All Comments on 'Transition'

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It may appeal to the revenge no matter what crowd, but it was unimaginative and pretty dull. It wasn't a plot, but an outline.

revenge at it best.he finish the what they started.

A nice fast story of revenge,well written and to the point. Thanks

Was that bit about a previous story an invention? I looked for the author mentioned and could not find him. Kate is an interesting person though horrible at the same time. Her need for revenge when she fails to recognize that she caused her own problem is fascinating. It reminds me of a lot of people I have known.

But I don't actually see any revenge. The wife hasn't gone to prison yet and the boyfriend is still free. So the whole premise of the story being revenge doesn't work. But that said it is far better than most cheating wife stories.

<p>Sigh</p>

<p>Boyfriends dead, so I'm at a loss for how that was missed by a previous reader, and the wife is now on the run from the law as a fugitive so I see how she got screwed as well, but I have two different problems with the story</p>

<p>Revenge was kinda over the top. Don't get me wrong, I didn't shed a tear for the death of the boyfriend, but the wife's was strange. In the majority of the states only the police are allowed to tape someone without their consent, but usually they need a warrant of some form. What he did was break and enter and obtain a confession under duress, and once they show that he got her confessions from her that way, in her own home, that he was no longer a resident of, after their divorce, it would never be used to prosecute her, no matter what state they were in. She'd skate on that charge, and if that was his only proof, no case would come against her.</p>

<p>But I could have gotten past the above problem, but the addition of a time skip killed the immersion for me. He's telling the son about why he divorced his mother, then it time skips into a flash back, then right back to the discussion. I was lost trying to figure out why it went from father/son to husband/wife and then back to father/son and nothing marked that you did that. No breaks, no italics, nothing.</p>

<p>It was different, but a bit vicious though =(</p>

-Risq

But I'll give it a perfect score to balance out the whiners who hated it because it didn't end with him taking her back and letting her sleep around.

what I meant was he got off pretty much 'Scott Free' I realise he is dead. But thank you for putting me straight.

vic got what he deserved was just to short though for him to suffer as he should have...her all she did was probably prostitute herself and is in hiding in some apartment in mexico ...or maybe fla in the cuban section....hope she has a good life as a prostitute in hiding

Only fuckin tortured to death! Well D'UUUHHH. Doncha fuckin read or somein?? Fuckin TOP stroy but cunt shoulda gone with Vic.

Most writers are to namby pamby liberal hand wringers to kill even when it needs doing. Revenge is a powerful emotion and necessary. Most writers want the readers to see what a good dobee they are and let their characters get slammed around by some one who need killing. Would like to have seen him suffer longer. The FUCK YOU he shouted showed that he needed some more pain till be became a simoering sobbing crybaby

Good job though NYMINUS

You tell us how much you like the story and then give zero??

Like the taped confession under duress holding up and putting her on the run... but well written and a good read!

I enjoy your stories, and some have revenge as an element, but your revenge not as bad as in this story and yet you knock hawkeye for not having enough??

I enjoyed the story but thought it needed more. I was glad to see one from you.

there's still a few real men in the world. THANKS hawkeye!!

...if you're going to post comments, learn to write.Learn to edit. And then learn to think.Represent my state then you'd better do it with style.A dash of elan. A certain, "je ne se pas?

I broke my knee and the pain was incapacitating. It took two surgeries and a year to regain strength and mobility. IF he was beaten as bad as the story claims, he would be in rehab for over a year. A lot would happen in that time, not the least of which, another visit from the ex-wife and her boyfriend. As well, there was no emotional ramifications from murdering someone. Only sociopaths feel no remorse...and he certainly fit the bill. Breaking and entering, forcible confinement, assault with a weapon, murder in the first degree, torture and the list of felonies go on. Your hero...has some serious issues to deal with.

I thought I was reading a great story until the last quarter. "What a weak ass ending" Rewrite the last half of the story with the same story thought as the first half and you got something. Good luck.

Mr. anonomous, who never wrote a damned thing, can knock my grammer, structure and plotting. But, I feel good about the fact that none of my characters are wimp,candyass motherfuckers who let people piss on them and get away with it.

