All Comments on 'Twice Shy'

She had it coming to her. What part of "Do not see or speak to Patrick ever again" did she not understand? When she saw him in the coffeehouse she should have turned around and ran out the door. Now she's responsible for her son not having a full time father. She's responsible for not having a husband. She's responsible for demolishing the extended family. Painful story. -- 5☆

boring; what is the purpose?

KEEP TRYING, KEEP TRYING............

Nice and tight. Just as a flash story should be.

I enjoyed reading both stories.

Well done.

Well it seems she finally realized her stupidity to little too late. Now she sits and counts time, hoping that the love she had will come and save her.

No winners here!

5

Sad but far more "real" than most stories on this site. Thanks for the story.

oh the stupid female.

now that she's single she wants to be celibate?

she can be a harlot now enjoy thousands of penis.

as long as she won't trap a hapless good man into marriage

because she does not deserve a good relationship.

I fail to see anything original and worthy of writing in this story. This is still just a lengthy platitude. This place is full of sanctimonious banalities, why add more?

Ha, ties things up from the last story.

Well done. I guess a cheater could only end up that way if she is thinking every relationship has to become marriage. A good fwb relationship or casual relationships would be fine as not all men want marriage or exclusivity.

Unnecessary vis-à-vis ‘Once Bitten’, which was a short and powerful hammer strike of a story, and complete in and of itself. ‘Twice Shy’ is an almost obligatory epilogue that serves as a sort of icing on the cake of the original. And I’m certain it will appease many of your audience who need their ‘T’s crossed and ‘I’s dotted. I personally prefer ‘Once Bitten’ as a stand-alone. Still, ‘Twice Shy’ is well written and fun to read. Thanks for sharing your work.

Interesting; this is a well-written snapshot. Thank you for showing her perspective. After the previous affair with Patrick she should have known what she was getting into! She is not as in love with Mark as she thinks . . .

Ordinary and quite average story, not a fan of short stories, they never develop well enough to properly enjoy.

Scores 3/5

Not enough here to add anything to the original story. I know This is going to sound crazy but if use more than 750 words you can tell better stories.

Good..but not as good as “Once.” It may be impossible to fully explain such a foolish decision (especially in 750 words), but the wife’s behavior makes no sense at all.

A whore is a whore, is a whore!

A beautiful look at how lack of communication and deception can kill a family and scar both the innocent and the guilty.

Sincerely,

Payenbrant

She is a contemptible bitch; her penance has not yet begun.

A good 750 worder. 5*

I like this follow-up story. Despite her protestations that it is just talk with Patrick, she violated her agreement to avoid Patrick. Predictable fallout. 5 stars

“Dangerously, we met weekly over coffee to chat.”

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She had a suicide wish. After what happened with her affair with this guy — and assuming that she truly wanted to make the marriage work — she should have been motivated to run out of that coffee shop immediately …. AND then tell Mark what she did! Instead, this absolute imbecile meets up with this “sleek effeminate” tool multiple times. And gets caught. And Mark, appropriately, destroys her.

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Worthy and well written flash sequel. Affirmed the stupidity of this woman.

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4 ****

Two ok 750's but these would have been better as a complete story with a lot more fleshing out. Like a reason why the silly bitch did what she did...twice.

Perhaps the worst 750 in LIT or LW. Agree with Dark2Donut2 about it being naught but platitudes. Take those away and We-The-Readers have a 6-word tale …

Sweetie fucked up her life royally!

So...... we have an idea in our heads, we write it down. That doesn't make it a story.

Hard to feel sorry for someone whose selfishness and arrogance nearly destroys their marriage when, after a reprieve, they stupidly repeat the same selfish, arrogant behavior! She got exactly what any rational person would have expected. “Stupid is as stupid does.”

One of the better 750 words tales.

Yawn

Not really a story but a confession by a weak person.

Should the reader offer absolution with the instructions of go forth and cease being a perpetual screw up.

Any type of reconciliation usually requires all contact with the affair partner, ie Patrick. She should have known this but four years later she resumed contact again even though she knew shouldn't and that the consequences would be dire. There's no one she can blame except herself.

"Apprehensive to move on with my life, I fear this is now my penance. Frightened to love again."

I seriously doubt this. Women move on quicker from breakups, failed relationships and marriages then men do. Its in their evolutionary DNA to do so. Studies show that women tend to make a full recovery from a failed relationship faster than men, who tend to suffer more long-term even lasting effects from broken relationships and marriages. Women are great at dumping men and do it more often then men do. Women usually emotionally disconnect from a guy long before breaking up with him. Many women line up a replacement guy prior to breaking up a relationship. Women like that are commonly known as Overlapper Women. Overlappers line up their next option in advance, so they can have a seamless transition from one man to the next. As a result, the woman is able to move on right away, while her ex is left behind wondering how she was able to get over the breakup so fast and just move on. Most women don’t tie their self-esteem to the relationship unlike a man does. Hence men take a greater hit to their self image and self esteem and are left wondering what the hell happened and did she ever love him in the first place. Men love idealistically while women love opportunistically.

