Tom

What is a man to do? I mean, this is the 21^st century and quite frankly my options were damned few and none went without some pain. Not physical pain, but emotional and financial pain; that kind. I would suffer, the kids would suffer; hell, the dog would suffer too. Sad.

I never, not for one minute, thought that I'd be faced with this kind of challenge. Growing up in middle class Albany, the problems were always school, sports, and then girls. Girls were the problem. I liked them, a lot, and then I loved them, a lot. In hindsight, maybe I loved them too much. That's not exactly right; without that degree of love I wouldn't have two kids. No, my problem was simple: I didn't cut it any more as the man that my wife wanted to have sex with. And to solve her problem, she decided to find a man that she did want to have sex with.

It turns out that I was still perfectly fine to keep working and supporting everyone, just that having sex with Kathleen was pretty much off the table. Oh, she did offer up a quick romp on my birthday, but her heart wasn't really in it; and it showed. I started turning her down the scant times that she did offer up sex, but she merely shrugged her shoulders and said 'okay, your loss' and went to sleep.

Oddly, for a while I still slept in the same bed as her. It was more for appearances for the benefit of the kids. I kept to my side of the bed and she to hers. The middle was no-mans-land where neither of us dared trod. I got used to it, I suppose.

As time went on, I knew that Kath was spending more and more time with her boyfriend. She would come home late a couple of nights a week and then she announced one Friday morning that she was going to be away for the weekend. I asked her where she was going and with who; her response was that I didn't need to know. I didn't really want to know, I reckoned.

The odd weekend away grew into two weekends a month. The kids were very curious and asked her where she was going. Her answer was always 'to help a friend.' Yeah, right.

This went on for about a year and I realized that if I were to have any kind of life, that I needed to get my arse moving and do something for myself. The kids and I filled our weekends with lots of activities. They had a bunch of school sports and clubs that filled a big chunk of their free time. Me, not so much. I filled my time by being around them for everything that I could. I went to the games and practices, I drove them and their friends to anything where they needed a ride. I figured that the more I had to do with my kids, the less I would think about Kath.

Kath did some things with the kids and even cooked the odd family meal. She planned our 'family' activities that we went ahead with but I could tell her interest level was dwindling. She was constantly texting on her phone. When I would glance her way she would put it in her handbag and then pretend to be interested in what we were doing.

The kids asked me why their mother was away so much. I didn't have an answer for them that I thought was...appropriate for them to hear. I remember saying to them 'you should ask that of your mother; I'm sure she can give you lots of details.'

At about that year point, I knew that I had been long replaced as the man that Kath wanted as her husband. I found out, through expensive sources, that she was fucking two different men. One was about ten years younger than she is, a para-legal clerk at the firm, and he was all about the hard pounding that she so enjoyed. The other paramour, her main squeeze, was actually another lawyer, at the firm where she worked. He's a few years older and is married with a wife and two kids. He's a senior partner. Seems Kath likes to shop where she works.

A man can only take so much. I talked to the kids. They had sensed that not all was perfect in our world. They had pretty much lost track of the time that their mother was or wasn't around. They just stopped counting, and caring. The time that we three spent together was notable since they would often tell 'classic Dad' stories of our hikes and travels when Kath wasn't involved. I think she took notice, once in a while.

I was volunteering at school events and it was noticed by a few of the more observant that Kath was never there. The occasional question by one of the mothers let me know that they were watching. When one of them would ask where she was, my standard reply was 'she's busy.'

I got my old bike out of the garage and took it to a shop for maintenance and an overhaul and started riding again. The first few times were educational. There were muscles that I hadn't used in a while letting me know that I'd been a slug for too long. My use of Voltaren went up after the first few times out. There is a mountain bike meet-up group in the city so I went out for that. It was great fun. I hurt like hell after. The group usually went to the Fox and Hound Pub after for a pint of beer. What-the-hell, I needed it. I enjoyed it.

