To My Senses Ch. 02

I pulled her face to mine for a drawn-out and sensual kiss.

Amy slithered down my body, held my revived erection aloft before licking it balls-to-crown, delicately and deliberately with her tongue extended. A smile at me over the angry purple head, and she wrapped her lips around me, sinking down to the base in a slow slide of wet suction.

I grabbed my wallet from the nightstand, fished a foil out, and tossed it to her. She smiled cutely and pretended to hide behind the wrapper as she opened it, then slowly, torturously rolled it down my length, pinching the clear head and stretching to make sure it was seated and had enough room. That done, she knee-walked into position over my hips, reached back to position my roof against her entrance, and slowly pushed back on it, lowering herself to my body as she arched her back and slid me slowly up inside her tiny snatch.

I ground my head bank into the pillow and groaned as I felt my prick stretch her open. I was amazed it actually fit.

Slowly, slowly, she pushed back on my erection, all while watching my face to see the pleasure she was giving me. Amy must've eventually decided that this slow slide wasn't getting deep enough, fast enough, and she straightened, pushed herself down, moaning beautifully as I filled her again. "I've been thinking about doing this every time I see you at the mall," she whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah." She lifted and lowered herself on my cock, shimmying her hips like she was dancing, grabbing and squeezing the slight, round swells of her small breasts. Eyes closed, she concentrated on her movements, on the sensation.

It was glorious to watch.

I wanted more.

I reached out and grabbed her hips, moving her forward and back, guiding her up and down at the pace I desired as her breath caught and she gave me a naughty smile. I tangled my fist in her hair and pulled her down into a forceful kiss, my tongue driving against hers, making her whimper and the dual invasion of her body.

"You like being in charge?" I asked quietly.

Amy didn't respond, just kissed me back even more frantically.

I took over.

A hand on her neck and a hand on her ass, and I spread my legs to open hers wider before beginning to hammer up into her. The Asian girl shrieked loudly into my mouth and pulled her head away, resting it on my shoulder and just submitting to the fucking.

The wet sounds of suction, of flesh slapping flesh were particularly erotic, as were her shrieks and moans into my shoulder. Amy was apparently resigned to the fact that she didn't get a say over how I was fucking her, and kept her head down, body tight to mine while I thrust.

I seized her, a hand on either side of her head, moved her gorgeous face back into my view, fingers tangled in silky fine pink hair. "Reach back and spread yourself open for me."

"What?" It was barely audible.

"Reach back and spread your cheeks while I fuck you."

"Ok." The submissive tone in her voice almost made me think she was scared of me. It turned me on.

Her hands reached back, and she blushed, bit her lip as she opened her ass up, letting me drive even deeper into her juicing pussy. Her cry of pleasure was long and loud, deepening every time I bottomed out in her twat, and then she was grunting loudly. I could feel her body flex and jerk atop mine, and her face twitched like she was being hit every time another wave of climax jolted her.

I held her still as she recovered from the orgasm that had rocked through her, and the shift of sweaty skin against sweaty skin made me want to flip her over and pound into her again. Instead, I held her as her breathing slowed and she relaxed.

Amy raised her head, a look of fuzzy awe on her face. "Did you...?" Her voice was sheepish.

"Not yet."

"Uhhhhhh..." She sounded almost worried, like she didn't think she could take much more.

I hugged her tight, and our kiss was less frenzied passion and more tender. Eventually, I pushed her face away. "Start moving your ass."

"Huh?"

"Just your butt. Up and down."

"Like this?" She very obviously had to think about isolating her pelvic movements from the rest of her body, but began a slow rhythm that reminded me of a move Cady used on me quite often. I arched my head back and rested for a minute, enjoying the sensation of a snug, slippery pussy sliding up and down my rod. Fuck, that was wonderful.

Amy smiled, obviously pleased with herself that she'd found a way to please me. "Feels good?"

"Fuck yeah."

I reached down to grip her bottom, spreading her cheeks like she had. On a whim, I reached further back, sliding my fingers down the crack of her ass, rubbing the pucker. She wiggled at my touch, She wiggled at my touch, pushing back, driving me deeper into her slot. Her breath caught and she giggled when I pushed a finger through that tight ring, not very deep, just deep enough to make her aware. "Keep going."

