Triggers

"Well, so far as I'm concerned, he was a jerk."

She hugged my neck. When I felt lips gently kissing my face and lips, I returned the gift and held her tight. Suddenly, her tongue was gently pushing on my lips so I opened wide and our tongues enjoyed a very sensual reunion. Her hand confidently followed the outline of my growing erection.

I pulled back long enough to ask, "Would you like going to the next level again?"

She pressed hard on my penis then stood up. Taking my hand she led me to her bed.

I did a quick bathroom break while she closed the curtains. Then I put my clothes next to the bed and lay down. She emerged from the bathroom a few moments later wearing nothing but a smile. Her body was so enticing. The brown eyes along with the shoulder length gray and brunette hair were beautiful. She lay on me and massaged my penis while kissing my nipples. I've never had any feelings in my nipples but this was incredibly erotic.

I felt the pressure building so gently moved her hand away from the most erotic massage. I pushed her over and began planting kisses on her lips and neck. It seemed like a good idea to ask before taking action.

"Is it OK if I kiss and lick your breasts?"

"Please do."

"Is it OK if I rub your nipples with my tongue and suck them?"

"Definitely."

"Anything about your nether regions I should know about?"

She smiled seductively saying, "They are very VERY wet."

"Good to know."

The kisses and licks continued down her neck and chest. One hand slid south along her torso while the other one drew circles around one breast. My tongue and lips explored the other. Fingers and tongue arrived at the nipples simultaneously. Two seconds later her labia and clitoris were being massaged.

She called out to God, writhed, and moaned but after three orgasms she pushed my head and hands away.

Panting, she said, "Enough, Peter. Let me catch my breath!"

We cuddled as she came down from the high. While recharging, she gently rubbed my penis. Without warning, she was upright and straddling my hips. Deftly, she guided my erect manhood into her. She descended a bit then went up then lowered a bit more then went up again and finally settled down enveloping me completely.

She opened her eyes and began going up and down slowly. After a few strokes she said, "Ohhhhhhhh yes!"

I ejaculated immediately and felt my firm hard penis shrink faster than a leaking balloon.

"Sorry. Sorry," was all I could say.

Barbara looked surprised and confused. She lay next to me and placed a reassuring hand on my chest.

"Are you OK?" she asked.

"I'm fine, dammit. Just fine!"

Her anger at my outburst changed to concern when she saw me crying.

She said, "A wise friend once said If you want to share the story, I am here for you. If at any time you want to stop, that is fine. I am still here for you."

I hugged her tightly. The tears finally stopped.

"Are triggering events contagious?" I asked.

"God, I hope not!"

That response had us giggling.

"You were so brave and trusting to share your story, I want to do the same. I think I am ready to talk about this if you want to listen."

"I am here for you, Peter. Shall we get under the covers and snuggle?"

After wriggling under the comforter, she kissed my lips then waited.

"Please know I am not making this up to compensate for poor performance."

"I can tell something in your past reared its ugly head. I'm here if you want to talk."

A final tear wipe and some deep sighs. Staring at the far wall, I was ready.

"My 13th year was hell. Puberty was in gear so my body was transforming to an adult. Dad left the house leaving my Mom, two older sisters, and me. Agatha was 15 and Amanda was 16. Dad also filed for divorce then disappeared. Mom began drinking and so did my sisters.

I gave her a detailed account of what my sisters and Mom did to me over 2 years.

"This went on 2 or 3 times a week. Over time I learned they took their pent up rage out on me because he was gone and I looked just like him."

"Oh, Peter, that is awful! Did you talk to someone in your church? A counselor? The police?"

"I told the school counselor after about 3 weeks. She contacted Family and Childrens Services. When they came to the house Mom and my sisters were shocked I would tell such lies. I realized there was no evidence and it was my word against theirs. They implied I had an active imagination and because Mom had said "no" on getting a Nintendo, I was trying to get back at her with this story. The look on the FCS woman's face said she couldn't imagine women doing something like this. So, the case was filed and forgotten."

