All Comments on 'Too Beautiful'

Meh.

about being a slut than anything else

Interesting!

4

exhausting, tiresome.

Please stop writing.

Biggest load of horseshit I've seen. One star well deserved.

Maybe more romantic than lving wifes, but still perfect.

Ok not a bad story, but on the whole average. Not what lm used to from you.

I don’t know the point of the story. They were all stupid people. None had any redeemable characteristics. We’ll certainly none given how you portrayed them. Immensely shallow people.

Scores 3/5.

Please go back to writing cheating wife stories, you excel in that genre not many equal you.

Just my thoughts

Your usual sterling effort! Nice, well-written and -plotted story. 5/5!!!

That's a big departure from your usual stuff, no drama at all just sex

Having said that, that's not what LW crowd is into. Nobody is cuckolded and nobody is screwed in divorce, might as well put it to group sex category

Was this story a belated April Fools entry? "Her orgasm was orgasmic."

What's the point of this story anyway?

This was, from page 1 to the last page, just FORNICATION, SOME FORNICATION AND THEN MORE FORNICATION.

/

All those fornication activities made me dizzy, because I keep skipping paragraphs.

Makes me icky-queasy Imagining all those cum mixed in Carrie's vagina,

YUCK!

/

No wonder young Americans are getting dumber by the year.

All they do in school is fornication. And no wonder that they have to accept Asians to study and work there....

someone has to take the slack and get real work job done because a big number of these western fornicators cannot graduate. A big brain drain has been going on in my country since the 80s, like doctors, nurses and teachers to mention a few, because the American millennials are just fucking around. What a waste of premiere quality educational facilities.

/

Man, I need to warn my son about not hitching with a western woman.

Need to tell him what a CUM DUMP and CC slut means.

/

@demander, I loved your stories before.

but lately you're stories, in my opinion, are getting less in quality.

gave this a hesitant 2 stars, could have been 1*

but I like how you write..

Demander has continuously maintained his slide from ok to gutter snipe to pigsty... and he still continues to gloriously slide further into the swamp!!

One of the worst stories ever posted.

Nope. Didn't find any of the characters attractive or empathetic.

Mostly just a suck and fuck slut story.

No score.

Dear lord, this was beyond stupid.

What the fuck is going on with LW? all trash-tier released at the same time

Cliche-orama. The plot and character development are so bad that it beggars description. This was hilarious: "Two months into the relationship, Carrie met a fellow from the lacrosse team. He was African-American, medium complected, stocky. His name was Derrick Jones." So, we not only have the usual BBC myth (of course he had to be "bigger" than Pete...this is Literotica where reality ceases to exist) injected into the story, but he plays a sport that has exactly 4 black pro players and 46 in all of D I teams. No one sane would marry a puta like Carrie, and the kind of behavior described would no lead to a long, happy marriage. I'm beginning to think that authors here are white men with "penis insecurity" and who have been "blue pilled" on race and women.

Hardly a LW story when 99.9% of the story was while they were in college fucking everything with a dick or cunt. Put it in the Erotic section where it belongs. Luckily I skimmed most of it and did waste my time further. 1* for falsely labeling your story.

cucks get one star

And the point was what?

AWFUL.

😴

I gave this 5 stars. Why? I don't really know. When I first started reading through the first few pages, I felt I would give a 1 star rate. Then as the story progressed, I upped to 2 stars. At the end, I had to give some thought to what was just read, and how would I feel? Shit, I am a BTB person, PERIOD. However, the couple never said exclusive. That is until they finally married. So, what the hell, I gave in and gave you a 5 stars rate. If, however, they had continued to screw around after the marriage, There would have been a 1 star at the end.

At any rate, well written. Actually, humorous at times.

Kind of surprised that Carrie didn’t get a STI, and pass it to everyone else.

Your story read like a fucking plan for the year to me! I could hardly recognize any real plot (besides fucking), characters and emotions.

Quality of writing is, as usual, excellent. Plot and story line, not so much. I kept reading and expecting something to happen. Still waiting

There is no story here. Nothing but the erotica and that done poorly an very boring. Overkill on the partners. open liestyles ar 4 times more likely to end up in divorce and to bring violence along. You believe you can be an irresponsible partner and lover. good-luck with that misguided notion. Please try to tell a story not just a "See Jane Fuck. Fucky Fucky little sucky Jane, " It IS boring!!!

nothing but nasty whores in this story , i believe they need to see a doctor and get check out

Legio's comments just shows he's lost all sense of reality.

wow a new low in pathetically boring

You have written a lot better than this go back to what you used to write

What the hell was that!?