Statistics show that 50% of all marriages end in divorce and 80% of the divorces are filed by women. If the woman has a college education then the percentage jumps to 90%.. Just remember men you're just a temporary holding place until the woman's ready to move on from you.

This is the problem with limiting yourself to 750 words. This needs more, feels cut off.

Pure stupidity by the wife. Good follow on story.

She is the one that breaks the contract, and he loses his son. The only area of the law that can have that outcome.

Okay

I really like this writer. You can only do so much in a short story, but I thought there weren't a lot of loose ends.

Maybe someday writers will understand that while they may enjoy writing these super-short stories and that it's a cheap way to get your name on the page, readers don't like them and wish Literotica would stop publishing them.

Thing is, there's no explanation of why she didn't run the other way when she met the guy accidentally. I mean SPRINT the other way and never go back to that shop again. Huh? Maybe she was tired of Mark.

This really seems odd....why in the world would she work so hard to save her marriage and then act so stupidly with the proverbial snake. Did the guy want visitation with his kid? That doesn't make sense.

Heck, with this line - But I had always considered writing it, to finish the saying in 2 parts. 'Once Bitten, Twice Shy' - you already had four stars!!! Of course, your mad writing skills, your depth of insight and your incredible ability to mix those two together in a way that shakes the reader, is a 5+ guarantee. I think you're a best selling author slumming a bit. Like a late night pull through King's Cross!

“Maybe someday writers will understand that while they may enjoy writing these super-short stories and that it's a cheap way to get your name on the page, readers don't like them and wish Literotica would stop publishing them.”

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Rarely feel the urge to respond to other comments, but this Anon thinks that the Anon who posted the above is an imbecile 🤗

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Firstly…many readers DO like these flash stories. When done well, they are a treat. So making the assertion that “readers” don’t like them is just a stupid opinion 😎

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Secondly…Lit’s policy is to have a 750 minimum. I suppose Mr. Imbecile Anon would like Lit to increase that minimum to something larger. But he doesn’t offer either WHAT the new minimum should be, or WHY. Nope. Probably too complex a topic for hum or her to handle 🥳

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Finally….Mr Imbecile Anon sure is full of itself to be trying to dictate to a FREE publishing “come one, come all” site what they should do! Life must get pretty boring in Mommy’s basement 😹

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So speaking on behalf of readers who ENJOY a well crafted flash tale — MORE PLEASE!

Yawn

It’s sad when a writer is so insecure that he has to right the husband to be so much better than the fling. Better looking, better body, better sex. Doing this only make the story so much dumber. There was no draw for the wife. Another bad story.

So the whore still wins and he loses his son that should have been part of the agreement

I like it a lot. A foolish woman playing with fire gets completely burned.

A case of utter stupidity - twice.

As good of a finish as the first part would allow. Good start in your career here, but as others have commented, lots of loose ends on the plot lines. 4*

What was the point of re-telling this story? No explanation whatsoever as to why she met with Paul in the face of the post-nup? It cleared up nothing and just rehashed an already told sad story. Pointless.

I am rather surprised as generally your stuff is full run of the mill retread stories.

This was a pleasant surprise, too short, a few holes in it, but a decent world view from someone who not only fucked up, but couldnt stop from being her own worst enemy.

A more fleshed out story would have been better but overall pretty good.

The original reconciliation was built on a false premise: that a marriage could be based on a Warden/Prisoner relationship. The prisoner saw a hole in the fence, and thought that if she just ventured out a little, but always came back to her cell for meals and bed check, she'd be alright. And she really really enjoyed the sneaking out. The outcome was logical and predictable. Well done. And sure, while there is room in the plot and character development for a continuing saga, sometimes you just have to let things go. Thanks for the effort.

Story but very short.

To the anon who says

"So the whore still wins and he loses his son that should have been part of the agreement"

Not only is that not enforceable or legal in Australia, the story even tells you that it is not.

Just saying

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Shallow.

First one was pretty good. This one feels like uninspired masturbation.

So so

Okay. Just okay. Preferred the original. This one is just dust settling. 3 Stars.

Toast !

Ohh the bitter ramifications of a cheating spouse , well told insight into the mind of the cheating wife and her lover whom was so scared he fled town leaving behind his true love and living daily in a state of fear , while the cheating wife faces a future of regret and loneliness.

She isn't worth it. She cannot ever be trusted and now everyone knows it. Her poor son is stuck with her psychologically damaged mind. she would probably make a great case story of aberrant behavior. She obviously would made a horrible wife and a bad person in general. I pity the parents that raised her. The kid would be better without.