She came once more, moments before me, and we clung to each other as we grunted and throbbed and twitched our ways through ecstasy. It hurt to cum, the connections were so forceful, and I was hyperaware of the weight of her on my chest, the size and heat and seeming lack of air in the room. With my last climax, I came back to earth.

And after I'd disposed of the condom, after I returned to the bed and felt Amy's small body snuggle up next to mine, I began to feel something other than the unhinged, rage and regret induced...psychosis of the last few hours.

I felt cold. Calculating. Detached. My life now was about survival, keeping myself out of prison and keeping Cady.

I felt guilty that I didn't feel more guilty.

I closed my eyes and tried to sleep.

"Why did you come here tonight?" Amy asked in the dark.

"A fight," I replied.

"Your girlfriend."

"Yeah."

"You gonna see her again tomorrow?"

"Probably."

"You gonna tell her about this. About us, tonight?"

I thought about it. "Someday, maybe."

"Cuz if I were you, I'd be bragging to everyone about how many times you made me cum."

"It was a lot?"

"Yeah..." She sounded almost wistful.

I turned to look at her. "No hard feelings that this is just the one time?"

Amy shook her head. "Nah. Though if you want to come back and do that again, I wouldn't complain..."

"I'll keep that in mind." I kissed her. "Do you mind if I crash here for a while?"

She slithered back down against my side with a skin on skin slide that sent my heart racing again. "Not at all. This part is pretty nice too."

###

The alarm on my phone woke me at four and I stared at the darkened ceiling for a long while.

What had I done?

Nothing that I regretted. Much that I regretted not regretting.

I sat up and looked over at Amy, snuggled in under a mountain of blankets. Last night had been fun. Cathartic. Healing.

It could never happen again.

She yawned and stretched and looked up at me as I dressed. "You're leaving?"

"Yeah."

Amy smiled enigmatically and pulled the blankets bank to expose her long, nude body, reached down and spread her labia with two fingers, began rubbing her clit. "I can't convince you to stay? Just one more?"

I considered it. I didn't want to do what I had to do this morning.

"Wish I could. I've gotta walk to class."

"I could take you..."

"Thanks, but I've gotta pick up my car. I'll be fine. Sleep. Keep warm. Thanks for a fun night."

"Thank YOU."

I headed out the door into the dark, cold morning. The college neighborhood was walking up, lights coming on in the houses and apartments, happy people starting another day in a world far more horrible than they realized. I felt cold, disconnected. I felt like I could sneer at them all, as if they'd earned it, my experience with the darkness of the world giving me the power to hold myself aloof and better.

Fuck em.

I bumped into a small woman buried in by a puffy winter coat, long, long dark hair cascading down the back of her jacket, out from under a thick stockinghat, hurrying along on her way to early morning class. "Sorry," I said.

She ignored me and kept walking.

Fucker.

###

"He didn't come?" I asked Colette.

"Nope. He told me to tell you that if you were going to desert, he was too."

"Fuck."

"Yeah. The heavily bundled blonde handed me my wallet and fliphone. "You'll probably want these today. They were left in his car."

Colette had met me at a deserted park a few miles away from the high school we'd all attended. Snow-covered baseball and soccer fields shone eye-hurting white against the blue sky, and the small copse of first nearby cracked and rustled in the biting breeze.

"You sure you can do this?" Mike's girlfriend asked me.

I looked over at Nina, standing just inside the treeline. "I hope so."

She gave me a small smile. "Good luck, I guess."

I headed over to the path into the small woods, and Nina started walking ahead of me, down the trail. Down a few twists and turns, and we couldn't see the car anymore, or the world outside.

She turned in a small clearing, and I was struck by how much younger she looked than any of my other friends. Just a few years younger, but she seemed barely into her teens today. Vulnerable.

"I'm not gonna ask about the other thing," Nina said quietly.

"Good, cuz I won't tell you."

"Thank you for that. And this."

Fuck.

She set down her backpack in the snow, shrugged out of her winter jacket. Pulled the stocking hat off, and unwrapped her head and face covering. She shivered, standing in the cold in jeans and a sweater.

I stepped close, looked down at her. I'd thought my heart was cold before, now I willed it to be colder.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

And then I hit her.

She staggered. "It's ok. I forgive you."

I hit her again.

