To My Darling Eloise

This is my contribution to the Letters of Love 2022 Story Event. You may have met Finn and Eloise in 'Eloise—A tale of young love.' This letter is set twenty-five years after Finn and Eloise's wedding. As a content warning, there is talk of termination of pregnancy, a miscarriage, and the deaths of parents/grandparents.

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My darling, my love,

Usually, when I put pencil to paper, it is lines and shadows that combine to form a picture, a snapshot in time. Over the last twenty-five or more years, I think I have sketched every part of you, from your gorgeous auburn hair, the sparkle in your green eyes to those luscious tits I have never been able to get enough of.

A sketch only tells part of a story, however. I've never been able to capture your inner beauty. Sure, your eyes reflect your kindness and generosity with me, our children, and families, let alone... I'm waffling. Sorry.

I don't really remember the first time we met. I know Gabby was pregnant with Olivia, and we were having a barbecue at your mum and Jarrod's place. Gabby had met you and told me how you were looking forward to being a big sister. After all this time, I still wonder if I'm too old for you, no matter how much I never really notice the gap in our ages when we're together.

Perhaps that's because of your wisdom, I'm not sure. You've always been wise beyond your years. Well, except when you set me up with Ruby for that date. Let's hope her latest marriage is the one and it is third time lucky for her.

Although we've shown that there is more than luck in growing a strong marriage. It wasn't lucky that Gabby died. It was horrible and left a mark on all of us. It showed me that bad things happen to good people. Yes, I'd seen it working at the hospital and been there when young people had been involved in accidents and the like but losing a woman who was a mother to three young children to cancer definitely sucked.

When you were pregnant the first time, I was worried. I was selfish for many years and worried I would again be left alone. Sure, I felt so fortunate to have found the depth of love again that I'd had with my first wife, but I also knew the heartbreak that could come with love.

Gabby hadn't had an easy labour with Livvy and had an emergency caesarean section and another with the twins, but seeing you birth our son was one of the most special moments of my life. We'd planned on calling him Connor, but as soon as you saw him, you called him Gabe. With his mop of red curls and your green eyes, I fell instantly in love. He also had a set of lungs that showed he was not impressed to be here. I don't think he's shut up since. It sure was quiet when he decided to move south for uni.

I've apologised a thousand times, but I'll repeat it again, because I'm still upset at amost missing Hannah's birth. Liv and Zoe were there, and the story of me bursting into the room to have Liv exclaim that at last, she didn't have to look inside your vagina anymore still makes me laugh. I've loved the bond you have with Livvy.

You noticed early on the way she looked at Zoe as more than a friend. I'm sure with many teenage girls, finding out your best friend was infatuated with them might have scared them away, but you were able to talk to both Liv and Zoe and helped them all work through their feelings. That Zoe would be Best Woman and Liv and Stacey's wedding was a testament to you and your amazing way with people.

You joke that you're glad I never got the vasectomy before I was fifty, but Maeve bright joy at a stressful time in our lives. Despite the morning sickness you were there for Dad as we mourned Mum's death. You made me see that she showed no signs of cardiovascular disease and her heart attack had indeed come from nowhere. As a doctor, I tried to rationalise how it had happened, but you brought me back to being her son. At the same time, you were there for Livvy after she had broken up with another girlfriend and moved home, despite not having an engineering job up here.

It was your calming voice that reminded me that Hunter was going to be fine. You reminded me that him playing basketball in Europe and being explosed to that environment was not conducive to living like a monk. Thank heavens Mia has helped him settle somewhat, and having twins of his own has brought us closer again. I never thought Hunter would be the first to give us grandchildren, that's for sure. Yes, I wish they lived closer, as I know you do too. They'll be here for the party, and Mia has mentioned that she wants to move up here. I hope for Livvy and Stacey that this round of IVF is successful for them. They'd both be amazing mothers.

Of all of our children, I never thought it would be Hunter that I had trouble relating to, but as you remind me, he is more like me than any of the others, even if I wasn't the same man-whore he was! To have him and his family in the same state again is such a blessing. I may have hated his actions and his cavalier attitude towards some women in the past, but as you reminded me, he was always upfront with these women, and they supposedly knew where they stood, or at least where they lay.

But yes, you found yourself pregnant again at thirty-nine. You were there for your mum as she and Jarrod dealth with his prostate cancer. You were there for her too when Zoe had the miscarriate and couldn't face you and Greta felt torn. It was us talking as we sat on the couch at night sipping cups of tea as we had when we first lived together that helped. Well, for me it did.You held me back when Manny came over and yelled at you, saying how unfair it was that we had all these children and he and Zoe had nothing. Watching you hold him as he cried and grieved, reminded me of how special you are. You never offered false platitudes.

When Zoe came over when Maeve was days old and broke down, telling you she was pregnant again and relaying all her fears, you were there for her again. Despite the horrible things she had said to you seven months earlier, she still recognised she could come to you and you would know what to say. That baby Cammy bears your name as her middle name shows the way you both mended that relationship. Watching Maeve and Cammy together reminds me of watching Liv and Zoe when they were that age.