I dropped a few pounds. My pant size went to a 31 inch waist and my shirt size went to medium, slim fit. I went down from 185 to 160 pounds. I looked much better considering I'm only 5 ft.11 in. tall. I started going to the gym at lunch time. We have one on the ground floor of the building I work in. My practice is also flexible so that I can take work with me if I want to. I'm a CPA management consultant.

I got those plastic braces that you wear on your teeth. I had a couple of teeth that were starting to move around and I wanted to make sure that things in my mouth were where they were supposed to be. My mother and father had spent the price of a small used car to get me braces when I was a kid and I didn't want to be seen to waste their investment. My own kids were going to need braces soon and what better way to show them that it wasn't the horror story they were told by their friends, than to lead the way myself. Normally I only wore them when I slept. Kath never noticed, and even if she did, never once said anything to me about them.

The kids convinced me to go clothes shopping to get things that fit me better. We went to the mall to Tommy Hilfiger. My cousin is a Manager there and got me the family discount of 40% off the price. I couldn't turn that down.

I got contact lenses. The kids made great fun of me as I tried to put them in my eyes. The first few times it was like being poked in the eye with a thumb. I eventually got the hang of it and now they go in and out in seconds. I still wear glasses when I work but I got new ones. The kids helped me pick out the frames: horned-rim black ones are all the rage now. When I was a teenager, we used to call them 'birth-control-specials,' how times change.

One of the mothers from school made a point of inviting me to a Barbecue at her house. Now, she's divorced and has two kids. She's also a nurse at the hospital. With a divorce rate of about 50% there are several single mothers (and fathers) with kids at the same school that my kids go to. The invitation was for a BBQ in the early evening. Kids were not invited. That meant that there would likely be alcohol on the menu. So, I got a sitter, made the kids promise to be on their best behaviour and went.

Well, it was a learning experience.

Seems that Kath's extra-marital activities were not as secret as she thought they were. She had been spotted with her para-legal boyfriend at a couple of the restaurants and clubs in the city. Nurse Marilyn was quite diplomatic in her questions to me. She basically asked if the tall, very fit, guy that Kath was dancing with was somehow related to her. I looked at her, took a sip of my beer, and tried to formulate an answer that would preserve some measure of dignity for me and, I suppose Kath. But we were beyond that at this point. Now that the proverbial cat was out of the bag, there was little point of trying to colour the truth. So, I didn't. I offered up that Kath had a 'social life' that was very separate from her family. When I was asked if I had the same privilege, I offered that I was in the process of creating a similar privilege for myself. You should have seen the raised eyebrows on that.

**********

Slowly, ever so slowly, my life began to change. The life of our entire family began to change. The kids were growing and getting even busier. Sports and other interests were on the increase. That meant time available for other things was on the decrease. That meant my free time was further under the crunch. To mitigate that to a degree, I slowly worked to move some of the responsibility for the kids back to Kath. I learned from a very wise man that the way you eat an elephant is easy - one small forkful at a time, but it takes a while. So, I started to move some of the chores and kid events to Kath and I started to schedule time for myself.

I bought a new (read expensive) Trek mountain bike. I bought a newer Subaru Outback equipped with things to make it more off-road capable and tackle the adventures that I wanted to experience. I took part in several events around the region. I really enjoy the workout that I get and the mud. Oh, the mud. At the end of an event I would be caked in it and I loved it.

So, Kath's life changed too. I figured that she too could pull her weight with family responsibilities. She would go on about how hectic her work was and that lawyers have to put in crazy hours to succeed. Part of that might have been true; if it hadn't been for her fucking two guys and trying to make up for it by being constantly away. No, I had reached the don't-give-a-shit point. I would email her my schedule and tell her that I was busy too and she would have to figure out a way to put off her boyfriends once in a while. It worked with a measure of success. It cut into her freedom and gave me a bit more freedom.