###

I sat in my room, staring at the wall. I needed to move out. My job paid enough that I could get an apartment, and if I got a roommate, it wouldn't suck too bad. My mom was downstairs vacuuming, dad was across the hall in their room doing paperwork, and it felt like nothing had changed since I was five.

I'd changed. I was different. Dirty. Broken.

I couldn't be around these good people anymore, and I didn't have anywhere to go. Couldn't go to the mall, didn't want to see Amy. Didn't want to see Cady. Didn't want to go anywhere.

I just wanted to...sit. And be empty.

The doorbell rang, and I heard the vacuum cleaner shut off. "Gary, it's Cady!" my mom called up.

I sighed and stood, took the steps down two at a time. Cady was bundled in a thick jacket, and chatting awkwardly with my mom by the time I got down. "Hey gorgeous," I said, forcing happiness and normalcy into my voice.

My girlfriend looked at weirdly. "Can we talk for a couple of minutes? Somewhere private?"

"Uh, sure. Basement? Dad's on the second floor. Basement? Attic?"

She rolled her eyes. "Attic, I guess."

We trudged up the carpeted steps, and I flicked on the light switch just inside the door. It amazed me my parents had never done anything with this space. There were just a few boxes sitting on the dusty floor, otherwise it was wide open. From unfinished wood wall to unfinished wood wall.

I closed the door behind us. "What's up?"

"Did you hear about Nina?"

I kept my face still and passive. "No, what happened?"

"Her parents beat the shit out of her, she came to school looking like a walking bruise, all bloodied up. Got pulled out of class, social workers and police came. She's staying in a shelter now. Parents are being investigated, she probably won't go back."

"Over one incident?"

"Couple of her teachers have been counting days when she comes to school with bruises or black eyes. This is the final straw."

"Shit. Is she OK?" I tried to make it sound convincing.

"Yeah, she's pretty beat up. But she'll be ok."

"That's good."

"What I can't figure out," she said slowly, "Is how that happens the day after this happens." Cady held up a newspaper. Below the fold was a news article about a very particular crime in a very particular Somalian neighborhood. I took the paper from her and read the article slowly.

"That seems like a BIG fucking coincidence," my girlfriend said venomously. "Particularly after you disappeared after our early Valentine's Day hotel stay last night. Mike comes back from quote-unquote running an errand and tells me you had a fucking psychotic break. What happened? Did you do this?"

"This?" I handed the paper back. "You think I did that."

"I think you said you and Mike would handle this, take care of Nina. You two disappear and THIS happens to the woman who was gonna do it to her."

"You wanted us to protect her, to keep her from getting fucking tortured and cut up. It sounds really fortunate that this happened. Maybe sounds like justice what happened to that butcher. Maybe sounds like she won't do it again." My voice was cold and strained.

Cady's eyes went wide and she opened her mouth like she was going to scream, bit down on a trembling knuckle from a pale fist. Her face seemed drained of blood, contrasting with her red-gold hair. "You're a monster..." she breathed.

"No, that woman is a monster," I snarled."Have you ever smelled blood? Like there's enough of it in one place that you can smell it, distinctly? Have you ever seen rows of tools laid out for torturing someone? Someone you know? Can you imagine Nina being chained down? And then what you saw on that fucking website being done to her? They were gonna sew her up with fishing line. Fuck, I shoulda killed that fucking doctor."

Cady stared at me like she was seeing a horn grow out of my head. Like she was terrified by me. Why couldn't she understand?

"You think what you did was ok?"

"I think what I did was fucking awesome. I think Nina and a whole bunch of other girls are gonna have a better chance at going through life...intact...now. Yeah, that's ok. Better than ok. Mayor should give me the keys to the damn city."

"And Nina, did you beat her too?"

I smiled. Cruelly. I felt as unhinged as I had fucking Amy this morning. "She's not gonna go back to her parents now, is she?"

Cady vomited. Arched back, then forward, and what looked like a pasta dinner splattered the floor, stinking of acid. She dropped to her knees and sobbed into her hands. I moved to kneel beside her, and she shrugged my embrace away, scooted back to sit against the cold wall. "I can't, Gary. Don't... Don't touch me. Ever. Not... Not after that. I can't... Can't believe you'd do that."

I knelt before her, watching like she might explode, go crazy, start screaming. "I know this is ugly. I know this looks bad. I feel dirty even having SEEN it. But it'll work out. Nina is gonna be ok. No ones gonna hurt her."