Oh, and Gabe... I knew something was up when we told him and Hannah about the pregnancy, and he went white. You were the one who pointed out he never spoke of Shelly.

We'd been so open with Livvy, Hunter, and Leith and told them that they could bring boyfriends and girlfriends home and given them condoms. You've told me you blame yourself for not talking with Gabe and Hannah as we had with the others, but we'd never implied they needed to sleep around behind our backs. Heck, I remember you telling me to ignore Hunter that month he brought a different girl home each night.

Yes, he was just trying to rile me up, and he was pushing boundaries, but we also had younger children in the house. As you pointed out, Hunter takes after me and is not that quiet in the throes of passion, and there was no noise coming from his room that month.

But still, Gabe and Shelly found themselves pregnant at sixteen. Déjà vu, according to your mother, especially when Shelly's parents kicked her out of home. I often wonder what's happened to her, and I know you keep in touch on the socials but helping them realise that they didn't, in fact, have a deep love for each other was hard.

We both knew Gabe wasn't ready to be a father, and Shelly didn't seem that keen on motherhood. The irony that you were assaulted outside the clinic when you took Shelly for her abortion, resulting in you needing ten weeks of bedrest to prevent pre-term labour, and that we almost lost Maeve was not misplaced on me.

I know Gabe was the one who helped you the most when you were laid up. Sure, it was partially his guilt driving him, but he also came up with ideas and plans with Shelly. He may not have loved her, but he recognised her worth and intelligence and found the scholarship for her to continue her education at boarding school down south, closer to her grandparents. Again, this was your influence, I'm sure.

Gabe is so much like Leith. He's always idolised his older brother and, like his brother, takes everything in, even if he doesn't talk about it. The two of them are the only two who have shown an interest in sketching. Leith's bird drawings are remarkable, and I know if he finds himself sick and tired of being a doctor in a busy emergency department, he will find a job as an illustrator.

I know we both wonder if he'll settle down at all. I know we thought his last girlfriend was the one, but it wasn't meant to be. He's been unlucky in love. When I think about my fortunes of being in love with two women, and despite having my heart broken when I became a widow, I've never felt the rejection Leith has over and over again.

It will be interesting to see where Gabe ends up in his medical career. We talked about it on the phone again last night. He likes the idea of cardiology, especially as he was so close to Mum and still misses her dearly. Watching your mum still try to convince him to study law and move into medico-legal stuff is funny, but we both know there is a slim chance of that happening. He told me though, that he's really considering neurology. His new girlfriend seems like a livewire. She is adamant she wants to work in sexual health. I've got a feeling that the two of them are perfect for each other, but time will tell.

Our kids have the most grandparents out of anyone I know. They have you to thank for that. Eliot and Leonie have been there for our kids when they went south to study. I know your bio-dad is proud of you and the woman you are, and I'm proud of the relationships you have built with all of your family. I'll never forget the hug Ruth gave me when I told her you and I were seeing each other. I'd been married to her only child and didn't know how she would take the news. Perhaps I shouldn't have been surprised at how happy she was for us.

You've cared for Livvy, Hunter, and Leith as if they were your own children, all the while telling them stories of their mother and her love for them. The same way you have cared for Ruth and Dereck.

The letter Ruth wrote us when we married, I still have. I read it again after she died. She told me how proud she was of me and how much she saw of me in Olivia, Hunter, and Leith. She also spoke of how proud she was of you for encouraging her and Dereck to be involved in their grandchildren's lives. Both of them treated Gabe, Hannah, and Maeve like their own grandchildren. Hannah's sobs at Dereck's funeral still haunt me. I love seeing the photo of Dereck holding baby Maeve she keeps next to her bed. I wish she got to know him as well as our other children.

Of course, you were the one who stepped in when Ruth became sick and never thought twice about her moving in with us. Parkinson's Disease is nasty, but you cut back your hours at work to care for the grandmother of your stepchildren. Not many women would have done that, especially not for their husband's former mother-in-law. Her death last year was hard on all of us, but especially on you.

You encouraged Ruth to talk about Gabby with our children, but also with you. It can't be easy to hear about her and knowing you weren't the first woman in my life. I struggle with that, despite my deep love for you. You've never resented Gabby at all and still mark her birthday and remember her on the anniversary of her death. You are the antithesis of the wicked stepmother. This is one of the many reasons I love you so much.

I'm glad we encouraged Hannah to go travelling this year. Yes, I would have loved her to study medicine, and I still think she'd make a remarkable nurse like her mother, but she is her own woman. She's worked hard to get into physiotherapy at uni, and she will excel at whatever she does. As Livvy has shown us by retraining as a teacher, it is never too late to change course in your life.

