All Comments on 'Toofy Ch. 06'

This is a wonderful combination of the erotic and fantasy. Really enjoying your work. Thank you.

Really, really enjoying this....

The whole mix of the sex, drama, humour, magic as well as all the scheming / politics - just great

Many thanks :)

Amazing chapter and great mix of characters.

She wants to be Empress right? So why didn't Toothy just disembowel the Emperor when she paralysed him? He also hates her kind, so she could've just killed him at will using the elf's death magic. What justifiable reason was there for her not to just assassinate him.

The problem with making your characters very powerful, is giving them sensible reasons why they shouldn't just run amok and do whatever the hell they like. Both Toothy and Lord Sai have proven to be formidable in combat, so it's not like the dimwitted guards are a threat. There's also no moral obligation to stop them from just taking whatever they want. Toothy looks at most humans with contempt, and Lord Sai is a stone-cold killer with a bloody past, so why wouldn't they depose the cruel and sadistic Emperor without a second thought?

First disappointing chapter because Toothy just cheated on Lord Sai with a cruel monster for no reason.

@Powersworder - If Toofy had attempted to kill the emperor, either she or Sai would not have escaped alive. Neither of them are all powerful, as demonstrated already by Elatham. You cannot conquer an empire just by killing one man... Nor have the royal guards been shown to be dimwitted. One of them broke Elia's glamour. Before Toofy can take her revenge, she needs to have the political support to keep the throne.

Powersworder - I disagree,, what happened was self preservation. Making the best of a bad sense, it was still essentially Non Con, Toofy didn’t want anything to do with the Emperor. I doubt the Sai will be upset by it.

Obviously she could have killed him but without the support of the court she and the Sai would soon be killed in retaliation, they need to build a power base first.

Tess (uk)

"If Toofy had attempted to kill the emperor, either she or Sai would not have escaped alive."

Why? Nothing in the story places either of them in immediate danger. Westcolm told Toofy that none may enter the Emperor's suite without being invited. The fact that she was able to paralyse the Emperor and leave him in that state for several minutes proves that they weren't being watched by guards. She could've killed him at that point with impunity and remained undisturbed for hours.

Meanwhile, Lord Sai is in a cosy prison for the nobility that's not locked or properly guarded. Not that it matters anyway, because in chapter 4, he was able to teleport! What can regular guardsmen do to stop a master swordsman with teleportation? He knew Toofy was about to be raped by the Emperor, having overheard her conversation with Elia, so could have easily rushed to the rescue. He even says so in chapter 5:

"Dearest sir, if I had meant harm to the one I have loyally served all these years, you would not be stopping me. I would not be where I am."

The story makes it quite clear that the guards are a joke and Thunderstep would rip through them like a chainsaw.

"Neither of them are all powerful, as demonstrated already by Elatham."

You mean the archmage that Lord Sai dispatched with a single swordstroke? Also, Toofy just stole all of Elatham's magic abilities by eating his heart, making her even more formidable.

"You cannot conquer an empire just by killing one man"

But there's nothing in the story that indicates the Emperor has any support from the nobility. It's been indicated that Westcolm was unhappy serving the Emperor, especially after the asshole impregnated then murdered his wife! The Emperor has done that many times before, so the story itself implies that there is bubbling resentment in the nobility at his tyrannical rule.

Also Lord Sai is well known (and rightfully feared) throughout the Empire. When he revealed that he was "Thunderstep" the guards and courtiers in the palace freaked out. He is exactly the sort of man that could slay a corrupt Emperor and seize the throne for himself, at which points the royal guards would become HIS guards. The other nobles wouldn't dare to openly oppose Lord Sai (the only human noble with magic) when he can teleport into their homes and kill them with ease. What use are armies of conventional troops when he can assassinate their leaders practically at will?

I'm not making these points just to nitpick, as I was genuinely enjoying the story until this chapter.

I think the whole encounter with the Emperor was a bad mistake from a writing perspective.

1) Toofy was only just raped by Elatham, so having her get attacked by the Emperor reduces the dramatic impact. A terrible thing like a sexual assault should be used sparingly within a story, not twice within the space of three chapters! Toofy hadn't even physically recovered from Elatham's assault, let alone emotionally, but we're already on to the next rape. This is supposed to be the Nonhuman category, not nonconsent.

