by wantsomefun1951
No follow-up on family relations (Thanksgiving might have been particularly interesting), no follow-up on how friends and family react to his new career. The writing is good, but the plot was weak. Thanks for sharing, keep writing.
FIRST HE HAS A HUGE COCK AND HIS WIFE CHEATS ON HE, GET REAL. 2ND WHY IS SHE CHEATING, NEED MORE INFO, TOO RUSHED AT START AND THROUGHOUT AND END SEEMED LIKE YOU WANTED TO BE DONE WITH THE STORY.
Giant cock meets two porn stars? Second porn star takes one look at his equipment and demands sex? C'mon. While we don't expect realism, this feels more like a teenager's masturbation fantasy.
... Except, teenagers don't usually write so well. I think that's where my disappointment comes from-- you could clearly write a better story than this. Heck, if you took this one and edited out Ingrid and the making of pornographic films, it would _be_ a better story.
You write well. Keep writing.
No revenge for Julia and Sean? The story badly glossed over that little event.
Is some background on Julia's adultery with the brother. 4 stars would have been 5 if we knew some of that.
It was OK but what happened with ex wife and brother? What about the rest of his family?
What's the point in the setup if it doesn't really have a real effect on the rest of the story? You could have totally left off the infidelity completely. And not had the scene about downsizing. Just started with letting us know he was recently divorced and unemployed. 3*