All Comments on 'To Protect and Serve Ch. 01'

Wow Alpaca and welcome back! I had stopped looking for new stories from you ages ago. I am glad you are back with Lit!

That was good!

Your best work to date. Exciting, dark and very erotic.

Can't wait for the rest.

I can't wait till the next chapter comes out!!! Please dont leave us waiting to long!!!!!!!

Well, I was going to go to bed when I started reading this 'chapter' but the sun is now rising so not a lot of point! *heheh* You've put a lot of work into establishing the ground rules for your world, which has many echoes of 'Anita Blake' for sure, altho this is not a bad thing.

However, anything this long that wasn't competently written would not have held my attention to the end and certainly not have left me eagerly waiting for chapter 2!

The characters are strongly drawn and even though I don't really 'get' BDSM I found the tensions and humour between the characters compelling. (The idea of Reaper playing Halo as 'Evil Fluffy Kitten' made me snort my tea!!)

My only complaints really are little niggles about typos and the overall length of the chapter (which always makes it easier to miss the typos!) and the fight scene in the troll bar which was a little disjointed. But I didn't mark it down to 4 simply because of the overall enjoyment factor, which was definitely a 6!

*stands and applauds the Alpaca of Evil*

Well, I was going to go to bed when I started reading this 'chapter' but the sun is now rising so not a lot of point! *heheh* You've put a lot of work into establishing the ground rules for your world, which has many echoes of 'Anita Blake' for sure, altho this is not a bad thing.

However, anything this long that wasn't competently written would not have held my attention to the end and certainly not have left me eagerly waiting for chapter 2!

The characters are strongly drawn and even though I don't really 'get' BDSM I found the tensions and humour between the characters compelling. (The idea of Reaper playing Halo as 'Evil Fluffy Kitten' made me snort my tea!!)

My only complaints really are little niggles about typos and the overall length of the chapter (which always makes it easier to miss the typos!) and the fight scene in the troll bar which was a little disjointed. But I didn't mark it down to 4 simply because of the overall enjoyment factor, which was definitely a 6!

*stands and applauds the Alpaca of Evil*

Your work is some of the best on this site and it is always a joy to see a new story.

As most have said it is great to have you back! And what a way to do it. Fabulous ground work on what is going to be your best story to date.

this one ranks up there with any vampire novel I've ever bought off the shelf, but it's even better because it's so much more graphic and the plot is fantastic.

to have you back. I've been checking religiously to see if you were back. Nice start, looking forward to the rest.

I'm so glad your finaly back your stories are the main reason I became a member of Lit. Can't wait to read the rest of this one. =)

I don't know how I missed this one being put up. I come on and check the new stories list and see the fifth chapter has already been posted :)

Glad to see you posting again. Now, I'm off to read the other 4 chapters!

I feel ashamed to have put a 5(best) on other stories after reading your latest work. Perhaps it would be easier to make a 6(bestest) for you.

thanks for the excellent stories, please don't stoop writing.

I only started reading this as you wrote a newer piece related to it, and while I love your writing, I really can't stomach anything about BDSM or it's culture.

I just can't reconcile that, and sadly, I won't be able to continue reading this series (a bummer as I like your writing, but just can't stomach or agree with the subject matter).

as if you^^ dont read this whole story, its amazing! this is going to be my second time reading the series and its great and i dont especially love BDSM either but its so gooood! betrayal, love, passion, murder, crime, revelations; this series has everything!

B xxx

Mmm this story series is like my favorite dish garnished with all the other flavors i love so much. Vampires, muscular women, BDSM, with Crime Drama elements? Who could hope for more! Its like True Blood, Xena, and The Shield had an orgy and this was the child of that improbable union. Bravo my friend, love your vampire mythos and the setting in general. I also loved your "Best Medicine" series as well, you have a way of connecting juicy genres (in that case elves, bikers, TS hotties, and lycanthropes lol). Hope you do more with that universe you made, i find myself curious as to what happens next for that world after the Revelation goes public.

...are all that stop this being published right this second! Evil Alpaca, you are singlehandedly rescuing vampire stories from those glittering emo freaks in the cinemas! Not that I want to offend any fans of Stephanie Myer (she's actually a brilliant author who suffers from a self-destructive streak that writes truly terrible main characters that can't quite be saved by a truly wonderful support cast) but it's inevitable that I will so I'm just going to say that beyond any doubt, you are the master of erotic vampire fiction!

On the technical side of things, may I suggest you find a good editor. Typo's, head hops, wrong word selection, missing words, missing punctuation are all present throughout the manuscript.

