Twig 01

Twig 01

I guess you can just call me Twig since everyone else does. And I won't even ask you to upgrade that to "Stick" for the cool street cred factor on the Strip because I tried that with the server at the Malt Shop a while back and even Maude the server downgraded that immediately to "Stickweed" and I'm thicker than a weed stalk so I didn't like that, which means Twig will do.

And other than dressing differently than what might be expected from how I was born, I'm also a fortune teller, with limits, of course. I mean, I can't tell anyone if and when they will strike it rich, but I can tell you what the first question will be that comes out of your mouth when we meet. You're going to ask me which of the normal vital organs am I missing because I'm too skinny to have internal room to hold all of the normal organs. Trust me, I have foreseen that question coming for like ever, so, ha, ha.

Oh, and I've also heard your follow statement more than enough too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, your dick is longer than my torso is thick, ha, ha, ha. And my story is not about those of you who asked for a posed selfie to proof that, but I do think about it. But only for meme purposes, mind you.

Anyways, here's my real problem. Male dominated crews. They have been my problem. Oh, not to side track, but my hair is not my problem, but male dominated crews are a big problem. Sure, they all start of friendly enough, but within a week or so, well, they become a problem. I mean, I might hook up with someone someday, but that has to happen nature's way, not the buzzed up horny crew guy way, right?

And I'm not trying to lay a bad rap on certain male dominated crews and I get that my appearance and behavior may label me as the boy toy of the crew and harmless stuff is just harmless stuff, but it felt like it was becoming more than harmless stuff, but buzzed fag stuff wasn't what I was looking for. I mean, there is a difference between nature's way and the way of the six pack, am I right?

But live and let live, right? So, I turned left and went a different way. I mean, I didn't leave the Strip or anything and most left turns are illegal on the Strip, but I did set my sights on a different crew. A crew with a twist and a crew with what should have been a little more safety, whew, hopefully.

I mean, I couldn't see any reason why I couldn't approach the Stiff Pouty Lips crew, so that's what I did. And the "stiff" is affectionally added by the people who cruise the Strip. The female crew is officially called the Pouty Lips crew and Jana was the lead. And I may or may not have had a foot in the door with an old class mate, but I didn't hang my hat on that, LOL, at first. Name dropping is more of an art then a science, so I treaded that carefully.

I mean, Jana didn't tread that carefully, but I did.

"Confess, Twig and start your confession with how you kissed Myra on the mouth, on the mouth, on the mouth, while you were hemming her Sadie Hawkins Day dance dress, confess!"

"Well, Jana, we had a moment, but that was back in the day. And it was an amazing moment, so?"

"(Tee, he, it was a nice moment, Jana.)"

"(Shut it, Myra, you're too tiny for sex, which is why you're the Nun of our crew.) Well, Twig, these three parking spots in front of the Lava Java Coffee Shop are reserved for the ladies of the Pouty Lips crew every Friday night, so?"

I mean, I just so happened to have a small garden style battery operated leaf blower in the back of my truck and since I just so happen to have it handy, I blew the three parking spots and the immediate boardwalk clean.

"Hmph! We know that guy down by the Tobacco Shop has an eye for you, Twig, so?"

"Brock. Brock buys me malts from the Malt Shop, but as "to go" malts only. Maude the server just has a little too much fun with her snickering and smirking at me when I go inside, so?"

"Hmph, Maude the server has been match making up and down the Strip for like ten thousand years and everyone knows that she likes, well, keep things on the "to go" and watch what info Maude the server gets her hands on."

I mean, sure, Jana has a bit of an edge about her, but she's just watching out for her crew, right? And I heard the beginnings of being accepted into the Pouty Lips crew when she said what she said about watching what Maude the server knows, so.

But I felt even closer to being accepted when one of the (butthead) male dominated crew, guys came sneaking up the boardwalk while my crew interview was in process.

"Why all of you little stuck-up bitches in your short Denim skirts are going to get exactly what you're asking for and deserve and I'm going to be the first to tear into each of..."

[Whoosh, elbow roundhouse to chin, side knee kick to stumble, follow up elbow to glass jaw, butthead left staggering and stunned, onlookers left stunned, Twig just presumes interview position]

"Myra, please explain what just happened here then?"

"(Whisper, whisper, he either sucked bully dick or learn a few moves back in day, Jana.)"

