Try Before You Buy

For a bit of context, in case it doesn't happen elsewhere in the world, a Nappy Library is a volunteer-run lending service encouraging parents to shift from disposable to reusable nappies. There's a significant financial outlay in buying enough reusables to do several changes a day and the laundry load is not for everyone, so a lending service lets people try before they buy. There are lots of regional Libraries around the country and back at that point of my life I knew several young mums who volunteered during their maternity leave. It was a headfuck to listen as they sat and discussed the finer points of the comfort and absorbtion of various different nappies; I enjoyed imagining situations where they made what seemed like a relatively small step towards trying them out themselves...

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"We get that question a lot and yeah it makes sense, right? People going 'but they're so much thicker' and 'what do they even feel like' are common questions. So, and bear with me here, we have developed a 'try before you buy' scheme."

In a long marquee tent with a row of various eco-friendly stalls, Ruth gently rocked the pram as she listened. The table before her was covered in cloth nappies of every colour and print; the lady behind it represented their local Nappy Library, a voluntary organisation dedicated to helping young families to move away from disposable nappies towards reusables. They did this by loaning "kits" of parts - wraps, liners, stuffers - so parents could quite literally try before they buy. Enough cloth nappies to run a child was a significant investment.

She was about to reply when her husband chimed in.

"Try before you buy? Isn't that all you nappy libraries are?" Paul said, confused.

Making the switch as a household to cloth was not his idea. He could see the benefits, sure, anything to make parenthood cheaper and easier. But by this time he'd spent more than long enough in this tent full of nappies and baby clothes and the only reason he'd come to this daft pop-up eco-fair thing to begin with was that he knew that somewhere across the other side of the Recreation Ground was a beer tent. It was hot, and he was thirsty.

"Nearly" the lady from the Library said. "That's nearly all of what we do. And sorry, maybe I wasn't clear on the 'try before you buy' part: I mean we have a that offer for the parents. Wondering what they feel like? Best way to find out is through practical experience. Borrow our adult sizes and try them on!"

She reached below the stand as she spoke and withdrew a far larger nappy than those on the table. It was pale blue, with a range of studs and poppers to allow for different sizing. Inside, a pocket held absorbant stuffers, and a fleece liner, sewn on at one end, folded down to cover the lot. The lady laid it out before them, the adult nappy dwarfing the others.

For a few seconds they were both stunned. Ruth was momentarily lost for words while Paul managed a quiet "Whatthefuck" and blushed.

Ruth found her voice.

"Ooooh, I get it. Try before you buy. Right."

The library lady's smile didn't drop for a split second at their reactions and she pushed on cheerfully.

"Yes, try before you buy for the mums and dads! We find it helps answer those key questions about thickness and movement, leaks, wetness and comfort. Nothing beats a practical demonstration when it comes to the fundamentals and we can hardly lend you a child to experiment on!"

She paused while they didn't laugh at her joke.

"It's totally free of course, we'd just take a few details to sign you up, you borrow a few nappies, try them out yourselves, and your questions are answered. That's it. What do you say?"

"I dunno..." Paul began, looking sideways at Ruth, wearing an expression that clearly translated as "the nice lady is nuts, don't make eye contact, it's time to back away... maybe as far as the beer tent...".

Ruth however wore a more thoughtful face as the salesmanship continued.

"I know it's a bit of a weird suggestion at first and many people just bounce off it. We don't offer it to everyone, that's why we keep the adult sizes under the desk. But look, you've been chatting at our stall for ten minutes now. You seem engaged and interested but you naturally have some questions; questions which I think are best answered by experience. I know at this point that it's worth me at least making the offer."

She fixed them both with another unfeasibly bright smile.

"So. Thoughts? You gonna be signing up to try?"

Again, Paul jumped in first. He tried to defuse things politely and back them away from a terrifying and bizarre precipice.

"Look, I really don't know. Thanks for your time and all and I'm fine with switching as a house but to actually try them out? That wasn't what I - I just can't-"

"How discreet are they? Don't they get noticed?" Ruth interrupted. Paul looked at her with a look of shock.

"What, you mean, are parents who try these ever spotted wearing their adult nappy?"

The casual nature with which the lady said "adult nappy" both surprised and somehow reassured Ruth.

"Yeah, like how do you hide these things?" She picked up the adult nappy and felt it's thickness between her fingers and thumb. "This thing is... really big."

