All Comments on 'To Service is Divine'

Great start waiting for the next chapter!

I really liked your story. The transformation from devoted christian to whore was brilliant.

The thing I hated was how Jacob's mother changed into a crazy dominatrix. I would have prefered Jacob realizing his mother needed him and taking advantage of the situation.

I hope there is more because I feel the story isn't finished.

I thought it was great for your first time submitting a story, Great Job

Probably the best story I've read on Literotica.

Day by Day tracking made for the buildup better. Save the world? or help change it downhill. I think Mrs. Chesterfield going extreme dom was a bit much. Would have enjoyed loving mom & son & children to come better but....its your story. Again to put son in the same position he put mom has justice. Looking forward to continuing additional chapters, and any stories you offer. Good Job and oh....Thank You. GP

Thanks so much for the feedback regarding the ending as it relates to the Mom-Son.

Based on two related comments which specifically target that unusual ending, there seems to be a common consensus that perhaps I went a little bit overboard. Perhaps, my dark-side guided my hand or I was having flashbacks <smile>.

Having the reader provide feedback as it relates to that specific issue is actually enormously valuable information to consider when I begin writing future stories similar to this one. I've written down - 1) No overbearing mothers with whips and chains <grin>

Great story, well written. Thanks for sharing your talent.

great story. Keep on writing Mom Son stories. They are the best!!!

You have a real talent. However I am of those who agree that the ending goes a little too far. But if people like this it's fine, there is a lot of stories for people like me who think the love between the mom and the son is important.

I applaud your first effort. A massive undertaking for your first story. I too love mom/son incest, with a bit of coersion or non consent thrown in. I have several story ideas if you are interested. :)

Suggestions:

Try to find an editor. They can help with some things like grammar and syntax, help catch mis-used words that spell checkers don't ("your" vs "you're", for example).

Watch writing perspective. 3/4 through the story, you changed from third person to first person and then back again. That's pretty jarring to the flow for the reader.

But overall, not a bad start. You have some good ideas, feel free to let them take flight. Not everyone will like your stuff but some will love it. So if you make dicks hard and pussies wet, you've succeeded!

you should add the story about what happen to Josh, because well he is a momma boy and he is now traumatized because he fucked the mother of his friend, how will he now interact with his mother?

Good first effort, please develop this into a series of stories.

In a vast sea of son-needs-help-bathing-because-his-hands-are-in-casts stories, I applaud the effort at creating a unique premise. That said...

You're in desperate need of editing. And not merely for the sake cleaning up typos and common there-their usage errors; you need someone to dramatically alter your formatting for the sake of readability.

As one example, you regularly bounce between the author's voice and direct internal dialogue within a single paragraph while doing nothing to differentiate the two. This forces the reader to stop and parse along the way, when quotation marks or italics and a paragraph break would make things intuitively clear from the outset. You need someone to turn this--

Yes, I admit it. I committed an obscene sin. I pleasured myself watching a video of my son's rigid cock and climaxed when he ejaculated his creamy jiz all over my face (she momentarily forgot it was a video). The Holy Spirit rippled through her body at the thought of her son masturbating and shooting his load. Before yesterday, this would have been a disgusting incestuous thought, but now it excited her and made her wet.

--into something more like this:

"Yes, I admit it. I committed an obscene sin. I pleasured myself watching a video of my son's rigid cock and climaxed when he ejaculated his creamy jizz all over my face," she thought, momentarily forgetting it was a video.

The Holy Spirit rippled through her body at the thought of her son masturbating and shooting his load. Before yesterday, this would have been a disgusting incestuous thought, but now it excited her and made her wet.

Thank you so much for your comments. I have absolutely no disagreement with any of the issues you indicated and fully understand there is great need for improvement.

Yes, I agree. My mistake was not having an editor review and correct mistakes prior to submitting it. That was a grave error on my part and the next chapter will definitely be reviewed by a competent editor to correct my flaws. All in all, this is entirely on me and I apologize to the reader for any difficulty that arose in reading the story. I promise to improve.

