Turning Heaven into Hell

No we didn't, and we looked at each other stunned to realize it. I'd never asked who I am, or what. Ms. Carlson smiled.

"Personally, I think it's a shame that they don't teach that, at least by middle school. But we've always had a need to feel certainty, so when we first got so complicated and large in societies, religions were invented, and way back when, whatever religion the society at large learned, they passed on to their children so that they'd have a certainty along with what we all have in our persons, or personalities.

"It's all to insure our survival, which, we think, is that first order of the day for all of us since we began. That survival thing is also thought to be innate; it's just there, and we never question it until, and unless it comes to the point where we feel threatened. So we have also built in a thing within us to want to look out for ourselves first. It's kind of evolved that we also look out for what is ours, and those that are ours, like our spouse and children, but then there are those who only care about themselves.

"Take those few elements, and you have a means for someone to be greedy. Some steal, kill, or even sell you religion in something, or someone or other, then simply put, if it works on some, it grows, then it's passed on to their children, and children listen to their parents, and, well, I think you can sort of take it from there. Does it make sense? We are people that are able to learn many things, unlike animals, but unfortunately, we don't always pursue continued learning.

"There were many great religions, and many of them survived together very often with tolerance, but sometimes one religion became so powerful that it was considered wise to dodge it if possible. However, power is something that is akin to greed, and when there were a lot of people, enough to bring about the ability to lord it over others, well, they often did militarily.

"Wow! I'm taking too long," she said.

"No, take your time. It may help me," Shannon said.

"Shannon, I said I had a similar problem, but like a good little human, I decided to learn. It's led me to find out some things, and one is that though Christianity was looked on with suspicion in it's early days, those that were Christians weren't always persecuted, and when they were, it wasn't everywhere each time.

"But three hundred years, later when Constantine wound up Emperor, he granted the Christian religion power such as they never had. Since the time that Christianity began, they had already built up an hierarchy starting with bishops. One bishop promoted the idea of a leader of all Christians everywhere. One of the main ones was a bishop in France, Iraneus about 187 CE. and others did too. Since, however, Rome was one of the capitols of the Empire, the bishops of Rome took advantage of the power Constantine gave them, secular, incidentally, and claimed power over all of Christianity.

"When the barbarians had overrun the Western part of the Empire, the other more intellectual church leaders weren't around to object as they had before to the new Catholic church's power grab. Those intellectuals had been mostly in North Africa and the Middle East. But when the Western Empire was overrun and the other Christian leaders weren't anymore, the need for someone to lead them was literally laid in Rome's lap, and Augustine, the leading theologian of the day, was happy with how he was.

"By the way, Paganism was outlawed by Constantine, and Christians forgot how that all they had previously asked for was to be allowed to live in peace, and they turned their collective noses up since Constantine had given them power to make and enforce some laws. In other words, they turned out to not be nice people after all, at least not those suddenly in power. It went to their head, and it went to the head of the newly accepted Popes.

"The Eastern Empire out of Constantinople survived, at least for a few hundred years longer, but they were no more kind to others who were non-Christians, and stifling any dissent that might have appeared to the point of outlawing it. Then came the Muslims. The upshot of all my words is that there was a religion passed on to everyone, and since most were illiterate, they meekly obeyed. Besides, they couldn't read, and if they could, they had nothing to read. Suddenly the world was too complex for most save those in power, and they used it, especially the religious heads, and they dictated what religion meant, and how, and god help any that didn't adhere to what they were told.

"It's been that way ever since. We learn from our parents, and our parents learned from their parents and on and on. When some finally did bother to think and differ. religious change began, but they only differed on things that were important to them at the time, swallowing the bible they were used to, for the most part, and many of the rituals. Over time, from there, others slowly started to wonder, and many of the rituals were dropped, but they still used the bible they were given no matter that there came into being a different version, but as you've seen yourselves, between at least three bibles, there's not that much difference. And lets not forget that they also retained the use of burning heretics. That's a part of what they were taught too.

"That's how it still is, minus the burning of heretics. Some of us are working to change how it is, but it's slow going. None of us has the power that Constantine suddenly handed to the Christian Church, so now we're pretty much stuck with what our parents learned, and the church they go to, and we learn the same things from them all over again.

"However, for some reason, you, and maybe some of the others, are dissenting. Know this, Shannon, it's pretty much institutionalized, and any change will be slow going. The homosexual crowd learned that, but they used a power sort of like Constantine had given the early church, and that's our Constitution, and at that, it's still been slow going.

"That's it in a nutshell. With me, I learned that the bible is full of errors, and I took the time to earn a divinity degree, and was lucky enough to find this college which allows for other thoughts on religion, and here I am. One student at a time, but only if they really wanted to learn in the first place, sort of like you and Brooke, and the other students in our class this time. I hope that helps you."

"You say that it took a long time for homosexuals to get what they feel is denied them, and it's still being fought?"

"Yes. Somehow it began to be seen as very wrong for homosexuals to be together. How many years, I don't know, probably several centuries. Homosexuality was fairly prevalent throughout history, if I remember correctly, but maybe it started to be challenged as not right in God's sight, most likely after Darwin caused such a stir that was like a dagger in the heart of the bible, if not before. That set the Fundamentalist off and they're still fighting it."