"Except for you!"

"She agreed to it. So she wouldn't have to stay with parents that literally want to butcher her. You think I liked doing that? Beating someone I care about?"

My girlfriend lifted her head from her knees, eyes red, face messy with shed tears and melted makeup. "You seemed pretty proud of what you did, just a moment ago!"

"Yeah," I whispered. "I am. I saved a lot of kids a lot of pain, and all it cost was the suffering of one really bad person, and my innocence... And a little bit of my soul. Good trade." I paused. Wasn't that something Mike has said?

"You have no problem with any of this, do you?"

"The problem I have is that it was necessary in the first place. My actions? I'd do it all again. I'm cool with it."

"You really are a monster..." Cady stared at me, aghast. "You're evil."

"No, I'm not. Evil is someone that carves up kids because they think God told them to. Evil is parents who take their kids to have that done to them." I chuckled. "I'm just sorta bad." I reached out to put a hand on her knee and she slapped it away, rose, started pacing.

"Don't touch me. At all. Ever. Not after what you did."

I stood. "What you asked me to do?"

"I asked you to fix it, asshole, not commit two senseless acts of brutal violence!"

I shrugged. "I think both acts were very sensible."

Cady looked horrified, and I giggled. "It's a joke."

"You're insane, and we're through."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. No way I can be with you after this. No way I can ever let you touch me knowing you did this. No way I can even fucking look at you, knowing I set this in motion. It's disgusting. You should be arrested."

Fuck me.

I glared at her. "You gonna turn me in? Knowing Nina will go back to her parents, who will beat the shit out of her for this, who will find someone else to cut on her?"

Cady was silent, eyes dripping tears and hate.

"Yeah, didn't think so. You're really gonna leave me, leave our future together, leave all that time we've had together, because I punished one of the worst people on the fucking planet?"

"Yeah." She said the word like it was new. Wonderingly. She'd never tasted it before. "Yeah, I am. Because you're a monster. You think this is great fun, you think this is a perfectly acceptable thing to do, and I should just be happy for you and love you for it. No, it's NOT OK."

"Dammit."

Cady stomped past me. Shrugged my hand away even I attempted to stop her at the door. "I love you, Cady," I told her. "I LOVE you. I want you to be my wife someday. I want to work at Google and come home from work every day to you. I want to have kids with you and mow the yard and celebrate Christmas and Valentine's Day and our kids' birthdays. I want to grow old with you. Please, tell me what I can do to make this right. Tell me how I can fix this. I'll do it. I want to be with you."

She regarded me coldly. "Turn yourself in."

"My freedom, your friend's life, for our future."

Silence.

"No."

"Not a good enough trade?" Her words were mocking, imitating my own from earlier.

"No," I said again.

She slammed the attic door behind her, and I literally did not know how to move. I didn't know how to or why I should move. I felt normal. I felt disgusted at how little the world had changed and how much my life had changed. My ears rang and I sat heavily on the floor. I looked over at the pile of sick that Cady had puked up.

I should clean that.

###

Cady discovered a way to punish me for what I'd done.

I found that out when college administration marched into the lecture hall a few weeks later and asked me to come with them.

She told a school counselor that I'd raped her.

She and her family wouldn't pick up the phone when I called. They called the police on me when I knocked on their door.

The college I was attending handled the accusation internally, not involving the cops, and despite finding no evidence, despite a shaky accusation, expelled me anyway.

Mike left.

Seeing the damage Cady had done, and could possibly do to him, he took a scholarship in his ancestral homeland of New Zealand. We had a strained goodbye and he made me promise to look after Colette, who didn't seem particularly broken up by his departure.

The coltish blonde always seemed like she was with him out of convenience or ease, and I hadn't expected her to be bothered when he left.

The only constant was my work at the bank. And the programming I kept up on despite my college career, and my career prospects going down the toilet. Google's new operating system seemed pretty awesome, and I geeked out completely, burying myself in tech papers and forums and blogs. The future of phones was going to be awesome, and I was excited to see it, even if I couldn't be a part of it.

My parents gave me space to grieve. They knew Cady had hurt me, knew I was broken up by the false accusations and the loss of my intended career path.

It felt like I'd retreated into a small, cozy bubble, away from all the pain and ugliness in the rest of the world. I didn't let myself think about that night in February.