All Comments on 'TORN Can It Be Repaired?'

but it is Bent, TK U MLJ LV NV

Good lesson about being ungrateful and selfish - finish it!

You have started well, but I hope you plan on finishing the story

... Surely, you don't call this a conclusion to patricia51's story. 1 star.

Great start developing the characters and the final outcome. Anxious for more

One is that this is clearly Part 1 of a multi-part story. You should have indicated this as many readers are brutal about such things. Comment two is a small confusion about how many boys in the family. At the beginning their are two JJ and Eric. Later you refer to three. Jim Sr. should not be lumped in with the offspring as this can lead to confusion and lower scoring for what I believe is the makings of a good story. I gave this ****.

A good start but this isn't what I would call a sequel or conclusion. and it's not very nice to leave all your readers wondering "now what".

I think you are developing into a fine writer but you need an editor to catch some of your many slips. I agree that the original story needs a conclusion and you are on the way. Keep the stories coming, please.

Patricia51 isn't around anymore but this was a disgrace. 1*

stupid

yes that is fair enough. the saved version I submitted , I had not finished editing, hence missing punctuation . my bad. of course the correct version is still sitting proudly on the laptop. I agree that it does need the conclusion and will get on the case.

Referring to the comment regarding The use of Patrcia 51s base, I believe that the story is remote enough from her original concept that is does not detract in anyway from her story.

We all read these stories for stimulation, be it physical or mental. I believe there is no greater affirmation for a writer than to have confirmation of the success in achieving this, either by the votes received, or by evidence of the thoughts provoked by their story demonstrated by the fact another writer is motivated to suggest a possible outcome.

Artykay63

I was going to complain about the lack of editing but you have all ready explained what happened. Another complaint is that I really think that you changed a few details from the originals. First as I remember it Jim went off to bed with her and you had him sleeping in the study. Secondly I did see her stating she wanted Jim's rod her when she wanted it. As I remember it, she would do her duty to him, but would prefer not to see it was him... So she could fantasize that she was feeling was a strapon.

Looking forward to the remaining parts.

Obviously this is just the first chapter. This is also your story and writing which I look forward to. Some should not respond without talking to their mother first, or sister or wife. Just to get permission to read let alone react. That they are doing it without permission is apparent. Member response is also better than anonymous reaction...

As a usual disclaimer: Beware of shit from anonymous assholes.

Waiting on #2 and your story. Edit if you can as reading should be enjoyable not challenging. Much more funner too.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

DD

fixit

Just try to make it believable please. Always ask yourself if the words and actions of the characters makes sense and are reasonable. It's fiction so it can go anywhere but even Superman and Wonder Woman have to have motivation supplied by their creator and the circumstances.

Keep going. So far, this is a welcome addition and a relief from both the cuck and the BTB stories.

So far so good. I hope there is more to come it seems Erica is getting What and more of what she wanted.

I'm normally straight apathetic people who is "live and let live" even when it comes to dumbfucks who think all lesbians are fat short-haired bull bitches who want to steal their cute little wives away from them, but anyone with any sense of reality knows better.

You've literally painted a picture here where a woman is supposed to learn that a normal "lesbian" (aka bisexual) relationship is one where one party is a butch dyke who treats her lesbian partner like shit, while a normal hetero cheating relationship is perfectly loving and normal full of sexy love making. There's no way she would agree to that, she can get the same thing else where and she knows it.

Bridget is completely full of shit and is treating the woman in a way she would not normally treat one of her lovers. If she actually did treat people that way, she would not be a woman fit to be around children.

The woman is a dirty cunt, nothing more, and her husband with his so-called higher morality is actually cheating while his wife is treated like a slave meant to sexually service himself and his lover. It's nothing more than a reverse cuck story.

Do yourself a favor and stick to your original commitment of not taking up other authors' stories. The original was bad enough as it was without adding this grotesque mockery of human relationships on it. There's nothing sexy about this, just as there's nothing sexy about having a live-in lover teach one's children how to cheat on one's wife and get away with it.. Kids aren't fucking stupid, they will pick up on this.

I really wanted to like this; I really did. But, you took a great psychological and emotionfilled letter and turned it into a quasi-revenge story. The Erica in your story is nowhere even close to the the original character. His husband is not the way I pictured him. You said your read TORN after reading X_Bishop's and my responses.. You should have read it first. I fear that after reading our replies you came to the story with a preconceived idea. I also think you are somewhat tainted by so many of the revenge stories here. This was never intended as a BTB story, I suggest you read a variety of Patricia_51's stories and get a feeling for the writer before you try to add to their work. Pat_51 was a great writer. She was, IMHO, the prototype for the Reinquists and SS06s. SHe, HDK, JPB all old school.. :)

You are correct that we all read these sotries for some kind of satisfaction. But, remember, there is a copyright on every story published here. I also ask, did you get Pat_51s permission? I know I did, in fact she read it before I submitted. Be respectful to the original author.

I gave you a 2 but not becasue I don't like your writing. I liked it. I gave you that score becasue your story is in no way like the original. You took too many liberties.

Sorry, but as an old timer, that is the way I see it. Please do continue writing; perhaps something original?

Best Regards

C

Don't assume everyone knows the original story. After searching through the LW archives and trying to search for Patricia51, I finally found it -- in another category. (For some reason this site no longer has a alphabetical authors list.)

<P>

No, it wasn't that hard, but that's not the point. YOU knew the story. It should been a simple task to copy the URL and paste it in your continuation.

I hope you aren't going to make this a habit.

Hope there is a sequel.

No need for a sequel.

Yes, its not a continuation of the original, but it has its own direction. Please continue.

They do not like this story! Well, what can you expect from school kids?

I don't believe the marriage will continue. Erica screwed up by being selfish and now Bridget is showing her how selfish. We'll see how it goes...

I think you seemed to have confused BDSM with lesbianism.

Patricia51never finished her story, and I don't think you should either!

Looks like another job for FTDS!

good follow-up. I would lke to see your ending.

Outstanding - hope the mid-age bitch gets her "due in spades".

You didn’t do the original any favors with this.

Five stars. This was fun. Sometimes it takes a woman to design the best punishment for another woman.

Annnnnd?

The most difficult part in creating a masterpiece is knowing when to stop. You could have scribbled on beyond that point and ended up with a good story.......but alas, would have robbed us of this masterpiece. I am impressed.