Good story. I feel like I have read it before? Was it a repost?

Gave this one 4* overall. You continue to struggle with fluctuating the length and conte of you sentences. The usual series of stuff mole, some neglect trout sentences leaves the reader feeling they are being assaulted with a literary machine gun. It seems to level off as the story progresses, yet never reaches the level of the top writers in this genre. The story plot in this one was entertaining but the more realistic path would have been Pete and Jane getting together, leaving Carrie on the outside. Generous 4*

Thank God we had a BBC in the storyline to make it a truly great story. WTF was the purpose of this mess??

I think the old saying applies here "If Carrie had as many dicks sticking out of her as she's had in her she'd look like a porcupine".

Totally wrong category

This is a solution to that recurring problem of the long distance romance created when high school lovers go to widely distant colleges. It takes a 21st century mindset to accept this solution. I know that it wouldn't have even begun to be a solution in my day. I'm somewhat skeptical of the ultimate solution that Carrie forced into being. We did end up with the most unlikely of the four of them opting out, but that created a more believable ending. i liked the optimistic tone of the finale - 26 years later. I'm not sure how much credence I place on Carrie's ability to be faithful. Maybe enough is enough in 2 years of screwing around The solution is somewhat uplifting - there is good in this world. Even if I don't really believe it. 5* for something different

Just stupid.

.

2 **

Carrie was the consummate slut. Pete wasn't much better, but still. Can't say I like the premise nor the characters. I could only give this 3 stars.

OK, I've criticized demander several times in the past on his penchant for polyamory, which I find pointless. But got to say that this story used that theme very well. What's the diff here? Easy. They weren't married yet, they were in FUCKING COLLEGE, and separately for the first two years of it, to boot. So it was appropriate that this would be a time to experiment. And when the chips came down, both couples reverted to monogamy, which formed the basis for stable marriages with successful children. Also, the writing was sexy as hell, which certainly doesn't hurt. And I have to disagree with the anon who accused Legio_Patria_Nostra of having lost it. Don't think so, mate. I find LPN to be generally sound. Maybe a little overly generous in his scoring, but that's a flaw I share with him. As for my score for this one, I liked it, so it's a solid 4.

QM

long boring story with no drama or plot..everyone is completely ok with continuing ( for years ) fucking with

anyone until the very end when they can't handle doing it face to face? My we have interesting ways of showing

our moral limits., or lack of them...

???? WTF there is no story anyone who believes that one exists is a moron!!!

I don’t know what’s worse, the story or Legio_Patrio_Nostra’s comment in support of it!

"Pete had a pain black tux" My pain was trying to read this mess. I gave up.

All good mate, rhanks for the read. I have a picture of Carrie in my mind that blows me away. And Jane - cute, next door type with pokies and a smile that melts your heart and hardens your cock.

Thank god in lw fantasy land there are no std or pregnancy. When did she have time for class? All she did was fuck all day long.

True fiction. Would never work in the real world.

Broken record repeating bore. Were they real I'd chip in for vasectomies and tube ties for the lot of them.

Sex was so frequent and primal that is was like watching monkeys or some other primates fuck for lack of anything more interesting to do. Marriage requires lots of interactions and cooperation that might take place between two people not married, such a coordinating living arrangements, shared finances, helping each other with various personal and household projects. But recreational sex is one thing that happens exclusively within a marriage, unless one or both married partners are also sex workers. In this story sex was treated like meeting a friend for lunch, or several friends, with no special significance to the sex or the sex partners. Which made the sex so casual and animalistic that is cheapened the characters. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but it made the story read like some kind of sexual relationship research study. Which means it ended up being very boring. So they fucked, so what. Who cares? Obviously they don't. Meaningless. But thanks for the effort.

Why couldn't she just get HIV positive and share it. Who would miss the characters she fucked, I mean, really.

This was the literary equivalent of a smoldering dumpster fire at a pig shit farm.

You aimed lower than stupid for this one cuckie. I think the rest of the hack shit writers are going to have a tough time beating this mess.

