All Comments on 'To The One I Love Ch. 02'

Well written but no thanks!

Any story where the innocent husband dies is going to get slammed in the scoring and rightly so, it's depressing reading something so bleak.

The big problem with this tale is that Michael's character isn't consistent. He's portrayed as an alpha male before he met Allison, a notorious womaniser that had slept his way through a swathe of models and the most beautiful women NYC had to offer.

Yet his letter makes him sound like a simp... a pathetic beta male that gives up with barely a whimper. Even the way he slinks off without a confrontation and gives the ex-wife most of their assets is a cuck move.

If Michael spent years bedding hot women, he'd know how easily she could be replaced and barely break stride kicking this slut to the kerb. He'd burn the bitch, destroy Allison in the divorce, then be balls deep in a gorgeous younger woman before the ink dried.

This ending with Allison heartbroken and alone is fine, but she'd be suicidal because Michael was starting a family with a beautiful woman half her age, not because he stepped in front of a bus!

How ironic!

5

We make our own hell!

5

Both parts are really well written but the ending was just too sad I was hoping for a happy ending but easily a 5 star story. Well done.

This has to be the saddest story I have ever read! Well written

This story even tho sad,twisted and demented,it is mostly Ironic.To have a guy who was a player fall in love with a Jilted Heart Surgeon and eventually marry her,only to be betrayed by her to the Man she was engaged to first.

Then to have Michael die immediately after so her Ex receives his heart as a further slap for her kharmic scolding,she wound up also having Michael give her and her Ex the ultimate justice by having Ex's Wife drive a butcher knife in Ex's heart and killing him for his cheating.

As for Allison,she can basically live for years or decades with the knowledge she lost the man who loved her the most while she pushed him away,hope Allison dies of a broken heart the way she did to Michael.Again pretty ironic kharma came back around 360 for Allison.

Real hell happens in this life...She knows it now,,,A too dramatic ending...She would live in hell also watching his happiness with another woman and children...3*

The character of Michael doesn't ring true. A "play boy" who turns into a weak, spineless, cuck who just allows his slut wife to pursue her ex-boyfriend. He does NOTHING and then paints himself as the ultimate matyr. After his slut wife blows him off for his birthday, then anniversary then he sees her giving him a loving handjob and STILL says NOTHING. He's going away, having decided NOT to divorce his slut wife but arranges for her to have most of his assets etc in his Will. Absolutely ridiculous! He's meant to be a hard nosed, highly successful Real Estate agent. You paint him as a weak, simpering cuck who doesn't like confrontation.

I hate the part where Michael's heart went to Richard. How horrible! As an organ donor he did want to help others and MAYBE since he loved his wife her happiness meant everything. BUT it does have to hurt that his heart is in that asshole.

Very sad story. Maybe this could have been non erotic or even romance.

The two stories aren't consistent with each other. What happened to the 48 hours she disappeared? Why could he never find her at the hospital when she was missing? Henever knew Richard was at the funeral, yet he was upset when she introduced him to Richard and Richard's wife at the funeral.

The twist in part 2 was far, far too cliche for the setup, and wasn't needed.

You have some talent. The original, by itself, was very good. This part broke the story, and didnt add anything "good" to it, other than a bit more detail of HIM, and how he hurt her. I'm looking forward to future submissions, as I can see you growing to be one of the better writers. Just please, be internally consistent in your stories and don't hit the tear jerker ironic cliche well too many times.

I gave the story a 5* because it is so unique and well-thought through, even if the coincidences are a bit unbelievable. The wife suffers self-imposed hell on earth, which may be the worst punishment.

Keep writing. You knocked out of the park on your first try.

Why is her telling of their first meeting TOTALLY different from his? The only similarity was his spacing out, which, BTW, doesn't fir with her description of him as a "player."

/

Again, his version had nothing about her telling him about meeting Victoria. I got the impression that it was her ex that destroyed her.

/

There are entire teams involved in receiving a heart transplant, not just one surgeon, and it would be HIGHLY unethical for her to weigh in on someone she had had a personal relationship with, pro or con.

/

Once again, Michael's story made no reference to her telling him about Richard's case.