I see author Tilan dropping another bomb on a fellow author.

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Yep…sam3 Tilan whose own stories are boring…at best…but who refuses to allow scoring or comments on his stuff.

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Real class…..

For a 750 word story it was very emotional and character development was good. Thank you.

This works as a 1500 word story.

Very difficult to read and hard to follow.

Her seeing Patrick once by chance is one thing. But she knowingly broke her promise and while nothing happened that would itself be considered licentious, she broke her promise to her husband. Trust is destroyed. Odd that in Australia, parental rights cannot be part of a post nuptial. They can be part of both prenuptial and postnuptials in the US, at least depending on how they are written.

What is the point of this story? Adds absolutely nothing to the earlier story save defining the MC as a vacuous, self absorbed child.

Hope she lives out her life alone and broken!

Still hoping he finds Patrick. Good again.

Well written second part. Just confused why court would give custody to "near penniless" wife. Would have been better if husband had kid and wife was truly left stuff alone.

Mfj

Just confused why court would give custody to "near penniless" wife

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Money, of the father had custody the mother would not pay child support and the state wouldnt be able to skim a little off the top on administrative and transfer fees

“Apprehensive to move on with my life, I fear this is now my penance. Frightened to love again.”

Love again?!? You never loved the first time. If you did, you would never have betrayed him once, let alone twice!!!

ZK

@lujon - not sure in Australia, but in USA, "family" courts hate men and almost never award them custody, the rare exceptions being when the "mother" is literally abusive and there's severe danger to the child. There's a reason BTB stories are so popular; it stems from the fact that in real life, a man who is cheated on has zero legal recourse, at least in USA. A woman can cheat with complete and utter impunity; at least on a decent man who cares to maintain relationship with (supposedly) his children.

@anon - the relationship post-cheating was based on him not wanting to lose his child since early years. Nothing more and nothing less. The story even says so. The rest of it wasn't a "prison" and more so a "fortress" for him, to protect him from the cheating co-parent.

Pretty good BTB for one who doesn't have a penchant for them. But, like always, only the innocent suffer.

I fail to see the point of this dissertation.

Good stories- both parts. That she's so stupid to again be with a man who she had an affair with & barely kept her marriage is mind boggling. Hubby's right to have the post nup, which proved needy now.

She says she worries about hurting a man she loves less than her ex. I'm unsure she loved him as much as she says, or she wouldn't have cheated on him... & definitely not had anything to do with this guy afterwards. She deserves what she gets. 4 stars Bob

Sad story. Can't fault the husband one iota. But let's be clear people the second betrayal was not remotely like the first. She never slept with thr asshole later on. They did not have romantic conversations. However she did break a second trust and there were consequences.

The saddest thing is that a person as willful and stupid as she is gave birth to a child.

No story here, only her helpless opines .

One year later Melinda disappeared for good as did Patrick. It was assumed they'd finally just run off together. The truth was they'd gone off alright. Off a bridge into an obscure lake nobody ever visited, each with 200 pound balls chained to their legs. The last face they ever saw was Mark grinning evilly as they begged for their lives right before he tipped them over. He laughed and laughed all the way hoe.

Let that be a lesson to you.

Good follow up. She overdosed on stupid tablets. No cure for it. If someone gets offered a second chance they really need to hold onto it tight. BardnotBard

Do the right thing......disappear with the fishes.

What did she expect?

Surprisingly in the country I live in this happens often with all sexes

I managed to get custody... only because their constantly multiple affair whoring mother latched on to a guy and abandoned them to go live in California. Cheating on me made life very rough, for my children, very much worse. Have no clue why she even married me. I found out at the end, the count was 14 men over several years.. Any time her coworkers were around her they constantly complained of 12 hr shifts permanent nights. Turns out it was 8 hour shifts. Oh well... it's been 25 years my children's lives were totally destroyed by her abandonment. W

My two girls bring up their horrid mother and how they are still haunted by the ghosts of the sudden split. I had no clue it was coming. It's been 28 years. I'm remarried but my second cheated to.

Can't and won't get hooked up again. It's just to painful.

So Mark is not providing child support?

@Anonymous - No, he has to provide child support so long as he has parental rights. Their BFA probably was just for things like the house, superannuation, cash, any investment properties, etc.

As for this story - Was a good sequel, of short length. Also serves as a warning - seriously people, get some fucking counseling for your self destructive behaviors. Everyone has them, some small, some large. Some manifest in weird ways, or common ones, like over eating, or binge drinking, or in this womans case, adultery.

IMHO - These rewrites from the opposite spouse's perspective are always weak. I think the time would be better spent on a new story.

IMHO - These rewrites from the opposite perspective are weak. Time would be better spent on a new story.

Why do male writer think they can write from a female point of view, and vice versa? It seldom works as this story proves.

About as much as you can compress into 750.