Overall, my objective in submitting my work is to improve and learn. I'm extremely grateful for each and every comment provided that helps guide my hand in a positive direction.

Keep in mind, I'm an amateur writer and this was my initial work submitted to Literotica. Thanks so much and keep the comments cumming.

Rusty Zipper

We need more on the Mayor(and the Boss)'s wife(s). Also, the end with Jacob and Cindy was unsatisfying. Her journey was literally the best I've ever seen but she should have remained a submissive whore. Instead of taking over Jacob she should have seduced him into eternal incest.

Rusty Zipper, You have written an intriguing story with the use of some kind of super computer. I thought it was well written but a little slow getting going. Having so many characters made the story hard to follow at times. Also, there are a lot of loose ends meaning that none of the story lines reached a conclusion. On the other hand, this is a good way to create a much longer series with each chapter/story centering on one or several of the individuals involved. An incredible first story, especially because of the length and the complexity of the plot. Good luck in the future.

Hi Rusty Zipper

that is an amazing story for the start. I really enjoyed it, couldn't stop reading until the end. I agree with the others, the end where mom gets the crazy dominatrix went over the cliff. I love the story frame that she is a puritan conservative Christian mother, makes her corruption so hot. Please stick to the third person.

I find the same categorie arousing as you mentioned, especially if there is an inner mental conflict, she doesn't want to do it, but some evil (inner or outer force) makes her do it. So try to keep the inner conflict of Cindy alive, she should have moments of clarity, guilt and dedication to fight "the whore inside".

Concerning the ending a possible version could have been that Cindy and Jacob come to their mind and try to continue to life together remembering what happened. Both trying to do as if nothing has happened, maybe they have a moment where they talk like rational grown ups (that is not going to happen again). But then the software takes over and forces both in situations where they end up having sex against there will. You could bring in a fetish component. The software forces Cindy to wear hot lingery, stockings, pantyhose, nightgown, no bra, no panties next to her son. She has to tease her boy without wanting it. That would be very hot to see them both struggling, trying to evade the inevitable, both being aroused. Or the software sends them shopping to the Mall and Jacob has to buy teenager clothes for her, with frilly colors, way to tight, making her pretend to be his teenage girlfriend. putting her hair in pig tails. They go to an icecream store and she has to sit in his lap, looking like a school girl, while his hand plays with her pussy under her skirt. Or they visit a cinema.

Or she has to masturbate next to him while he is watching TV. She has to talk dirty to him (without wanting it) while giving him a footjob, while he argues with her to calm down and stop doing it.

And maybe the software stirrs Jacob towards becoming the pimp of his Mom without wanting it, but having to force her, to sell her body, regretting it but at the same time doing it and slowly getting corrupted by the power he gets over his Mom.

So I would say the story would gain if both of them try to fight the primal urge which is there and which is getting stronger and stronger by help of the software and the daily temptation of living together.

Once again, I was deeply impressed, awesome story and no need to make future stories shorter. Hope we are gogin to se much more of you in the future.

Just to say that I enjoyed reading this story and that I would like reading more stories from the author.

First, there's too much going on at one time among too many people here. Too many categories represented and too many things that are simply unbelievable and impossible . Second, while there is some reality,( mom/ son, employee/ boss's wife), there's not enough. Basically, the bad outweighs the good by a substantial margin. 3 stars for your effort.