On the story side of the ledger, WHY ISN'T THIS STORY IN PRINT/E-BOOK FORMAT AND FOR SALE? Good plot, well written, multifaceted characters, the whole story is well executed. The sex scenes are well done and no major red flags (the torture scene with the elf might bring a warning from some, but it's not written as titillation).

All in all, a well done story, much better than the usual fare I find on the free sites.

Bravo Zulu - Well done.

I am so going to wake my man up with a blowjob now and then make him fuck me senseless!!! I am beyond hooked & this is just the 1st chapter ..... HOLY SHIT!!! lol 5 stars all the way :-)

It's alright but it feels a bit forced. I've read some of your other stuff and IMO flying blind is a lot better in the way it build the characters and stories. In this case we get a ton of different characters, and the lead character is over powered taking out quite a bit of suspense and challenge. Leaving (atleast for the chapter) just an alright story to tie you over till the sex starts.

As soon as the BDSM setup was described I was just waiting for when she would crack and cave into all that stuff. Would have been so much better without that. Every time she thought about leaving or disagreed with something a rather forced reason was used to change her mind or drag her back in.

Damn frustrating that I liked the story. At least I did right up until the main character gave in to her sub tendencies. It makes her so much less relate-able that it becomes unpleasant to read.

How old is Shane? I know his maker is around 900 but I either missed or forgot if it mentioned his age.

this is a great story. the story has a good storyline and the characters are good also. the two together are going to make this a fantastic story to read and keep to read time and again. hope it stays like this through to the end. thank you for this stoty. bob

The 'world' is believable and the main character is quite relatable. Her disbelief and initial struggle is believable. I was enjoying it until she suddenly gave into what was vague sub tendencies and have subsequently stopped reading. The character is so loyal, upstanding and righteous, it is hard to fathom that, after minimal forethought, she decides to go submissive with her new boss and work colleagues. It is such an incongruent element that is has pushed me out of this world. I admit to struggling reading about BDSM, I find it a deeply disturbing and pathological concept. Stephen's speech to her outside of her family home screams manipulation, yet is couched as merely a matter of fact conversation. People will staunchly attack that statement, but I hear it as a position of power manipulator speaking to someone who is exceedingly vulnerable at that point in time (who also has a character trait that likes to please people). The speech was a compliment on her character, a statement on her desirability, a commentary on what would sexually please him/what he wants to do to her BUT he won't force her. It was a powerful manipulative speech that 'suggested' to her what he wanted her to do, yet will make it appear that is is her decision. Inevitably, to fit in with his crew, to feel like she belongs to something important, and to please him... she MUST submit to them all. The speech just screams manipulation. She has no home, no family, no money or clothes even and is a newly turned vamp and to fit in to the only environment that would accept her and provide her with a purpose and companionship, she is expected to be abused under the guise of having given her consent. Yeah I know, I'm a bleeding heart liberal or whatever. I liked the character and feel for her.

But this just wasn't my cup of tea. Just seemed to forced and manipulating. Supposed to be based on a trusting relationship that just didn't appear to me to really exist.

...Terry Pratchett for the humourless. I like good fantasy writing--- and the standard of writing added to a great plot were excellent---but I'm not a fan of rough or brutal BDSM. I was very much enjoying this chapter right up to the point where Shamira submitted to Shane. After that it went steadily downhill for me. Shame really because brutal stuff aside, you've got a first-rate story here.

Rough start or rough end ....... Shamira will do fine im shure ..... I feel a bit down, as it is the last tale for me to read but i already enjoy it immensely

Everyone has their own preferences, but what happens in chapter 9-10 is beyond foul (torture and extreme mutilation).

Stories like this make me wish there was an option to block an author so I'd never see their stories in search results.

Much as I've been enjoying the plot line here, the sex actually detracts from it and I've found myself skimming over significant chunks of the story. Reduced a solid 5 to a 3 (and even that's a stretch)

Contrary to some of the nitial comments I found the story imaginative & creative. The BDSM material is graphic & not exactly my “cup of tea” but it adds variety & explicit sexual excitement. I do hope you can find better editors. Some the word usage is wrong & confusing. Overall the piece is creative & should provide the sexual detail that readers of this web site expect.

Love it! Read it a few years back, but had to reread it!

Rereading and have to agree with an earlier comment. Great story line but the sex is more than gratuitous - not only doesn't add to the story but actually detracts from it. And I agree that it reduces what should be a solid 5 to a marginal 3.