Transformation by Trials - Ch. 02

I was reading.

'She shook her head. Her face was so flushed pink and sexy. I couldn't decide whether it was desire or embarrassment. I had to think it was the former to keep going.

'"Let me make love to you, my darling!" I was mad with excitement and burning with lust.

'She just looked and I thought her defenses were dropping just then.

'I tried again at the pants. And this time she helped me get herself naked.

'Naked!

'I was drunk with glee and amazement. She was incredibly beautiful as I saw her completely nude. Her skin, shape and sizes were perfect. At least for me she looked like a goddess. She lay with her arms folding shyly across her chest and her thighs crossed to hide her womanhood.

'My masculine mediators in my blood tried to rearrange those limbs to let me have a full view. I managed partially. I took in every inch. I dwelt on her breasts and her buttocks. Her back was so inviting. Her stomach was reasonably flat but striae and a slight bulge were inevitable after a couple of babies! Her delicious vagina was inviting. Her thighs and legs were sexy in a healthy athletic sort of way.

'I couldn't stop staring at her.'

Airport lounges and long-haul flights were my opportunities to bury my face in a book. I avoid unwanted attention and time just flies. This time I was reading a downloaded story on my tablet. It was doubly interesting as what I read was written by my old boyfriend and it was about me! I say 'old' instead of 'ex' as we never really broke up and we simply drifted apart separated by thousands of miles. What I was a reading was also quite steamy and I had to be conscious, may be overtly and unnecessarily so, of peering eyes around me in crowded places.

Yes, it was quite explicit and also factually accurate but Chuck had cleverly anonymized people and places that it would be impossible for anyone to know whom they were reading about. Otherwise I would have not given him the okay to publish.

I read it in parts to savour every single emotion and sentiment he felt and also understand and affirm the feelings he ascribed to me. He was accurate, mostly, except for the inescapable masculinization of eroticism that seems to sell better.

The latter parts and some that I needed to dwell and dig over again, were read in the taxi form the airport to my daughter's house. She had a small two-bedroom apartment that was obviously sufficient but I knew her boyfriend lived with her and I was rather prepared to deal with that situation. When I reached and we went through the warm and welcoming hugs that I realized that Vince was not in. My daughter sheepishly admitted that he, especially wasn't comfortable and had moved out temporarily. Though, I could have been OK with him, we also had my son coming over from Arizona that evening and their father, and my ex-husband was also coming over the next day to spend the evening with us. I know that sounds weird but the kids wanted all this.

After a quick meal I sat with my daughter, Sonali, when she apologized for not meeting me at the airport having to complete some work before she took off some days for me and then out of the blue she paid me a flattering compliment.

"Mom, you look so beautiful!" She beamed. "Really, glowing so much with mature good looks."

"Oh!" I was taken aback. "Thank you." I think I blushed.

"There must be some men running after you, no?"

"Rubbish! Not in India. Anyway, I am an old woman now." I was not telling the complete truth but I had not moved into any kind of relationship. It felt good to be appreciated by men and now my daughter said the same. It was nice being thought of as attractive in my mid forties.

With those warm and dreamy thoughts, I took a nap after the long flight. I woke up only to the sounds of my son's arrival. Anurag was here and I rushed out to meet him. Hugs and wet kisses all done he quickly had a shower and rushed back to sit with me. Sonali excused herself saying that she had to go out to do some stuff and won't be back for dinner. Ours was in the fridge and needed to be warmed up, she said. Anurag and I exchanged knowing glances.

"What the heck? She can't be without that guy for one day?" Anurag complained gesturing to the front door through which Sonali had just left.

I felt like supporting my daughter. "Young love is very intense and demanding, son." He came and stood next to me and I looked down at me "What about Evita? How's she?" That was his Hungarian girlfriend I had heard about but never met.

"Give me that shoulder massage, mamma. I need it badly. I snoozed in an odd position on the flight." He sat on floor at my feet and I worked on his neck while he leant on my knees. It felt good to look after my children. I planned to cook for him as well.

I asked him a bout his new job, the place he lived in, his colleagues and generally about life. Then I had to get back to where I was.

"So, Evita?"

