Turn the Page

The story came tumbling out, all the wretched sordidness of my life, the horrible person I had become. It went on until he stopped me, putting his fingers over my lips, shushing me.

"It doesn't matter, Alyssa," he said. "What matters is that little girl up there. She needs her mother and you can't do this to her. For God's sake, Alyssa, don't you think she has enough... No. It doesn't matter. I'm not going to beat you up. I wish I'd... no, it doesn't matter."

I was better. The words had been cathartic, and I was better.

He forced me to look into his eyes again. "Promise me, on Merrilee's life, that you aren't going to ever do anything like this again." He was insistent, compelling, drawing me and I could not deny.

"No, Nathan. I won't. But..."

"There are no 'buts'," he was emphatic. "I don't know what is going to happen, Alyssa. You're not the same person I remember, the person who did that stupid film. I was so... I really thought you were fucking..." He heaved a sigh and ran his hand through his hair. "I don't have any idea what I think of you right now, or what I feel for you. I do know I hate what you've been doing. But it doesn't matter."

I shook my head. "You're right. Merrilee matters," I said.

"Yes, she does, and you matter to her. You matter to me, Alyssa. Can we just... I don't know. I'm not making any promises. Let's go back up there and try. Can you do that with me? Let's be strong for that baby, get her healthy. Everything else will take care of itself. Swear, Alyssa, swear to me."

"I swear," I said.

He pushed my shoulders back against the truck, used his handkerchief to clean me up. I needed cleaning up a lot these days, it seemed. "Head up, shoulders back," he said. "Regardless of our past, or what we feel, or anything else, our little girl needs and deserves the best from both of us. I won't settle for anything less, from me or from you. Are we together on this?"

I nodded. He took my hand and led me back to the hospital. When we walked into the room, still hand in hand, Merrilee looked up from the cheeseburger she was eating and there was a huge smile on that angel face, shining sweetly despite its heavy coating of ketchup and mustard. Whatever it cost me, so help me God, I would never fail her again. Turn the page.