn't 'work'.

For a moment I wondered why Jemma wasn't bugging me for food, but then the obvious struck me, of course Luke fed her. He was as into the cat as she was into him. At least she'd stopped disturbing our intercourses every time, miraculously she even seemed to start tending to stay away.

I took my coffee to my laptop and checked out the job market out of interest. Jesus the idiots out there. The good old joke of 'we're looking for a straight out of school guy with ten years of experience' seemed to describe a good half of the ad's. The other half was so-so, places I'd never work at, 'we're looking for a waiter to do a managers job at a waiters pay' and a few needles in the huge hay stack that actually seemed legit and reasonable. I saved the two somewhat enthralling offers into my bookmarks and closed the computer.

Taking the quiche out of the oven I had to groan as it was still an hour at least for Luke to be back. If he came back. Fuck, get a grip.

I sent him a text that I made lunch for him as a not so subtle hint that I wanted him back at my place. I was hopeless. The reality of how badly I needed a job to keep myself busy dawned on me a little too infuriatingly. Or a new hobby. Two probably.

I submerged myself in my music sheets and was glad to get a text back from Luke, saying that he was finishing soon and lunch sounded perfect. In a way I didn't even need to study the sheets, if you'd played an instrument long enough, it turned into a language for you, the extensive pages full of notes at different heights and in varying lengths started turning into words, sentences, stories. Just as if reading a book, making the words sound in your head, music sounded in mine.

I hadn't even noticed that I'd magically spent the time until Luke coming back before I heard the sound of the lock. I quickly reorganised my sprawled sheets and jumped up to meet Luke in the hallway with Jemma already ahead of me.

"Now, this is a welcome." he chuckled before kissing me and leaning down to pet Jemma.

"Missed you." I noted with a pout.

"Don't give me that face, do you know how hard it is to leave your side in the morning, especially today?" he smirked to me.

"No and I don't want to know." I grinned smugly.

"Okay, I'll have a quick shower and then I'm all yours." he said and kissed me again before making his way to the bathroom. For a second I wondered if I should have joined him, but I was more in a cuddle mood than anything else, so I decided against it.

Interestingly I felt like another smoke, so I went to the balcony and lit another one up. It was probably the fact that it was the second day I should have been working. Another coffee sounded surprisingly good as well. That was odd too, I wasn't usually much of a coffeeholic.

I finished my smoke and stepped back in, finding Luke standing in the middle of the living area with furrowed eyebrows, a towel wrapped around his hips.

"Something wrong?" I asked about his expression.

"You smoke?" he said in a way I couldn't understand if it was a statement or question with a strong note of accusation in his voice.

"Seriously? Yeah, I smoke. Well, I usually only smoke at work, now I just kinda felt like it. You really didn't know?" I asked in confusion. Had he really not known?

"No, you don't smoke!" he snapped a little too aggressively.

"I do, I've been smoking for years." I offered calmly, trying to keep my frustration at bay. We were seriously not having that problem...

"Years?!" he asked in displeasal.

"And so little that you didn't even notice for an entire month of dating me, you seriously can't be this upset about it." I retorted in bitterness as I stepped closer to him.

"Well I am. I really don't want to be bending your life to my will, but please don't smoke." -Did he just ask me not to smoke?!- "And more urgently, mouthwash. Now. Please." he ordered with utter seriousness in his face.

"This conversation isn't ending here." I hissed out angrily, pointing a finger at him, and stepped towards the bathroom.

"Yes it is, I can't live with you destroying your health like that!"

"Maybe you should have fucking thought about that before dating a bartender!" I yelled to him from the bathroom door and shut it behind me, my hands almost shaking from adrenaline.

Mouthwash, fine, but asking me to quit on the spot just like that? Fucking hell. Hell no, just no.

I rinsed my mouth in fury and spat out aggressively, staying over the sink, staring into my angered eyes in the mirror. Why couldn't I have had my sweet day in the clouds? Cuddling away without a worry in my mind. WHO was HE to ask me to quit? Okay, fine, bad question. But still that did NOT give him the right.

A pack a week tops, like seriously, that was nothing. Especially compared to my drinking habits that were at least triple the CMO's maximum recommendation.

