Touch But Don't Look

"That explains a lot." Ellie got cryptic.

"Explains what?"

"Why you live in the Sodom and Gomorrah Suite."

"Is that what they call it?" I didn't think any hotel would have put that on the door.

"That's what the staff call it."

"Gossip, huh?"

"Lots of it. But I shouldn't be telling you."

"Why not? Because I might tell Mr Kruppa? He'd laugh. Eric likes being scandalous." I'd heard quite a lot about what Eric liked, from B and Kelsey, and was confident in my claims now.

"No, because some of the gossip is about you and..."

"Kelsey?" I prompted.

"And Kelsey."

"Which is why you thought she was my girlfriend?"

"Doh! Obviously. That and the way you kept touching each other. I know you have to, but she isn't blind."

"Ok." And here goes any chance I had with you, Ellie. "Yes, the rumours are probably true but that doesn't make her my girlfriend. That was just sex." There! Chances with Ellie well and truly sunk.

"You really aren't like other boys, are you, Robbie?" Ellie touched my hand across the table.

"Why not?" I was puzzled and hope dared to peek out of the wreckage of my plans for her.

"Most guys would have tried to lie. You told me the truth even when you knew it made you look bad."

"Does admitting to having sex make me look bad?"

"Admitting to the sort of shenanigans that go on up there makes you look bad, especially when you want to ask me out." Bombshell!

"W-What?" I sputtered coffee. Ellie reached for a napkin and dabbed at it.

"Messy boy. Last week I thought you were just shy. I thought 'Poor boy. He's blind so I guess he hasn't had a lot of dates.'...Sorry... That didn't sound right."

"But you weren't far wrong." I wasn't ashamed to admit it now. I stopped short of saying I'd never had a proper date.

"Really? When I heard the gossip, I assumed I'd been dead wrong."

"But you're still here, talking to me." And why is that, Ellie?

"I hoped the rumours weren't true, because you seemed so nice. But you tell me it is true."

"I haven't heard the rumours. I can't tell you what's true and what isn't. But you were right about me wanting to ask you out. If being honest with you means the answer's no, I'll take that because I don't want to have to lie to you to get a 'yes'. I hope that earns me enough of your respect for us to still be friends." Cards on the table. It's so much easier to talk to girls after you've established you have no chance.

"Yes, we can be friends... because you were honest and I haven't had a whole lot of honest guys in my life recently... and because the answer to that other question was always going to be 'no'. I'm taking a break from dating anyone: Too many jerks in my diet. Anyway, I could lose my job for dating customers. The hotel has a policy about fraternizing with guests."

"Isn't this fraternizing?" She'd been sat opposite me for quite a while.

"Not really. The coffee shop's quiet and, officially, I'm on my break."

"Well if it does come back and bite you, let me know. I'll get my fairy godmother in Manhattan to explain things to the management. Something along the lines of 'Mr Pugh needed help and Ellie was kind enough to offer her own time to provide it. Give her a bonus.'"

"I don't think you'll need to do anything so drastic." She chuckled at the idea all the same.

"That isn't drastic. Drastic would be if you got fired and Mr Kruppa hired you back as my personal assistant at a slightly higher salary than the person who canned you."

"Now that does appeal."

"More money? Or the prospect of spending every day as my guide dog?"

"More money." Obviously.

"Well, think about it. When I start school, I'm going to need someone to help me. B was going to recruit a librarian because a lot of the time it'll be finding books and transcribing relevant passages and other boring, academic stuff. But it will be well paid."

"What are you going to study?"

"American history."

"I hated history in high-school... Oops. Break time's over, I'd better get back to work." She stood, gathering the empty plate and coffee cup from in front of me. "More coffee?"

"Please. And..." I reached for her arm, touching it to stop her turning away. "Thanks, Ellie." For the conversation, for your friendship and for letting me off the hook.

"Hey." She patted my hand. "What are friends for?"

She was absent less than a minute when my fresh coffee arrived.

"Cheers."

"Enjoy." She squeezed my shoulder and was gone.

No date, no chance of a date, but so what? I felt a lot less alone in Boston now that I had a friend here.

* * * * *

"I can't believe you talked me into this." Ellie was on my arm, leading the way to her favourite bar.

"Talked you into what? We're just doing for a couple of beers." Two days ago, Ellie had made it clear she was taking a break from dating.

"It feels a lot like a date."