Another thing started to happen. I was making new friends; women friends. It was all casual at first, but the more I got to know some of the women that were part of the mountain bike scene, the more I liked them. And, I found out that they liked me. Go figure. That was a hell of a realization. It gave me back a measure of self-confidence that Kath's fucking around had taken away. I mean, why would your wife want to fuck other men if you were getting the job done. The answer that I took when I first found out was that I was not getting the job done and I wasn't what she wanted. But now, I was asking myself if Kath was what I wanted.

**********

My kids are smart, just like their father. They figured out that their mother was increasingly absent from their lives, to the point that they began to stop asking where she was. Then, when I started going out more and more to do things for myself, the kids reported that their mother was farming them out to their friends mothers. I often came home to a note on the kitchen counter that the kids were at some other house with their friends and that Kath would be back the next day. What the fuck is that? I knew that things had to change and that Kath's best-before date was quickly expiring.

**********

I went to visit a family-law attorney.

It was all very informative. The law of New York State was primarily concerned with the welfare of the children that were part of any marriage. The mothers customarily get the custody of the kids (unless they are deemed to be unfit to look after children) but I knew that that argument wasn't going to have any merit; especially after I told the lawyer that my wife was a lawyer and told her her name. No, my lawyer assumed right-off that I stood little chance of full custody of my children.

At the end of the discussions I asked her to prepare the Petition for Dissolution of Marriage. I would tell her when and where to serve the documents. I went home.

In my mind I went back and forth debating the question of how long this...situation...was going to continue. My lawyer offered that if I waited a bit longer and Kath became more disengaged from the family that she might agree to more beneficial conditions for a divorce. What that really meant was that Kath would get so tired of being married with children that she might be very open to the idea of abandoning me and the kids for her freedom. There was some merit to that idea. I decided that I needed to have a talk with Kath and see what her intentions really were.

I picked a Thursday night when I knew that Kath would be home. The kids were in their rooms reading and getting ready to get to sleep. I went to the refrigerator and got myself a beer, an IPA that I like, and poured it into a glass. I found Kath in the Family Room with the TV on, her laptop open beside her, and her phone in her hand. She had some work papers spread out on the sofa beside her and the coffee table in front of her.

I interrupted her concentration. I cleared my throat to let her know I was in the room. She looked up briefly and then back to her phone.

"Kath, we need to talk."

"Uh, what?" She continued to concentrate on the text she was typing.

"Look at me. We need to talk."

Again, without looking up she replied, "What do you want to talk about?"

"I want to talk about us. I want to talk about how much longer you want to stay married. I want to talk about how much longer you want to live here."

Finally I got her attention as her head jerked up and she dropped her fucking cell phone. "Wha...what...what do yo mean?"

"I mean, you and I are not a couple any more. You haven't been part of this family for over a year and a half. You've been very busy fucking your two boyfriends. You haven't been my wife and you haven't been a mother to those two children you gave birth to. That's what I mean."

Her face reddened. "I told you a long time ago that you don't own me and I decide who I have sex with. You don't want to have sex with me so I have the right to have sex with anyone that I want to."

That was bullshit and she knew it, "When was the last time that you and I had sex?"

Now she was getting angry. "I don't know and I don't care. Every time I've offered to have sex with you, you've turned it down."

I nodded my head. "Yes, you're right there. I guess I have an aversion to sloppy-thirds. But that's just me." I took a big drink of my beer. I realized that little was going to be accomplished here tonight.

Her voice raised, "So what the fuck do you want from me? I do my share with the kids and I pay my share of all of our household expenses. What is it you want?"

Her game was to go on the attack; her lawyer skills were showing up to the battle now.

"I want to know how much longer you want to stay married. It's clear to me that you don't want me as your husband, and I gotta tell you, that I don't really want you as my wife. You know, you're a really shitty wife."

She stood up, and walked out of the room. She went to the kitchen and got a glass of wine. I figured that she wasn't coming back, but she did. I suppose she wanted to get her phone and finish texting her boyfriends.