How could he just jump on me like that? Get so aggressive over one smoke? Was that who he really was? Controlling and dominating, his will or no will at all? Getting past my initial anger I felt scared, scared that I'd misread him all that time and was stuck in another abusive relationship. The idea had me scared shitless and felt my eyes burn up, the familiar tingle of upcoming tears in my face. Fuck...

The door opened and I had to damn myself for not locking it. I quickly dried my eyes and tried to suppress the feeling of a growing hole in my chest. "Sorry." he said from behind me. I saw him standing in the doorway from the mirror, rubbing his head uncomfortably with his hand.

"You're not." I snapped as my negative thoughts clouded his sincerity and reached for the soap to wash my hands - better to do it at my own will than at his.

"I am. I didn't want to pick a fight." he said defeatedly.

"Yeah? Well then I'm curious what you're like when you ARE picking a fight." I fumed angredly.

"Stop." he sighed and came to me, wrapping his arms around me, "Please, just stop. I hate it, but it's not worth a fight. I don't want us to fight. I'm sorry I just attacked you like that." he murmured softly.

It was a pointless effort not to give into his embrace, even as I doubted his genuinity. I sighed as I reluctantly let myself absorb the comfort of his body, but still kept my face frowned, though my frown slowly turned into a mope, I wanted to frown. Not happy.

"I'm sorry, it's completely up to you, I have no right to tell you what to do or not. I'm sorry. Can we just put this behind us and have lunch?" he said as he gently rubbed his hands over my body.

"Yeah, okay." I sighed in defeat, now I felt like the asshole, smoking at home when I had a partner who couldn't stand it. Not that I'd known. Not that he'd known either.

I served us some semi cooled quiche and made myself another coffee, though I'd very much would have liked halving that with Baileys or Frangelico after that incident. In a way the feeling of safety I always felt with him felt lost, but I convinced myself it was just because I read into it too much.

We made plans to visit his mother as a distraction from our previous conversation and I slowly eased out of my mopey mood - even as I really wanted to keep on moping to point out how displeased I had been.

I made a silent promise not to smoke at home, but I definitely wasn't giving him the satisfaction of knowing that.

My phone rang and I groaned of frustration and Luke arched me an eyebrow. "Lisa," I explained, "I sent her a text about my new boyfriend earlier."

"Oh?" he said in surprise "Why the look?"

"She uhm... she can be special at times."

"Okay?" he offered doubtfully.

I did a final sigh and plastered a smile on my face. "Lisa." I answered the phone as cheerfully as possible, knowing she'd attack me any second.

"A divorced army man who's a decade older than you?!" she said and Luke immediately gave me a stunned look hearing her muffled words.

"Lisa, I swear he's nice." I cooed back to her.

"I'm sure serial killers are nice as well!" she almost yelled and Luke stared at me in shock.

"Come on, please, please give him a chance. I swear he's a sweetheart." I begged her.

"Sweethearts don't run around with guns to get what they want!" she persisted and Luke reached for the phone saying "David, let me."

Oh damn, she wasn't giving up... "Lisa please, just..." I groaned.

"David this man might as well be using you!" she scolded and I just handed the phone to Luke without any more words, holding my hands up in surrender.

"Luke Serene here Madam. I would like to assure you that your nephew is so busy using me that he rarely gives me the chance to use him." he said in his most formal tone and I just burst out laughing next to him. Oh god he did not. Giving him the phone might just be the best thing I've ever done in my life.

"Why did you marry a woman when you're gay?"

"I didn't. Well, I didn't know I was. But she divorced me well before that realisation."

"Why?"

"Madam, how about we leave some topics for when we meet?"

"Why would you think I'd want to meet you?"

"Because it would break Davids heart if you wouldn't."

Lisa took a few good moments to answer to that, finally saying "Alright, give him the phone back." and Luke handed me the call back.

"I'm back." I declared the switch.

"Does Jemma really like him?" she asked and I had to grin as she herself said Jemma was the most excellent judge of character.

"Yes, I think she's trying to steal him from me."

"You're not lying are you?"

"I swear I'm not."

