All Comments on 'Touched & Fucked but Not Loved Ch. 01'

Reads more like a diary entry than a story.

Too many cliche references and redundancies.

Workshopping or reading a book on self-editing would serve you well.

Actual dialogue would make the narrative more immediate and draw your reader in.

You need to pay more attention to the constant changes in tense. Past tense exclusively would serve best.

Read Strunk and White (Elements of Style) Takes about an hour.

An interesting tale, but you need to learn the basics.

Good luck in future efforts.

What happens next??? Publish new chapter soon!

What happened next?