[Myra stands and levels a gentle face slap to Twig]

"That's for kissing our Myra on the mouth!"

"Um, um, um, I can hem all of your skirts on a moment's notice and I have an App on my phone that beeps for the seasonal shoe and boots change over with seven days advance notice."

[Delivers another gentle slap to the face]

"That's for how I get your issues with the guy crews."

And you'd think that there would be more to the ceremony, right?

[Seriously? Another gentle slap across the face?]

"That's for how it's a tie between you and your precious dress hemming model, Myra, who is now our miniature human who shops in toy store doll area and is our Nun. But she casually dates and you have fags, I mean, suitors up and down the Strip, so."

And you'd think I would end the ceremony, right? LOL, I did and just walked away, LOL, almost.

[OMG, this can't be the normal. Yet another gentle slap across the face]

"That's for how your cheeks look with a Rosey tone."

And you'd think that I would grab my garden style leaf blower and split, right? Whoosh!

Well, not so much of "whoosh" as walk down the boardwalk, I guess. But, wow, I gave the Pouty Lips crew a glance back and huh, it's not only a crew style, it's a pose and a process, LOL, but face slaps are so much better than man handling, so, away I walked and headed towards the Malt Shop and you know, the Tobacco Shop. Not that I was feeling good about my interview and wanted to celebrate with Brock or anything.

But the boardwalk and the male buttheads, right? They just keep coming.

"Alright then, you're looking good on your walk tonight, but I have to say that it feels like you're leaving me sitting in backseat and I also have to say that I have a couple of wooden pallets in the alley behind the Strip that we could as the front seat, so, hey, I'm..."

"Shut it, I know who you are. You're Icky Ricky!"

"Aww, come on, it's just Rick and I can help you out of your jeans, you know, in the alley behind the Check Cashing store, not that I'm looking to fag tap your skinny ass or anything, so???"

"No, you're not just "Rick", you're Icky Ricky who thought it was okay to bang your auntie in the butt as soon as she divorced your uncle because you know, technically your auntie wasn't a "blood line" auntie, which by the way, Icky Ricky, is not okay! Or "icky, ewe" for short, Icky Ricky!"

Seriously folks, I mean, Icky Ricky's auntie was the department head of Middleton's Family Values department and all, so double "icky, ewe", am I right? And for the triple, well, she might pull this one off, but Icky Ricky's auntie is also the leather and fishnets covered Dominatrix Mistress at the old folk's goth parties, but still, right? It's right there in the title, Family Values" and all, so, icky, ewe, not okay!

Or, LOL, that's how you shut down a fag without swinging one single roundhouse elbow for short.

"Alright, alright, I'm Icky Ricky and I've done a few disgusting and gross things, but listen, I still want to fag tap you, so, um, listen, listen, I'll repent, yeah, I'll repent and I'll repent right now by strolling up the Strip and repenting to that fine miniature human Nun and if she's wearing black Nun lingerie from the doll section of the toy store, I mean, I'll repent hard straight all up in her..."

[Whoosh, one roundhouse elbow to the ear, Ricky Icky left stunned and staggering, onlookers clap]

Or how to shut down a disgusting Strip fag with one elbow roundhouse for short.

"Ah, damn it, Twig, text me when you're going to walk this far down the Strip next time. I would have met you half way and escorted you, but, I mean, hey Twig."

"Hey there, hey, Brock. And I got this, Brock, LOL, for now anyways. So, listen, um, can you handle us both going into the Malt Shop together then? I mean, Maude the server with her snickering and with her smirking and all, so?"

"Well, I can handle it, Twig, but you actually started things that day when you bounced into the Malt Shop wearing that skirt. I mean, she likes things and she likes to hear things and your skirt had a bump and..."

"Hush about that day, Brock. And you started things that day by helping me park my truck along the Strip anyways."

"I was pointing at a parking spot, Twig."

"Well, I thought you were pointing at your lips as a gesture, so."

I mean, you can see my point, right folks? A finger pointing at a curbside parking spot is exactly the same as tapping your lips with two fingers, which is clearly a "lip smack me" gesture, so.

[Door dingle, dingle]

"Hey, Maude the server."

"Hey, Twig, hey Brock. Um, I don't check the restroom after you leave, Twig, I mean, booth or the counter then, hmm?"