"Oh yeah, she's good. We have been seeing each other for eight months now. Very nice girl. Smart as well." He browsed on his phone for some pictures. I had seen a few he had sent. She was very beautiful and wore some very tasteful clothes. They seemed very happy together in pictures taken in various cheerful places.

"Lovely." I observed while my hands kneaded his neck muscles and shoulders. "Quite sexy, really." I couldn't help noting her shapely figure and wondered whether they had been intimate. There was that motherly possessiveness in me that wanted to know.

"She is a strict Catholic, you know. Doesn't even allow me to touch her!"

Poor child, I thought. We both knew that Sonali was sexually active and Anurag must be wondering why he is being deprived. I scrolled through my list of experiences to understand his situation and apply my motherly balm on an obviously frustrated youngster.

He broke into my thoughts. "We have had lots of opportunities at parties and even at my place. The moment a point is reached she withdraws stating God and holy stuff and that it's wrong to get intimate before marriage. It's quite crazy!"

"It will happen. Don't worry! Girls are different and they switch on quite slowly." Imagine a boy's mother's assurance on the subject of sexual arousal in girls!

Then he blasted a hole in the moral wall between us. "Mom, did you and dad do it before...? Like..."

It was good that he was facing away from me and did not see my beetroot cheeks. "We had no chance. Our Indian society is quite rigid. You know. We went out just about twice and once to a movie where we held hands! That's it." That was the truth and I chuckled myself out of acute embarrassment.

Then he shocked me even further. "Does size matter?"

"What?!" My hands froze on his neck. I was wondering what kind of reaction a mother should have. Do sons even talk to mothers like this?

"Sorry mommy. I don't want to sound like a weirdo..."

"I am your mother, Anu! This is really odd! I never expected..." I stopped to ponder. This is the sex education that we, as his parents did not give him.

"You know, I heard it does; size I mean. And I was wondering if that's a reason for girls not to have sex with their boyfriends." He turned to look at me to see my reaction. It was the most incredulous reason for abstinence that I had ever heard. "Sorry, mom. Is it wrong to want to know?"

"Is this something your sister told you?" Now I was digging for more information about my girl.

"No. I mean I did ask her and Sona gave me some vague answer."

I started massaging his neck again. Suddenly his muscles seemed to have gone tight. "Listen sonny, girls don't dwell too much on physical attributes. They love you for what you are; as a person and a personality. The other things simply add up." One thing was prodding me in my brain. "Why should Evita even think of private stuff like that? She won't."

"Ahmed, my friend is the one who mentioned it. We, a group of us, were on the beach and one guy Darius was wearing tiny tight swimming trunks and his big thing was bulging through. Ahmed said the girls giggled about it."

"So?"

"Well, mamma, you know... I don't think I am that well endowed and Evita was there and she may have noticed."

"Oh, gosh! Girls never think that way. Relax, baby. If you think that she is not doing it with you because of how big or small you are, you are totally wrong." I saw that his hand had self consciously dropped to his groin. Poor baby, I thought. He needs my counselling.

"OK, mommy. She is so damn attractive and sometimes irresistible that I go kind of crazy with... with desire."

"You are still young, Anu. You have time and learn to be patient and controlled. These are lessons in life." I was genuinely concerned for his mental and psychological wellbeing.

"Yeah? Why do others have a good time? All the time! Look at Sona. She has gone to screw even when we are here to visit."

"Don't talk like that, hon. You don't know that. She may be having something important to do." He went quiet after that.

He was pushing himself up with his arms when his left elbow accidentally edged my gown up.

"Wow! You've got beautiful thighs, mom!"

"Shut up!" I chided him while I pulled my dress down. "Is that something you tell your mother?"

He looked at me with a face of a remorseful scamp. "Sorry! But you look terribly young for your age!"

My motherly thoughts embraced him right through the dinner we both prepared and shared. He had issues and who else but I could address and deal with them. I put that thought on the backburner for the moment.

Anurag went off to sleep on the sofa. I went back to my room and fought off my sleep to overcome that terrible jetlag.

