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The story came tumbling out, all the wretched sordidness of my life, the horrible person I had become. It went on until he stopped me, putting his fingers over my lips, shushing me.
"It doesn't matter, Alyssa," he said. "What matters is that little girl up there. She needs her mother and you can't do this to her. For God's sake, Alyssa, don't you think she has enough... No. It doesn't matter. I'm not going to beat you up. I wish I'd... no, it doesn't matter."
I was better. The words had been cathartic, and I was better.
He forced me to look into his eyes again. "Promise me, on Merrilee's life, that you aren't going to ever do anything like this again." He was insistent, compelling, drawing me and I could not deny.
"No, Nathan. I won't. But..."
"There are no 'buts'," he was emphatic. "I don't know what is going to happen, Alyssa. You're not the same person I remember, the person who did that stupid film. I was so... I really thought you were fucking..." He heaved a sigh and ran his hand through his hair. "I don't have any idea what I think of you right now, or what I feel for you. I do know I hate what you've been doing. But it doesn't matter."
I shook my head. "You're right. Merrilee matters," I said.
"Yes, she does, and you matter to her. You matter to me, Alyssa. Can we just... I don't know. I'm not making any promises. Let's go back up there and try. Can you do that with me? Let's be strong for that baby, get her healthy. Everything else will take care of itself. Swear, Alyssa, swear to me."
"I swear," I said.
He pushed my shoulders back against the truck, used his handkerchief to clean me up. I needed cleaning up a lot these days, it seemed. "Head up, shoulders back," he said. "Regardless of our past, or what we feel, or anything else, our little girl needs and deserves the best from both of us. I won't settle for anything less, from me or from you. Are we together on this?"
I nodded. He took my hand and led me back to the hospital. When we walked into the room, still hand in hand, Merrilee looked up from the cheeseburger she was eating and there was a huge smile on that angel face, shining sweetly despite its heavy coating of ketchup and mustard. Whatever it cost me, so help me God, I would never fail her again. Turn the page.
- COMMENTS
Flamethrow5 days agoThird time and I cry just as hard as the first two times at the last page and a half, as she falls into despair but is saved by her thoughts of Merrilee and Claire.
underdog16 days agoNot sure I can comment on this story and do it justice. Wow doesn't seen to cut it, but for the life of me I can't think of anything that will suffice. Extremely well done.
Anonymous21 days agoPlease tell your daughter thanks! Good eye for a story and confidence in her mom.
somewhere east of Omaha
Anonymous21 days agoI've read this story several times Randi, with as many of your tales on my favorites this is your best. The parts with Merrilee (especially with her doll) would capture and break any parents heart. Nearly as emotional was Alyssa being one heartbeat from stepping in front of the bus. The two most heart-breaking tales on this site are Turn the Page and TTT's Charity Begins Next Door. Thank you Randi for all you do.
somewhere east of Omaha
MidwestSoutherner27 days agoReading this was like a gut punch. The emotional impact, along with recognizing things from the past, people I'd met.
The pathos, the gut wrenching despair that a mother felt was very vividly conveyed in your words.
I think the parents among your readers likely had the same visceral reaction to Merrilee's plight. The 'fallen woman' Alyssa....yes, she's familiar.
I won't dump my guts out here, however the catharsis will occur in private.
Anonymousabout 2 months agoA tragic, sweet unfinished story. Five stars from me. Typical Randi..
JPB NOT BOB
Anonymous2 months agoThe emotional impact was almost as hard as "Grief". Such pathos was well described as was the pure innocence of the child, Merrilee. Well written.
Anonymous2 months agoWow,what a great piece of story telling,but that's your trait..It is so Real life that I am wondering how you put it together,research or experience through knowing someone who went through a like scenario.It's written so well I have difficulty believing its all from your imagination. ..5+stars..JzK
01Timber673 months agoWow, that was definitely a great read and I love the song “Turn the Page” and definitely leaves a lot of imagination to the future for them
Anonymous5 months agoI fell in love with this tale, can't imagine anyone not. Besides the great story inspired by a great song and a small child to boot, I am surviving with cancer. Thank you Randi, 5 stars.
somewhere east of Omaha
Anonymous7 months agoVery poignant, very emotional, very well written. All for the love of a dear little girl, as the song goes. 50 stars.
Anonymous8 months agoIt’s so nice to read an “up” story in loving wives. What a wonderful tale of unconditional love. Thank you for the work you did.
Ed
EHP42698 months agoThis is so poignant. Unfortunately there are so many people out there in that situation without any chance of survival. A really great well written story.