You think Hannah's in France, but there's no way she'd miss the barbecue at her grandparents' place for our anniversary. What parties Greta and Jarrod's place has seen! I suppose there will come a time soon when they will think of moving and downsizing. Whatever happens, the memories will live on.

When Hannah started school, I thought we were done with sleepless nights and would look forward to changing the nappies on our grandchildren. Maeve has definitely been a surprise. Of all the babies, she's been the hardest with her colic and only ever sleeping for a few hours at a time. I felt all of my fifty years in her first year of life. To think we'll be going through first loves and possible heartbreak and, well, the teenage mysteries for a third time together is strange. I'm so glad that I get to do it with you. Maeve is nothing like her eponymous grandmother! Mum would have hated her disorganisation, but you just roll with it.

I almost wish we had let Noah be Hannah's teacher that year when she told her class about all the sex her parents had, which was how they had a baby when they were so old. Poor Mrs Tang didn't know where to look when she told us at parent-teacher night. I don't think Noah would have coped being such an inexperienced teacher with Hannah calling him Uncle Noah's Ark in the classroom. We're probably fortunate Zoe never became a teacher because as much as we've always tried to stop it, I think Auntie Zoe Hoey has stuck, thanks to Uncle Ethan. How he's never ended up with a nickname from his nieces and nephews has surprised me.

Hannah wasn't too far off it, though, was she? I mean, our sex life has always been pretty amazing. You've always been not only receptive but also so giving as a lover. When I walk in from work, and if you're home first, I still get a rush of blood to my cock when you greet me. The things we've tried over the years... Vanilla is always nicer with additions, you've said. Well, yes, we've pushed vanilla boundaries, that's for sure. Roleplay is one thing, but watching you take a dildo in your pussy as I fucked your ass. That memory lives rent-free in my spank bank.

That weekend away without the kids when I'm pretty sure Hannah was conceived. You edged and edged me as I lay tied to the bed. Thankfully I finally managed to cum in your gorgeous pussy. And as always, yes, it was worth the wait, even though it neverfelt it at the time.

That conference we went to where you wore that red dress with the slit right up the leg that attracted so many men to our table. Then when one of the keynote speakers came over and told me that my wife was one of the most gorgeous women he had ever laid eyes on, to which you replied, "Well, she's home alone with the kids for the next night if you want to visit her. Hey, could you keep her entertained for another night or two whilst I get more money out of this client?" implying you were there as my escort. The look on his face before I confessed that yes, you were my wife, and I hadn't noticed any other women around that night.

That time when we'd been facing accreditation at work and been so busy that I'd hardly had any time with you or the kids, so you got one of the receptionists to create a fake file stating you were there for a long appointment to discuss your purulent vaginal discharge. I went to a full waiting room and called for Mrs Gash, Mrs Melly Gash, only to have no reply and think I had an extra half hour on my hands, so I went back to my room to discover you lying naked on the examination bed.

Dr Dave saw you as you left my room, extremely satisfied, I might add, and also, the discharge was perfectly normal and not purulent as reported. Anyway, he asked about my bedside manner, to which you told them that my cock was too big and you'd be walking funny for the rest of the afternoon. One of the accreditors saw and thought I'd been screwing a patient. Fortunately, it was all cleared up, but Dave never let me live that down.

Maeve is just like her brothers and sisters and tells us we show too many public displays of affection, but you and I both know we don't. Dad tells me how he and Mum still had sex regularly right up until she died, and we know your Mum tells everyone how skilled the surgeon was with Jarrod's prostate, and he can still get it up and does so regularly.

Sex with you just gets better and better. It may not be as frequent as it was when we first got together, but our bed has definitely had a workout. As has our bathroom, and so many other places around our home. And yes, I still smile when I walk past your parents' laundry and think of me balls deep in you as young children played outside at one of the memorable barbecues. Perhaps we'll have to try that again at our party!

I see so many middle-aged men in my practice who complain that their sex lives have died, and many middle-aged women who complain as well. Yeah, there've been times when we've been to bed arguing and slept on things, and that hasn't been a bad thing. I'd rather we talk when we were ready rather than force a conversation. Besides, we know our love for each other is there, even if we need to work on it sometimes.

I've known love with more than one woman in my lifetime. I know if Gabby had lived, you would have found someone else and built an amazing life because of the amazing person you are. I'm glad that after her death, we were able to build something wonderful. I'm glad for you and that sixteen-year-old Greta took a chance and defied her parents. I'm glad of the so many varieties of love we have been exposed to, but most of all, I'm glad that we love each other.

As we said from the start, whether we had ten years or fifty, we'd try and make each day count. I'd like to think we have. Happy anniversary, my darling. Here's to many, many more. You are the most generous, kind, and beautiful woman I know, and I feel so blessed to have you in my life. You showed me how to love again after one of the darkest moments anyone could imagine. I'm trying not to waffle here, but I need you to know how amazing you are and how much more amazing my life is for having you in it.

With so much love, affection, adoration, and, yes, a stiffy,

Your Finn