I had a lot to think about. My son had woken up something in me. I was quiescent sexually for a few years. My husband walked out on me for another woman and then a friend, Chuck and I fell in love. We had our good times. I left the USA to go back home to secure a proper job and a steady income. I focussed on those and did quite well but I shunned any relationships. I gradually weaned myself off Chuck. Now after all those years my body was reacting to sensual situations. Even though nearing menopause, listening to my son's stories had evoked a surprising response. I knew I had felt a wetness down there that I didn't experience for a while. Besides, I was being labelled as beautiful! Still!

Was it right to respond like I did, just listening to a son? I had no situation to compare with and Googling it yielded no reasonable responses. I was even feeling a bit horny and it made me squirm to even use that term on me. That was alien to all those that knew me including the men in my life. My ex-husband was to visit us the next day. Although a bit awkward I had agreed for that meeting, at least to have the kids meet us as a former family unit.

After midnight and with plenty on my mind, I dropped off to sleep.

My body clock, not really adjusted to the time zone, I was up very early and put that time to good use by making my kids breakfast after a long time. They woke up almost together and we had a good bonding breakfast. Soon after, both of them left saying that they had to prepare something for dad's visit. They said they'll be back before lunch. It was odd but I let that go.

I sat browsing TV channels after I had checked my email. I heard a knock on the door. I chose to ignore it as I expected none and usually you needed to buzz visitors in at the lobby. The knocker, though was persistent and thinking it was some delivery of some kind I went to the door to open it.

My jaw dropped!

My First Man and a Juicy Double!

"Srila!" Beamed a man with graying hair and a short beard and moustache.

It was my ex hubby! "Ashok!" I smiled back at him. "Wow you are early. Come in."

He walked in and extended his arms out to me. We hugged and he held on to me longer and tighter than I expected.

"Sona and Anu have gone out."

"I know." It shocked me that he knew. "I told them to let me talk to you alone!" He saw the baffled look on my face. "I told them not to tell you. So..."

"OK." I stuttered. Nothing was making any sense. What did he have to talk to me about? "Sit down. You want some coffee?"

"No, no." He glanced at me from head to toe. "You look ravishing!" There you go, I thought. One more compliment. I sat down to avoid being looked at like that.

Ashok looked a bit older obviously but he had not lost his charm. His expressive and nice-looking eyes were the same. His frame was unchanged and I guessed he still played some tennis. The beard was an addition. I guess I was a bit overwhelmed by the situation that I didn't know what to say. I let him speak.

"I want to be honest and to the point. I am sorry for what I did. I should have never left you!"

I went 'wow!' in my head. What kind of repentance is this? He went on to describe his life with Elisa whom he left me for. He never married her but after two years things soured between them. Her interests were different and they moved away. I was surprised the kids did not update me on this.

So, was Ashok trying to get me back? No way! I was not going to ditch my life in India and I did not need a man for sure. I guess he read that on my face.

"I am not asking you to come back to the USA. I just came here to relive the good times we shared as a family." He got up and walked up to where I was seated and sat on the arm rest and put his arm around me. I was too bewildered to react. He drew me to him. I resisted.

"What's going on, Ashok?" I looked up with some irritation. "Suddenly you come to me and want everything to change? You hurt me and the family so much."

"Please. Don't change anything. Just be like we were when we were together. Please."

I wasn't sure what that meant but kept quiet for fear of saying something stupid. After a while I said: "Please sit across me and we can talk." I looked up at him, perhaps abruptly and felt his eyes down the neck of my housecoat. I felt momentarily annoyed even though this was a man I had married and lived with.

Reading me, he got up and sat in front of me and leaned forward. He went on a long and winding discourse of his rather sad life. Elisa and he worked in the same office. He was a Vice President while she was computer scientist. She moved away from him as their interests were dissimilar. He liked sports and movies and she was into music, dancing and travel. While Ashok was quieter and more reserved she was flamboyantly flirtatious. I knew this. She had many friends, he said and moved from his company to another competitor through one of her friends. What broke the camel's back was that she copied some programing code that they had worked together to produce and transferred it to her new place of work. Ashok's firm being bigger and more influential, they discovered the source and the leak and fired Ashok! He consulted lawyers to see how he could get at Elisa's company and Elisa herself but there didn't seem to be a straight way forward without a prolonged legal battle with all the dirty linen displayed in public which he resented. Further Elisa heard of his legal inquiries to hurt her, and he thinks she set him up with a fake time share ownership agent from Costa Rica whom Ashok paid $50,000, before he disappeared. There were many gullible victims like him and the case was under investigation.