"Alright, I'll give him a chance. But only because of you." she said giving in and we made plans for us to visit her. She calmed a fair bit hearing that we were visiting his mother who knew about us and she offered to catsit Jemma.

I looked over Luke as I finished the call. I was so in love with him that it scared me, our fight and uncertainties haunting me in a new wave. Suddenly my entire world seemed to be upside down.

If I'd been completely honest with myself then I'd have to have admitted that I was scared of him in a very irrational way. Physically he had absolutely every advantage over me. What'd happen if he'd really get mad with me? I'd have no way to defend myself. What if he'd be one of those men who was nice to you just until you suddenly had nowhere else to go and then show their true nature, having completely stripped you from your safety net?

"David, talk to me, what's happening?" he asked in concern. I suspected somewhere in my line of thoughts, my face must have dropped. I just stared at the table in front of me, my hands on the surface, shaking even as they were supported. For once in my life, could my hands not shake at the slightest hint of fear?

"Nothing," I mumbled and tried to reposition my hand into a position they wouldn't shake in. I was being irrational, Luke was a man who'd been in Kathirnes therapy for years, she probably knew every inch of his soul, she'd have warned me if there'd be any sort of danger. If she wouldn't have, then John would have. They'd said he was a sweetheart. But I just couldn't shake the irrational fear, if anything it grew. In my messed up mind I could already see myself looking at my bruised body in the mirror.

"You don't look too good." he said calmly and reached for my hand.

I janked my hand away before he could grab it, my sparse logic telling me that I was near panicking, but failed to tell me how to handle it.

"David, look at me, please," Luke asked me softly, but I just couldn't do it. I shook my head, tears threatening to spill, the sound of my pulse getting louder and louder in my ears.

"It's okay, you don't have to. Can I touch you?" he asked even more calmly.

I nodded. In my current state of mind I really wanted to say no, but I was too afraid to. His hands took hold of mine and my body started to quiver.

"Let's go to the couch okay?" he offered and stood up, his hands still on mine. In a way I felt like I was a bywatcher in my own body, completely shut into my brain. I felt like I couldn't move. My body was clearly shaking by that time.

"I'm going to move you, alright?" he said and picked me up in his arms, carrying me to the couch and putting me down. My world was completely tunnel visioned and the little that I did see could have might as well been blank. A tiny part of me registered that I was indeed having a panic attack, the only thing keeping me calm, telling me that I was safe in my home.

Luke wrapped a fleece around me and warned he was going to hug me before wrapping his arms around me. I shook in his embrace. He leaned back and pulled me to lay on his chest as he ran his hands over my body.

We stayed like that until my body stopped shaking and I slowly started to regain actual awareness of my surroundings. My mind gradually grasped the situation and everything normalised bit by bit. My body felt stiff, I'd been cramply not giving in to his comfort, I willed myself to relax, adjusting to be more comfortable on top of him.

"Are you back with me?" he asked softly.

I just nodded on his chest, still trying to grasp what'd happened, how'd I gotten that afraid of him? Just one argument and my mind already associated him with George? A few hard words and I shut down?

"You really scared me for a moment." he murmured as he kept on rubbing my back.

"I was really scared for a moment." I admitted, they said it took strength to be vulnerable, I hoped I had that strength for a few moments. "I know it's irrational, but my mind started drawing worse and worse cenarios of what'd happen if you'd get really mad, how I'd lose all control of my life, how I'd have no safety net-"

"Stop." Luke demanded as he cut me off and made me meet his eyes, "I'll never hurt you. Anyone who uses their physical strength to make their partner submit to their will is just a pathetic excuse of a man. I love you and it still feels crazy to be here with you, I'd never met anyone like you, you're just so passionate and lively. And god you're beautiful, how can you be so beautiful without a single effeminate thing about you is beyond me." he explained and caressed my head, letting me bury my face in the crook of his neck, "Yes, you are the smaller one between us, but I hope to god I never make you feel small. I hope I make you feel like you could have anything you ever wanted, because that's how I feel with you."

"I'm sorry, I just keep having these moments ever after George." I mumbled into his neck, trying to absorb as much comfort from his body as I possibly could.