I understand the promise to the son, however, I would have given the bitch the same treatment as Vic...

Good one.

Keep it UP!!!

Revenge is indeed sweet, but I think he let her off too easy. Thanks for your story.

The Vic(tum) attitude was alive and well. Kate loses so much. Deferred feelings like she had, amazing. Letting each other just go on with the life choices, not her choice. For husband, closure.

Not only no sex. There is no story in this story..

I just can't get into any of your stories because the wife is always this unfeeling, evil creature who has no redeeming qualities. As a reader, I need to be able to relate to the characters in some fashion to care for them, but that is all but impossible with the wives of your tales. The revenge aspect is also handled exceptionally poorly. Over-the-top violence for the lover; while being passive-aggressive convoluted bullshit for the cheating wife, as though the wives of your stories would care about not being with the husband.

A bitch that evil(and yes,they do exist) needs a slow death.

Just because a bitch bore you, you don't owe any loyalty to a cheating slut who almost killed his father. His father should have let Vic have some company on his ride to hell.

As if written by a 10y old. One of the worst on this here site.

A Cuckold husband turns things around and gets revenge. Pity the wife lived most men would have killed her slowly and very painfully. I wonder what would happen if you put a tazer on woman cunt lips? I would guess it would very painful sounds like a great idea for a cheating bitch.

It was short but had a lot of content in what there was.

This wasn't a morality tale. Why try to rewrite what the author put down?

My gripe is with the lack of editing. Poor preparation; poor story.

cut her clit off next time.....LOL

was a fool... the evidence of his mother's cruelty is in front of him and he's worried about the bitch? WTF? Doesn't he have a single care at all for his father? How damn stupid is he?

A good story.

I agree with the last comment.

She didn't suffer enough and the son was a pussy.

Ahhhh fuck it.

HA

I love happy endings. He had to kill Vic for several reasons. Good job.

Are readers sure that Vic is dead? You know, of course, that one cannot drown in quicksand. You will sink only so far and then you will float. If Vic somehow got turned over on his back his face would stay out of the quicksand. If he were upright, his head would be above the quicksand. Now it is probable that, if his hands and feet were tied and he somehow got free of the quicksand, the gators, or snakes (there are pythons and anacondas now in the Everglades), or panthers would probably have gotten him, but...does anyone know for sure? Just a thought!

are left with the ability to return, unseen and unknown,. TK U MLJ LV NV

Surely you jest. In this case the car sank, Vic was in the car. Figure it out. You are just looking for something to criticize, get a life.

Good story but he should have tortured the ex-wife a little before he put her on the run.

Vic deserved to be dismembered pre-mortem. Then he and his pieces placed in the car and pushed into the quicksand while he was still breathing.

she should have been allowed to ride with Vic one last time

That is how a MAN handles things,

and he lets her leave town. Oooo he really got back at her. Some guys on Lit can't even get revenge right.

So he buries Vic. That works. But all he does is threaten the ex-wife and give her a hit from the stun gun. And then she gets away. If I were in his place, I'd be looking for a new place to live, in a different state, maybe under a new name. She found one Vic. Don't you think she might find another? Boy was this failed revenge.

any different of him. TK U MLJ LV NV

He took a little too long to get his balls back. However when he did he took care of business. Great tale.

&quot;betrayedbylove&quot;

Vic got off too easily, break every bone in his body over a few days, then drop him in the quicksand. Don't tell the son what happened, beat the wife to death and throw her in the quicksand. When the cops start looking for them, the find out about Vic's employment and close the case as a gangland killing. The world is a better place and the son never has to find out about his sick mother.

Once he killed Vic, he should have killed her as well. Watch both of them die in agony and tell Steve she disappeared. Might as well go all the way...

Is a true wimp. He couldn't hit the bastard more than twice, even in the story.

He was just a wimp even in the final analysis. He had ample reason to kill both of them, but instead of beating Vic to death as he should have, he just hit him a couple of love taps and then pushed him into the quicksand. And as for the bitch, he should have gotten rid of her years ago but couldn't find the balls to do it. After she had him beaten to death he couldn't raise a hand to her. If what these people do to the poor cucky husband is so bad that they supposedly lose their souls and their good nature the poor little cuck should be able to at least beat the wife and disfigure her just a little bit. Oh well.