Either improve or go back to squeezing your boyfriends bacne.

Long silly story. *

WTF Was this off some 12 year old phone. Did any of these people care about STD.

Sorry, but I just didn't enjoy this story. Carrie's desire of being with multiple guys and training other guys makes no sense if she loved Pete. To say she risked pregnancy and STDs would be highly accurate. For her to limit herself to just one man doesn't make sense. She is a slut that craves variety. Pete showed more control and had longer more stable relationships. For them to stay together really doesn't make sense, she'd be looking for strange dick after a few months or a few years.

"Thank God we had a BBC in the storyline to make it a truly great story"

BBC, the one indisputable proof that the writer in question has absolutely no talent at all.

Too many words that were completely unnecessary and after all that it still was clear where you were going or where you ended up. A real mess.

A story written for juvenile sensitivities about characters having no admirable qualities.

Jane was no peach, but if Carrie was a motorcycle, she'd be a HORLEY-DAVIDSON. If she had a real estate business, i'll bet she used her pissy to increase sales. Pete better get DNA tests done on those kids, and no way any one man could satisfy that slut. As one commenter said, "if she had as many stuck out of her as in, she'd be a porcupine". How could anybody marry a slut like her?

I had to give up after page 2. This was boring drivel. 1*

Where was Carrie when I needed training? :)

Stopped after 1 page when it was clear it wasn't getting any better. Sophomoric, immature.

Well writen and very atheletic eroticism.

Perhaps erotic couplings instead, very different than the usual demander LW story.

Ick. This doesn't belong in LW.

I read this again and raised my rating. They were in college, still think she was the college bike but the ending proved things worked out.

You’re a good author, but the entire precept was beyond rediculous.

Ehhh,Sheeesh. LP

Pretty good . Two friends two different major universities with crazy stories. One a football player not a star fucked as often as he wanted. He the cheerleaders were basically fucking the players often . He said if your beautiful smart daughter was on the cheer team chances are she fucked a lot of guys , definitely had a few black dicks , definitely a girl and dp’s multiple times. He said one year they win a bowl game and it was basically an team cheerleader orgy with many other girls looking to party. The other guy over six years fucked around 50 girls . He even fucked two campus workers and a beautiful black professor. He said he would video her face as she begged for his fat white dick to pound her ass like her hubby couldn’t. He said the poor future husbands that have to beg for bjs have a wife that was taking up her ass daily in college. Wish I had those experiences

Here's the thing. Most of these stories are morality tales, where a faithful wife strays. Then she either gets burned or forgiven. This woman wanted to act to prevent that, sewing wild oats while young. No excuse that she was too cloistered and now needs to know what she missed. No such excuse by him either. I agree it probably wouldn't work in real life. But these stories all have a large amount of fantasy in them, eh? Also I liked writing the sex scenes. D

Not a particularly engaging tale. It was difficult to maintain an interest in who Carrie and Pete were screwing.

OK, but it’s just not my thing. 2/5

Really hot and positive story. It was just nice seeing a story where people got what they wanted and no one got hurt. Love it.

wrong cat. i have a problem with the "wild oats" crap. if ur the type of person that needs this then u probably happier in life if u dont marry at least an exclusive marriage. this i believe is the definition of erotic couplings

That didn’t flashed. It got incoherent and pretty repetitive in cluster fucking and pimping.

I get it, it’s about the early days of sowing oats but that’s all it was and … boring. No tension, no conflict, pretty much mechanical.

Sorry, you betta than this. Next time. Cheers for posting.

Captcha

I was interested to see how this story would end.

Sorry started out good then went to Sluts-r-us through collage, they have no idea what true love is, its not having sex like you breath, with other people

I was propositioned a lot in college. By girls with boyfriends. Carrie was honest, Lots of girls tried out other girls. Good story. Don’t know if sowing wild oats works or not. Seemed to for me. I get propositioned and stay faithful.

Good writing and interesting sex scenes.

Long comment about jock and stud was interesting. I was a 3 sport athlete. Also tutored other athletes. Cheerleaders were very horny girls. Then they got married and weren’t. That college slut that dons the innocent missionary position wife thing kills me. Amazingly amoral to me. For some women it is the role - wives don’t do that but cheerleaders do - and they assume the role the husband expects. Making the guy that married you beg is icky and seems common from the complaints I hear. Power trip? Revenge for husband not being perfect? Sublimating sex drive into rage for perceived offenses?