/

Not fair that Michael died, especially saving Richard's life albeit temporarily. Frankly, she seems to self-centered to turn herself into such a martyr. If she really feels that way, give all the money away to charity, and volunteer in clinics in poor countries.

Good story. Part two really made this story work for me. Thank you

@Powersworder, yes, in the first one, I was expecting him to throw the flowers at her, calling her a whore and a slut.

Dark, spiraling in, closing in hell.

This could have been a good Halloween story.

Not trying to sound mean spirited, she created her own hell by giving Richard the time of day when he came to her office. She should have referred him to another doctor. Even on his death bed he conned her into a hand job.

I had to go and read your first submission and need to say, in this one you could have expanded on her character more and just passed on the total recap of Michael and Allison meeting. I have to say that it reminded me of a 'Twilight Zone' story. Look forward to your next.

Richard was Allison's true love. As soon as Richard returned and needed Allison to save his life, Michael no longer existed in her mind. He was just the rebound guy.

Richard went back to his Wife because he got what he needed from Allison who I believe realised how stupid she was and finally felt some guilt.

Aunt Barbara needs to finish the job she started.

TOO LATE TO WORRY ABOUT IT NOW

Dramatic ending pulled everything together a little too quickly for me... 4*

I hated this

Extremely well written! Bravo!

The first one, with the "I love you too much" was bullshit, but him being the heart donor is too stupid for the worst soap opera.

and went over the top when Richard's donor heart was stabbed into oblivion.

I really enjoyed this story. I do wish that it was longer but I see that it could not be.

One of a more original story idea. Thank you and I look forward to reading more.

Of course, Richard was there, with his new wife. She was older than me but younger than Richard. I pointed him out to Michael

.

I had Michael meet me at our favorite Italian restaurant. I explained my dilemma. He was not happy, especially when I told him what Richard had said, but ultimately, he left the decision to me

.

/

/

Continuity error, according to the first story neither event happened

..and yes it needed a conclusion but this certainly seemed a little rushed. Part one had an incredible depth and sadness that was almost palpable, no surprise some commentators thought it based on truth....There could be very good reasons for the 'thinner' finish, my comment is meant to be constructive and hopefully taken that way. I meant it with 'you write well' and look forward to more of your work, thank you.

BaggyUK (lit won't let me log in for some reason)

your a cheater and a cheater gets what they desire, nothing but sadness.

Too gloomy! Needed a reconciliation.

But your story your choice.

@dmann Re: The recap of the Michael and Allison meeting. I agree that it wasn't needed, but if it HAD to be there, it should have been consistent. I think you can get away with differences in narration, but when you have dialog, the characters words shouldn't change.

OMG this is absolute garbage,

I thought we'd get a good story here and like so many in LW's it went sideways and became a wreck.

Maybe you should have re-read your first chapter!

2*

Ditto. You should have re-read your second chapter after you finished it! Hope your health is getting better. Thank you for trying! Keep up your search for an editor ... there IS a story in there. However, there are things that need to be established rather than just saying them and believing We-The-Readers will accept them ... despite previous contradictory passages or logic.

Had some potential, but never seemed to climb the hill.

Good try, but the overwhelming sadness of this entire story in these times is just too much. Yes, we have irony, but little else.

But it was a great dark, hopeless story.This was the most stark, complete BTB I've ever read. Now go write something with a little bit of sunshine in it.

I met a woman who I thought I might have a future with, following a weekend of meeting, dating and talking. I wrote her a letter. She never responded, so I thought it simply was not meant to be. I'm not perfect, but I would have been a good husband and father. If she could not see that then that was her choice, her loss, life goes on.

Two years after I sent my letter an acquaintance said the woman wanted my mailing address, she wanted to contact me. Was I bitter, proud, petulant? Naw, just curious. I was not in a relationship so why not? I couldn't wait to read how she was going to explain taking two years to respond to my letter.

She did OK. Over 43 years and several children later she's still doing OK, with me. I still can't keep my hands off of her. She never gets tired of the attention.

Real men don't chase the women who love them, they don't have to. Real women don't need to be reminded of who they love, and why.