"Oh easily. Nappies getting spotted just doesn't happen. We've had around 150 parents try these. Yes, 150! And only one has complained about it being seen and when we dug into that it turned out she'd been a little less than careful with her clothing choices. Wear appropriate clothes while wearing a nappy, and you'll be fine."

"What's appropriate?" Ruth asked. "What can you get away with?"

"You can't be thinking about actually... look, can we just...?"

Paul was looking incredulously at her. He jerked his head towards the tent exit and the safety of the open field beyond. He was ignored as the women continued talking.

"Well, first off I'd rule out things like tight gym leggings, tight jeans, pale trousers that might show a pattern through. Pieces that show your shape are a risk. Short skirts or very floaty dresses also bad, obviously, you wouldn't want a Marilyn moment. Wide legged shorts can be a problem too, giving a view up a leg. Very risky at a parent and toddler group when you sit cross legged, for example."

The stallholder looked Ruth up and down

"What you're wearing now, dungarees, would be absolutely fine, 100 percent discreet."

"100 percent?"

"Yeah, as near as anything ever is. Most of your regular jeans, dresses, skirts, playsuits and so on would be just fine."

The nappy lady stood back a pace and indicated her hips with her hands.

"Look, would you be surprised to learn I was wearing a cloth nappy right now, to help make the point in conversations like this just how easy it is to hide them?"

"No way!" exclaimed Ruth.

"Whatthefuck!" Paul managed again. "Really?"

"Yes, really!" The nappy lady looked carefully left and right along the row of stalls in the tent.

"Look" she said, pulling the hem of her t-shirt up and the elasticated waistband of her skirt down. She revealed what was unmistakably the top of a thick, pale red, cloth nappy. The first row of poppers was just visible where she held her skirt down and the white liner was just visible inside the wrap.

She quickly put herself away.

"You'd never have known, would you? Even under light summer clothes. It's the same make as this one, same stuffers and liner, in a different colour. Total discretion. I've never been spotted."

She again held up the adult nappy she'd first shown them, emphasising it's thickness.

"Fuck!" Paul said once more, looking anxiously in case anyone nearby was watching. His beetroot face did not fade.

Ruth was nodding. "Impressive, no you're right, I'd have never known."

Paul turned his stare back to the nappy lady, where it lingered on her hips. If she minded this she hid it well.

Sensing he had other questions, she prompted him to speak up, with the merest hint of resignation.

"Go on. I know what you're going to ask. Get it out of your system and just ask."

Flushing, Paul spoke in a quiet, stuttered voice, hoping nobody else heard. He was clearly very uncomfortable and well out of his depth.

"Are you... do... have you been... you know, using that?"

He pointed at her midriff and her smile flickered for the merest second before returning as bright as ever, as though it had never left.

"Paul!" Ruth blurted out in horror. "Oh god I'm sorry!"

This was the most engaged he'd been in the matter? Asking a woman if she used her nappy? Anger rose within her but the nappy lady answered, more openly and respectfully than he deserved.

"Well, there's only two of us here on the stall today, it's very hot, and you've got to stay hydrated!"

Ruth watched Paul stand back and look along the tables to the other lady staffing the Nappy Library's stall. Tall and willowy, she wore a blue summer dress and was bent over the table demonstrating something to another couple. Ruth could tell Paul was looking at her arse, wondering if she too wore a nappy.

Yeah, she was more than a bit irritated with him.

"Really subtle, Paul" she hissed quietly.

The nappy lady, more than aware of the heightened atmosphere and keen not to lose the sale, gently steered the conversation onwards. But she found first a moment to look pointedly towards her colleague then at Paul.

"I don't know," she said, meeting his eye, "and I haven't asked. I, personally, sometimes wear nappies out of choice depending on how the day is likely to go and it doesn't hurt if I can use that to demonstrate their discretion at the same time. But I don't make a habit of asking my friends and colleagues about their choices in underwear."

Again, her smile dropped briefly as she spoke, but it was quickly restored. Ruth felt a solidarity with the nappy lady as she had joined her in chastising Paul and was surprised at feeling almost impressed how casually the lady spoke of wearing nappies as just another choice of underwear. They were something she clearly considered on a level with regular, boring old pants. Were they that easy to adjust to?

She knew Paul was dead set against this and deeply embarrassed by the whole situation but was still cross, so more just to get back at him than anything else, asked him loudly and outright.