"Only because I'm holding your arm, and I have an ulterior motive for that."

"That's what worries me: Your ulterior motive."

"Ellie, my ulterior motive is not walking into things. That worries you?"

"That's your ulterior motive? What's your real motive then?"

"That's the one that should worry you." The actual reason was my cane: Elegant though it is, the dress cane B got me is pretty useless for navigating with because it's too short and lacks the bumper on the end that allows me to tap things without damaging them. But where would be the fun in telling Ellie that?

"See? I knew I couldn't trust you." She squeezed my arm tight.

"Hey! You can always run away from me." Its not like I could follow her.

"I'm thinking about it... but not just yet."

"Good. The least you can do is wait until I'm at the bar before you make your escape." And if this isn't a date, how come you're wearing that perfume? The lady doth protest too much.

"Right now then." She turned me towards muffled music, which got a whole lot louder as the door opened. It got louder all the way to the bar. We had to lean really close to hold any kind of conversation. I consider that a plus point. Ellie really did smell good.

Drinks ordered, she found us a booth far enough from the band to allow us to talk.

"Still here?" I picked up the conversation where we'd left it.

"Still here." Ellie tapped the neck of her Bud to mine.

"If this isn't a date, how come you dressed up?"

"Pardon?"

"Don't sound so surprised. I asked the concierge to rate you out of ten as soon as you came through the door. He gave you an eight, so you definitely made an effort."

"Ok. Yes, I made an effort."

"Which is wasted on me... except the perfume. I like the perfume a lot."

"My ex works here. I don't want him to have the satisfaction of seeing how much he hurt me." She was getting upset.

"Hey..." I groped for her hand. She cooperated and her fingers felt cold against my palm. "He's history. Don't let him spoil one more minute of your life."

"I know." She didn't take her hand back, so I held on to it. It was warming up nicely.

"Tell me what you're wearing. What makes it an eight?" I tried changing the subject: First date conversations should be frivolous, not contentious.

"Jonathan only gave me an eight because of my neckline. He's always trying to look down it and this one's a lot lower cut than my uniform."

"So Jonathan's my competition, huh?"

"No way! He's a letch. That's one nice thing about being out with you. You don't keep looking at my tits."

"I wish I could." I really wish I could.

"Sorry." She squeezed my hand. "I didn't mean..."

"Hey, it's ok. Just don't make the mistake of thinking that, because I can't look, I don't want to. It's just... I see with my hands and grabbing every pair of breasts that comes within reach could get a guy like me into a whole heap of trouble."

"I'll bet." She brightened. We were safely back on frivolous ground.

"Well lookie here!" An overloud male voice cut across us. "If it isn't Elliephant. This your new boyfriend?"

"I'm just her friend." I already really didn't like this guy. He made a lousy first impression.

"Nobody's talking to you, blind-boy." He really was loud. He also mistook my beer bottle for one just like it that he evidently owned.

"Finn, don't do this." Ellie's voice was pleading.

Clearly this was the ex she'd mentioned. Amend that. Finn was an ex, not necessarily the one who worked here. It didn't matter who he was anyway. What mattered was what he was: a bully, a nuisance, an interruption to an otherwise pleasant evening and a reason for me to do something so mind-bogglingly stupid I still can't believe I did it. That rigid, silver handled cane may be useless for tap-tap-tapping sidewalks but it turned out to be briefly effective for tap-tap-tapping the side of Finn's head. People rarely realize how good a blind man's spatial awareness is. His voice told me exactly where to aim and the metal ferrule caught 'my' beer bottle as Finn was emptying it, shattering it in his hand.

He had friends. If he'd been alone, he might have gone away at that point, but with his friends behind him, he couldn't retire from the fray, even if he wanted to. I found myself dragged out of the booth and was bracing myself for the worst when the world wobbled.

* * * * *

"What just happened?" I was outside again. Ellie had my arm and was marching me down the street as fast as she could. It was raining heavily. The last couple of minutes had made no sense to me at all.

"You picked a fight with the high school wrestling squad."

"And I didn't get hurt. Why?" I knew I'd picked a fight. My first. Girls can make a man do some crazy shit.

"Nathan broke it up before Finn's buddies started breaking bones."

"Is that the guy who told you to get out?" I remembered someone telling her to take her boyfriend and just go.

"That's him. Finn isn't scared of much, but Nathan's his big brother. That and a baseball bat saved you a beating. What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't. He was upsetting you and I... I guess you could say I saw red."