"Is there more?"

"Yes. Would you like me to stop?"

She kissed me passionately then said, "No. I want to know everything these awful bitches did."

"You will never know how much that means, Barbara."

I gently caressed her face and kissed her forehead.

"Things were quiet for about a week. I hoped contacting FCS would put an end to this. It was a school night and I was in the kitchen looking for something to drink as a reward for finishing homework. Andrea grabbed my shoulders and spun me around. She said, 'Listen, you little shit! You almost got us in deep trouble! Luckily no one at FCS believes you. Mom got the letter this morning. So the games begin again!'"

"I struggled because I was sober and they weren't but they were my sisters and Mom! Collectively, they were stronger. I just couldn't find the strength to fight them."

Looking into Barbara's crying eyes hurt too much. I rolled on my back and stared at the ceiling. I reached for her hand and held it tight. Then I cried saying, "I was weak! I was scared! I didn't know what to do! And yes, dammit, what they did also felt good at times!"

I felt Barbara put a reassuring arm over my heart.

"She spoke softly in a sincere and reassuring tone, "It's OK, Peter. It's OK. You're doing fine. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

"I know you're not going anywhere. We are at your place."

She chuckled and so did I. Then silence.

"Can we take a break?" I asked.

"Or course. Would you like some breakfast?"

"That would be great."

She rolled out of bed then pulled a terry cloth robe from the closet. I put on my underwear, slacks, and shirt. She was wearing a long apron over the robe and cooking sausage patties.

"How do you like your eggs?"

"Over easy, please."

"Same as me. Another point in your favor."

I set the table and brought out a pitcher of apple juice from the fridge. Breakfast was delicious. We talked about our jobs, the weather, and other safe topics. She reached across the table and took my hand.

"I am so grateful we met, Peter. You are one impressive man."

I blushed.

"As you can tell, I am not accustomed to compliments from women. Especially beautiful and smart ones like you."

It was her turn to get red-faced.

After a few moments I said, "I think I'm ready to continue if you are willing to listen."

"I'm ready, Peter."

We stood and walked back to her bed holding hands. I gently turned so we faced each other. We hugged and kissed. When we came up for air, I brushed her hair and asked, "Could we get naked and get under the covers again? It felt so right."

"I was hoping you'd ask."

She undid the robe and let it fall to the floor. While she was getting under the sheets, I shed my clothes and joined her. She snuggled against me as I covered us. Her reassuring hand on my chest was wonderful. I was on my back looking at the ceiling. Then the confession resumed.

I finished another part of the story then stopped crying. My voice was more detached. Barbara was unsuccessfully battling tears when I looked over.

"The story is almost over, if that helps," I said.

She wiped tears away rapidly and nodded yes.

I was feeling better for finally getting it off my chest. Barbara's crying told me the price she was paying for hearing this story. I hoped this didn't ruin our relationship.

"How can a family be so cruel?" she pleaded.

Her contorted face was ripping me apart. I hated seeing her suffer.

"Can you hold on just a little longer?"

She nodded yes. Her hand gripped mine for dear life.

"After Amanda graduated, she left to live with a guy in a nearby town. Agatha had a boyfriend and they shacked up about a month after Amanda moved out. With both sisters gone, the abuse stopped. Soon after the ordeals began, my escape was studying and doing homework. Looking back, I probably overdid the studying but it was a safe place for me at the school or Public library. The habit of studying so much let me compartmentalize my life. Learning was so ingrained that I cruised through high school and college. Mom continued to drink. I remember after turning 18 we were alone I asked why she and my sisters tortured me so much. This was one of the rare times she was sober."

The woman who gave birth to me grinned and said, "Petey, I was mad at your father for divorcing me, fucking me so hard I never wanted to have sex again, and for what he did to the girls. I wanted to make sure you wouldn't do such a thing so we did our damndest to insure you wouldn't be like him. I suppose it worked."

I glanced at Barbara's shocked face then continued.