The most unfortunate part about this story is it's essentially a non-sensical stroke story that's trying to pretend it's something else. There are plot holes and logic gaps large enough to drive a truck through. Too often in the story vagary is employed to attempt to heighten the tension, but since there is never any narrative payoff, at the end it all just seems poorly constructed. The story reads like it is written by somebody who wants to appear as if they have a working knowledge of computers and AI development, but has no more grasp of how that works than a monkey has of rocket science. The "villain" of the piece has no greater motivation than to make people perform sexual acts for no apparent reason. The AI entity behaves like a virus and penetrates systems that are not wirelessly accessible...just because. All in all, the story is a giant, poorly written mess with neither adequate motivation or resolution. I can tell the author is trying, but they simply threw together a bunch of tired science fiction tropes and poorly handled narrative tricks for an unsatisfying result. I will give it 3 stars because there is potential, but 80% of that potential is unrealized.

This is the author’s response as it relates the previous two comments.

I could easily write multiple pages expressing in detail why that critique is unsound. However, In all honesty, as the author, it’s not my place to stimy criticism. After all, it’s the reader’s point of view. I respect the reader’s opinion as it usually provides invaluable information that helps improvement. It also provides insight on issues that I may have overlooked.

Moreover, I admit that this story needs serious editing and revision. My only excuse is that it was my first. I was learning and hadn’t yet acquired the skill to catch my mistakes.

Since then, I’ve written several stories. Although it’s my opinion, I feel I’ve dramatically improved with each succession. I’ll let the reader decide in any case.

In regards to the criticism, I want to state that this story is fiction. It was specifically written as a fantasy meant to stimulate arousal, so yes, it’s “a non-sensical stroke story.” (per critic’s words)

The artificial Intelligence (AI) as it relates to this story is absolute fiction. It was never intended to mimic real life. However, as it relates to technological aspect of the story, it’s most definitely based on fact.

Although I wish otherwise, brainwashing that turns a woman into a whore is fantasy. Hypnosis using images on a computer screen that induces a trance-like state is true. A woman being blackmailed to show her tits to a camera by an anonymous pervert using a computer is public record. Plot? There’s most definitely a plot, but it’s more defined in chapter 2 and 3, which the critic didn’t read. Additionally, electronic devices don’t have to be wirelessly connected to exploited.

Regardless as to the criticism over the technical nature of the story, I have over thirty years in the computer field. In addition, even though there’s serious grammar, punctuation, and perspective mistakes, I’m actually highly skilled in writing technical documents and manuals. Writing stories for the masses, especially erotica, is a totally different monster. I specifically cut out the technical jargon to avoid boring the reader. It wasn’t needed as most people know how electronic devices work. After all, it’s a stroke story.

Thanks,

Rusty Zipper

This is crazy. I LOVE IT.. yeah Jacob should have some karma for getting his mum reprogrammed. Goes to show that you should be careful what info you give away on online surveys.

Now part 2.

I personally have just started writing, and it is a long road for all of us. You will notice that your story becomes better and better as you keep writing, like it happens for most of us. Your work is great and is giving me thoughts of writing erotic fiction as some...practice.

Keep Writing!

I'm fixing the most beautiful thing to get a new host in my house and she's my mom. I was just wondering if you are available to get together with me and I will send you a picture of the family room and my friends are going to have a lot of fun with my mom and my mom is a in the upstairs bedroom with Dan my friends Dad and I will talk with him about something like this is going to have a great impression of speed and Viagra. It's not only your fault I didn't get a chance to get the guys high on speed but I've got a lot for Mom. He got the family room ready and the other guys and I will talk to my mom and she will get a new dick to suck the moment she swallow and gasped and choking

I'm having a great time here in the middle of my mother's living room with her computer. I know that I am a pervert maybe more than you know. I am not going to sell the pictures of my mom I secretly took the day I got my step dad high on meth and discuss with him how much it would be so nice to sexually debase and humiliate my mom . I remember that day and we are going to continue to use my mom in ways that are sexually and morally wrong. He is a good step dad and I have been a lot more meaner to Mom. I love it so much when we make sure her pussy is hanging out with no panties and her neighbor came out to watch me butt fuck her. Please put together a story about Debbie, Dan, and Danny.

Kind of like Eagle Eye for porn.