"Promise me you'll never do anything that stupid again. Promise me." She'd stopped, turned to face me and was almost shaking me by my elbows.

"I promise."

"You could have been really hurt. Those guys wouldn't care that you're blind. They've spent their whole lives bullying people weaker than they are."

"Ok. I get the point. It was stupid. I'm sorry. I won't do it again." I was getting just a little fed up with being told off.

"Sorry." She let go of my arms long enough to hug me. That felt a lot better until I noticed she was sobbing. "It's..."

"Its over now." I recognised the symptoms. First angry, then emotional: she was a little in shock. I probably was too, but I was still high on the adrenalin.

"Nobody ever tried to be a hero for me before." She shook as she sobbed against my chest. I held her tight and wondered if she really meant me? A Hero? Hardly!

* * * * *

"You'd better come up and get dry." I was soaked to the skin by the time we finally reached the hotel.

"I better not." Ellie had been really quiet since she'd stopped sobbing.

"I think I really must insist on you getting out of those wet things. I promise not to peek." She had to be as wet as me. Hand on heart: I had no agenda beyond making sure Ellie was ok.

"No... I really need to go home." But I could hear the elevator doors opening in front of us. We moved forward and they closed behind us.

"What you really need is to get dry, get warm," I could feel her shivering. "And perhaps a little brandy." The elevator opened and I rummaged in my jacket pocket for the key card. "After you." I held the door for Ellie.

"Oh my!" She stopped just inside the suite. It's a lot of space for one person.

"Never been up here before?" No reason she should have.

"No. Not to any of the suites. Not even any of the rooms. It's huge..." She was moving around now, taking it all in. "I've heard about these."

"Heard about what?" I was unloading my pockets onto the console table.

"These pictures."

"They're Eric Kruppa's. I guess the management didn't mind him redecorating, since he rents this place by the year. The bathroom is through there, on the left. There should be plenty of towels and robes." I was on my way into the bedroom, my wet jacket over my arm.

"Thanks." Ellie passed behind me and into the bathroom. The door closed, but I didn't hear the latch.

I found a discarded bathrobe on the bed, stripped off my wet clothes and put it on.

* * * * *

"I've put your clothes in the tub to soak." Ellie eventually joined me in the main room. "It's not good to let blood dry on."

"Whose blood?" Not mine, certainly. Ellie's? Was she hurt?

"Finn's. You broke a beer bottle in his hand, remember?" She came and sat opposite me -- not next to me, though there was room aplenty.

"I didn't know. Was he badly hurt do you think?" I was worried. I'd never hurt anyone deliberately.

"Probably not. But if he is, it serves him right. He shouldn't have been picking on a blind guy."

"Actually, it was picking on you that got him hit with my cane. I'm pretty much immune to jokes at my expense."

"I know. And that's my problem."

"Problem?... Ah, that'll be room service." I heard the elevator door. "Want to run and hide, or have your reputation ruined by backstairs gossip?" I got up to answer the door.

"My reputation is probably already ruined. The receptionists saw me come up with you." She stayed where she was while I opened the door.

"I ordered cocoa and brandy." I explained as someone brought a tray in and placed it on the coffee table. "I didn't know what you'd prefer." I signed for the room service and returned to the sofa, gingerly feeling around on the table for the edge of the tray.

"Allow me." Ellie touched my hand to stop it and placed a large glass into it.

"Thanks." I sat back and sipped the brandy. I'm not a big drinker - It's too easy to get hurt bumping into stuff -- but I was starting to shake a little as the adrenalin wore off.

"Ugh! I hate brandy." Ellie quaffed hers and exchanged an empty glass for a full cup of cocoa.

"What would you prefer? Order anything you like."

"Cocoa's fine. It takes away the taste of the liquor. You're shaking."

"I guess the shock's getting to me."

"Me too."

"Still?"

"Still." She sipped her cocoa just a little noisily.

"Come and sit here." I patted the sofa beside me.

"Do you know how many promises I've broken tonight?" She didn't move.

"You didn't make me any promises." I finished my brandy and put the glass on the table. Somebody -- guess who -- had thoughtfully put my cocoa where I could find it.

"But I did promise myself."

"How many then?"

"After breaking up with Finn, I promised myself six months of no men. I promised myself I wouldn't go out with you. I promised myself I definitely wouldn't come up here and I've always promised myself I'd never, ever -- not under any circumstances -- lose my underwear on a first date."