"Is the Mosaic Law their reason?" Shannon asked.

"Yes. That Law is such a pain to so many of us, and in many ways. Is that something your church harps on?"

Shannon nodded. "And now I have this knowledge, and I have to go back this Christmas, and I'm not sure I can take it."

I popped in then. "From the little I heard at her church, I finally was able to understand Shannon's problems. There's a song leader that's scary as can be, and the preacher, well, he's real passionate, to say the least. There's no way I could blame Shannon for having so many fears. It's horrible; fears of doing wrong or burning in hell," I ended.

"And that's why you took my class, I take it."

"Yes. We tried to find out how that bible could so easily condemn anyone as that preacher seemed to say, but we couldn't make heads or tails out of it," I said.

"I understand. It's all bogus, but until our culture changes, we're in for a long fight to do away with it. Of course, as I said in class, it's all connected between Christianity and Judaism, so that'll be hard to do any time soon. The god of the Old Testament is so mean and vengeful. If it weren't for the Catholic Church, if they hadn't seared it into our Western being, it might not be so hard to fix.

"Shannon, you have a hard row to hoe, and I hope this has helped you to maybe find a way to survive it."

"I just wish we didn't need our parent's help. We do have a full scholarship, but we still have to have some money to survive. Maybe we should try to find jobs and end the need to rely on them for money."

"That's a good idea," I said. "It wouldn't take much, we'd just need food and some gas every now and then. We can even share books like we do now for the classes we take together," I said.

Shannon's face brightened. "Thank you, Ms. Carlson, you've really been a big help."

"Yes, thank you," I said.

"Glad I could help. Anytime you have more questions, let me know," she said with a smile.

* * * *

Shannon felt much better after our talk with Ms. Carlson. A couple of nights before we went home, we had our last love session. I was glad that we'd begun sitting on each other's face, for it was what Shannon wanted me to do. Having her lick my vagina, and me being able to see her face was a real treat. I could also reach back and caress her breasts, one at a time, of course. She took me to orgasm more than once. After the third one, I suffered her continuing as she wished. It would be our last time loving until we returned for the next semester.

"Do you have any idea how much I love loving you?" she asked.

"Um-hm, I do. It's as much as I love loving you."

"Yeah, I love that you do. Can we love each other now?" she asked.

She was depriving me of having her sit on my face, but I didn't mind. First though, I had to pay homage to the rest of her sweet body, and try to kiss every freckle until I reached her vaginal lips. She was moaning when we began, and it didn't take her long till she reached orgasm, then we settled down to slowly loving each other, and finally to sleep where we were. God, it felt so good to have my face against her warm and moist shaved vaginal lips. It was tight, but we'd grown accustomed to it, even enjoying feeling of ourselves that way.

Shannon did feel better since we talked with Ms. Carlson.

"It's like I'm not alone with only you to rely on. I don't worry now about dragging you down to perdition along with me. If the bible was true, God's very own word, inspired or direct, it wouldn't have so many errors, and many of them so critical," she said.

"It's like they had a few maybe facts and built stories around them, but why, is still a mystery," I said.

"Ms. Carlson said that the Jews may only have originally been trying to make and keep a nation, but had no real idea of the real forces outside of their tiny realm. They knew Egypt, and some far away peoples every now and then, but once Assyria started to come into play, they were totally outmatched," she said.

"Like their intellect was no match for military might, huh?" I added.

"That might be how it was. and as secluded as they were, they may not have had any idea of the forces to come until the Philistines were at their doorstep. Then it hit the fan, and they tried to play catch-up, but were too tiny. After the Maccabee war, they found out that they were out of their league. Still, like determined dogs that just won't quit, they kept on until they were decimated."

"Yeah, but then the Jesus movement caught on, then it got a lucky break from Constantine, and we got stuck with a lot of the consequences," I said.

"That may be true. Think we should look into it?" she said with a small grin playing across her face.

"Honey, you seem to be loose enough to put up with your pastor for a week or so—do you think you are?" I dared ask her.

She thought a moment, then nodded her head. "Uh-huh, I think so. Then when this short time is over, maybe we can find some work to keep us in food and a little gas.."

She was happy, and for the first time ever, she seemed to look forward to us being as we were meant to be, and no worries. None whatsoever!

* * * *

Taking Shannon to her parent's house, I stopped in to say a quick hello. I was greeted fairly warmly, then I made for a quick exit. Shannon did wonderfully in faking that we were good friends as we said our goodbyes, and I think that I did too, then went home.

One time Shannon did come to spend one night with me, feeling it was safe to do so.

"How has it been for you?" I asked as best I could, hiding my worry about her.

"Actually, it's been okay. I took the preacher much better than I had feared, and our song leader too. I think Ms. Carlson's talk helped a lot."

As we were ready to go to sleep, as we had before, she held my hand under that covers.

"Soon, my love," I whispered, "soon."

"Yes, soon," she whispered in return, and we slept.