"It was the only time I slapped a woman. And I will also confess slapping her face that one time felt good. When you said 'oh yesss', that was what they said each time I was molested. My last years at home were very quiet. The girls would come home for the holidays and bring their guys so nothing happened. Mom continued drinking. I went to college and majored in computer science with a 4.0 grade point average. Agatha got her GED a few years after she should have graduated. I haven't seen or heard from either of them since Mom's funeral 25 years ago. They are dead to me."

I shifted on my side facing this brave woman who absorbed my entire story. She was trying to speak but all she could do was move her jaw. Her throat was too tight with emotion. I hugged her.

"I am so sorry for putting you through that. Would you mind if we quietly cuddle and maybe take a nap?"

She nodded her head yes. Then she tenderly touched the back of my head and kissed me. She mouthed "I love you, Peter."

"And I love you Barbara."

I drifted off to sleep. Dark memories ran through my dreams like a never ending train. Every so often I would wake up in a disoriented sweat. When I saw Barbara, I couldn't relax because she looked to be in a troubled sleep. I felt badly she was probably trying to digest my story. But it was also comforting to know she was nearby.

It was late morning when we woke up. I looked over at her asking, "Did I say earlier that I love you?"

"Yes."

Her response sounded tentative as though I was going to take back the declaration.

"I'm glad. I hope you don't mind."

She leaned toward me and kissed my lips with gentleness and passion. I followed suit.

"May I ask a couple of questions about what you shared?" I asked.

A look of relief crossed her face.

"Sure."

"Did your parents ever find out what Evan did and tried doing to you?"

"Nope. Mom returned Wednesday night. We left Thursday for Grandpa's funeral on Saturday. Evan was scared to death I would say something. I never did and he was a perfect gentleman from that day forward."

"What became of Gail and John?"

Barbara thought before responding.

"Gail was torn. She really liked John and appreciated him rescuing us. But she had trouble believing he knew nothing about what was planned. One upside was John knew Gail's older brother was a Senior on the weightlifting team. Gail took John to see her brother, Max. According to Gail, poor John almost crapped in his pants when she told him to tell Max what happened. As you can imagine, her brother was mad as hell and demanded names. John was reluctant for fear of retaliation. He persuaded John the wrath of the weightlifting team was far more frightening. So, they reached an agreement that the team would also muss him up a little but not nearly like the others. Over the next week, there were reports of 6 guys being beaten by a person or persons unknown. So far as I know, those five guys never tried anything like that again. Gail decided John was sincere and they continued to date. They married after graduating and moved to St. Louis. They had 3 girls and he was EXTREMELY protective of them."

"How in the world did you keep your sanity between the two assaults and your ex?"

"It was a roller coaster. The therapist was the biggest single help. I told her how angry I was at my body for betraying me when we were being raped. How there was arousal and even orgasms. She explained my body did not betray me. It was physiological reaction to stimulus beyond my control. Which meant my moral outrage did not override my body's reaction to stimulus regardless of the source. More than any other piece of information, that one helped the most. Armed with new found knowledge and confidence, I decided it was time to start dating again. This was about 15 years ago. The very first guy I met after the sessions seemed like we had an excellent chemistry. It was our 5th date and it looked like a night of wild passionate sex was going to happen. I decided he should get a heads up, just in case. After telling him my past, he thanked me and left. I was devastated. I've dated a variety of men since then. Thanks to Wary Maids, we were able to weed out the rejects rather painlessly. I figured after 15 dates and the Wary Maids seal of approval, you were a man of infinite patience who would accept me as I am. I was right."

We were silent thinking about what was said. Then she added more.

"I honestly thought all that was behind me until last night. I was going to tell you eventually believe it or not. While this wasn't what I planned, I'm glad you stayed and most importantly, let me talk."

I kissed her and thanked her for trusting me enough to share her story.

"May I ask you a few questions, Peter?"

"Certainly."

"What did your therapist say about the stimulation and climaxing so quickly?"