[Eye ball scanning for a bulge]

"LOL, two malts to go, Maude the server. And some matches. I know of a couple of wood pallets in the alley that I need to burn, so."

"LOL, Icky Ricky's alley bed?"

"I technically cannot confirm nor deny that, Maude the server, but, duh."

And then, Brock and I took a walk and tasted our malts and tased each other's lips a couple of times and then the Middleton Fire department showed up and let Icky Ricky's alley bed burn because everyone knows about, ewe, ick, Icky Ricky. But it was a nice light show to watch. And taste our malts. And our lips a couple of more times.

"Brock, I can't believe I'm saying this, but we talk about sex, I mean, if you want to or even if that's what you want, so?"

"Oh, and by sex, you mean????"

"Brock, I'm not all that experienced, but I do know that men like their pleasure, so?"

"Oh, so pleasure then? My pleasure, Twig???"

"Brock, I'm not just going to come out and say "blow job" in front of the firemen! They already have their fire hoses out and their other fire hoses out, so?"

"Aha, aha, aha, working our fire hoses, aha, aha, aha."

"Well, Twig, you didn't have to slip out of jeans, so."

"Oh, well, the head fire guy said I needed to watch from getting my jeans wet from their fire hoses and he said it would be best. Besides, you unbuttoned them, so."

"Aha, aha, aha, code red, code red, aha, aha, aha."

"And apparently, code blue balls can be dangerous for fire guys, so."

"Alright, Twig, fine, sex is on the table for me and there, I said it in front of the fire guys, so?"

"Aha, aha, aha, open the valves, open the valves, aha, aha, aha."

"Well, fine, Brock, I'm willing to move forward with things and I said it in front of the fire guys too."

"Aha, aha, aha, empty the tanks, empty the tanks, aha, aha, aha."

"And, I mean, well, I mean, well, Brock, I would like to experiment with..."

"Aha, aha, aha, experimental sex, experimental sex, aha, aha, aha."

[OMG, fire guys! Slips jeans back on]

"Brock, I would to experiment with a couple of meme selfies that shows that your fire hose is actually thicker than my torso and I have practiced the posing positions to prove that your purple fire helmet will protrude past my skinny middle and not show your face, so?"

"Aha, aha, aha, post the meme, post the meme, aha, aha, aha."

"And then we can go from there, Brock."

"Aha, aha, aha, on his knees, on his knees, aha, aha, aha."

And then things got totally gross with all the extra, um, squirting water, so I took Brock by the hand and we walked away while continuing to taste our malts and our lips. And apparently, Icky Ricky Sr. is the fire Chief, so.

And just to be clear, nothing else happened that night, meaning the meme selfie or much else. I mean, fine, Brock's fire hose was bursting from built up pressure and I popped a leak in that, but it's not like I used that moment to perfect my coming soon selfie measurements, although that's exactly what I did. Oh, and the other thing too, because Brock's fire hose was bursting from pressure, so.

But that's between Brock and myself and my story is about finding my place in a new crew. Which went quiet for a couple of weeks and hopefully not because I refused to wear a Demin mini to match up with the Pouty Lips crew girls. I learned my lesson from Maude the server's snickering and smirking about that, so I went left again.

And this time, it was a true left, but not on the Strip or even in my truck. I took, um, I gently took Jana by the arm and gently directed her left inside of the adjacent Lava Java Coffee Shop where I proceeded to hem up her Denim mini. Which, whoa, the owner of the Lava Java Coffee Shop really liked! Liked like a lot!

"Twig, fine, you have some skills without sexual overtones and it's nice of you to use this hemming as a way to scam a couple of store awning lights from the Lava Java Coffee Shop to be redirected towards our parking spots with the blessing of Frank the owner of the Lava Java Coffee Shop, so..."

[Twisting and turning to show off, I mean, inspect the risky mini hem work]

"Aha, aha, aha, thighs, luscious thighs, store front thighs, aha, aha, aha."

"So now I must confess to you, Twig. Didi, who has the best legs in the Pouty Lips crew, behind mine, of course, has been with your Brock in the past, but that was last year, so."

I mean, yeah, Jana can be pushy and snooty and pouty, but she's fair and honest. Also, bite me, Didi!