I went to High School in the 60s. Sexual revolution you know. The pill. AIDS was unknown, herpes was not a thing, everything else was easily curable. The cheerleaders and gymnasts were mostly on the pill - to “regulate their periods” and/or “help with the cramps”.

Free love and girls acting like boys was the meme. I was pulled into the bushes (literally) at 10 by a girl (our back yards adjoined in the woods) who had been perving on her parents and they were apparently working their way through the Kama sutra. She got some of her friends involved. Lasted through junior high. Several started on the pill at 12 and 13. Gymnasts, cheerleaders. At 11 the 14 year old baby sitter wanted to try some stuff. In high school my mother helpfully told me which girls were on the pill. Their mothers told her. Strangely, mostly the cheerleaders. Stuff happened. Girl in see thru blouse - no bra - sitting next to me in class, telling me what time of day she liked to have sex and what she liked. Cheerleader sat on my hand on bus returning from a game and got my hand all wet and slippery wiggling. It was a Britney Spears sex riot thru college. Girls acting like CNNs portrayal of frat boys or lacrosse players. I had a great time. Now faithfully married. Not wondering what “strange” feels like. The backyard neighbor, my friend with benefits through college, (lots of boyfriends like Carrie, sometimes several simultaneously) settled down and and married a minister. Different strokes.

Not much too much screwing around to make it believable that they even know what love is

HIV much?

Much ado about nothing

Sorry,not much of a story,started off good but the longer it went on the less interesting and repetitive it got. Way to much sex left no room for a story to be told.No way can you convince me or readers there possibly be any love between the two of them with the way you presented their lifestyle.Just not possible,a living arrangement yes,love no way.Unrealistic scenario.Only finished the story to see how you ended it....2 stars...JZK

Just a bunch of sexual trysts. Not sure why Carrie suddenly lost the desire for variety and control. We are led to believe she loves Pete and is a bit worried about him getting close to another woman. But then again Rick is not a threat as while he was Carrie's best fuck buddy at college, they didn't make love and she loves Pete, not Rick. Jane is a bigger threat. She has Pete as hee #1, only hesitating because she knows Pete doesn't reciprocate. Carrie probably realizes if she opens the door, then Jane would swoop in and claim Pete. At least it wasn't the usual "I was a virgin and need to experience strange cock, after 20 years of marriage" story on this site. But there wasn't a lot of emotional aspects about Carrie and Pete that woukd suggest they are strongly in love except their summers together when they fuck a lot and sometimes make love. We the reader are told to just accept their strong love, but Carrie's feat of exclusivity. At least Pete answered honestly about the swap and the hypothetical about Rick. And to her credit, Carrie agreed to exclusivity and they had a good marriage. But some of that we have to take as a leap of faith as there isn't much more than great sex that they share at least in college. Meh.

I usually just skim the sex scenes. More interested in the emotional stuff. One heck of a lot of skimming here. 3/5

Thanks for your writing.

Trying not to let my..."meh"...reaction to the story's plot development detract from my enjoyment of the writer's skill--but it's difficult because I also didn't really find any of the characters (main or supporting) that interesting, much less erotically stimulating.

In the end I just have to say this was a relatively boring story about some relatively boring people.

Not up to the usual quality of many of your other works, demander--but thanks for sharing your skill with us.

And keep writing.

MLJ

Ending doesn't work for me.The way she fucked about at college,means she would do the same married.

Poor old Pete stuck with a slut and too stupid to realise he could do so much better, even a crack addled hooker would be a better prospect for a happy marriage.

I don't care for the fact this author brings race in many stories.

A treaty on debauchery. Carrie and Pete started out as promising people, then, all of a sudden, ended up worse than the cheapest, shameless street whore. How can college educated people be so degrading. From what I know, highly improbable.

What distasteful bunch they all were

Still 3/5

I agree with Kelcha.

I too skim over the sex and find too much skimming ruins the emotional subtleties.

This story for instance. A coed training virgins ... lol.

This author should update his profile, especially the claim of no fetishes.

I read it exactly as Demander explained it in his comment. It was an erotic fantasy - a sex story in Loving Wives, how bout that! - and a thought provoking discussion about separating sex and love. I enjoyed and thank the author.