Then, looking down at the floor in front of him he lowered his voice. He told me that she was very ambitious in bed and found him listless, unmotivated and with low libido. Even before they split they had stopped having sex.

He glanced up at me sheepishly. "You know how I am, Srila. I needed it and I felt so lonely and dejected. Fortunately, I had a new job in a better company and I was settling in. But this was making me so frustrated. I remembered you and all the good times we had. I used to come back from work at lunch time for us to have a quick session. I started thinking of you and how unfair I have been and how much I missed your touch!"

This was least expected and I was not prepared at all. I was firm. "Ashok, I can't come back here. That's final. I have built a good life back home."

"No, no. I know that. I follow your progress at home and I am happy for you. I only... I only want to be with you today. Just now"

It hit me like a bolt of lightening. He wanted sex from me! Oh my god!

What I knew of him he was quite different. He was unromantic and hardly ever bothered about foreplay. True he initiated intimacy but it always felt like it was a duty to be done dispassionately. When he got me in the mood he went for it directly and the job was done. It was alright by me as well as I wasn't too much into sex and my drive was low by most women's standards. Besides I was very shy and was mistakenly very reluctant to display my desires; even to the men I loved.

He looked at my face and read some of what was going on in my head. He knew me. "Please, Srila. Please. I am so lonely and love starved and very needy now. Please!" He was pleading!

Somewhere within me there was a gradual and involuntary softening. I made a gesture that opened my mind like a book. I looked at my watch! That gave me away.

"The kids won't come back for," he glanced at his watch, "for three hours. They told me."

I was stunned that both he had planned it so much and that I made myself so transparent. To be fair to myself, I hadn't been with a man for a while too. I wasn't as desperate but the recent events of reading what my boyfriend had written quite candidly about me and my own children, adults now, appreciating my looks had somehow primed me to be open to arousal.

Ashok stood up and I stood up to face him. With a couple of steps, he was in front of me and held me by my shoulders and his lips were on mine. I was paralysed in submission. He broke for breath while I suffered a serious bout of confusion.

"You are so beautiful, darling. Just like you were on our wedding day!" Darling! Our wedding day!

When we kissed again, his arms were around my waist and his hands were gently massaging my back. There was obvious desire in his lips and mouth. In my mind there were waves of déjà vu. His kissing and other hand actions were just like I remembered them. My body and soul forced me to respond. I held him with my arms around his neck. I moved to feel his cheek and beard and fused my soul with his once more just like old times. I pressed my body against his. My softness was thrust against his masculine toughness.

I guided him to my little bedroom and shut the door. He wasted no time getting out of his clothes. Typical Ashok! I sat on the bed half watching him. When he was fully nude, I saw that he had maintained himself fairly well. There was that inevitable flab but there was also evidence of muscle definition. Again, as he was before, there was no shyness only a focus on the job at hand. He stood there with his erect penis, smiling at me, as if to say 'get naked'. I took my gown off and lay down with my underwear and invited him over. He came very close to my face. He had that upward curve to his penis when erect that was still there.

He wasn't saying anything but it looked like he wanted me to suck him. Somehow, I was not comfortable doing that just yet. I simply raised my arms asking him to come to me. He did but he lowered his face between my thighs and slipped off my panties. My thighs shut up in shock. I heard him giggle and he gently separated my legs to go down on me.

A minute of his caring down there and I was moaning. When he continued I climbed even higher. My body was thrashing about with half-concealed excitement that I had denied myself for years. I wanted him. I was open and wet.

"You are truly very beautiful here. Just like a virgin! So very nice!" I don't remember Ashok ever enjoying oral sex. He might have done it with his girlfriend. We didn't do much of that. His words reverberated in my cranium, however exaggerated they may have been. I wanted more fulfillment. I was shameless enough to ask.