"What do you think to trying these nappies then, Paul?"

He looked panicked as he answered, dropping his voice to a whisper, trying to contain the conversation.

"I still don't know. I don't think... look, I just... are you really thinking about this?"

It was at this point that Ruth realised with slight surprise that she had not yet fully made up her mind. She certainly hadn't come here today expecting to leave with nappies for herself and the intention to wear them! But here she was, coming to acknowledge how she had not quite ruled that out, either. In addition, Paul's general behaviour and attitude and unwillingness to even try and engage other than ask another woman whether she pissed herself had made her genuinely angry. In that moment, no matter what it was, if he was against it, she was all for it.

So she said "Yeah, why not?"

Paul made a small whining noise and whispered desperately "Cos it's a fucking nappy!"

"So? It's a good way to find answers, she's right about that. It's only another choice in underwear. I just don't see the problem."

She turned back to the nappy lady.

"I'll try them" she said. "Yeah, I'll go for it."

Paul flushed redder than ever. "Ruth! What the fuck? Really?"

She ignored him.

"Great!" came the nappy lady's reply, somehow even brighter than before.

She withdrew a clipboard and in short order presented a form to complete and sign.

"Here you are. I'm assuming it's just you?"

Ruth nodded. Paul nodded too, vigorously, his ears and cheeks a bright, fuming red.

Reaching back under the desk the nappy lady pulled out a canvas carrier bag and passed it over.

"Ok. So there's enough in here for three adult sized nappies, should fit a lady of your size well. You've got them for a fortnight for free, then you've the option to just give them back, washed, please, then we'll professionally rewash them and they go back into circulation. Keep it all going round, you know."

"Right" Ruth nodded.

"Or at that point you can choose to buy them from us. The price is on the form. I'm Pippa, by the way, and I'll be your main contact here while you try them out. Then if you rent a full pack or buy through us to properly make the switch as a family, having done out try before you buy scheme there'll be a discount as well."

Ruth made a small noise of acknowledgement. She felt unexpectedly nervous as Pippa spoke.

"Take them home, wear them, move in them, work in them, sleep in them, dare I say it use them, if you're feeling brave. Really try them out. Get to know them, see how you and they feel and then come back and tell me what you think and whether your questions are answered and if you'll make the switch. Of those 150-odd parents who have done the trial scheme so far, over 140 went on to move away from disposables as a household."

Paul had been reduced to listening in an uncharacteristic silence.

"You get many people take the purchase option?" Ruth asked. "For the adult nappies after the fortnight trial?"

"A few. Maybe a dozen all told, of the adults who have tried? Nearly one in ten."

"Wow."

"Surprising, isnt it, that you may have been to parent and child groups round here with a mum or dad wearing their own nappy. The feedback we get from that ten percent is that it makes parenting very much more convenient, not having to worry about finding a loo all the time."

"What about the woman who was spotted?" Ruth asked. "Did she make the switch?"

"Yup" Pippa answered with a smile. "Even her. And she learned a valuable lesson about how see-through light coloured trousers can be."

"Hah, thanks. I'll be careful."

"Look are we all done here?" Paul interjected sullenly. His blush had not receded. "I can't believe you're... just...shit, Ruth."

Pippa looked between them and met Ruth's eyes briefly before she spoke again.

"One last offer" she said, a mischievous hint playing in her smile. "If you'd like, and if you're comfortable doing so, and because you're wearing suitable clothing... I could help show you how to get the first one on while you're here? It's very different putting one on yourself to putting one on someone else and getting the fit right. I suspect you might not get much help at home! We've a changing area out back."

Pippa indicated the rear of the tent, where a long row of stallholders' vans and generators were lined up along the edge of the Rec. The Nappy Library operated from an old VW campervan, and a tent curtain stood against it shielded a small area from view.

Ruth looked quickly at Paul, who was somewhere beyond aghast in the realm of purest panic. There was no time like the present to either try new things or piss him off in return for his behaviour.

"Oh, er, yeah, why not, please" she answered, suppressing her nerves. She definitely had not anticipated leaving here like this, but life sometimes lead you down strange paths.

Turning to Paul and pointing to their things she said "you've got all this, right? I'll be back in a moment."

She grabbed the canvas bag full of nappies - her nappies, she realised with a thrill - and left with Pippa towards the changing tent, where she would soon be wearing her very first cloth nappy.