It kind of fits, that a man who loves women then leaves them falls for a woman who can't remember who she loves. The dumb ass couldn't see past his dick when all the women wanted him, then he couldn't see a bus coming down the street when the woman he loved couldn't see past her first lover's dick.

It doesn't matter if she kills herself or dies of naturally. She's already dead from the chest up. Michael's money will fund her suffering and regret for many many years. She deserves it, the dumb shit.

Thanks for the effort.

you fucked the husband like a whore. In the end the whore gets rich and the husband is dead.

Oooh, Edgar Allen Poe DARK

To stevetish

Hate is such a vial word and should only be used to describe the most despicable of enemies should you have any, most of us don’t. It would be far better if you said you dislike, Loathed or even Detested the story but to hate is deep and unabating.

I can understand you not liking this story as so many of us want the Disney ending but life is not Disney Land. The harsh reality of life is often unpleasant. The ending was unexpected and unpleasant as far as coming together too quickly comment by Demosthenes384bc that’s just life as well. Nothing happens for years then life can take a unexpected turn that catches us by surprise due to it’s speed and ferocity.

A very imaginative and well-thought-out story. Thank you.

Too Dark NO It has become a depressing here to dismiss betrayal,even celebrate it . The cuckolding l of ones spouse is not a oops it is cold blooded and calculated betrayal and deserves consequences beyond "Lucy you got some splaining to do"

A real downer but extremely well done.

Well written but damn sad. Now I have to drink a shot of good whiskey and look for a bright sunny story.

Slutcunt bitch, just do it. Put that gun in your mouth & pull the trigger.

Hi all. Thanks to all who commented. For starters. The hero is based on a real person I knew years ago. He did not die, but went back to being a womanizer. He is now 56 and never married again. It's not me.

This was a test to see if I had the ability to write a 1/2 decent story. I have a much longer story in the works that will have the hero being just that and the cheaters being severely punished. Parts of that story are still floating around in my head.

While I believe that this was possibly the best BTB ending,

I will open it up for a vote. Everyone who may want a second, separate ending. One that would be somewhat longer and involve a completely none plausible ending.

If you would like to see this 2nd ending. Vote yes

If you are happy with this ending vote no.

I will leave this up for one week and take under advisement to voting

GS

YES.

I enjoyed this one, but I would like to see a different ending where Michael makes it.

Awesome!

Excellent twist at the end!!!!!

NO

Under no circumstances should you change the ending. Don't Kowtow to the fairy tale ending lovers. The man in the "white hat" doesn't not always win.

No, you should write what YOU want. If you want, open it up for others to write their own versions. Yes, I know many people HATE that idea, but others like it!

Brutal. Good finish

overly dramatic....

The votes are in. The ending stays.

Keep an eye out for my next story. It will be alot grittier and longer

Good story, sad but good, I hated the ending it was a mistake for this story, it deserved better.

LIFE CAN BE SO FUCKED UP AT TIMES!

I NEVER thought in my wildest dreams I would get this much feedback.

I offered an alternative ending, but most commentaries said to leave as is.

I have something bigger, by far, I am working on but cant seem to find an editor or a guide.

I am having a hard time getting the wording just right.

There are more to come.

Thank you all.

You should write more, it is a shame you only have one 2 part story on thr net

Hello all.

Not sure where to start, but, Gypsysam is my father and has passed away. He was an avid 2A supporter and carried his gun everywhere. He was involved in a shootout, and while he helped save 3 people, he sustained a fatal shot to the chest. I found this site on his laptop and was curious. After reading the comments I felt I had to let you all know.

My father was a good man and had many true stories of his life.

He was both upstanding and strong, yet a former criminal.

Calm and peaceful around family, but could be violent when necessary, according to his friends.

I hope you enjoyed his 2 part story. It was based on a good friend of his that went through it all except the death. He actually returned to Sicily, where our families are from.

Goodbye all.

You need to write more, I did not like the sad twist but it was necessary to complete the story!

Please keep at it

I liked it enough to rate 5 stars, despite the fact I really do NOT like dark tales. He was strong, she was beyond weak. She's the one that should have walked in front of the bus but that's just an opinion.