I knew in that short exchange that I had had enough. I did one thing immediately and made a mental note to myself to do another first thing on Friday.

I went to the bedroom and started emptying my closet of all of my things and moved them to the guest bedroom. It took me several trips but I got it done in about an hour. Kath continued whatever she was doing in the Family room. I actually slept fairly well that night.

The next morning at breakfast, I talked to the kids. Kath had already left before they were ready to eat so I was able to tell them that there were going to be some changes around the house. That their mother and I were going to sort out some things about the two of us but that my first concern was that it wouldn't affect them. They looked at me as they slurped down some cheerios and toast and nodded. I felt that they had expected this to happen.

**********

I called my lawyer as soon as I got to my office and told her that she could go ahead with the paperwork and have my wife served. I wanted her served at her office. I figured that that was the scene of the crime, so to speak, and what better place for her and maybe even her boyfriends to realize that there were consequences with their decisions and actions.

**********

Kathleen

A process server showed up at my office and handed me an envelope and said words that I've heard lots, 'you've been served.' I didn't think much about it and handed it to my secretary and told her to log it in to the registry that she keeps and see which case it relates to. I took my cup of coffee to my office and started to get busy. A few minuets later she appeared to the door with the envelope in her hand.

"What is it?"

Her carefully sculpted eyebrows were up as she said, "Ah...this one's for you personally."

"Huh, what is it?"

"You really should look at this." She stepped into my office and dropped the envelope on my desk in front of me. It was already opened so I took the file out. I looked at the cover page and then I knew what Tom was talking about last night.

Just then I got a call. I picked up and it was Robert. "Could you come to my office immediately, please!" Even though he said 'please' this was an order and not a request. I stood up, straightened my skirt and walked the distance to his office.

"What the hell, Kathleen! I got this when I came in this morning.". He passed me a file and it was a lawsuit for Alienation of Affection. Those never succeed in New York. I slowly put it back on the desk and sat on the leather sofa in his big office.

"I..I got served just now for divorce. Tom wants me out."

"What are his conditions?"

"I don't know. I haven't looked at it yet. I'm not gonna use anyone from the firm to represent me. I'll probably represent myself. I don't want rumours running rampant."

"God damn right you don't! (his voice was angry) because if Judy finds out just what you and I have been doing she'll raise hell and it will cost me more than I want to pay."

Robert has teenage kids, a big house, with a big mortgage and a lifestyle to match. He and his wife Judy are well off, but a divorce for them would kick him in the nuts financially, but more importantly, reputationally here at the firm, and in the wider community. What am I doing worrying about Robert; my own hurricane is gathering strength and I need to head it off fast. Oh shit, my stomach doesn't feel so great. I ran for the washroom off the side of the office and just made it to the toilet before the contents of my guts spewed forth.

**********

Kathleen (later that morning)

I got a bottle of water, closed my office door and started to look over the paperwork. The lawyer in me came out and I made some notes on a yellow legal pad. Tom was going for the throat. He was citing adultery as the grounds. He listed the names and addresses of the both Robert and James. He identified that I had been in a sexual relationship with them for approximately two years. He said that he wanted full custody of the children citing that I was frequently absent from our family and home and thus he was the best parent to have custody. My fitness to be a custodial parent was challenged. There was a document attached listing all the times in the last year that I had spent with Robert and James; shit. Tom wanted the house, half of all our savings and he wanted child support from me until the kids were finished university; that would be years from now.

The kicker in this was what was going to be the thing that the family law judge would frown at me for. Tom wanted medical testing for the complete range of sexually transmitted diseases and he wanted the names of all other sex partners that I have had since we have been married. Fuck! A judge would be sympathetic with that because of medical grounds. That alone would be hard to get around.

Tom wanted me out of the house saying that I no longer was a good example for the children. Basically called me a tramp. Neither Robert nor James ever came to my home; I made sure of that.