All Comments on 'Traditions'

Good thing you're going to get one. Hopefully it will teach you the difference between

'collage and 'college' and 'weather' and 'whether'. Look them up in a dictionary!

Nice idea but clearly someone who slept through english class. You need a mentor and a proof reader. Are quotation marks not part of the nuvo-english?

That was a great idea, but very poorly executed. Yeah dude, you need to put a little effort into the story to make it readable. Right now? It's rubbish.

Because it's more trouble than it's worth to try and read it. Learn how (and when) to use things like a period, a comma, a quotation mark, and so on. Then, instead of resubmitting another story, find one worth sharing. This one wasn't just badly written, it sucked. TOTAL WASTE OF MY TIME!

This is like making custard with water. Seems like a good idea at the time, but it just doesn't work and leaves a nasty taste.

Theme was ok (although, not exactly original), but that's where "ok" ends!

Poorly written, and way too quick.

I suspect that you have never made love to a woman, just fucked! And,....... she's not yet had an orgasm!

The question raised by the title is never answered. Are their parent siblings? Was this a setup? The story needs to be fleshed out more. A stroke story is not enough.

When they talk, it needs to be clearer.

Good. V

"She said I'm ready"

"He said okay"

Bad. V

she said I'm ready he said okay...

spelling, grammar, punctuation.

Just Horrible

"It was torcher but I stayed still till I felt her start to move. She said okay baby push it in. I pushed against her hymen until I felt it pop a........."

Adolescent garbage.

You need to be 18 and preferably educated and with some actual sexual experience other than your right hand to be here; please come back in 5 years.

But this drivel did?

Okay, not an original plot story. But I admire your entry here. I agree with the other comments about grammar and spelling -- like it or not, correct spelling and punctuation will help the story plot line move along. And you do need to flesh the story out -- more descriptions of characters, more time to develop, etc. Don't be real quick to get to the end.

When you do write the next chapter, SLOW DOWN and give us some details. Let the brother actually engage the sister and entertain her, and this will stretch out the reading and make it more readable and believable. I'd recommend descriptions. If they are blond, give him just the beginning of blond chest hair across his upper chest. Just enough to tantalize his sister.

I loved this sexy story. Fuck the fucking critics. The only thing I'd add is her to bury him in sand with only his head and cock sticking out. Then she could drop a beehive on his ugly face and run a lawn mower over his cuckoo cockie. My, how Granny laughed!!! Hee hee ho ho!!!!!

Quite a few usage errors, and the story is rushed. Why is Mandy so willing to have sex with her brother? Most people are conditioned against it by church, parents, and society in general. What's the reason? And making the reason a good one is what draws the reader in.

Instead of "visit my Dads parents" use "visit our grandparents" -- you've been talking about Jim and Mandy, so we can assume it is their grandparents. Dad should have been "Dad's parents" with an apostrophe, as they are his. The switch to grandparents eliminates the error, and since they aren't really relevant to the story, we don't care if they are parents to their father or their mother. This seems to be just a way to get them out of the house. Is the fact they are virgins the result of their being out in the country instead of the city? That is something to consider as part of their motivation ...

Parents, not "patents"; torture, not "torcher" -- unless they are planning on burning something down. College, not "collage"; whether, not "weather" -- whether is either or, and weather is what you get when you go outside, like rain or sunshine. Those are most of them I think. These are called "usage" errors; correctly spelled (as in passing a spell-check in a word processor), but they are the wrong word.

Dialog should get separate paragraphs. And either single or double quotes - usually depending on what side of the pond you are on. Watch the run-on sentences, too.

I'd strongly suggest getting a reader -- someone to look at what you write and help polish it up before posting.

Don't be discouraged. Many complain, but fewer actually write, and it does take courage to post where everyone can see it. Writing well takes practice. And practice. And yet more practice. You never stop learning; hopefully you just make fewer mistakes along the way. Thanks for sharing!

You know, I think you need to go to remedial ed so you can learn to spell.

Women have blonde hair, men have blond.

How's the Whether over your way today?

Your story even with the spelling errors was hot and it worked well. In time, with a spell-check you can create a second chapter to explain why his sister wanted to screw him and have him cum in her ? Is she on the pill ?? What is her age and we could you some added details about her looks and certainly his plus what about his cock ?? Essential arousal material and it helps bring out story details initially and as it progresses. Give it time and all will fall into place. Thanks.

What happened next?

Twin brother/sister incest stories have been done more times than i would even try to count. To stand out in this genre you would have to be very original in your story concept and close to perfect in your writing skills. IMHO, you did not achieve either of these goals. I'm surprised you even got this story past the submission editor since you have what appears to be dialogue in some of your paragraphs but there isn't a single quotation mark in your entire story. 'I said', 'she said' just doesn't cut it. Learn to use dialogue to break up some of those long paragraphs and make the story more realistic.

It was alright. The story was ok, but the spelling and grammatical errors interrupted my enjoyment. Also, it would seriously benefit from some additional descriptions. I felt quite left out of the details of the whole interaction. It was just like, "I put my dick inside her, it felt good, and I cummed". Also, the dialogue could have been laid out better, rather than having it simply in-paragraph dialogue, which can be very confusing.

My apologies for this attempt at being a critic, but... please, please, please: learn to use punctuation, get a dictionary and thesaurus, and use an editor for what they're for: learning and correction. Listen to what an editor tells you-- they're saying it for a reason rather than to seem superior.

Couldn't get beyond the first sentence. Still, don't be dismayed. You can learn to write. I got the distinct impression you're about 15 years old, if not younger-- all due to your grammar, spelling and punctuation. quite possibly this is in part due to those with whom you associate, or don't. People need to put the cell phone chat away and speak with each other in full sentences.