Still waiting to see the next work

What a extremely SAD story. A great story, but really sad. Good job.

-

Pasqual

hey, ill give you credit for trying to put a twist on the cheating and guilt of the cheater. This was a little too corny for me, though, lol. thanks for the effort, though.

The first chapter is GREAT!!!! This chapter was even BETTER!!!! And amazing short story. So much heart rendering emotion. So much story in such a small package.

-

Than-you

-

Pasqual

Incredible... Fantastic storyline... Thoroughly enjoyed both chapters... 5 Stars...

AI am married to a stupid, arrogant, cheating cunt much like the one in this story.

From a totally SHIT chapter 1 to a good chapter 2. The only negative was not letting her pull the trigger! But, then, she didn't earn the right to end her suffering, did she ? Hope she lives a long, long time.

Fantastic. For such a sad 2 part story, it was great. The Bear gives 10 stars because it deserves it. But it is the saddest story I have ever read. The Bear approves.

The BEAR

🥰 Loved this one. Good final ending.

5 stars!

Bill

For those unfamiliar with Christian dogma, suicide, being self murder, is a mortal sin, meaning that those who kill themselves are sent to Hell. This is why Allison doesn't want to kill herself, fear that she will be sent to Hell and not see Michael in the afterlife.

I'm sorry to hear you lost your father, but I hope you are proud that he was able to be "a good guy with a gun".

Fascinating story that is terribly, terribly sad! Great story-telling - thank you!

Holy shit. That was depressing, but good

Depressing but excellent TC Ireland

Dug very deep into what can happen when people forget that actions have consequences!

An author that knows the word is "bawling" and not "balling". Thank you. Hope you write again.

nice romance not so nice for Michael.

Better than part one.

5stars. No sympathy for a stupid, cheating bitch.

Ditto, alvinjfrazier!

5 Stars on a Dark Story . I hope that You enjoy it as much as I did

I agree with JayZip. 4 stars. DMW aka

All the threads were sure pulled together in this story. Pretty neat how Micheal's heart was stabbed clean thru twice! 5 stars

Wow. Got super dark in a hurry. Creative and depressing. The second story seemed inconsistent with the first. Her unexplained absences. We know from her that nothing happened with the asshole but to her husband it looked like she was hiding an affair. Unless missing something, she only cheated physically with the asshole that one night in the hospital bed cuddling, kissing and stroking his penis. Of course Michael sees that but imagines far more that apparently never happened. Despite being a noteworthy cardiothoracic surgeon, she had serious mental issues, seeing how she just disappeared or refused to talk. But ignoring that, the sad, unique ending makes it a 5 star story.

Damn. That escalated. Didn't look like Michael planned on suicide. He had money and tickets to Sicily. He was distracted and died. We actually see that while she was getting emotionally closer to Richard, most of her unexplained absences coukd have been explained. But she did not communicate. Hence when Michael saw her stroking Richard, it was all over. Seems like she got overly emotional about a patient in need who happened to be her ex fiancee. In reality, no surgeon with such an emotional conflict of interest would be give that case no matter what Richard tried. The hospital and her malpractice insurance carrier would never allow it. Still made for a dramatic story. Richard's wife stabbing him in Michael's transplanted heart was quite a read. Wow so dark. She f$cked up, but with communication their marriage coukd have been saved. But she blew it up and Michael was the victim of venomous fate. He loved her too much to stay and face the pain. Personally I woukd have stormed in to that ward and busted up the handjob. She would have been severely reprimanded at the hospital and taken off the case. But the author wrote the worst possible outcome because Michael was too craven and ran off, getting killed in an accident. Ouch. 5 stars for thr emotional impact.

A real tear jerker of a story, but for myself i didn't like that it was Michael that died.

I don't know why he would have left considering he had a great job.

He should have pulled out his phone taken a picture, divorced her, i don't think he would have come out of it to bad with her being a leading surgeon.

Wait until its all settled then send the pictures to the management of the hospital and even papers asking if that was the normal way married doctors helped patients recover