2) Toofy incapacitated the Emperor with zero effort. Congratulations, you just turned you main villain into an inept clown! Why doesn't the leader of the Empire have magical wards in place to protect him against such attacks? The only reason he isn't dead is... well there's no real justifiable reason why he's still breathing. After she used magic on him like that, why didn't the Emperor have her put to death by the guards for the magical assault? Why on earth would he want to steal her from Lord Sai, when Toofy just proved she could kill him whenever she feels like? Tyrannical leaders don't like leaving hostile threats alive.

3) Lord Sai has clearly fallen in love with Toofy, which was setting him up nicely for a redemption arc. Having her then get raped twice in rapid succession makes him look like he's totally incapable of protecting the woman he loves. It really undermines him as a male romantic partner, especially as he does nothing to intervene to save her from the Emperor taking her anal virginity. This chapter actually turns Lord Sai into a wimpy cuckold, which is absurd considering how powerful he is supposed to be.

Remember that as a writer, you set the scene for your readers. It's entirely possible that my impressions of the characters and their relative strengths is way off... but I'm going strictly by what you've described them being capable of.

If Lord Sai desperately wants to save Toofy, but can't intervene for some reason, then he should be shown pacing his prison in helpless rage and frustration as he thinks about the consequences if he acts. (Although that renders him impotent as a male love interest, which is a bad idea from a storytelling perspective). When Toofy paralyzed the Emperor, she could've hesitated and considered killing him... and the reasons why that would be a bad idea. Instead she just turns around and gives up her virgin ass, which makes her seem stupid for not realising he was helpless and makes her look unfaithful to Lord Sai.

If I was editing this story, I'd highly recommend a complete rewrite of chapter 6. It detrimentally affects the characters of both your male and female protagonists, as well as the threat posed by the primary antagonist.

"One of [the guardsmen] broke Elia's glamour."

Could you please make this a little more clear next time? I thought the glamour failed due to a lapse of concentration or warding in the palace, not one of the guards.

@Powersworder - I'm sorry that you've missed so many of the details that I have left you so muddled. A lot of the assumptions you've made about the environment simply aren't true, and have already been spoken about. For example, the assumption that Sai is the only human noble with magic - Sai was trained by Westcolm, alongside the emperor, and Sai's gamekeeper was also a part of this unit. If Westcolm, who is the senior to Sai, and trained the emperor, is too afraid to take revenge on the ruler, there is something more to the story, yet to be spelled out. Sai has spoken about the alarms on his cell, as well. The reason the emperor left Toofy alive is quite simple - she amused him. She's not a threat. What she did, wasn't a threat. There is something more to it, that hasn't been spelled out. (You might also want to look up the limitations of thunderstep. It's a DnD thing.)

@Anonymous - I thought it was pretty explicit. There was no other reason to mention the guardsman standing in the shadows, nor why Elia looked at him. "The glamour around Elia wavered, and then collapsed. She jerked her head up, red eyes glaring over towards a guard leaning in a shadow."

"that hasn't been spelled out"

We're visitors to your world. You need to spell out these kinds of things to make it crystal clear for your readers. Toofy paralysed the Emperor and left him completely helpless... there's nothing in the story that even hints that the Emperor has magical abilities. If he does, they need to be highlighted to show that he's a dangerous opponent... there's nothing to be gained by keeping it secret.

"You might also want to look up the limitations of thunderstep"

Nope. It's your responsibility as a writer to outline the limitations of your characters' abilities, not expect your readers to hit the reference manuals. I've never even heard of thunderstep before, so why would I leap to the assumption that you're plagiarising D&D?

I thought it was pretty clear that Elia's glamour was dispelled by the guardsman. It seems reasonable to me that the emperor would have specialists of that nature, especially in his personal security detail. Remember, the writer doesn't need to spell everything out for you in great detail. "Joe stepped into the Nexus and arrived in Chicago" is perfectly acceptable story-telling. There's no reason for you to know what the Nexus is or how it works, only that Joe can roll out of bed in Phoenix, step into the Nexus, and arrive in Chicago. Explaining the details and limitations of teleportation magic is completely unnecessary. If the author acts like something is a story parameter, then it is a story parameter.

Ok I have to throw in my $.02 here and just say to Powersworder that were I writing this (or any other tale for that matter) and you as my editor demanded a complete rewrite of a chapter I was satisfied with, I would simply tell you to go fuck yourself then find someone else to fill that role... especially considering I am writing all of this for FUCKING FREE.

amazing.

More rape

There is an irony in him calling her a bitch as she leaves...