[Still twisting and turning to show off, I mean, inspect the risky mini hem work]

"Aha, aha, aha, OMG, creamy, OMG, smooth, OMG, full thighs, aha, aha, aha."

"But Twig, now confess back, not that I'm obsessed with you kissing Myra on the mouth that day, but Twig, did the two of you wiggle your fingers too? You know, while you were kissing Myra on the mouth, hmm? And is that why you built that two-step pyramid thingy? So that Myra could step up to smash you on the lips before you wander up and down the Strip, hmm?"

"Um, Jana, I mean."

"Twig, Myra is just too tiny for some things, but the girls and I like how attentive you are towards us, so I'm just laying down a rule, well, a suggestion or two. Anyways, it's the third Friday of the month, so?"

"Jana, how can I slip your undies down your thighs for a third Friday night of Pouty Lips and no undies giggling Friday night if you didn't wear any in the first place, huh?"

"OMG, aha, fap, aha, fap, no undies Friday, no undies Friday, aha, aha, fap, fap."

"Oh, well, Twig, we'll just put that on the list of how I have to do so many of your side jobs then."

All for the benefit of Frank, of course. And for his approval to add more store front awning spot lights for the Pouty Lips crew, but with the credit in my favor. LOL, and for a restroom sign that had "Jana" written on it.

"Alright ladies, it's Friday night on the Strip, so line it up, extend a leg, pout those lips and giggle on cue. Oh, and oh yeah, cover your eyes so Myra can return that kiss on the mouth to Twig by using this stupid little pyramid step up thingy. Without the finger wiggling, please!"

Seriously, I have no idea why Jana was so hung up on a couple of mouth kisses from back in the day.

"(Tee, he, it's a line from a movie she likes, Twig [smooch]. Don't have too much down there, babe.)"

"(Um, I'm a little, um, under dressed tonight, I think, Myra.)"

"(Brock will like it, LOL, Maude the sever will blog about it and Icky Ricky will die from it [smooch].)"

"OMFG, time!"

[Jan kicks at the little pyramid two step thingy, which really extended her no undies Friday leg, so]

"OMG, aha, fap, aha, fap, kick the thingy, kick the thingy, aha, aha, fap, fap."

[Huh, Jana glances back at the pyramid thingy and realizes she can use it to her own leg extension favor]

[And it's a big hit with the crowd and with the pouty lips and with the giggling]

"Maude the server, will you stir us a couple of malts then, hmm? Brock is waiting for me."

"Two lip tasting starters coming up. And as a special tonight, I'll jack Brock into your mouth tonight, Twig, so?"

"Excuse me, Maude the server?"

"Sweetie, I have needs too! And I promise that you won't gag on his man meat!"

"Maude the server!"

"Well, you might gag on his man juice, but everything else will be under control and we can use my big sedan for the comfort and if you slip and leave an opening for me, I mean, he's still your Tobacco Shop guy and all, so?"

I mean, seriously, how does one respond to that then? Hmm?

Well, I don't know how others would respond, but to secure my best in the Pouty Lips crew, I responded by texting Didi, who owed me one for letting Brock have her doggie last year and who promised to pay me back by doing exactly what Maude the server just offered, so, I mean, that's what I did.

[Weep]

"We can B even, Didi."

[Whoop]

"LOL, Maude the server?"

[Weep]

"Well, she has needs too."

[Whoop]

"I still make you coffee for the tie."

[Weep]

"So, am I in the Pouty Lips crew?"

[Whoop]

"Yeah, but hear it from Jana later."

[Whoop]

"And build me pyramid thingy."

[Whoop]

"4 my best in crew leg extension."

[Whoop]

"And swallow means gulp."

'[Whoop]

"And welcome to girl crew."

Well, here's what happened after all that, I think. I think I go cred from Brock for providing his man pleasure without just my hand, um, but really, holy snap, Maude the server just sort of took over and used her hand and her mouth and her boobs and holy snap, boobs over 40 are huge!

But good for the man pleasure thing. LOL, like my step-up pyramid thingy was good for the crowd favorite Friday night on the Strip leg extension mingling and giggling and of course, the pouting of the lips from the Pouty Lips crew.

Which I am a member of now, so.

But I seriously need to get on cheeseburgers because holy snap, Brock went crazy when Maude the server went that far! But he whimpered that I get the cred, so.

End Twig 01