Epilogue

On the way to see Ms. Rayburn, our counselor, to make sure about our classes and what we wanted to do, I hoped that Shannon's new found excitedness wouldn't be blown away. What if we couldn't find any jobs? I had to ready my mind for what might come about, what that disappointment might do to her.

"We can do what you two wish," Ms. Rayburn told us.

"Thank you," we both said.

"I think, though, that you two need to see Ms. Carlson; she has something she wants to talk to you two about."

We had no idea what that might be about, but Ms. Rayburn had given us the okay to take extra classes, and to stay as we were afterward and take more classes between terms—what's sometimes called Spring classes, then Summer classes, then continue on our regular semesters.

* * * *

"Hello, girls," Ms. Carlson greeted us. "I hope you two had a wonderful time at home."

"Hi, Ms. Carlson," we both said, then Shannon spoke for both of us, "It was good, but we're glad to be back in school."

"Well, I recalled you two saying that you might like to find some part time work to take some of the cash burden off of your families, and buy your own books, lunch, and some gas. Is that still what you want to do?"

I looked at Shannon, and saw her immediate interest, and beat her to the punch.

"Yes, that's what we will be looking to do," I said, seeing the excitement building up in Shannon.

"It seems that there are three openings that students used to fill, but they're no longer here, all having either graduated or leaving school. One is in the Admissions Office, and the other two in the library. I mentioned you two to the powers that be, and your marvelous grades that Ms. Rayburn said you both have. Long story short, you can have either of them if you wish. It should cover your books as needed, as well as cafeteria, and some gas, I think. What would you like?"

Shannon's dream had come true. We quickly decided to take the library jobs; that fit our desire to always be together.

Needless to say, Shannon's happiness spread out in all directions, and for us, that meant a night of lots of love

* * * *

Everything worked out for us. Shannon had her degree in Genetics, and I had opted for Social Evolution, plus we had some classes toward our Master's degrees. We cut over a year from the usual time to get a degree, and had no graduation ceremony.

We never went back home, but had called our parents from time-to-time, and finally informed them of our graduation, and that we were going for a Master's degree too. They were happy, yet somewhat disappointed, at least my parents were. I'm not sure the same could be said about Shannon's parents. We didn't tell them that we also had degrees in Divinity though.

Shortly after that, we were offered teaching positions, which we took; we'd still be students too.

* * * *

We talked about telling our parents about us being married.

"Maybe we should call, and break it to them, and gauge their feelings on it," Shannon suggested, wisely, I thought, especially considering her parents.

I called mine, and brought her up to date on our new jobs while we continued seeking our Master's degree. Then I told her Shannon and I were married.

"Oh!" was the stunned silence that greeted me, then, "Well, that wasn't expected. I had no idea."

"We knew you'd worry," I offered. "Do you think you'll be okay with us?"

Another pause. "I suppose it doesn't matter now that you two have done it. I have to say that I'm stunned, but more than that, I guess I have to think on it, and tell your father too. How are Shannon's parents taking it?"

"I don't know. Her call is next, but I don't hold out any hope; I don't think she does either. I guess we're wondering just how bad it might be with them. They have a pretty straight-laced take on it from the church," I said.

"I wish her well. I always did like her. Let me think on this, dear. Give me some time."

Next it was Shannon's turn. She went through it all as I had, then told her about us. Shannon's face said it all. Though she expected it, it still left her in something akin to shock.

"She called me spawn of Satan," she said in a whisper, "and told me not to darken the door again."

We sat down, and I held her.

"We may have expected this, but I sort of understand how it hurts. I'm sorry, honey."

She cried on my shoulder, then we went to bed where I continued to hold her. Later, when she'd gotten over the worse of it, she asked, "They try to deny love to us. Why do they try to deny us love? Why?"

"Maybe it's like Ms. Carlson told us: long ago, that it was taught to children, and then their children were taught that, and in time, after many generations, it was just true, at least to them. It's not right, I don't think, but that's how it is. We have our love, and for me, your love is all I ever wanted."

"Yeah, me too. You're all I ever wanted, and it almost drove me crazy. I'm glad we're married now, and have each other forever.

* * * *

It must be so difficult to lose your moorings, especially those you've known all you life. Even though it's for a very good reason, there's still that feeling of loss, an emptiness like a hole in your heart. It may not last long, at least I hope so, but it's still a huge part of your life gone when you're summarily told to never return. That's what Shannon's parents told her.

I was lucky. My mother, then my father, forgave me what they perceived as a transgression. Still, they knew Shannon, and had always liked her. They didn't cast her aside just as they didn't cast me aside either. Brian and his wife didn't have a problem with us, for which we were grateful.

In time, Shannon did get past losing her parents, but, as she said, she'd gained her future sanity for she said that she knew they'd have driven her crazy with some day demanding that she marry.

"You're my love forever, the one I'm supposed to be with, to love, and to have love me in return. What more can I ask for?" she'd told me.

We had a good life at the college, and friends that understood and accepted us with open arms.

As for us, we had a home, and work, and our love. It always amazed me how that our ardor for each other's love hadn't waned. Somehow I sensed that if it did, as it must with old age, that we'd still be crazy in love with each other.

~End~