Seriously, he should have been able to see some more overt signs of her extreme disrespect and disloyalty and took the kid and moved on with his life. There is nothing wrong with being a good and gentle man, but there should be something underneath that too. Didn't like it much.

Pappy, I have almost nothing to add in regards to good ole Vic, or the wife, simply because you said it all. However, what he should have done before he left the slut, was, used the stun gun on her damn pussy and destroyed all of her nerve endings in her twat which would have left her without any way to enjoy getting screwed. Then he also should have done the same to her nipples destroying those too. that would have left her so fucked up she would have mentally went crazy. Now, as far as the story goes, my thought on it are, it was well written, well put together, and entertaining to read. 5 star to the author. ( well I guess I was automatically signed out for some reason so I'll just say who I am lol.) sinsational83.again a good story.

LoooooooooooooooooooooooooVe it. Its about time for the good guys to win. Well done! Yeah I know that it is fiction! But I still love it! Love you all! Bye. Greg. Oh 10 stars = 100 % Bye.

But she still got off easy. He should have done something a bit more permanent so she would never forget.

Vic...glub glub glub.

An eye for an eye! Words to LIVE by!

you should have walk out and taken that confession to the police and let them arrest her. She would be doing time right now.

You need to finish the story.

Thanks for writing. Restore my faith in LW.

And wash the nasty taste from my mouth because I inadvertently read a Matt Moreu story yesterday. This was the perfect antidote.

Vic is still sinking, he can get her later.

She's still alive out there somewhere looking for the next Vic. Put her out of your misery.

On second read, he should have put them in the swamp together.

If beating still happened later

Suspend both over quicksand and slow acting corrosive on tree branch where rope over it

Naked also and covered with honey

If he knows Vic tied in with bad people so does she

He lets her go she goes to them!

WHY WHY WHY..DOES EVERYONE LEFT THE WOMEN GET A FREE PASS? NO MATTER HOW VILE, HOW MEAN, HOW BIG A WHORE, THE KIDS NEVER GET TO SEE IT, THE FAMILY, NEVER KNOWS, WHAT IS UP WITH THIS? EVERY WRITER, EVERY STORY, EVERY TIME. IS THERE SOME UNWRITTEN RULE THAT SLUTS, WHORES, AND BITCHES NEVER GET WHATS DUE?

Should’ve dropped her into the quicksand as well. The son would never have known.

Let her off?

She’ll be back.

I saw some stupid comments saying kill the bitch. Where is their reading comprehension? He promised his son he would not kill the kids mom.

He should make her pay for the rest of her life. Make it as mentally miserable and emotionally painful as possible.

Let God sort them out.

Wheres the ending? What was the sons reaction? How did she handle losing her son (assumedly)? How about our hero? What happened to him? Too many open questions! Best I can give it is a generous 2.

Hawkeye does not go easy on the bitches lovers.

Normally, I don't like anything this violent but this was done well. I gave it 5 stars which surprises even me.

Why not bury them both in the quicksand?

I wish you did her as well. She was happy for him to die, it’s only fair.

Good background and story but it was not written as well as it could be.

Stories like this are the B-movies of Loving Wives - a bit sloppy in the telling, but passionately done and quite satisfying! Gotta love an MC who can be cruel and merciful at the same time.

Really? After the beating he took (helped by her) she deserved a slow painful death.

Pathetic ending..

Pathetic lack of response. She effectively got away with everything.

Where was his revenge?! It was all bravado. What a wimp!

Written sloppy and not your best tale. i would have done her some harm, The kid needs a reality check and some growing up.

That's IT? FTDS! 3 stars DMW aka

Too bad their son didn't get to have a parting combo with her after the end convo

lacked alot of depth

Great work What more can i say (jaybee186)

That was a ridiculous promise to make to his son. The slut deserved death just as much as Vic did. Her demise did not need to be overly vindictive or cruel. Immolation or slow suffocation would have been fine.