by SweetErika
Constructively....there are some rough patches, transitions and under developed points in your story. But it is also a very sultry look into your story telling style. Cheers!!
This needs a score higher than 5. The best story I have read on Literotiva. Wonderful buildup, fantastic descriptions, and the perfect ending with them being husband and wife. Loved it. MORE!
...wonderful, erotic, well written engaging story.
Thanks for sharing.
So well written and luscious. Why have there been no more? You paint so well and beautifully......
Impressive first publish. Wonderfully erotic and worth staying to the end.
Having been a magazine editor for seven years, I will never dispute the value of good editors and beta readers, but they can't infuse writing talent where none exists. 99% of the credit is yours, so take a well-deserved bow!
Wow! I have read many stories written by pros that weren't nearly as good. I 'm especially impressed by the way you fleshed out Julia and made her seem real. It's not hard for readers to suspend their disbelief. I hope to read many more of your stories in the future
I think your writing is extremely sexy. I loved it, although I had to skip a good bit because I was too aroused. You really do a great job of providing details. You should write more, many more stories.
This story was written in '06...I want to know what's in his suitcase! There's so many unknowns...are they married? just dating? is she his mistress? which anniversary was it? does he like the chocolates?
It's a fabulous story, but it needs a part 2 or conclusion. I feel like I'm being left hanging off a clift! Argh...so frustrating! ;)
Still...GREAT story!
Loved it. Very sensual writing. You can always tell when a woman writes a story. Fantastic build-up.....:)
I am glad I had a chance to read to the end and appreciate more than your well chosen words but also the meaning.
That story builds up inside you as you read and it is very easy to imagine yourself as the air they breathe.
Was that a big effort or are you just busy?
I've always found this piece to be exquisite, and a joy to read over and over. This is pure erotica, a delicate balance of sensuality and rawness - thank you!
i absolutely loved your story! the details made me feel arousal as in a tender, feminine way i have never felt before. i truly appreciate your writing
Exciting story with well written sex scene. But from the title I was expecting more to be made of the truffles. And with the build up about her anxieties over seeing herself, I thought more could be made of her overcoming these.
I loved the passion and intimacy enjoyed by this married couple. The sex was incredibly hot. I can't wait to read your next story!
This was the first story I have read here ( newbie lol) and I really enjoyed it Erika .....I look forward to reading more of you....
Kat
Just enough back story to understand where the characters were coming from. I like the way you linger on the descriptions.
Very well written, Erika. The graphic details of a the feminine intimate feels are arousing. Suggest you position the intimacy in the open nature -- like a green forest, beside a river -- and add some poetic touch to synchronize with the sensuality. A good fuck is spiritual too.
Keep it up Erick. Do respond to my suggestion if you like. They are positive and with an aim to help you to improve.
Hugs >> 24x7stiff
... and am quite complicit in my own fantasy about Julia. Sexy, hot, and D/s themed -- yummy!
Awesome Erika. You managed to explore some of the feelings I know a lot of women have without it detracting from the eroticism of the story. In fact, I found the break through she had added to the sexual tension and heightened the impact. I wouldn't call the story bloated at all, I'd say it was perfect. I'm jsut dying to see what they do with the truffles!
Hi Erika
You and your trusty editors have done a great job with Truffles and like other readers I look forward to more of the story. It is a fine romantic sexy tale and it will be interesting to get to know your characters as you develop them. Your characters have lots of emotion and you are starting to develop a little bit of intrigue / mystery.
It will be interesting also to see you write on other themes and see where you can develop, particularly themes with a little danger or edge. Maybe some D/s with your touch for internal emotionalism and commitment/love.
Great first story
I thought “Truffles with a Tryst” was well developed and well written. The story held my attention and got inside my head as I read it.
I am relatively new here and I read all comments as a matter of curiosity. I try to understand both positive and less than positive comments and take a moment to see each point of view. There is an old adage that you can not be all things to all people.
Well done SweetErika I look forward to your next escapade.
Sadly, unlike most of the other readers who have commented, I was more than a touch disappointed at the total lack of story. There was certainly erotic content but very little personality. Your characters were not developed and did not stay with me at the conclusion of your vignette.
I may be spoiled, as I read much of the content of Literotica and have been impressed overall, with the incredibly talented writers who contribute.
Keep trying SweetErika, your grammar, punctuation and spelling have obviously been a high priority for you although one can forgive grammar, punctuation and spelling where one finds a good story.
Delightful timing and setting, evocative use of the perspective, all in all a stimulating, satisfying read.
Wonderful story. It leaves me wondering what will happen that night.
Wow! Without meaning to sound silly, many of the stories here have too much sex and not enough depth. While I enjoy both styles of writing, I think that a more detailed story line pulls you into "the sex scenes" less abruptly. I love anything that is well written with a purpose, and you certainly have that here with out being horridly corny.
I don't know what has been keeping you from writing your stories for so long. A pleasure to read a story that is so full of warm and loving sensuality. If only mine were nearly so good. Dale
Hi Erica, I just finished your story and I must say you are an ace at articulating feelings and action. I think you did a great job of character development. I found myself wanting to know more about ‘him’ and of course I found out later why. As a critique, I felt some of the details were a bit long and unnecessary to the story and I would have opened with the phone call instead of recalling it later. It would have been enough of a hook to keep me reading. It felt a bit jerky when she was back to driving. All—n—all it was a 6 but alas I can only do 5. *JP*
The problem is that it's bloated. I liked the idea that she liked her husband, but it was way too slow.
Your first story certainly belongs in the higher echelons of Literotica submissions, where quality reigns supreme.
Beautifully written (of course!) and a joy to read.
I look forward to reading many more of your stories.
janiexx
Erika, what a wonderful story... really all the standard superlatives apply to your work. I love this story. Now that you've shown your hand about what your imagination holds I think it only fitting you write, write and write some more.
"Brava! More, more, more," you hear from Boston.
This is one of the best first stories I have ever read. There is solid character development, and I look forward to reading about Julia again!
I absolutely love how you build the depth of Julie's character. And the small details in this story are what make it such a fantastic read.
sj
SweetE, this is an amazingly sensual story. You are very talented. Of course now this means we expect more wonderful stories from you. Congratulations, my dear, you did it!
Such a fine piece for your first submission. Congratulations!
I was delighted to read this strong story, so full of rich detail. I feel as if I know Julia now and if you should happen to write more Julia stories, I'll be right back again to read them.
mwy