"My first one was sympathetic but she seemed to have trouble wrapping her head around the fact a guy can be raped. She implied rather strongly that it was a secret fantasy of mine. I found a male therapist and made progress. He told me what your therapist said about reflexes and stimulation versus secretly wanting to be raped by my Mom and sisters. I had compartmentalized my life so tightly it took months before I shared everything with him. I discovered there are stereotypes regarding males who are raped. Like, I shouldn't have let it happen; I was a wimp; I was a secretly wanting it. You know the cliches. The biggest hurdle was realizing I can be a man and share such a sad intimate story."

"Am I the first person you have ever told about your Mom and sisters?"

"Besides the therapist, yes."

"Am I your first date?"

"No. I've probably dated about 30 women or so over the last 40 years. I had sex with two of them. None of the women were satisfying. There was always something missing. I realize now it was because sex seemed more important than the relationship. But, I sensed you were different. It was like we clicked but I didn't know why."

"I felt the same about you."

"Now I understand when we talked about family and growing up, you never shared anything specific about your brother until yesterday. That seemed odd but I figured there was a reason. And your college years were in generalities. If there was a specific story, it was mundane. It was comforting to know we both seemed focused on the relationship rather than sex. Does any of that make sense? I'm rambling too much," I said.

"Sort of", she replied. "Maybe it boils down to the fact maybe we had a subconscious understanding about the other. Who knows?"

"Well, I am not going to analyze this to death. I only know I stated my love for you and that was a first for me."

"And now I understand true love, Peter. The ex loved me in his own way but it was conditional. With you, there is an unconditional love and acceptance. Not every couple gets such an opportunity."

"Uh oh", I said.

"What's the matter?"

I pulled the blanket back and showed Barbara my growing erection.

She gently caressed it then leaned over and sucked it for a few times.

"Shall we try again?" she asked.

"I would love to."

I pushed Barbara on her back and we French kissed. One hand made gentle circles around one breast while the other began massaging her labia and clitoris with occasional visits to her beautiful dark and moist cave. Then my lips visited her womanhood and she enjoyed 2 more orgasms.

"I want you inside me, Peter. I need you inside me, please."

I scooted up between her widely spread and bent legs. She guided me in. I pushed in then withdrew then pushed further in then withdrew. Finally, I was completely inside her.

"Do what you wish to your very sexy erect nipples. I will take care of the rest," I assured her.

While I pumped slowly and rubbed her clitoris, Barbara began pinching and pulling on her nipples. Her head rocked back and forth while her eyes stayed closed. My pumping increased.

"Oh God!" was all she would say.

We experienced the most amazing orgasms. Hers came first then mine. Never have I ejaculated so much. As I lay there inside her, every vaginal contraction was registering on my semi-erect penis. I finally withdrew and we held each other like there was no tomorrow. We cried tears of joy. It was mid-afternoon when we finished our third round of love making.

Her head lay on my shoulder and I hugged her tight.

"Not bad for two people with a combined age of over 100," I quipped.

She laughed then crawled over me, put on her robe, and padded off to the bathroom. I almost ran there when she emerged. When I came out, I put on my clothes and joined her on the couch. She was still wearing the robe. We cuddled and talked about future dating and getting to know each other better.

She looked up at me and said, "I have a crazy question."

"What?"

"We both work from home. Would you be open to us calling in sick this coming week and going somewhere?"

My cell phone calendar showed regular meetings, no new project, with some pending deadlines 3 or 4 weeks in the future. Barbara fetched her laptop.

"Nothing on my calendar that is pressing for the coming week," she said triumphantly.

"Same here. I like your crazy question. Where would you like to go?"

"Well....the more I think about it, the more I would like to go to your place and get enough clothes for a week. On the way back we can get some groceries leaving the option to eat out if we are so inclined. Finally, we will settle in here and see how much sex we can enjoy."

"I like the way you think, Barbara."

By the end of the week, we realized our past will never leave us completely but we can accept it and move on as best we can. We also concluded both of us are survivors and damn proud of it. And, while we can never put it into words, we also understand what a true, abiding, and accepting love for a person is all about. We will marry in a few months.