"It's a good thing this isn't a first date then. Any promises you haven't broken yet?"

"Only one." She moved. I heard her cup being placed on the tray then the rustling of her robe as she moved to sit next to me, lifting my arm to snuggle up close.

"One moment." I picked up the phone and dialled. "Hi, Reception. I have a guest this evening... Oh? You already know? ... Well, your diligence is commendable... Can you find her a room please? Just send the key card up to my suite... Thank you. Oh, and if you'd be so kind as to have a word with housekeeping, I'm sure they must have a uniform in Ellie's size, for tomorrow morning... No, don't send it up: just have someone put it in her room. Thanks... No, that'll be all. Goodnight." I cradled the phone. "No more broken promises tonight."

"Thank you." She pulled my arm around her like a security blanket and started crying again.

"Why are you crying now?" I held her close, noticing just how much her perfume had lingered from earlier, despite the rain.

"I don't know." She sobbed, turning her face to mine and kissing me. It was our first kiss and, as first kisses go, not the most accomplished piece of lip-synching. It was an awkward angle, it took me completely by surprise and it tasted mainly of chocolate. Excuses aside, I soon got with the program and any higher moral issues I had with taking advantage of Ellie's emotional state were immediately forgotten. Female tears turn out to be one hell of an aphrodisiac.

It could all so easily have ended in bed, but for a knock at the door. Damning the efficiency of the reception desk, I let Ellie go and answer it. I really didn't want to stand up just then. Wood had happened and waving my erection at hotel staff would do nothing to help salvage Ellie's rep.

"Goodnight Robbie." Ellie's voice carried from the door. Clearly, she wanted to be seen to be leaving. I understood. I was less than happy, but I understood.

"Goodnight... And Ellie? ... Thanks for helping me out this evening." There you go: a bit more help with your alibi.

Little Robbie and I were alone again. A few minutes musing about what might have been -- what so very nearly was -- and a handful of tissues solved that problem though.

* * * * *

"Sorry I left so quickly last night." Ellie came straight over when I arrived in the coffee shop for breakfast.

"Did it work? Are the gossip hounds on your trail?" I let her lead me to my usual table.

"Too soon to tell. The usual?"

"Please." I waited for my coffee.

"Coffee. Your pancakes won't be long." Ellie sat down opposite and slid a mug into my hand. "Wasn't last night the worst first date ever?" Her voice was low but cheerful.

"Actually, it was my first first date. Wasn't it meant to be like that?"

"Your first... You mean you've never been on a date before?"

"Never. I only ever asked one girl out in High School: She turned me down. B and Kelsey don't count. They just turned up and took charge."

"No wonder."

"No wonder, what?"

"No wonder you suck at dating. You got me thrown out of my favourite bar, ruined my favourite outfit and, just when - against all the odds - I decided to stay over, you threw me out."

"Didn't I do anything right?" Decided to stay over? Let's hear more about that. "I mean... I thought the kissing went well."

"Ok, I'll give you that. You kiss well." I could hear her smiling. If you think that's impossible, you should spend more time with your eyes closed. "One minute." She left, returning with my blueberry pancakes.

"Thank you. Ellie, I have a favour to ask." I tucked into breakfast.

"Sho ashk." Ellie had clearly tucked into my breakfast too. Or did she have her own? No matter.

"I'm worried about Finn's hand."

"Don't be. I called Nathan last night. Finn's going to be fine. He'll still be an asshole, but his hand will be fine."

"Good." I was not happy at the prospect of maiming anybody.

"But we will have to find somewhere else to go tonight. Nathan's barred us both."

"But not his asshole brother? Figures... Tonight?" The penny dropped.

"Unless you have other plans? You still owe me an evening out, Mister."

"No... No other plans."

"I'll see you later then." She got up and went back to work while I finished breakfast in a state of shock. Decided to stay over? Did she really say that?

* * * * *

"Can I ask a personal question?" We were in a quieter bar this time and had actually managed two rounds of drinks without incident. I had needed to use my fake ID to get served, but that doesn't count: My fairy godmother's work again. B had managed to arrange a Library of Congress researcher's ID that made me 23. I didn't ask how she'd done it.

"You can ask... I may not answer you."

"Last night, Finn called you Elephant. Have you lost weight?" She certainly wasn't a large girl anymore but why else would she have a nickname like that?